The Ultimate Comfort
by Hat as a Madder
Summary: Lily Evans faces the reality of War. Set in the Marauder-era seventh year. For full summary, see the introduction, please. Rated T for language, and just to be safe.
1. Introduction: Foreword and Summary

**The Ultimate Comfort**

A Fan Fiction by AnnaSmiles95

**Author's Note:** Unfortunately, I'm not JK Rowling, nor will I ever be British. You know what? I'm not even going to try. I'm too lazy to put this at the beginning of every chapter, so read it now and remember, please.

Also, this is my first fic on here, so I'd appreciate your help. See my page for full details, and check out my poll. (=

_Introduction_

Lily Evans hated James Potter. James Potter loved Lily Evans. Yes, yes, I know you know that. But did you ever think about how they finally got together? Yes, probably. So did I. I've decided to compose my errant ideas into a story for you all to hopefully enjoy. If not, I'm terribly sorry to have wasted your time. But I don't regret writing this, I'm really enjoying myself. I don't have a set plot as of now, as this particular piece of literature is very character-driven, even for me. I know the summary's awful, and I hate to leave you with one of those cliché rhetorical questions, but I can't give away too much. Have fun reading!

_Summary_

There is a War. There are people dying, killing, panicking, and fighting. There are enemies. Big ones like good versus evil, and small school squabbles. Lily Evans knows this. Her best friend has gone into hiding. Nothing really hit home, however, until tragedy struck her personally. Can she cope, or will she break down for good?


	2. Chapter One: A Letter

**Author's Note:** This chapter is just sort of an introduction to her family's relationships, and the fact that she was Head Girl. Nothing too interesting yet, sorry. Also, her parents are in love, they just bicker a bit over their children. Upon reading this I realized you got the impression they were heading for divorce or something, but that's not true, I just couldn't think of a way to stage the conversation differently. Now, dears, let us begin.

* * *

_Miss Evans,_

_I am pleased to inform you that you have been chosen as Head Girl of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The enclosed badge is to be worn in place of a prefect's badge during patrols and other Head duties._

_Your duties shall include normal prefect responsibilities, including patrolling corridors during evening hours and ensuring the safety and behavior of your House students. As Head Girl, you must set prefect schedules for patrolling as well as organizing any school events the Headmaster or I deem necessary. Nighttime patrols will be divided between the Head Girl and Head Boy._

_The Head Dormitory, located behind the Tapestry of Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, will be your living quarters upon your arrival. Your belongings, as usual, will be waiting for you there._

_Wishing you well,_

_Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress_

_On behalf of Professor Albus Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Headmaster  
Order of Merlin, First Class; Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards; Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot_

Lily Evans hastily folded the letter with a huge smile on her face, placing it back in the envelope along with her book list and NEWT (Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests) advice packet.

She rushed downstairs, anxious to tell her family the good news, and bumped into her sister in the hall. Seven years ago this would have been a cause for giggles and playful shoving, but now all Lily received was a venomous glance. Petunia stalked away, muttering darkly. Lily, however, was too ecstatic over her new Head-Girl-ship for her spirits to be dampened by her sister's glum attitude.

"Mum! Dad! Guess what I've gotten," Lily half-shouted as she entered the living room of their London abode.

"What, dear," asked her father. Her mother looked puzzled, and possibly a bit worried, but Lily couldn't blame her. Her parents were both Muggles, non-magical people, and they hadn't the foggiest idea of what went on in the Wizarding world.

"It's okay, Mum, don't look so worried. I'm Head Girl of Hogwarts!" she exclaimed, positively beaming. Head Girl was something her parents could understand, and she knew they'd be as proud of her as she was of herself. Sure enough, her father whooped and raised his fist in triumph.

"That's wonderful, Lily! Absolutely wonderful," her mother began. "But whatever will we do about your sister?"

Despite her formerly buoyant mood, Lily felt the grin slide off her face. She was careful not to frown, however, as she didn't wish to upset her mother. It always came back to Petunia, didn't it? Her mother loved both of them, but Petunia was her protégée, a student at her mother's college there in London. Both Petunia and her mother studied 'Hospitality and Catering'. Lily considered this a soft option, but who was she to judge? She used magic for things like that.

"What do you mean, Mel," Lily's father inquired, ever her savior. He noticed his wife's favoritism and responded by having a favorite of his own. "What does Petunia have to do with Lily's accomplishment?"

"Well, you know she lives at home, now, and she's already upset that Lily's planning on moving out as soon as she graduates. It doesn't seem fair that she live at home when Lily gets to move away."

"Living at home was Petunia's own choice! She decided that if she was going to college in London, she might as well save money and live with us. Lily has nothing to do with that. Besides, what does being Head Girl have to do with any of this?"

"Tom, you know very well that Petunia thinks it's unfair that Lily has such good grades, and was made a prefect, and now Head Girl, when she hasn't had anything similar."

"That's absolutely ridiculous! Lily has all of those because she works for them! Petunia's too lazy to do anything but gossip and whine. Lily's got ambition, and the fact that Petunia doesn't strive for anything is her own fault."

Lily inwardly groaned. Her parents loved their children too much for their own good. Both she and Petunia were grown women! Not wanting to be the cause of yet another fight, she intervened.

"Stop," she said firmly, but her parents continued to bicker. "Just STOP, I said!" Her raised voice startled them, and they turned to stare at her. "I'm sorry I even mentioned it, we don't have to tell Tuney, I'll just keep it to myself. The Hogwarts Express leaves next week; I think I'll head over to Diagon Alley to pick up my things."

She turned, eager for departure, when she heard her father's voice. He told her mother he was going as well, to which she replied that she had to stay and help Petunia with her studies. As they walked out the door, Lily thought she heard her father muttering something along the lines of, "Poor dear."

* * *

Lily and Thomas Evans returned from the narrow cobblestone street laden with bags of magical supplies and books. Though she certainly couldn't levitate the bags behind them while walking through Muggle London, Lily bewitched the bags to make them light and easy to carry as they made their way back to their house.

The pair had stayed out much later than they had planned, and therefore it was dark as the unlocked the front door, Melanie and Petunia having gone to bed. After Lily took the bags from her father and sent them upstairs to her room, he pulled her aside with a regretful expression on his face.

"Lily, I am terribly sorry for the way your mother and sister behave," he began, seeming to struggle with what to say next. Lily decided to rescue him by giving him a rather large hug about the waist. Her green eyes met his, and he faltered.

"It's fine, Dad, really. Don't you think I'd be used to it by now?" She gave a watery smile, said goodnight, and made her way up the stairs to her room. She ran a comb through her long auburn hair, and made her way to her bed. She drifted off to sleep thinking of how quickly the day had changed from joyous to gloomy. Her final thought before losing consciousness was of the welcome halls of Hogwarts, and of her friends' smiling faces.


	3. Chapter Two: Slapping the Gallant

**Author's Note:** I do a rather poor job of filling in details about the past, as you can see by my mention of Lupin's being a werewolf. Sorry. Also, I apologize for this rather cliff-hanger like moment, though we all know what the secret organization is already. I'm trying to keep each chapter between 1,100 and 1,500 words. If I don't limit myself, I tend to ramble. This chapter is mostly a filler that lets me get the initial L/J relationship across, as well as getting them onto the train.

* * *

Despite herself, Lily Evans glanced around King's Cross, desperate to see her closest friend, Kareem Jones. Kareem, a Muggle-born like Lily, had gone into hiding. Her last letter to Lily had been a goodbye, and a request for her not to try to contact her. Owls swooping around weren't beneficial when you and your family are trying not to be discovered.

Lily didn't cry, though. She hardly ever cried. Besides, she was glad her friend's departure had escaped Death Eater notice. Kareem was brilliant at Care of Magical Creatures. Lily suspected she'd employed a hippogriff or two for transportation. She smiled as she thought of Kareem's Muggle parent's faces when they spied the great beast.

Her mother and father each gave her a quick last hug, and she shouted goodbye as she leaned nonchalantly between Platforms 9 and 10. She disappeared briefly, and took a step out of the way so that others could pass through. She glanced around Platform 9¾, feeling as though she was at home at last.

Unfortunately, her trunk was rather heavy, and the side of the train where the Head compartment was located was farthest away from the entrance to the platform.

"Oh, this is stupid; I'm of age, aren't I?" She proceeded to take out her wand, ready to bewitch the trunk, when she recalled that she was not only a prefect, but Head Girl, and therefore she had to abide by the rules. Grumbling, she stowed her wand in the front of her jeans, and started to lug her trunk once again.

"Why, Miss Evans, you didn't just do magic, now did you? I must need to clean my glasses; we both know _that _would never happen," James Potter said, grinning as he approached her. Lily rolled her eyes, and chose to ignore him. "LILY! Oh, Lily, darling, you aren't going deaf are you? I'll talk to Madam Promfrey for you when we get to school," he said in a mock-shout.

Lily Evans, known for her temper, dropped her trunk and placed both hands on her hips. James Potter had been asking her out incessantly since their fifth year, and despite the fact she considered him arrogant, egotistical, and vain, he never relented. She, along with Kareem, was mildly amused during the first semester of fifth year; but then she became fed up.

"Well, Potter, I'm sure you'll see her enough, what with your big head putting you off balance on the Quidditch pitch. Oh, I'm sorry; Quidditch was canceled, wasn't it? Poor you. And for your information, I did not perform magic, _I_ have self-control, unlike present company—" Lily began, before she was rudely interrupted.

"Who're you talking about, Lily?" James smirked.

"And get one thing straight, _Potter_," she said, injecting his name with all the venom she could muster. "If you _ever_ call me darling again, I wouldn't plan on having both arms firmly attached for much longer."

"Aw, Lily, that wouldn't help with my N.E.W.T.s, now would it? And how," James replied, "Would I enjoy life without being able to do this?" James stepped forward and embraced Lily, positively beaming.

Lily stuttered, caught off guard. She quickly recovered, however, and smacked James across the face with all of the strength she could muster.

Unfortunately, one who was injured as much as James Potter was wasn't affected much by pain. James grinned cockily, completely unfazed. Lily decided a dramatic departure was in order, so she flipped her hair over her shoulder, and stalked away. Stalking away, however, is difficult when encumbered by a trunk filled with various books and clothes weighing you down. She grimaced and paused, panting slightly, before starting to heave her trunk once more.

James, seeing her distress, had a fit of gallantry and attempted to assist. Note that he only _attempted_, as shortly after he reached for Lily's hand, in order to pry it off the trunk, she stomped her foot, eyes flaming.

"You'd better leave, Potter, before I have the Headmaster on you for sexual harassment."

"Now, Lily, I was only trying to help. Really, I was," said James, actually looking offended. "And do I have to be _Potter_, Lily? Don't you think after seven years of knowing each other, we should at least be on a first-name basis?"

Lily was astounded. He was genuinely trying to help her. What's more, he was being logical, when it came to the name issue. James Potter, logical! What was the world coming to?

Unconsciously, she slackened her grip, and James seized the opportunity by grabbing either end of the trunk and following Lily, who had begun to walk towards the Hogwarts Express. Lily, still dazed by the revelation that her arch-enemy was actually acting human, was jolted back to reality when she had to make a conscious effort in order to open the door.

"Er—um—thanks, James," Lily said. James, whose face had been impassive, broke into an ear-splitting grin upon hearing the word _James_. This however, went unnoticed by Lily, who was busy extracting her Head Girl badge from the back of her jeans.

James stored her trunk next to his own in the luggage rack of the tiny compartment, and began rummaging through his own pockets, pulling out various sweets, pranks, and what appeared to be a small mirror, before locating his own badge.

Lily turned, wondering why James hadn't gone back to his own compartment, and spied the badge on his chest.

"Who'd you nick that from, Potter? I don't want to have to report you. Was it Remus," inquired Lily. She and Remus Lupin had a rather cordial relationship. She had guessed about his lycanthropy, and when he confided the truth in her, she had actually felt a bit of remorse about being so mean to James. He and two others, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew, became Animagi so that they could help Remus with his transformation every full moon.

James just frowned. This heartened Lily, thinking possibly he was repentant for his theft.

"Come on, Pott—James, spit it out." To Lily's utter disbelief and amazement, James Potter turned pink. Not a full out blush, but still more embarrassed than Lily had ever seen him. He was always so cool, so collected, so smug.

"I—I—I'm Head Boy," James began, grinning slightly when he saw Lily's mouth literally drop open, her lips forming a perfect O. Trying not to be distracted by said lips, he pressed on. "I think Dumbledore thought I might calm down a bit if I had responsibilities. I saw him over the summer, you know. He said I had matured."

At this James shuddered, as though the thought of maturity was frightening, which, admittedly, wasn't too strange for someone who had spent their entire life trouble-making. Lily almost laughed aloud, but she was still in shock. James Potter, Head Boy? What was the world coming to?

"You—you saw him over the summer?" This was puzzling, Dumbledore hadn't visited her; she'd just gotten a letter.

"Well, my parents are in this kind of group thing that Dumbledore started, but I'm not supposed to tell anyone about it. It's because of the War, Lily." The grin had slid off his face, and he looked unusually somber.

"Oh, that's okay, James. I understand," said Lily in an expressionless voice. Though both were standing, James had to look down to see her emerald eyes. After staring for a moment, he decided that it was stupid not to tell her; she wouldn't hurt anyone.

"No, no, I'll tell you. If he's angry, well, we can deal with that later, can't we?"

Lily started to protest, but she was really quite curious. She wasn't sure, though, if she wanted to know—it had to do with the War. Fear crept into her veins, seeing James this glum frightened her. The pair didn't get along, but she still knew that he was generally an optimistic person.

She looked into his eyes, watching him prepare himself to tell her.


	4. Chapter Three: Tears

**Author's Note:** This doesn't seem like it, but it's a rather important chapter. Lily realizes James cares, even if she doesn't notice the extent of it. Kind of fluffy, kind of sad. Check out my page; I've got a poll I want you to vote in! I promise the next two chapters feature more Lily/James bonding. After that, I'm not sure, I haven't finished. (=

* * *

James took a long glance at Lily, standing next to him waiting, and began to speak. "Lily, He has much more supporters than anyone cares to report on the news. The Ministry, as you know, is in a state of upheaval, and really isn't fit to orchestrate an attack on the Death Eaters, since so many of the M.O.M. employees are Death Eaters themselves. Dumbledore knew that he needed to do something, so he started this group, kind of an anti-Dark Magic defense group, called the Order of the Phoenix.

"My parents, and some others, work together to find out whatever Voldemort's planning, and try to stop it. We're not just fighting something, we're fighting _for_ something, everything. Dumbledore says we're fighting for love, and, corny as it sounds, I agree."

"_We_'re fighting? James, you don't mean you're in the Order, do you?" Lily asked, worried. She loathed James Potter, but she'd never wish death on anybody, even James.

"Well, no, I'm not. Not yet, anyway. But I'm joining as soon as I graduate; Dumbledore won't let a student help. I have to, Lily, don't you understand?"

Fighting the Death Eaters—a frightening prospect, yes, but not fighting them when even scarier.

Lily paused, making a decision. "Yes, James, I do. I understand. And I want to fight, too." James look horrified.

"No, Lily, you won't, you can't; I won't let you!" Lily's temper, quick abate but also quick to flare, started up again.

"You won't _let_ me, James Potter? What're you going to do, exactly? And, for that matter, why do you even care? I have to fight, they're after people like me, Muggle-borns, and I will not just let them take over without a fight."

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Lily, I just can't stand the thought of you hurt!" James looked terrified. "And, _you_ don't have to fight; I'm fighting for you, Lily!"

Lily smirked. "Fighting for me, James? I see, I have to be alive in order for you to antagonize me."

"I love you, Lily. I've been telling you that since fifth year! You're not thick, darling, I dunno how you've not realized it by—" James suddenly stopped, looking rather embarrassed. "Sorry, I know you said not to call you darling, it just, well, slipped out…" Lily sniffed.

Loved her, did he? It wasn't possible, she'd rebuffed him every chance she got, and you couldn't love someone who hated you. No, she corrected herself, she disliked him. Hate was too strong of a word. She reserved it for the Death Eaters who had started this whole mess—this War, the murders, innocent people forced to flee…

"So," he started again, trying to lighten the situation, seeing Lily crying now. "Do I get to keep my limbs intact, since no one was here to witness the atrocity, or is it more the principle of the thing?" Lily gave a watery smile, heartened by his attempt to cheer her up, but the tears wouldn't stop. She was angry at herself for breaking down, in front of James of all people, and this made her sob even more.

James felt terribly guilty for making Lily cry. He should never have mentioned the Order. He knew she was upset, because she was generally quite strong, and had seen her cry only once, when she thought no one was looking, after Snape had called her a Mudblood in fifth year. James hadn't wanted to intrude, since she was just as mad at him, but needless to say Snivellus didn't have a very good time the next day in History of Magic.

He hesitated, then sat down, took her hand, and then pulled her down beside him. She started to apologize for crying, but he just shook his head. He wanted to hold her, to tell her that it'd be alright, but he knew she wouldn't like that. Instead, he went to release her hand once she was seated, but, to his surprise and elation, she clenched his fingers as though they were her life line.

They sat that way, her staring out the window, sobs quieting to silent tears, for quite a long time. Every now and then she would hiccup and start to breathe heavily once more, and James stroked her hair to calm her.

Lily wasn't quite sure why she clutched James' fingers like she did, or why she allowed him to pat her hair, but she did. It must've just been the natural human instinct to crave comfort when you were upset. The spell was broken, however, when the food trolley arrived, announcing that the pair had spent half of the journey to Hogwarts already.

"Anything from the trolley, dears?"

"A pumpkin pasty and a chocolate frog, please," said Lily, composing herself.

"I'll have the same," James said absently, watching in amusement as Lily began to rummage through her trunk. "Oh, two pumpkin juices, please. Here, just take this for both of us." He handed the witch their money, and she walked away towards the other compartments.

"James, why'd you do that," said a muffled voice. "Here, I just found it, let me pay you back. How much was it?" Lily had just emerged from her trunk, which, though starting out quite neat, had been jostled on the journey.

"You're fine, Lily, just eat."

"No, I'm not, why should you have to pay for my food?"

"There are too many answers to that question. Let's settle on this: we both know I won't miss a few Galleons, and you were taking too long."

"Fine," stated Lily, biting into a chocolate frog. Feeling rude, she amended her statement. "Sorry, James, thank you."

"You're quite welcome, Miss Evans. However, I must ask, is it wise to begin with dessert? You are the Head Girl, after all."

"Oh!" Lily looked amazed, and also a bit flustered. Seeing James' confusion, she voiced her thoughts. "We were supposed to be patrolling the train for the first half of the ride, and then the prefects take the second."

"I think we were both a bit preoccupied, and I'm sorry for that, I shouldn't have told you."

"I'm glad you did. I'm sorry for being so—so—such a baby. You shouldn't have had to see that. I'm just so angry and scared and sad all at the same time, I—I guess I just broke down. That was dense of me, it won't happen again. Just—just please don't tell anyone I cried like that, it wasn't me."

"You're fine, Lily, it was my fault for starting it, anyway. Don't apologize." She decided he deserved for her to be polite. He had comforted her, after all, and she owed him, despite her dislike.

"Oh, okay, sorry," she started, before seeing hazel eyes narrowing. "So, where are those cronies that you usually hang out with?"

"I'm—I haven't told them about being Head Boy, yet. Only Sirius knows, and that's just because he was there when I got the letter." Lily was puzzled for a moment, but then remembered Sirius had run away from his pure-blood-mania parents and stayed with James the year before.

"That's stupid, James. Why didn't you tell them? They're your best friends," she chastised him.

James' retort was the usual, and pair resumed their typical arguing, the events of the morning forgotten.


	5. Chapter Four: The Same Dormitory

**Author's Note:** A filler, but not as boring as most fillers you read. We're introduced to the Marauders, as well as Lily's desparation as a best-friendless teenager.  
**Author's Note Post Script:** Yes, I know. A stupid name, "Author's Note Post Script," but I thought ANPS sounded even stupider. Anyway, I need your opinion as to which Potter fanfic I should publish next, a Deathly Hallows Missing Moments with Ron and Hermione, or a post-Deathly Hallows, pre-epilogue Ron and Hermione. Please PM me, or post it in the review for this chapter.

* * *

Lily glanced around the Great Hall uncertainly. She normally sat with Kareem, and now she was at a loss as to where she should go. She sat down near a group of first years, spending dinner telling them all about Hogwarts. Finally, it was time to go. She walked over to the Marauders, James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter.

"James, we've got to show the new Gryfindors the tower, and give them the password." She spoke to his back. When he merely grunted and shoved more food in his mouth, she stomped her foot.

"Why, Prongsie, I do believe a female requires your assistance, and I'd hate to cause such a lovely damsel any distress, if I were you," Sirius Black said, raising his eyebrows suggestively at Lily, who proceeded to stick her tongue out at him.

"Bloody hell, James, didn't you eat anything on the train?" Remus Lupin looked exasperated.

"It's Evans, James! Evans is here to talk to you," added Peter Pettigrew, seeming happy to have been able to tell James her name.

Finally, James turned around. "Of course it's Lily, Wormtail, don't you think I'd recognize her voice? And no, Moony, thanks to the very same I spent the train ride in a rather annoying argument over whether or not to tell you something, thus my mouth was otherwise occupied."

"You told them, then," Lily inquired.

"He did, Evans, he did," provided Peter, once again joyous at being able to contribute to intelligent conversation.

"Good, I hoped even he wasn't that thick to think you wouldn't notice when he stopped sleeping in your dormitory. In case you haven't noticed, James, all I ate on the Hogwarts Express was a chocolate frog, but that didn't make me act like a pig. We need to go to the first years, _now_," Lily said.

"Yes, but you are an infinitely more well-mannered person than I will ever be, and, as such, I don't care for even attempting to refine my eating habits," replied James. Seeing Lily's fiery green orbs glare at him menacingly, he added, "And I'm coming right now, my damsel, to prevent any further distress. The Gryffindors shall wait no longer!"

He slid his arm around the small of her back pompously, laughing when she tried to shrug him off, and said, "We must present a united front, honey—Lily."

The pair walked, hands on hips and arms linked, for that was the compromise. They showed the first years to the common room, then, once everyone was settled, told them to go to bed. Or rather, Lily politely requested they go to their dormitories, and James shouted, "Oi! You lot! Get to bed, now," earning a reproving glance from Lily.

They exited the common room, and suddenly Lily stopped, and stared at James, as though he were some fascinating yet disgusting Herbology plant.

"We—we're in the same dormitory, aren't we? Just _you_ and _me_," she asked, even though she already knew the answer. The true impact of James being Head Boy to her Head Girl had just truly hit her. She hadn't even thought about it, to be honest.

"Well, yes. That's the general idea, you see," replied James, teasing her. In truth, he had thought about this a great deal since he discovered she was Head Girl. He wasn't quite sure how he felt. Obviously, he was very happy to be spending time with her, but he was worried that would just put strain on their, admittedly nonexistent, friendship.

"Oh, yes. Yes, I see. I know, I," she started, looking at the ground. She again looked at James, though this time her face was back to normal. "D'you know where the statue of Sir Nicholas is? I didn't even know Nearly Headless Nick _had_ a statue."

"Yes, I do. Right this way, your Headship," James said, bowing at her. Lily couldn't help but laugh, and at this James positively beamed. They walked on, chatting animatedly about what they thought the Head Dormitory would look like.

They reached the statue of Sir Nick, and said confidently, at the same time, "_Dicio!_" The pair had fun picking the password, settling on the Latin word for authority. Sir Nick's statue stepped aside, revealing a door, and James and Lily stepped into their new common room.

The decorations were a combination of white, Lily's favorite color, and blue, James' favorite. The colors went well together. It was full of chests and tables of varying sizes lining the walls of the oval room, with a large, comfortable-looking couch situated in front of a fireplace at the far end of the room. Two doors led to their bedrooms.

The effect of the various wooden pieces of furniture combined with the single, amazingly huge window was quite flattering. The light was provided by the fireplace and candles that were lining the walls. It was airy, but still cozy enough to be a home-like area. James looked around, grinning, and Lily looked positively astounded.


	6. Chapter Five: Dancing in the Common Room

**Author's Note:** This was fun. Pure fluff, but also a major event.

* * *

"It's beautiful! It's absolutely wonderful! Blue must be your favorite, because white's mine… I wonder how they knew white was my favorite color? I mean, Kareem thinks I'm crazy, she says white isn't a real color, but..." Lily trailed off, ceasing her rambling and simply twirling around the Head common room with her arms wrapped around an imaginary dancing partner.

James stood watching her, amused. She was humming a tune, and still elaborately dancing. He snickered as she opened her eyes and looked at him, seeming completely humiliated.

"I—I guess I forgot I wasn't alone," she said, grinning sheepishly.

"You know, Lily, dear, it really isn't very good to dance alone," James replied, extending his arm to her.

Lily slapped his arm playfully, and said, "You just called me an endearment again."

James simply shrugged, as though this were the most natural thing in the world.

"You know what, _honey_; I'm not going to let anything ruin this. I'm simply in love with this room, and I'm going to let this memory be a joyful one of my first night in my last year at Hogwarts."

"And what, Lily, is a joyful memory without a handsome man who loves you to scoop you up and kiss you?"

"Nice try, James," said Lily, smirking. She spied a folded piece of parchment on a table across the room. Grabbing his arm, she walked them over. "This must be our instructions. I assume it's from Dumbledore."

James snatched it from her hands, and read aloud,

"_Mr. Potter and Miss Evans,_

_"I hope you find your dormitory satisfactory. The decorations were arranged by combining your two styles, and I must say, I cannot recall a better suited match. If, however, you wish to change the common room, by mutual agreement, of course, you may transfigure the room yourself or leave a note for the house-elves next to the fire._

_"The two bedrooms are located behind the doors. It's up to the two of you to decide on sleeping arrangements; take whichever you prefer._

_"Enjoy your weekends, as your nighttime patrols will take place every weekday, beginning tomorrow, the official first day of term. The pair of you shall alternate nights, patrolling from 9 pm, when prefects' patrols end, until midnight._

_"I have taken the liberty of posting prefect patrol schedules on the bulletin board above your fireplace. Feel free to make changes you feel necessary; by changing the schedules with the quill provided, you will alter the official times, and prefects will be alerted accordingly._

_"I wish you a pleasant seventh year, Albus Wulfric_…Ah, you know his name and awards and all that," James finished.

"Oh, do you want to change the common room," asked Lily, suddenly considering that James hadn't commented on the décor.

"Are you serious, Lily? Do you really think I could do that to you after watching you dance around from sheer joy?" He grinned. "Besides, I think it looks excellent, as well."

"Oh, thank you, James!"

"I can't believe something as trivial as decorations can make you this happy."

"I know I'm silly. It's just that when I'm happy, I'm really, really happy. And when I'm upset, well, you saw," said Lily, smiling awkwardly.

Sensing she needed a change of subject, James said, "So, we'll have to figure out patrol nights, I suppose."

"Well, you obviously have the week of full moon off, so we'll just wing it every month, I guess," Lily said.

"So, er, d'you think we should pick out our rooms, now?"

"Oh, yes," said Lily, walking towards the doors. She stopped, and turned expectantly towards James.

"So, pick out the one you want, Lily," said James.

"No, you pick out your favorite; I've already gotten the amazing common room."

"I'd screw up and take the one you want," James said, while Lily rolled her eyes.

"You know what? Let's just decide together. We'll figure something out." She reached for the doorknob of the room on the left, and she and James entered, looked around, and walked out. It was a gorgeous room, very cozy but not claustrophobic. They did the same to the second room, an airy, light area, keeping their faces carefully impassive.

"Okay, so on three, just say 'left' or 'right', and if we both pick the same room, you get it," said James.

"That's not fair, why would I get it? There's no reason," replied Lily.

"It's because I love you."

"Come off it, Potter."

Were James Potter a different man, he'd launch into a long-winded speech declaring his undying love for Lily Evans. As it was, he just blew her a kiss and started the count. "One," he began.

"Two," said Lily.

"Left," said both of them at the same time. They looked at each other for a moment, and then started laughing.

"You know what, James? Let's start over," Lily said once she was able to control her giggles. James simply stared at her. "I mean no more fighting or anything. I'd hate for you to tarnish my memories of seventh year with arguments," she teased.

James beamed, and held out his hand. Lily shook it, grinning as well. She stepped towards the door on the right, and had her door on the handle, before the breath was knocked out of her.

James lifted her bodily and placed her in the left-hand room, smirking. He smelled of peppermint, she noticed. Much better than most teenage boys and that was a good thing, since they'd be sharing a dorm. Once Lily could breathe again, she glared at James. "What," she panted. "Did you just do, James Potter?"

"You were going to the wrong room." James was rather distracted, remembering the smell of Lily, cinnamon. He focused, though, on the conversation at hand.

"I was letting you have this one."

"It's yours, dear Lily."

"We _both_ said left."

"Yes, but you never technically disagreed to 'we both want it, you get it,' Lily. You said it was unfair and asked why, but never exactly said no."

Lily giggled, she couldn't help herself. "Thank you, James. Maybe you should consider Magical Law rather than an Auror. But it really isn't fair."

"Ah, but it is," James said. "I now reserve the right to call you by any endearment or nickname I can think of. It's annoying to have to actually think about what I'm saying."

Lily laughed outright. "Yes, I can see how you wouldn't want to strain your brain, Mr. Potter."

"Good night, sweetheart," James said.

Lily rolled her eyes, but said, "Pleasant dreams, my little Jamie-kins," to his back as he exited her room.

She pondered the day's events, feeling strange. She and James Potter had only argued once, and they spent the entire day together. What's more, they'd called a truce! Well, she'd raised the white flag, which was even odder.

Still, though, she felt content, having put away a childish squabble. Mostly content, anyway—the War was always at the back of her mind, worrying her.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Just in case my readers are complete Twitard-esque idiots, the 'major event' from the Author's Note above would be the truce that ended the fighting. Yes, Lily was rather giddy, but, like she said, she was just really happy. I'm imagining the Head Dorm as a really beautiful dormitory.


	7. Chapter Six: Christmas

**Author's Note:** Chapter Five was of normal length, but Chapter Four was rather short. I hope this makes up for it. Ah, the fluff, and daily routines established.  
Be a dear, and answer me this, either on PM or a review for this chapter: Would you like a Ron/Hermione Deathly Hallows missing moments fic, or a Ron/Hermione post-DH, pre-epilogue fic?

* * *

Lily Evans woke, stretched, yawned, and finally opened her eyes. She confusedly glanced around the cozy blue and white room for a moment before she truly awakened and remembered that she was in her new room. It was the first day of her last year at Hogwarts, she was no longer a sworn enemy of James Potter, and she decided to wear her hair down for the first time ever at Hogwarts.

This could've been seen as turning over a new leaf, of course, and Lily wished she could say it was. Honestly, though, she was just too lazy to bother with a brush after staying up so late last night, thinking about the War. Pulling on her school robes, she ran her fingers through her untidy hair and walked out of the door.

She was startled by a tousled-haired James exiting his own room at the same time. He looked generally untidy.

"Oh, James, fix your tie! We have to look presentable, we're the Heads," she chastised. James merely yawned.

"Good morning to you, too, Lils. Chipper, aren't we? I see you've done a bit with your hair to look respectable yourself," he said, stifling a yawn and smiling at Lily's blush.

"You—you—I—We—I still look better than you do, James Potter," Lily retorted, bristling.

"Yes, you do. Relax, I was kidding. I've never seen you with your hair down before; it looks nice," he replied, throwing an arm around her shoulders. "Let's head on down to breakfast, I'm starving."

Lily slid away from his grasp and grinned. "Just because I don't hate you doesn't mean we're best mates or anything. And are you ever _not_ hungry, James?"

"I'm a growing boy," he said simply, and walked out the door smiling.

When they reached the Great Hall, James turned to Lily, and asked, "Where's your mate, Ka—Kathleen? Karen?"

"Kareem; she's gone into hiding, with the War and all," provided Lily with a sad sort of smile.

"Then where'd you sit at dinner last night?"

"With—with the first years; I told them all about Hogwarts yesterday," replied Lily with a rather pathetic kind of chuckle.

"Oh, no, Lily, dear; we can't possibly be friends now. Imagine what that would do to my reputation!"

"James Potter, don't you start," Lily began, before seeing that he was teasing.

"Why don't you come and sit with the Marauders? You know every woman here dreams of that," said James.

Lily rolled her eyes, but said thanks and followed James over to his three best friends.

"Remus, Black, Pettigrew," she said, nodding. She smiled a bit at Remus, who grinned back.

"Lily here is going to be sitting with us from now on," James informed them.

"Way to go, Prongsie," Sirius said. "And, please, call me Sirius."

"Er, thanks, Sirius," Lily replied.

"This is excellent! We now have both Heads on our side, we can absolutely rule Hogwarts," Sirius continued.

"What d'you need both of us 'on your side' for, Sirius? I'm not letting you off if I catch you after hours or anything, that wouldn't be fair," Lily remarked.

"You won't catch us, and life's not fair. I assume 'after hours' refers to non-full moon nights," Sirius replied, while Remus looked rather abashed.

"Of course it does, I wouldn't do that to you. Anyway, I don't really have a problem with breaking rules as much as I do getting caught breaking rules. I'm Head Girl; it wouldn't be setting a good example."

"I see, now, the devil lurking underneath," Remus said.

"You won't get caught, anyway, Lils, we have the cloak and the map. You didn't think we just used it for the noble cause of Moony's furry little problem did you?" James laughed.

"Yeah, we use them to prank people sometimes, and sneak to the kitchens and stuff," Peter said, rather loudly. The Marauders shot him a 'shut up' kind of look, and he turned back to his porridge.

Lily sat down next to James, across from Remus, Peter, and Sirius. She began to butter her toast, tearing off the crust before she ate it. She reached for the fruit, but got her sleeve in the porridge in the process. Sirius laughed, but tossed her an orange.

"Orange juice, Lils?" James held out a pitcher for her.

"Oh, um, apple, thanks," she replied.

She watched the Marauders, biting back a laugh. They had their breakfast almost choreographed. James poured drinks, Remus gave everyone eggs and porridge, Peter passed around meats, and Sirius tossed various fruits into the air, enjoying the scramble to keep them from landing in their drinks.

"You've got your technique perfected, don't you," she asked, grinning.

"Well, now we do. You kind of messed us up, I didn't know what you drank," James replied, giving her a teasing glare.

The five of them ate breakfast, and headed off to class. Lily, James, and Sirius, all had the same schedules, since Healers and Aurors took the same classes, Charms, Potions, Transfiguration, Herbology, and Defense Against the Dark Arts. Lupin was studying to become a teacher, and Peter's O.W.L. results were so poor he just took every class that he actually got in to.

Lily walked into her first class, double Potions, and glanced around. The class was working in pairs. She felt a pang for Kareem, and went to sit down by herself in front of a cauldron as far away from Professor Slughorn's desk as possible. Lily was one of his favorites, thanks to her prowess in his subject, and he invited her and a few others, including James, to 'Slug Club' parties every now and then.

Lily opened her potions book, and was absorbed in her reading until she heard Slughorn enter the room. "Good morning, class! Lily, James, I'm sure you two will make quite a potion today, such minds together," he said pompously. "If you'll begin on the Amortentia, class, we should have it ready by the end of period.

Wait, what? Lily and James together… That meant they'd be next to each other, but Lily hadn't noticed him sit down. She glanced to her right, and, sure enough, James had sat down beside her while she was absorbed in her reading.

"Oh, er, hello, James," she said awkwardly.

"Hi, Lily, hope you don't mind me sitting here. Sirius is sitting with, um, whoever it is that he's snogging this week," James replied quite confidently. He obviously didn't care whether she wanted him there or not.

"Oh, um, no, I don't mind. It's a rather difficult potion, you know, we're in N.E.W.T. level, and, er, yeah," she replied. She said it awkwardly, though she was still glad James had come to her rescue and kept her from working alone.

He ignored her stuttering, and she couldn't say she blamed him. They worked through the class, finishing far before anyone else. There wasn't much time for conversation until after the potion had reached the correct mother of pearl sheen, since the procedures really were quite complex.

"Ah, yes. Amortentia, perfect, of course; you always were great shakes at Potions, Lily. James, I'm sure you've helped her as well, of course," he said with a sly grin.

Lily tried to keep from smelling the potion; it was intoxicating. It smelled of chocolate frogs, peppermint, and rain. James lacked her self-control; he was sniffing the cinnamon-new broomstick-chocolate frog-smelling potion obsessively.

Lily noticed this, and asked Professor Slughorn if they could be dismissed early. He obliged, laughing at James' dazed look.

Lily, too, laughed, once they'd left the classroom. They made their way to the Head's dormitory; they had a free period next. James regained his senses and grinned sheepishly. "It smelled good," he said simply.

"Yes, that's kind of the point, James," Lily agreed.

"What'd it smell like to you, dear? Wait, no, that's rather personal, I suppose," he said, but looked at her expectantly.

She giggled, and blushed. "Er, peppermint, chocolate frogs, and rain. I love the rain, and chocolate frogs are my favorite sweet." She looked thoughtful, and then said, "I dunno about the peppermint, though." It was familiar, but she couldn't place it.

"Mine smelled like new broomsticks, which is obvious, and cinnamon. Chocolate frogs, too, I guess we like the same," he replied.

"I guess we like eating Chocolate frogs while flying through the rain on Christmas," she said, laughing. They had reached the dormitory, and were seated on the couch. They didn't have any homework, since this was their first day.

"Christmas, Lils?" He sounded confused—comically so, in Lily's opinion.

"Cinnamon and peppermint is what Christmas smells like," she said simply, and he laughed.

"Well, we've got nothing to do. What d'you say we go tickle the pear and grab some frogs, my dear?"

"Tickle the pear, James?" she said, mimicking his voice from earlier.

"Touché; the kitchens, darling, you've got a lot to learn if you want to be friends with me," he replied, extending his hand to her.

"Who said I wanted to be friends with you," she asked, but took his hand and followed him out of the common room.


	8. Chapter Seven: The Willow Smashing Birds

**Author's Note:** I'm not very happy with this chapter. I had a brilliant one typed up, and then a stupid thunderstorm hit, and my computer crashed, taking my lovely Lily and (can't think of a J-word that describes him; joking James? I dunno) James with it. The same basic things happened as in this version, but they were more eloquently phrased. Ah, well. I had a good rant to a friend of mine about it, and now I feel better.

* * *

Lily Evans woke early on an early October Saturday morning, listening to the birds either singing badly or being smashed by the Whomping Willow. Either way, it wasn't a pleasant sound. She pulled her hair back in a messy ponytail, and sat down in the chair next to her bed, staring out the window and wondering what she was going to do today.

She had settled into a comfortable routine, become like the fifth Marauder. Remus was absorbed in his studies, but when he wasn't reading, he was fun to be around. Peter was a cowardly little thing, in her opinion, but she treated him kindly. Sirius was great fun once you go over him being a womanizer, and James was… Well, James was quite nice.

More than nice, really; Lily had become rather fond of him. She'd even say that he was her best mate. She laughed, thinking of how she'd started the year hating him. That was rather shallow of her, since she'd never really gotten to know him. Yes, he was a bit arrogant, but it was endearing, now that she was close to him rather than an enemy.

Yes, James was a wonderful friend, so he'd forgive her for waking him, wouldn't he? Well, it didn't matter; she was going to go crazy with boredom if she didn't do something.

She rose from her chair, and made her way to the common room. She walked a few steps to the right, and hesitated. She'd never been into his room before. Lily wasn't one to be scared, or bored, for that matter, so she crept in.

She had to smile. James slept in the same position she did, on his side with an arm reaching out and hugging a pillow. His hair, she concluded, was the most unruly thing she'd ever seen. He used to muss it periodically, but he'd stopped that this year, to no avail: it was stubbornly untidy. His glasses were still on his face; he must have fallen asleep with them on. She walked over, and gently prodded him.

"What? I swear, Sirius made me do it," he exclaimed. Lily laughed, and James, startled, rubbed his eyes and looked at her. "Lily! What're you doing, Lils?"

James had had dreams of Lily before, mostly of her saying yes when he asked her out, but they never took place in the bedroom. He would never do that to Lily, and it was obvious she'd never do that with him. This, of course, meant that he was awake, and Lily really was in his room. What a strange way to awaken!

"I'm bored, Jamesie. We need to find something to do," she replied nonchalantly. Had anyone else called him Jamesie, they'd have been cursed into oblivion. With Lily, however, he found it kind of nice.

"At," he glanced at his watch, "Six in the morning on a Saturday? Blimey!"

Lily simply nodded, and James rolled his eyes.

"Only for you, dear," he informed her.

"I'm sure you'd wake up early for Sirius, too."

"Last time he got me up early, he walked around with pink hair for a week," James said, while Lily laughed and sat down next to him on the queen bed, exactly like hers in the next room except for the colors.

"Oh, do you think you could make mine blonde, instead? I hear they have more fun, and I'm feeling rather unoccupied," she replied.

"You are going to enjoy yourself today, Lils. You don't get me up at six for nothing, so you'd better tell me exactly what it was you've got in mind," he said teasingly with tired eyes narrowed.

"Actually, that's why I woke you. I dunno what to do, and even if I did it's no fun being alone, and we know the rest of the Marauder's aren't awake yet."

"I don't think anyone in all of Hogwarts besides us is awake yet. Assuming you're really awake, since you appear rather sleepy yourself. What do you want to do?"

"Um, something fun, that we haven't done yet," she said, her brow furrowing in thought.

"Help me out here; I'm still half-asleep, and I'm not taking Divination," James said.

"Swimming!"

"The Black Lake's freezing, honey. It's October."

"What about the prefect's bathroom? It's got a tub the size of a pool."

"Lily, that's…" he said thoughtfully. "Bloody brilliant!"

"Why thank you, Mr. Potter," she said, while he stifled yet another yawn.

"What d'you say we sleep in a bit longer? Why'd you get up this early, anyway?"

"Birds; come to think of it, I can't hear them in here."

"Silencing Charm," he replied with an 'obvious, isn't it?' kind of voice.

"I tried that! And don't talk down to me," she said, indignant.

"Relax, Lils, I was just kidding. You have to do both sides of the window," he added, helpfully.

"Mine doesn't open," she said, and she, too, yawned.

"It looks as though you need to rest, Lily, dear. Why don't you just climb in with me?"

"James," she said warningly.

"Honestly, would I do that to you? And besides, should I fall asleep in the water and drown, you'd never forgive yourself. Or am I wrong?"

"No, James, I don't want you to drown," she said, rolling her eyes. He looked pathetic, with his beseeching puppy-dog eyes. He _had_ had patrol late last night. "And I trust you. So scoot over, I'm bushed.

James grinned, and Lily lay down next to him, though they were on opposite edges of the bed. Both fell asleep rather quickly, feeling oddly peaceful.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I'm frightened. I've just written two chapters in a row of pure fluff. The next chapter, though not as much, is pretty fluffy as well. Let me know if you disapprove, and I'll cut it down.  
**Author's Note Post Script: **Despite my previous statement, it'll be shortened to ANPS from now on. I'm lazy, and Author's... takes too long to type. Anyway, I've just started high school, and I'll be writing on the weekends, as well as some weeknights (as often as I can, due to homework. I'm so glad to be back in society's way of making sure no one can claim they had a blissful childhood). I'll update every other day at best, but it might turn into every three or four days, depending, most likely slowing down near the end of the quarter, as usual. I'll strive to write everyday, but who knows? This is just to let you know, since I find it annoying when authors that update every day or so suddenly cease, and you're left wondering why. (=


	9. Chapter Eight: Waking Up Smiling

**Author's Note:** Oh, dear, denial to the extreme, Lily.  
In case you're a complete and utter idiot, the rising and falling comfortable thing is James' chest. I try to read all of my work as someone who had no idea what I was imagining, and realized morons might not catch on, possibly.  
Yes, it seems like a rather abrupt 'change' of feelings, but Lily had been suppressing them for a while, and their sudden physical closeness brought them into light.

* * *

Lily woke with her arms around something warm that smelled of peppermint, and her smiling head resting on something very comfortable that was rising and falling evenly. She listened for the obnoxious birds, but the sound didn't come, reminding her of where she was.

And who she was holding.

Her first instinct was to clutch him tighter. No, it wasn't. That'd be ridiculous. Her feelings for James were strictly platonic.

So, she fought the urge to squeeze him tighter (no, she didn't; there was no such urge), and drowsily attempted to gather her thoughts. Why was she here? Why was she smiling? More importantly, why was she holding _James_ like _this_?

She wanted to go swimming, but also sleep in, and her room was noisy. There's one question answered. She smiled because she enjoyed the position she was in. No, she didn't; that was absurd. She was smiling because… Oh, who cares? Lily was still too drowsy to think very seriously. She was holding James because he was the one next to her, and… She didn't know why.

She yawned again, removed her arms from around James. In his sleep, he turned over and drew her closer to him. She sighed in pleasure. No, it was in exasperation. They were best mates! Ignoring the meaningless clenching in her stomach, she extricated herself from his arms, got out of bed.

"James," she whispered, to no avail. "Oh, James," she said, louder.

"Jamesie!" Her shout awakened him. He rubbed his eyes, saw Lily standing over him, and smiled. "I'm going to run and transfigure some old clothes into a bathing suit," she informed him. "I'll meet you in the bathroom."

"What, no 'good morning'?"

"Good morning."

"Thank you. And now, you may go," he grinned, and rose from his bed, stretching.

Lily chuckled, and exited the room. She changed a too-small set of school robes into a bikini, and threw on an old dress as a cover-up.

She was filling the makeshift pool with warm water when James ambled in, finally awake and ready. "Took you long enough," she said, laughing. "Bubbles, d'you think? I don't, it'd be hard to swim through some of these."

"Then we'll just have water. This isn't the strangest thing I've done, by far, but it's still rather odd," he said, and grinned. "Then again, you're a rather weird person, Lils."

She stuck out her tongue at him, and removed the old dress. "Stop your ogling, James, and get in," she said, diving into the warm water.

"I was not ogling," he called, removing his shirt. That wasn't entirely the truth. He had stared a bit, he couldn't help himself, but he had stopped before she'd turned around. He jumped in, making a rather large splash.

Lily, too, couldn't help staring. He was gorgeous, and he had great abdominals. No, he didn't. Well, yes, he did, of course, but she wasn't looking at his abs. She was, but she wasn't thinking of them like _that_. Like what, exactly? Nothing! This was pathetic; Lily Evans was getting flustered within the confines of her own mind.

She was jolted from her thoughts by water hitting her face. She squealed, and pushed James' head underwater. He came up sputtering, and they both laughed. They spent the day like this, with Lily's feelings (not feelings!) for James making odd appearances spontaneously. She dismissed them, and enjoyed soaking her best friend during the entire Saturday.

They made their way down to dinner, and agreed not to tell the other Marauders of the pool. The prefect's bathroom, after all, was easily accessible by both prefects and teachers, and they didn't want their friends getting caught goofing off where they weren't allowed.

The Marauders finished their meal, and ended the conversation on whether or not Polyjuice Potion would be on Slughorn's test next week. Lily and James, exhausted after a day of swimming, made their way back to the common room, said good night, and went to bed.

* * *

Lily Evans awoke the next morning with a smile. She had dreamed something pleasant, though she didn't remember the exact dream. She went to pull on her school robes, and had them halfway on, but then remembered it was Sunday. Laughing at her drowsiness, she put on a simple sweater and slacks.

She walked into the common room, and heard James snoring softly in his room. She grinned, and decided she'd gotten him up early enough yesterday. She'd let him sleep in.

Making her way to the Great Hall, she spotted Remus, Sirius, and Peter meandering in the opposite direction.

"Padfoot, Remus, Pettigrew," she called, and they turned around.

"Yes, Lily?" Sirius asked, looking guilty.

"What've you been doing? Why are you up so early?" Lily realized she hadn't pinned on her badge again, but they knew she was Head Girl and whether or not she was 'in uniform', she still had authority.

"Is it a crime to wake up early?" This time Remus answered, grinning.

"I know very well you didn't just 'wake up early', Remus."

"We were in the kitchens putting itching powder on all of the Slytherin's napkins, Evans," Peter told her. "See, _I_ told you. I don't want to get in trouble."

"So you the Head Girl you were playing a prank on an entire house?" Remus had his palm on his forehead.

"How thick are you, Wormtail? Anyway, Lils, with Quidditch canceled because of the War and all, we can't just beat them on brooms in order to make them miserable. So, we had to make do," Sirius informed her.

"Oh… All right—but don't go bragging about it, I don't want people to think I'm lenient, or that I give my friends free passes. And _don't_ do it again," she told them.

She heard three stomachs growl, and her own was aching as well. "What d'you say we head on down to breakfast?"

The walked, arms linked, to the Great Hall, and sat down for breakfast. Lily, who had taken the duty of giving out toast since that first amusing, had the rest of her breakfast doled out for her. This never ceased to make her smile.

She reached for her cup, and took a sip of air. She chuckled; remembering a crucial part of the 'breakfast routine' was missing, she proceeded to pour drinks. The group, unsurprisingly, spent their meal discussing the wonderful looks on the Slytherin's faces as the scratched their hands, and, in rare cases where they had manners, their laps.

Halfway through the meal, the mail owls arrived. Lily, who was unaccustomed to getting any mail other than the Prophet and the occasional letter from her parents, received a small Muggle envelope. She wiped the porridge off of the flap, and opened it. Her eyes scanned the rather small letter.

James arrived just in time to see Lily's eyes, despite her face seeming frozen in a smile, go blank. Hollow, really. Not like Lily's lively eyes at all.

Concerned, but not yet worried, he took his usual seat next to her. "Lils," he said. "Anything wrong?"

"No, James," she replied. She was proud of herself. Her voice wasn't shaky, and she'd managed to make it quite emotionless. "Why'd you think that?"

"Oh, no reason, Lily, never mind." But there was a reason. Despite Lily's best efforts, James, who knew her so well, noticed an undertone of something—sadness, perhaps?—that went undetected by the rest of their crew.

She obviously didn't want to talk about, and James wasn't going to press her. However, he decided to watch her that day, just in case.

Yes, Lily didn't want to talk. She held her feelings bottled up, going through the motions of conversation with the same inflectionless tone that was all she could manage, and she was straining to stop the tears from flowing. She didn't cry. Lily Evans never cried, not in front of people, not even in front of herself.

There was the once on the train, but she had been stressing about the War for long before then. Still, though, James had been there, always understanding, the ultimate comfort. She was tempted to tell him what had happened, what dreadful news the letter had brought.

No, she wouldn't tell. Not anyone. To say it aloud would bring the tears she forbade to come, she was sure of it. She _had_ to stay strong, for the sake of herself and those who cared about her.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Oh, cliffy! I'm terribly sorry, really. Normally, I'd post the cliffhanger with its companion that kind of sorted things out, such as I did with my other fanfic, "Safety," but I haven't written this companion yet, and I want to update as frequently as possible. I suspect it'll be either an extremely easy or rather difficult chapter, but it's too emotional to be one that's in the middle. I think… (=

**ANPS:** Yay, my first Author's… abbreviation! Much quicker, I recommend it to everyone (though I've yet to see another person who uses post scripts on author's notes, haha). Back to the whole point of this ANPS, this is officially the first chapter that I've written while in high school. Well, not even, I suppose, since I just wrote the latter half of it today. Oh, well, just thought I'd let you know. I'm proud of myself for making time, especially since I have to get up at 5:30 every morning.


	10. Chapter Nine: Resolving to Defeat

**Author's Note:** First entire chapter written while in HS. Be proud!  
**ANPS:** Written during commercials of Prisoner of Azkaban on ABC. (=  
**ANPPS:** I'm awful at the whole b-breaking v-voice while c-crying thing, I don't know where to put the breaks most of them time. Forgive me, and use your imagination, please.

* * *

Lily Evans finished breakfast, and walked to her dormitory. Sirius, Remus, and Peter, after an early morning, had gone to their own dorm to nap. James had said something about seeing Professor Bins about their next history test, so Lily was left alone to deal with her grief.

She sat on the couch, not allowing tears to come. She simply stared into silence, and thought about the letter. At first, she was incredulous, refusing to believe it. She looked at the menacing paper again. She read twice, three times, before the truth sunk in. A single tear, despite her best efforts, seeped out. She knew they would soon fall fast, and therefore, when she heard James's footsteps, she fled.

"Hey, Lils, where're you going?" James looked concerned.

"Oh, um, bathroom," she replied, having no intention whatsoever of going there. She walked away, and ambled through the school, searching for a private area. The Room of Requirement!

She walked three times past the wall, thinking. She needed a place to be comforted. She'd cry, and be done with it. That'd be comforting, right? Sobbing out your sorrows was surely beneficial. She'd never really had something this grievous before, though.

She walked in, eyeing a couch similar to the one in the common room, placed in front of a warm, cozy-looking fire. She settled down, wrapped her arms around her knees, and started shaking. She thought of their smiling faces waving goodbye, never again, and the cursed tears started to flow, increasing in volume as the rest of her memories flooded into her mind.

James paced around the common room, remembering Lily's frantic expression as she walked out of the door earlier. Why had he gone to see Binns? He should've stayed with her. He didn't want to invade her privacy, as she obviously wanted to be left alone. Then again, he was her best friend, he loved her, and he didn't _want_ her to be alone, especially when she was so upset. Lily was never upset. She was always so strong.

Fifteen minutes or so after Lily left, James began to worry about her. He took out the map, but when he searched, he couldn't locate her. This, of course, meant that she was in the Room of Requirement, because she wouldn't be off the grounds. He debated with himself over whether or not he should go to her, but finally decided that he'd go and check on her, just to make sure it was nothing serious.

He, despite his 'just to check' attitude, walked rather quickly to see her. There was something in the pit of his stomach that told him she needed him, whether she knew it or not. He reached the wall, and, upon stepping in front of it, it opened, revealing a small room with a couch and fireplace.

He looked over to the couch, and he thought his heart would break. Lily was sitting with knees curled up to her chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Unconsciously, James ran and embraced her, sitting on the couch and pulling her to him, her tears soaking his shirt.

"Shh," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her. There had to be something really wrong, because Lily, in turn, held him, her head on his shoulder. "Lily, honey, what's wrong?"

Lily squeezed him tighter, wondering why this felt as though it were the most natural thing in the world, despite her sadness. How had James gotten in here? She'd asked the room for a place to be alone and cry. No, she'd asked for a place to be comforted, and she'd interpreted that thought as solitude. James was really the ultimate comfort. James cared. James deserved to know what was wrong, and Lily now knew that.

"It-it's my p-parents, James," she began, her voice coming out sounding rather strangled. He stroked her hair, and she continued. "A D-Death Eater k-killed them, s-since they c-couldn't g-get to me at H-Hogwarts."

"Oh, Lily," James started, before she cut him off.

"I s-should h-have been there! I-I could h-have d-done something!"

"Sweetheart, it's not your fault—"

"YES IT IS! They w-would've b-been safe if Voldemort c-could have j-just gotten m-me instead," she said, removing her head from his chest and looking into his eyes. He saw the irrational guilt, the fear, and the sadness that claimed the normally lively and playful eyes.

"You don't know that, Lils. No one knows how these people think! Besides, how could I stand it if you were gone?" He dropped his gaze. "I couldn't. Lily, I'm so sorry, darling; so sorry about your parents. I can't imagine what it's like to lose someone you love, and I don't want to have to be able to. But Lily, I know they wouldn't want you to feel guilty. They wouldn't want you to be upset. They'd want you to move on, and live that much more for them."

He was right, and Lily knew it. But how could she move on? Who was there to move on with? She unwrapped her arms from around James' neck. She hugged herself, trying to control the depression that was sweeping over her.

"B-but Petunia hates me even more, a-and she h-has an Auror t-tailing her, n-now. She's the one who sent the l-letter. D-Dumbledore told her he c-couldn't talk to m-me because he's b-been away with the Order, a-and s-she blamed m-me for Mum and Dad," she paused, and realized something. "I'm an orphan, J-James! N-no one c-cares about m-me anymore."

James placed his arms back around Lily, trying to comfort her and hide the fact that her sorrow had silent tears falling on his own face as well. "That's not true, Lily. Sirius, Remus, and Peter all love you. Kareem, wherever she is, does too." She clutched him, her sobs slowly receding. "I love you, Lily. You know that. I can't believe there's a single person on this earth who doesn't."

They sat there, holding each other, while Lily and James both stopped crying, though Lily took, understandably, longer. Lily had resolved to live for her parents, like James had said. She was firm in her decision, which made it a bit easier to cope with the grief.

"I'm not going to let him beat me, James. Voldemort can't win if you don't let him conquer, and he's not taking over my life. He's changed things, yes, but that's all the worse for him. I will _not_," she said, while James squeezed her hand, "Let him take anything else from me."

**Author's Note:** The chapter's title, "Resolving to Defeat," refers to this last little speech of Lily's. I realized this might not be clear.  
I'm not too happy with this chapter, but I said the things I wanted and needed to. I couldn't think of a way to convey certain things, but I did my best. Review, please. I'll post the next chapter either tomorrow or Monday.


	11. Chapter Ten: Dreaming of You

**Author's Note: **If you recall, the death took place in early October, which is why Lily isn't moping. It's currently mid-November, and she's gotten over (as much as is ever possible) death, and is working on her resolution to not let the War cloud her spirits.  
**ANPS:** Sorry for not updating sooner. Our school bus has been spazzing, and I've been getting home too late to really devote the time to my writing that I wish.  
**ANPPS:** The first few paragraphs are just letting you know what has happened; don't worry, you'll get some actual events soon enough!

* * *

Lily Evans spent the latter part of October and the first half of November slowly but surely overcoming her grief. James was a great help with this, she knew, and she appreciated him all the more for that. Lily loved him for it, and James was content with making her happy.

Lily's non-platonic feelings for James had been making sporadic but rare appearances throughout her near-depression state (there weren't any feelings to speak of!). She suspected the fluttering, clenching, and absolute joy she'd been feeling the day before the letter came (and long before then, if she admitted it to herself, which she didn't) had been partially compressed by her grief, but now they were returning in full bloom and earnestness, catching her off guard at the most random of moments. No, they weren't catching her off guard, as they weren't there in the first place!

Her dreams had been good ones she never quite recalled, or nightmares that were becoming increasingly worse. Her parents' deaths had her fearing for everyone she knew. She wouldn't allow herself to think such pessimistic thoughts during the day, so they all bottled up and released in excess during her unconsciousness.

She'd dreamed of Kareem being found, and woken up with tears just about to spill over. She'd dreamed of Petunia, strained as their relationship may be, being tortured, and had woken with tears rolling quietly down her face. She saw Sirius, Remus, even Peter in front of black-robed Death Eaters, wands out and faces serious. She still hadn't made a noise, in sleep or otherwise, as tears flowed in earnest upon her awakening, while she tried to cease the saline flow.

* * *

Lily saw a park surrounding her, yet the trees and dormant flowers were almost unearthly, and deadly quiet. She looked on, unable to move, as James approached the masked figure. He raised his wand, standing protectively in front of Lily.

"No, James! Go, save yourself," she screamed, but he merely shook his head, gave her a grim smile, and watched as the figure removed his mask.

The figure was human. Terribly so, with the worst of human nature evident in his face: greed, hate, guilt. His eyes, however, the part of the body that revealed so much, the window to the soul, the organs and sense that revealed the world, were a vivid scarlet. Blood red, as though the body of the figure knew what the wand had done, who the wand had slain.

Lily knew, instinctively, that the figure was someone evil—grotesquely so—the figure, she recognized, was Voldemort. Though never had she laid eyes on him, she knew. She also knew what was to be James' fate.

"James! Stop! Oh, please, James, stop, stop," she cried, while he dueled valiantly, still in front of her, guarding and shielding.

She strained to move, to reach for her wand and defend James, but she couldn't. She started shaking as the battle grew more intense, darker and darker spells flying out of each wand.

"Avada Kedavra!" She heard the voice, deep and almost hissing, shout the words she had hoped never to hear. She stopped crying. She stopped shaking. Time seemed to freeze as she saw James fall, almost gracefully, back arched and jaw still set in a determined position, to the ground.

She realized that she was now able to move. She saw that Voldemort had gone. She knew that it was cold, and that she should leave, should flee. She couldn't.

She took a cautious step towards James, praying that it wasn't real. She looked into his eyes, and felt his glassy stare back at her.

"James," she whispered, and tear fell on his face. He was gone. She knew it, now. He would never ignore her; he would always answer her no matter what he was doing. He was gone.

"JAMES!" Her screamed pierced the air, shrill and unearthly. "James! Oh, James…"

* * *

"Lily," she heard a voice say—the only voice that could bring her from the terrible park. "Lily! Lily, darling, what's wrong?" She opened her eyes, blinking rapidly to rid them of cumbersome tears. They met a pair of hazel orbs, eyes that were concerned, worried, kind, and—James!—alive. He was sitting next to her, leaning over her anxiously.

"James? James! Oh, James, I-I though you were," she began, but then crawled quickly from beneath the covers of her bed and embraced him. An amazing happiness filled her when she touched him.

"Lily, what're you talking about," he said, and made to extract his torso from her arms in order to look her in the face. Lily, however, grabbed his neck and held him tighter, no longer crying, but smiling so widely that James thought she might be mad.

"It wasn't real," she said into his shoulder, while he patted her back unsurely. "It's—it was just a dream—a nightmare. You're here. You're alive! You'd never, ever leave me, James, would you?"

"Of course not, Lils, why—what happened?" He asked this firmly, and pulled himself away from her grasp, despite how wonderful it felt. He had to find out what this was all about. He'd heard her screaming, his name, no less, and had run into her room to see her shaking in her sleep.

"I had a nightmare, James. I've been having them ever since Mum and Dad. I've dreamed of people being tortured, of dying, but it was never as bad as this! James, Voldemort was there. He'd immobilized me, and you were fighting him, and I couldn't move to help you, and he—he killed you. Oh, James it was so awful," she said, and flung herself on him once more. "It was so real, James, it was so real!"

This could've happened. Voldemort was everywhere; anytime they left the safety of Hogwarts and Dumbledore they were susceptible. She didn't cry; Lily Evans did not allow herself to cry; but she frowned and her brow furrowed as her mouth trembled.

"It's okay, Lily! I'm fine, honey, I'm fine," James said, amazed at how much she cared. He tried to imagine what it would feel like to lose Lily, and shuddered. He pulled her closer to him, and stroked her hair, whispering assurances that he was alright.

After a moment, Lily calmed, and regained control of her mind. "I'm sorry I woke you, Jamesie," she told him, yawning. It must've been one or two in the morning. "But—I'm glad I did. I couldn't have woken up from something like that to anyone but you." She yawned once more. "Go on back to your room; I'll be fine."

James untangled their bodies, while Lily blushed, realizing how clingy she'd been. She'd needed to, though. She'd needed to know he was there. "You'll be fine," she added, to herself, but James nodded.

"We'll be fine," he said, and walked quietly to the common room, leaving the door open behind him. He started to go to his own room, but he decided to wait until he was sure she was alright.

He sat on the couch, yawning and thinking about nothing but Lily's hug, waiting for her breathing to slow and become more even. After sitting for well over a half hour, to no avail, he tiptoed in the room.

She was sleeping, he saw, but not well. It was fitful, and she kept mumbling indistinguishable phrases. It wasn't a nightmare, but it wasn't a pleasant dream, either. James magicked the chair that was located across from her bed and placed it directly next to where she was lying.

He took her hand, and sat down in the chair. He fell asleep almost immediately, not noticing how Lily's lips curled in her now peaceful slumber.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Yes, it seems a rather short chapter, I'm sorry. But, the word count, not including Author's Notes, is 1200 something, which is within my average. However, I promise that the next one will be more fun. Lily's still in denial, and James is still as oblivious as she is. Ah, how clueless my hero and heroine are!  
**ANPS:** Before I have people on my case about Voldemort, remember that this was during the first War. He was still human, though his soul had been split. You may notice how I implied this, but there was no reason to state it outright, as neither of my characters is aware of it, nor is it relevant to the story.  
**ANPPS:** Sorry if I frightened you earlier, before I said clearly that it was a dream. I thought that the paragraph before it referring to nightmares was enough. Also, this is a fanfic, so you already know how they die, and it obviously wasn't in the middle of a park while in seventh year, before they even got together.


	12. Chapter Eleven: Crystalized Pineapple

**Author's Note:** I just thought that this would be a fun chapter to write. Nothing too serious; there's just some denial, love, and unidentified sexual tension, haha. I just thought the last two chapters were a bit too sad, and I don't want you to think this story's a depressing one. Plus, I, myself, was anxious for some fluff.  
**ANPS: **I just reread it, and I find it's very boring. Don't worry, though, the next chapter is the amazingly dramatic (my specialty) Slughorn's party. I was going to have it in this chapter, but I don't want to make it too long, and this is already three pages. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

* * *

Lily woke feeling worn out after a frightening night. However, she grinned when she felt something warm and (way too) familiar in her hand. Why was she grinning? She wasn't grinning! She quickly wiped the smile (that wasn't even there to begin with!) off of her face.

She started to rise, but was reluctant to remove her hand from James'. This, she told herself, was because she didn't want to wake him. She spent a few moments mentally arguing with herself, but decided to let denial win out. Not denial; you can't deny what's not there!

She slid her hand out from beneath James', carefully avoiding jostling him. He, in his slumber, must have noticed the lack of warmth, for he mumbled something indiscernible and his brow furrowed slightly. Lily felt a strange fluttering feeling in her stomach that she couldn't explain, but she wrote it off as hunger.

James had been so kind to her last night. James had been so kind to her in general, actually. He deserved to sleep in this Saturday. He deserved a good breakfast. Lily decided she wasn't going to let any of the Marauders bother them this morning. She was going to have a pleasant breakfast with her best friend, and only him.

She wanted James all to herself. No, she didn't! Yes, she did. No! Yes! No!

Regardless of the reasoning behind the action, she made her way down to the kitchens. The elves, happy to serve as always, provided her with a tray of food, which she levitated on the way back to the common room. Once she reached their beautiful dormitory, she looked around at the various tables, chests, and dressers lining the walls. She decided to set the table, rather than breakfast in bed, so she conjured one from the far corner and placed it in front of the couch. Laying the tray on the table, she set up the meal, placing a warming spell on the food to keep it edible.

She sat down on the couch, summoned her potions book, and began to study. She'd planned on sitting there for quite a while, but just as she finished the page, James ambled in, hair damp and wide awake.

"G'morning, Lils," he said.

"Oh, I'm sorry, James. I didn't mean to wake you," Lily replied.

"You didn't wake me. Actually, you did, just not recently," he said. Seeing the humorously dumbfounded look on her face, he added, "When you left, I woke."

"Oh, well, sorry, Jamesie. I've got breakfast!" Her expression was hopeful. James realized she was obviously very hungry, but refused to eat without him. No matter! He was always ready to eat.

"Why thank you, Lily, dear." He sat down next to her on the couch, and, habitually, poured them both a drink. He served them both a bit of the elaborate breakfast, strawberry crepes and cream cheese, and couldn't keep his eyes off of her. She had gotten up without even dressing, and was clad in a rather small and frayed tank top and baggy sweatpants. She hadn't any makeup on, and her hair was, well, an utter mess. He thought she was absolutely gorgeous.

Lily, likewise, couldn't keep from staring. James was dressed for the Saturday in a fitted T-shirt that accentuated his Quidditch muscles and a pair of jeans. His hair, though slightly wet when he first came out, had dried into the adorable, messy do that Lily liked so much. She'd noticed that she seemed to be noticing more than was necessary for quite a long time, but wrote it off. She searched for a logical, platonic reason for her staring, and came up with none. He looked beautiful, and, she told herself, even Merlin himself couldn't deny that. It was such a change from usual (it wasn't, but that's not helpful to the argument) that she couldn't help herself. Yes, that was a good excuse. Er, not excuse; reason.

They finished their delicious meal, and an awkward silence, which was rare with this pair that could always find something to talk about, ensued. Neither wanted to stop sitting there together, in simple yet blissful harmony, but Lily wasn't willing to admit it, and James would never have guessed she did, anyway. Lily glanced away, unable to find a suitable motive to stare any longer.

The silence was broken by Lily's giggle. "What're you laughing at," James asked her.

"Slughorn; he's advertising a Slug-Club-only party on our bulletin board. I mean, what's the point? He's way to enthusiastic," she said.

James laughed, albeit a bit awkwardly, and replied, "So, Lils, when is it?"

"Tonight, actually; it says, 'The Saturday before the End of Term.' Honestly, why not just give the date?" Lily rolled her eyes, happy the pair had resumed their normal banter and that the unease had passed.

"He wants to sound... I dunno, really," he grinned. "I just can't believe he waited this long to throw one!"

"He must've finally run out of pineapple," she replied. They laughed, and James casually draped an arm around her as she leaned into him to stop shaking.

James couldn't help but think how right this felt. Him holding her, both of them completely at ease. He saw her brow furrow, not like she was uncomfortable, but in the classic Lily-Evans-is-in-deep-thought look he knew so well. He'd been seeing it more and more often while she was around him, but he'd never really thought into it, as it was at times where he was content to savor the moment.

Lily was, in fact, in deep thought. She couldn't explain the clenching in her stomach that she felt because James' arm was resting around her. It was almost as if—but no, that wasn't possible. She needed to get her mind off of such confusing matters. Then again, there was nothing confusing about platonic feelings, which is, certainly, what she had for James. Nevertheless, she sought to spend time with the rest of the school, muddle or no muddle.

"I'm going to go shower," she informed him. "I'll meet you at the Great Hall for lunch?"

"I'll be there," he replied.

* * *

Lily walked into the Great Hall feeling refreshed; hair blown dry and tied into a messy bun at the nape of her neck, a fresh coat of makeup smeared over her baggy-from-lack-of-sleep eyes. She glanced around the hall, and spotted James located between Sirius and Peter. Remus sat across from them, eating politely, while Sirius and Peter threw down sandwiches so quickly that Lily was amazed. James, however, wasn't eating. Rather, he was looking at his friends quite wistfully.

She made her way over the table, and sat down next to Remus. James immediately began to eat. Lily sighed. He always waited on her. It was so annoying, but also very sweet at the same time.

She immediately joined into the discussion on Defense Against the Dark Arts. Professor Difesa had said they were to start Patronuses following Christmas break. They were excited to be learning, but Lily felt left out. The Marauders, being Animagi, already knew what form their Patronuses would take. She'd said as much when Carter Midgen approached her.

"Lily!" he said rather loudly. This was strange. Carter, though also a seventh year, was a Ravenclaw, and, as far as Lily could remember, they'd never spoken. He was in the Slug Club, but she'd never given him much thought. She knew his name, though, after spending seven years of classes together.

"Carter, isn't it?" she said.

"Yes," he smiled cockily. Normally, Lily found cocky smiles endearing. They were a constant presence on Sirius's face, and even Remus and Peter had been known to sport one after a particularly successful prank. James' smile, cocky or otherwise, was absolutely adorable. Something in Carter's, though, was disconcerting, although she couldn't quite put her finger on it. It was almost as though he was _too_ confident.

"I was wondering," he continued, with the air of one who was sure of the answer before they even asked the question, "If you'd like to go to Slughorn's party with me."

Lily blinked. She didn't notice that the Marauders had gone quiet; she was too absorbed in thought. She wanted to say no. She didn't know why, but it was a gut feeling. She couldn't, however, think of any plausible reason to say no, and what was the harm in going to one dance?

"Oh. Sure, Midge—Carter. That'd be quite nice," she said. A feeling of unease engulfed her, though, upon seeing his eyes. They were triumphant, but not in a good way. She was unsure exactly what she felt, but she suddenly sensed that he was the male persona she'd be warned about so many times.

That was ridiculous! She was perfectly comfortable around men. James was her best friend, and she never felt _he'd_ do anything wrong to her, despite his gender. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all rather close to her as well.

She was suddenly filled with the teenage rebellious feeling that she thought she'd shed, and was confident in her answer to Midgen. Carter. She was confident in her answer to Carter.

She exchanged pleasantries with a flirtatious air that she hoped didn't seem as shallow as it felt, and said goodbye. She continued the Patronus conversation, too absorbed in her thoughts to notice the less than enthusiastic Marauder responses.

Finally, she finished her second sandwich (which would normally have earned a jeer from Sirius), and departed. She needed to get ready for the party. She walked away planning what dress to transfigure, angry that'd she already applied makeup. All disquiet and apprehension were banished from her mind as she planned her attire, completely absorbed in the many intricacies and formalities of dance wear.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Oh, foreshadowing! Blatant, overdone, unnecessary foreshadowing, but it's there all the same. That's the only comment you're getting for now, though.


	13. Chapter Twelve: More Mature than That

**Author's Note:** Oh, cliché! But alas, I must. Well, not really, since I choose what I write, but authors out there know the feeling that you absolutely _have_ to write something, no matter how much you feel it is overused.

* * *

Sirius had had a different girlfriend every day since the end of second year. Remus was too absorbed in studies and concerned about his lycanthropy for a female companion. Peter couldn't get a gal no matter how hard he tried.

James had dated casually in third, fourth, and fifth year. He'd tried to date in sixth, but he could never take his mind off of the fiery-haired vixen that had captured his heart. Lily had had no meaningful relationships, though she had dated a few boys casually from fourth to sixth year. No one had caught her eye in seventh, however…

James thought of this—of relationships—lack of relationships—and of love. What right did he have to feel jealous of Carter? Lily wasn't his girlfriend. His love was purely one-sided. That was it, though, wasn't it? His _love_; the love that his friends had scoffed at in fifth year, sighed at in sixth, and berated him for this year; was the reason for his envy.

He had every right to be angry. But to feel betrayed? Hurt? Those emotions did not belong. Lily was happy. Lily, his Lily, was with someone else. He tried not to care. Be optimistic! It's just a dance. It's not as though they're getting married or anything.

He pulled on his dress robes and attempted to smooth his hair (failing miserably, of course), and pulled out of his thoughts. He took out his wand to tie his shoes, smiling as he remembered Lily's condemnation. She thought tying your shoes via magic was just ridiculously lazy.

The very same was in her own room next to his, sliding on the heels she was to wear under her dress. The dress was a white, flowing monstrosity of silk and satin layers that hugged her every curve and looked gorgeous, if she did say so herself. Thankfully, when she checked the clock on the wall, she was just on time. She noticed as she left her room that the lights in James' room were off; he must've already left. Not that she cared.

She made her way to the Astronomy tower, the location of Slughorn's party. When she reached the door, she found Carter waiting. Without greeting her, he seized her arm, intertwined it with his, and practically dragged her into the enclosed area of the tower, where the other dancers were twirling in a graceful array of colors and fabrics. She felt almost guilty for not being more enthusiastic. She shrugged it off; it wasn't as though they were getting married.

She spied James, talking to Slughorn and a man she recognized as a reporter for the Daily Prophet. She heard snippets of conversation from around the room, but James' voice stood out the most. From what she heard of the one-sided conversation, they were discussing dragons.

Why would they be discussing dragons? What did James know of—wait! What was she doing? She should be focusing on Carter. Carter, her date, who was holding her uncomfortably tightly as they waltzed, is who she should be thinking of.

"Carter," she said a bit nervously.

"Yes, Lily," he said, in a sultry voice that was really creeping Lily out.

"Can we, um," she began; he brought her body even closer to his, which she previously thought wasn't possible. "Can we stop for a bit? My feet are tired."

"Certainly, my dear," he replied, and, still grasping her tightly, led her off into a secluded corner.

Lily didn't like the way he said 'my dear.' It reminded her too much of James, and she was trying to get her mind off of him. There was another problem, though. She just didn't like the sound of it, coming from him. It was too insincere, too…

She was distracted by a crushing force on her lips. Carter must've interpreted her meaning wrong earlier. This certainly wasn't pleasant. She pressed against him, trying to get him off her. He removed a hand from her waist and grabbed both of her wrists, pinning them behind her.

This wasn't unpleasant. It was awful! Oh, how she wanted to hex him! Curse him into oblivion! But her arms, thanks to that prat, were unable to reach the wand stowed in her pocket.

The hand not forming shackles around her hands wandered over her back, settling on her buttocks. She'd had enough. She hated herself because she couldn't think of a way to get away from him. An idea struck, however, when Carter attempted to intertwine their legs.

She kneed him the groin. He recoiled in pain, and let out a shriek that sounded as though it'd come from a first year girl. Everyone who heard the rather humorous and pathetic squeal turned to look, just in time to see Lily, with a vindictive expression on her face, slap him hard across the jaw.

"Don't you ever," she told him, malice and venom in every syllable, "Touch me again, Carter Midgen."

When he whimpered, and mumbled a half-hearted apology, Lily smiled, bringing new meaning to the phrase, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn.' She stalked out of the room, her dress swaying beautifully behind her, looking every bit an angel; as though she had just finished praying rather than injuring the Midgen family jewels. Her expression, however, was the most frightening thing about her.

James saw her face; eyes alight with righteous anger, jaw set. She was literally shaking with fury, her hands trembling and flexing unconsciously towards her wand as she exited. James could barely stop himself from hexing Carter himself. How dare he do that to her! But Lily wouldn't like that; she'd say he wasn't worth it.

As he made to follow Lily out, and ensure she didn't do anything rash in her anger, he overheard Carter talking to his friends.

"I just came on a little too strong," he said, albeit a bit weakly, considering his pain. "That little _bitch_ had better not try anything like that with me again."

James walked over, broke Carter's nose with a wonderful punch, and exited with these parting words: "You deserved her being a bitch. It's your fault, and if you intend on living another day, I'd hope you don't let the Marauders hear you talking about her like that."

James couldn't find Lily anywhere. He summoned the Marauder's map from his dormitory (the others hadn't needed it in a while, so he held onto it) and searched for Lily's name. He found her… in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory?

"Lily?" he called upon reaching the familiar door.

"Jamesie! Oh, I thought you were still at the party," she replied, opening the door, grabbing his hand, and pulling him in. "Come on, sit, we're busy, and we need your help."

James sat down in a daze. What was going on? Lily still had the fire in her eyes, but it was a different, more focused kind—much more scary, really. "Lily, honey, what're you doing?"

It was Sirius who spoke. "Carter Midgen hurt our Lily," he told James, with the same angry look that was present in Lily's eyes.

"And your Lily is planning on giving him hell," Remus said, rolling his eyes but looking excited.

Peter, of course, had to put in something, so he offered, "We're helping her!"

Lily smiled, though still a bit angrily. "When I thought of causing bodily harm, of course the first thing that popped into my mind was my Marauders. We're planning on bewitching the suits of armor for the week, just until end of term.

This is why James loved Lily. Any other girl would've cried, or whined, or complained. His Lily, however, was ready to punish. He smiled, and said, "What, dare I ask, are the suits going to do to poor Carter?"

"We thought of making them keep hitting him until they broke a bone," replied Remus.

"I broke his nose already," James said. "We don't want to have any monotony."

"You broke…" Lily said, and then hugged him, filled with a frightening joy. James patted her back, laughing, while Sirius put in his idea.

"Well, then, we'll have to have them cast a spell. We could immobilize Midgen every time he mentions Lily's name," Sirius said.

"No, he'd catch on too quickly," James replied. "What about if we made him late to class everyday? We could make the suits hold him until five minutes after bell."

"Make it ten," Sirius replied. Lily removed one of her arms from around James and wrapped it around Sirius' shoulders, laughing.

"Alright, Lily, you need to calm down," Remus told her. "You're taking _way_ too much pleasure in this."

"Are you serious? How do you expect her to do that?" James asked, angry at his friend.

"I believe that's Sirius," Lily said, diffusing the situation. "And Jamesie, don't get mad. He's right. I'll bet it's pretty scary how angry I was. I just… It didn't feel right. I couldn't fight, James; I don't like to be defenseless."

"We know, Lils," James said, calmed by her (admittedly overused) pun. He smiled. "Our little damsel won't ever stand to be in distress. And that's Sirius? I wouldn't know."

Sirius playfully punched him on the arm, and Lily ruffled his hair. "I don't live with you or anything," he said sarcastically with a teasing light in his eyes.

"And you and I haven't spent basically every moment together since school started, so you wouldn't know about my many endearing quirks," Lily said.

"Very endearing, darling," he said distractedly while he and Sirius play-fought. Peter immediately tried to join in, sensing the fun; but Remus grabbed his collar and held him back.

"Let them be, we're more mature than that," he told Peter, just as Lily dove into the huddle and fought on James' side.

"What's this—two against one? Unfair," came Sirius' muffled voice, while James held him down and Lily tickled him.

"Young men! It is one in the morning! I don't care if it _is_ Saturday," they heard a stern voice calling from the staircase. Professor McGonagall entered, wagging her finger, but then spotted Lily and James. "I'm ashamed of you; Head Boy and Girl, in the midst of the mischief!"

Lily and James glanced at each other. James grinned sheepishly up at their Head of House, but Lily, thinking quickly, saved their skins. "We were on our way back from Slughorn's party when we heard these three waking up the rest of the dormitory. We stopped in before we went to our on dorm in order to quiet them. Sirius, obviously, didn't take that very well."

Professor McGonagall didn't quite look like she believed them. Her head was tilted slightly to the side, and her brow was furrowed, but then she yawned and said, "Very well. It's late. I expect you to give him proper punishment." She directed this last comment more at Lily than James, as though the latter had been among the trouble-makers.

"Yes ma'am," Lily and James said at the same time. Professor McGonagall left, and they tried to stifle their giggles. Or rather, Lily shushed the Marauders while they let out barks of laughter.

**Author's Note: **I felt I didn't have enough examples of how close Lily really was with the Marauders, particularly Sirius. Actually, that makes it sound as though I planned this. Really, I didn't. I hadn't any idea where James would find Lily, but then my fingers just typed this up. I'm happy with it, regardless. (=


	14. Chapter Thirteen: Those Eyes

**Author's Note: **I get all of these emails saying, "User has added your story to story alert," or "User has added your story to favorites." But no reviews! It's tragic. I feel so unloved. You can remedy that, though… Anyway, on to our favorite seventh years, dear reader! (=

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Lily slept in a rather awkward position that Sunday morning. She and the Marauders had fallen asleep after a night of stupid, pointless, and extremely random games. Peter had given up halfway through and crashed on his bed, but Lily and the others were not so lucky.

The fingers of Lily's left hand were intertwined with James'. Her right hand was behind her head, which rested on Sirius's chest. Her feet were on Remus' legs. She woke, yawned, and glanced around her.

She had to stifle a giggle, for the sake of not waking the others. This was certainly not something McGonagall would approve of. She carefully disentangled herself from everyone but James. She kept his hand and gently squeezed it. He responded with a slight smile and a snore. Obviously she couldn't be nice about waking him.

"James!" Her whisper, though quiet enough not to wake the other Marauders, was quite loud in his ear. He jerked awake, and looked around wildly.

"Li—" he began, but Lily put her hand over his mouth.

"Let them sleep. We just have to go back to our own dorm; this isn't exactly a respectable way for the Heads to behave," she said.

James sighed, but stood up, and offered Lily his hand. She used his support to stand, and the pair groggily ambled out of the boys' dormitory.

"Can you believe," Lily said after they exited the Gryffindor common room, "That we stayed up _that_ late?"

"Honestly? Yes," he laughed. "This isn't the first time the Marauders have had a late time. Full moons, you know—they last all night."

"How do you stay," she started, but yawned. "How do you stay awake?"

"Well, my dear Head Girl, I don't think I could tell you. It's slightly illegal," he said, stifling his own yawn. She playfully punched him, rubbing her eyes. He continued, "We nicked a bit of Slughorn's hangover serum."

"_Hangover_ serum," Lily said, and James braced himself for a scolding. "That's… That's bloody brilliant, Jamesie!"

"I'm afraid I've become a bad influence on you, darling," James said.

"Oh, shut up. Where is it? Not to be demanding or anything, but unless you want to spend your day with a zombie, I'll need it," she replied.

"A day spent with any form of you is heaven, honey," he teased her. She glared, and he added, "We've each got a bit in our dorms. I'll give you some when we get there."

They walked in a sleepy silence, Lily occasionally leaning on James as she nodded off. Two hours of sleep doesn't do a girl well. They reached the Head dormitory and Lily sat down on the couch. James brought her the potion, toasted to Slughorn's convenient alcoholism, and they drained their goblets.

Lily blinked a few times, not used to the sudden effects. "That is… Wow," was all she could say, but she had gained awareness by the time James started laughing.

"And that, sweetheart, is why I love you," he said between chuckles. Lily couldn't help joining in—James' laugh was irresistible. As the pair ceased giggling, she glanced around the common room and spied a form on the notice board.

"Oh," she said, and her face fell ever so slightly.

"What's wrong, Lils?" James didn't know the reason for the sudden downturn in his usually upbeat best friend.

"It's nothing. This'll just be the first Christmas I spend at Hogwarts. I usually stay with…" She paused, and collected herself. "I usually stay with Mum and Dad. They always said that spending a holiday at school stopped it from being a holiday in the first place." She smiled then, reminiscing.

Inspiration struck James. "Why don't you spend Christmas with my folks, Lily?"

"Why—what—how—Oh, James I couldn't do that!" Her face was a mixture of emotions that even James, who knew her so well, couldn't place.

"Why not? We'd all love to have you! Mum adores having Sirius there, apparently I'm old news; so I know you'll be welcome. I know Dad will love you, how could he not? I'll send an owl straight away, though I already know they couldn't possibly say no," James said, his face alight.

"But James, I couldn't impose. It's such short notice, and I'm not part of your family; it wouldn't be right," she told him. But even as she said this, she couldn't help but think how wonderful it would be to spend Christmas with James. No, not just James. James' parents. Sirius. Her smile was definitely not just about James.

"You're part of my family, Lils, and that makes you part of my parents'. Come on, we'll go to the owl—wait! We can just use the Floo," James said.

"Oh… Well… Alright," she muttered, but then couldn't help breaking into a brilliant smile.

"Thank you, James," she said, and enveloped him in a hug. Once she'd released him, she stood, beaming, and watched him summon the Floo Powder from where it was hiding in one of the many common room cupboards.

"_Flagrante,_" Lily said, and the fireplace was filled with merry, crackling flames.

"Thanks," James said, and sprinkled the powder in the fire. He placed his head in the now emerald flames, and proceeded to tell his mother of the plans.

She said she was simply delighted, and told James goodbye as she left to tell his father. James strolled over to Lily, wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and said happily, "See, honey? I've got you taken care of."

Ignoring her body's irritating but certainly not unpleasant reaction to James' touch, Lily replied with a simple but equally joyful, "You always do."

The rest of the week passed in a blur of laughter and groans. The teachers had been forcing last minute tests on them, ruining the 'It's almost holiday!' atmosphere quite thoroughly. The Marauders had their fun, however, every time Carter showed up ten minutes into class, mumbling weak excuses and ending up with detention every weekday until April. Lily's vengeance had worked out; the scores were settled, though that didn't stop Midgen from receiving a venomous glance every time he passed a certain five students.

Finally, during her Friday Transfiguration lesson, the last class of term, McGonagall announced that the train would be arriving tomorrow to transport any students to their families. James, seated next to Lily, saw her falter on the word 'families.' He took her hand and gave it a little squeeze.

She turned to him, a grateful smile on her face. He returned her timid smile with a beam of his own, and turned to face Professor McGonagall. Lily, however, continued to discreetly look at him. She'd noticed, of course, how wonderful, compassionate, and feisty his eyes could be.

However, at that moment, she looked into them, noticing their breathtaking beauty. She looked for only second, but she was certain she could distinguish them from a thousand other hazels; they were James' eyes. They belonged to her—she wanted them, him, for her own.

No! The voice in her hand half-heartedly shouted. She'd noticed that it'd been getting weaker and weaker through the last few weeks. She wondered what it meant… She hadn't time to ponder, however, because at that moment James turned around and saw her staring. She quickly blinked and turned, raising her hand to ask McGonagall some inane question in order to distract him from the situation.

James was puzzled, but didn't think much of it. He looked for a second longer into her emerald eyes, intending on memorizing their color. He smiled, realizing he'd already done so, though when, he wasn't sure.

He'd be spending all of Christmas with those eyes! He was ecstatic, to say the least. Leaving her alone had grown more and more worrisome; the Death Eaters were becoming increasingly bolder. Though he knew Hogwarts was safe, and that the Death Eaters probably hated him just as much as her (with his parents in the Order), he still had moments of fright that had been coming increasingly more often of late. He still hadn't released her hand, and he briefly clutched it tighter, assuring himself that his Lily was still there.

Lily hid the smile that had no business being on her face simply because James was touching her hand. She couldn't stop herself, however, from looking into his eyes on last time. James had the same thought; their eyes met, and, for no reason at all, both turned away, Lily blushing and James looking sheepish.

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**Author's Note:** Is this too much fluff for you? Because it's going to be getting a bit fluffier. I hope you don't mind, haha. (=


	15. Chapter Fourteen: Another Nightmare

**Author's Note:** I enjoyed this chapter. Though not fully admitting it to herself, Lily is gradually pondering and beginning to accept… things. Haha. (=

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Lily sat across from James and Sirius in their Hogwarts Express compartment. She had to work to overcome the need to laugh. James' arm was reaching toward her side of the compartment, and his face was turned toward her as well. His legs, however, were curled beneath his body, having been forced into the uncomfortable position by the sleep-kicking Sirius. Sirius was stretched out, his feet inches from James' lap.

Lily looked at James and felt guilty. Had she not been sitting here, she was sure he would've dozed off in a much more comfortable position. She glanced at his face, but it was completely devoid of expression.

Sirius was grinning; knowing his way with the ladies, Lily didn't even ponder what he could be dreaming about. She sat there, observing and thinking, and found herself comparing the pair of them.

Sirius was probably her closest friend, aside from James. He was a womanizer, yes, but he was so loyal and affectionate. He also had a kind of careless handsomeness that women fawned over. Lily had never contracted the Disease, as they teasingly referred to it, but she could see why others would.

James, likewise, had girls pining over him. The thought evoked a strange feeling, but she ignored it and kept musing. He wasn't as handsome as Sirius to the rest of Hogwarts, but they admired his Quidditch skills and still thought he was quite handsome. Lily knew that he was so much more than that.

However, that didn't change the fact that he was undoubtedly gorgeous, and, in her opinion, even more so than Sirius. His eyes, hidden by the lids as he slept, were probably the most beautiful ones she'd ever seen. No, they were definitely the most beautiful ones she'd ever seen, especially when they weren't hidden behind his adorable glasses. Not to mention the rest of his face, especially his lips; and then there was his _body_…

Why was she thinking that? She mentally shook herself. James was her best mate. There was no doubt about that; they were inseparable. Though she never would've believed you had you told her this would be the case before, she couldn't find any chance that they'd ever detach.

He was thoughtful, loyal to a fault, amazingly witty and funny, and just a wonderful person. He had his flaws, but then, so did she. He could be over-protective at times. She could hide her emotions a bit too well, though she never seemed to be able to do this in front of James. He and she both had a passion for living that could be unlucky as often as it was beneficial.

But he was James, and she didn't care; he was and always would be her best friend. Her thoughts had turned into rambles. She turned away from him and stared out the window, bored. She wanted to do magic; she considered changing James' and Sirius' hair colors, but she didn't want to do it permanently, and wasn't sure when they'd wake up. She attempted to conjure a cushion to sleep on, but found she was unable. She looked out the window; it was raining, and she smiled. She loved warm rain, but hated snow. It looked chilly outside, though; it was December and it was cooling down considerably.

She yawned, and leaned back on the seat, watching as the precipitation morphed from rain to sleet. She didn't fall asleep; the seat was uncomfortable to rest her head on. She took out her wand and practiced the wand movement for the Patronus charm. She, James, and Sirius had agreed to practice over break so that they'd be prepared for the class upon returning, and her pride wouldn't allow her to be beaten.

"Not her," she heard James' voice in his sleep. "No, no, not my Lily."

His voice was muffled by his arm, but the words were still distinguishable. James' voice was quiet, so Sirius, a very heavy sleeper, wasn't woken. Lily wondered what he was dreaming about. She'd heard her name, but his face was still impassive.

"Take me, not her… No, don't… Lily," he mumbled in an even smaller voice. His face had now contorted into an angry but almost fearful expression. The discernable words frightened her. It reminded her of her dream, the one where James had been killed.

She stood up, and took the step and a half required to reach the other side of the compartment. "It's okay, James, I'm fine," she said quietly, but he was still in his nightmare and didn't hear her. She took his hand, but still, he didn't stir. She gently tugged, and he awoke. He looked around, and then spotted her in front of him.

Without offering a word of explanation, he stood and embraced her fiercely. Lily, caught off guard, staggered backwards, but James' strong arms caught her. She patted his back uncertainly, and pulled them both down onto her seat.

"James, why—who—what were you dreaming about," she asked him gently.

"Him… and you. Voldemort was using the Cruciatus, and… I couldn't stop him, Lily, I couldn't save you, I," he trailed off, looking away from her. "You were in so much pain, honey; I was in pain because of you, because I couldn't help... I—I'm sorry I woke you, Lils. You shouldn't have to hear this."

She shook her head quietly, and said, "James, it was only a dream; only a nightmare, James, just a nightmare. I'm fine, you're fine… It wasn't real."

He mumbled another apology, but took her in his arms once again. He couldn't live without her. He needed to assure himself that she was alright. He needed to know that she was really there.

Lily felt such fright in his embrace; the need for reassurance… She found herself holding him just as tightly, whispering, "I'm fine," and "It wasn't real."

Sirius gave a grunting snore and turned to face the cushion on his side, avoiding suffocation by sheer luck. James released Lily from his arms, and turned away, looking sheepish.

"You didn't wake me," Lily told him, ending the silence. "I couldn't sleep on the seat, and they've got anti-Magic charms on the compartments."

James grinned, recovering his naturally buoyant personality. "I see you're much daintier than your friends."

She stuck out her tongue, but yawned. "I see you've no standards, unlike me."

"You know, you set the bar pretty high, dear. You've got to learn to make do. Think of those poor Muggles," he replied with a cocky smile.

"There aren't any Muggles on this train. And besides, Muggles have nothing to compare it to, so they don't know what they're missing," she retorted.

"Ah, but the fact they don't know what they're missing is sadness unto itself, sweetheart," said James.

"Oh, be quiet," she said. "What've I got here besides the cushions? You?" Lily smiled deviously. "I don't think you deserve to sleep, Mr. Potter. In fact, Jamesie, I believe I'll make you as uncomfortable as possible."

"Oh, really? I'd like to see you try, Lils," was his arrogant reply.

"Oh, I'm sure the weight of a seventeen year old on top of you isn't too pleasant," she replied nonchalantly. She made herself deadweight, and leaned against James. She heard a satisfying "Oof."

"Not so smug are you now, Jamesie? Although you are rather comfortable," she said, teasingly conceited. Her stomach fluttered, but she made herself focus on his reply.

"Shut up and go to sleep," James said with a smile.

True, she hadn't planned on staying in this position; true, she was more leaning on his shoulder than his stomach; true, her overactive heart rate wasn't conducive to sleep…

Lily smirked and closed her eyes, acting as though she'd intended it all along. She felt peaceful, comfortable, and strangely happy. She smelled peppermint; she saw the dancing lights on the inside of her eyelids that occurs just before sleep; she felt James' warm body beneath her; she heard his heart beating faintly beneath the layers of muscle and clothing.

James couldn't believe how amazing it felt to hold her, even when he'd done so before. Her dark red hair fanned out across his chest; she smelled subtly of cinnamon; she was sleeping happily on _him_... James leaned down to kiss Lily's forehead briefly before he, too, nodded off in this unbelievably relaxing position.

Lily awoke with James' arms around her. This seemed to be happening more and more often lately. Not that it bothered her; on the contrary, she stirred with an unconscious smile on her face every time. Not that she'd ever admit it to herself or anyone else.

She didn't want to move. Lily was in an amazingly comfy position. She tried to stop beaming, however, so that the little voice in her head would shut up. She failed.

She looked around the compartment to see that Sirius had woken up. He caught her eye with a smile that looked both smugly knowing and genuinely happy. Lily narrowed her eyes at him, and he smirked. This would've been so much easier in a private compartment.

What would've been easier? Ah, there was that contradictory little voice. She had to move! She didn't like him like that. Besides, she couldn't imagine what Sirius was thinking in that sick little mind of his.

"Oh, shut it, Padfoot," she said tersely. He rolled his eyes and made a kiss face. "Just come on and help me move without waking him."

"Anything for my best mate's lover," he said, and walked over to help Lily up.

"I do _not_ love him!"

"Ah, I didn't say you did. I said you were his lover. There's a difference, Lils," Sirius said, smiling. "Although your vehement denial was as good as just nodding and saying yes."

Lily sighed angrily. "I hate you, Sirius. I really do," she informed him.

"Ah, Lily, let's not lie to ourselves," he responded amiably, wincing slightly when Lily punched jokingly him a bit harder than necessary.

"How long have you been staring at us," she inquired, wondering why he seemed so wide awake.

"Since the Trolley came; I got you guys some pumpkin pasties," said Sirius. "But I haven't been staring, I left to talk with Marie in the next compartment." More like flirting, Lily was sure.

"Thanks, but I think I'll head up and get some frogs. You want anything?"

"I'm fine," he said, yawning. Lily predicted that he'd be asleep before she returned. She walked towards the front of the train to get James' and her favorite food.

His lover! As if. But Sirius and his little innuendos were famous; he didn't mean anything by it. Did he? She couldn't tell. But why was it bothering her so much? Lily was one to play along with a joke, or fight back at an insult. This time, however, she found herself unable to do either.

Was it possible that she really did maybe, possibly even—No! No, it wasn't possible. She'd never been in love. They weren't even dating! How could she fall in love with someone who she'd never even considered going beyond a platonic relationship with? She couldn't. She hadn't. And she wouldn't.

She reached the conductor's area, and requested a rather large number of chocolate frogs to smother her confused feelings in.

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**Author's Note:** I really _need_ reviews on this chapter in particular. What did you think? I hope you enjoyed!


	16. Chapter Fifteen: They're Not Dragons

**Author's Note:** Our first scene with James and his family. I hope you enjoy!

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Lily stepped off the train with Sirius' arm around her shoulders and James' hand clasped in hers. She was rather anxious, which was unusual for her. Confront her with a magical creature, new spell, or difficult potion and she'd flourish just to spite you for challenging her. However, in this situation, she was confronted with the unknown, and she was nervous.

"Relax, Lils, they're not dragons," James told her, smiling.

"If they can handle me, they'll certainly adore you," Sirius added, giving her shoulders a reassuring squeeze.

James fought the desire to laugh because he knew Lily would get mad at him if he did so. She was acting as though she was facing a duel rather than just meeting his parents. He looked around the platform, and spotted them waving enthusiastically next to the entrance to the Muggle King's Cross. He grinned at them, and pointed them out to Sirius and Lily.

"James! It's so nice to see you, dear," his mother told him, giving him a peck on the cheek. "Oh, and Sirius, I'm so glad you came!"

"I wouldn't miss your Christmas cookies for anything, Clara," Sirius responded amiably while shaking Robert Potter's hand. Clara Potter, however, had turned to Lily.

"You must be Lily. Oh, we've heard so much about you! It's wonderful to meet you, dear," Clara said warmly. Lily, who recognized the maternal air about her at once, accepted her hug graciously.

"Ah, Lily, it's great to finally meet you," Robert Potter told her, patting her on the back. Lily smiled at him, her fears dissipating immediately.

"It's wonderful to meet you, too, Mr. and Mrs. Potter," she replied, beaming as James shook his head teasingly. He'd known they'd love her, and Lily had certainly taken to them quite wonderfully as well.

"Oh, please, call me Clara, dear," his mother told her, smiling kindly.

"Bob's my name, Lily," his father added.

"Pleasant to see you, Clara, Bob," Lily replied, while James laughed at the formalness of it all.

"How about we just go ahead and Disapparate? I'm bushed," said James.

"Like you didn't sleep enough on the train, Jamesie," Lily said, rolling her eyes. Sirius caught her eye and she quickly turned away, blushing.

"Yes, let's go on home; I'll need to get dinner started," said Clara.

"Lily, you don't know where to go, do you?" Robert asked.

"It's fine, I'll just do Side-Along with James," Lily replied.

"Well, let's go, then! The Hogwarts elves have nothing on Clara, Lils," Sirius said impatiently, while his four companions laughed.

Robert began counting down from three, and Lily grasped James' hand tightly. The world compressed in a familiar sensation, and she appeared in front of a very large house, breathing heavily. Her hair had come loose from its ribbon, and was blowing across her face in the bitter wind. She assumed they were somewhere in northern England, possibly south Scotland.

James, chuckling, reached across to brush the hair from her eyes. Her skin tingled a bit at his touch, but she was too distracted to think of it. Sirius, Clara, and Robert had just materialized in front of them, all gasping, though Sirius considerably more so, being less experienced.

"Bob, can you be a dear and show them their rooms? Obviously James and Sirius know where to go, but you need to show Lily where she'll be staying," Clara told her husband, walking away towards what Lily understood was the kitchen.

"Did you see the way she just assumed I'd listen to what she said? It's as if she rules the house," Bob said, shaking his head.

"She does," James whispered conspiratorially, sending an odd but not unlikable shiver down her spine. Lily laughed at his comment, and followed James and Sirius inside the warm house. She hadn't realized how chilly it was outside.

"There're so many bedrooms in here, it's ridiculous," Sirius whispered in her ear, though she didn't have a reaction at all, unlike when James had. Lily giggled at his statement, and James frowned jokingly.

"James, you and Sirius are staying in your normal rooms. Lily, you'll be to the right of James. Sirius is on the left, and there are doors connecting both your rooms to each others' and the hallway. If you have any problems, and it's late, wake up one of the teenagers. Us old folks need our sleep," Bob said affably. "I'm off to help Clara with dinner. Actually, I'm off to suck up to her and try to get chocolate cake on the menu—in honor of your arrival, of course. James, Sirius, be gentlemen and help Lily with her things."

Bob departed, and as soon as he was out of earshot, Lily let loose the snicker she'd been dying to release since she'd heard the word 'gentlemen.'

"I love your parents, James," she told him, grinning. "So, let me see if this is right: Sirius' room, then James, then me, and we've got a bathroom in our rooms?"

"That is correct, my dear," James said, bowing. He took her hand and kissed it daintily (to which Lily had _no_ reaction at all; no fluttering, clenching, sped-up heartbeat; nothing! she told herself). He and Sirius dragged her trunk into her room, exaggerating their gentility.

"Thank you, kind sirs," she told them, playing along. "Pray remain to converse? I am ever so unoccupied." She sat on the bed, and James sat at her feet. Sirius walked towards the door.

"I'm going to the kitchen, too," he informed them. "Clara might've made some cookies in advance."

"Honestly, Pads," Lily called after him. "Do you ever stop eating?"

James answered for him. "Nope, he doesn't. We're growing boys, Lils," he said teasingly.

Lily lay back on the bed. It was very soft, and she knew she'd get used to it quite quickly. "Four weeks of bliss! I didn't realize how hard N.E.W.T. year was until I had a break from it," she said.

James laughed. "My studious little darling doesn't like work so much after all, does she," he asked. She stuck out her tongue at him.

"I want to do magic that's not out of necessity. I'm sick of assignments," she told him.

"What do you suggest? I'm rather bored myself," said James.

"Oh, I dunno; something fun—but not in a Muggle way. I know you're pureblood and all, but I'm not. It's been a while since I've really enjoyed just being a witch," Lily said.

"How about…," James began, thinking. "Pranking Sirius?"

"That's brilliant! We'll have to change his hair, of course," she said, grinning. "I can whip up a potion to put in his shampoo bottle. What do you think of curly and green?"

"I believe he'll fit in with the Christmas baubles quite nicely," James said, laughing. "We'll have to get Mum in on this, too. Maybe we can bewitch the cookies to—"

"Disappear when he bites into them," Lily finished.

"And that, sweetheart, is why I love you," James told her, taking her hand to pull her off the bed. "I've got some old potions supplies in the cellar, and we'll have to hurry if we want to pull this off tonight."

Lily rose and walked off with him in happy secrecy. A thought nagged at her mind, however. She'd felt a strange combination of joy and sorrow when James had said he loved her. But he didn't, really. He couldn't—he hadn't asked her out at all this year, and he certainly wasn't making any moves. She found herself hyper-aware of his hand in hers.

She was jolted back into reality by James informing her that he was going to go talk to his mother and distract Sirius while Lily brewed the potion. She nodded, giggled a bit, and began adding ingredients to the cauldron.

Needless to say, to his dismay, Sirius had an eventful night. Clara was amazingly good-natured about the plan; and the look on Sirius' face upon biting his tongue rather than a gooey chocolate chip cookie was priceless. He went to shower after dinner, and Lily and James waited outside the door.

It came loudly, profanely, and hilariously.

"Bloody hell! James, Lily, I swear if I didn't love you guys so much I'd," he said, but thankfully trailed off. "Where's the damn antidote?"

Lily, laughing, handed the bottle to James, who gave it to Sirius and came out a moment later looking rather bemused. "That boy," he said, shaking his head, "has quite a temper."

Lily laughed even harder. When they'd calmed, both yawned simultaneously. "I'm going to bed, Jamesie," Lily told him, ruffling his hair affectionately. "'Night."

"Sweet dreams, honey," he replied, mussing her own hair in return.

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**Author's Note:** This is my favorite 'aww!' moment so far. I love what a big part dreams (and nightmares) are of this story. Their saying 'Good Night,' just seems really cute to me. I know, I know. I'm a sap. (=  
**ANPS:** Hooray for writing in advance! I'm always around three chapters ahead when I post, so you needn't worry. I post bi-weekly or just weekly, usually; I'm just saying that some people think that where I've increased the length between posts, I'm suffering writer's block. I'm not, so don't worry. (=


	17. Chapter Sixteen: I Love Flying

**Author's Note:** I've wanted to have James and Lily on a broom together since the beginning. The rest sort of evolved while I wrote. (=  
**ANPS: **A pivotal chapter. I _really_ want reviews on this one.

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Lily thanked Clara for yet another delicious breakfast. She'd been helping decorate their home for a week, and they had finally finished last night. It was rather early in the morning; Sirius and Bob were still asleep.

"Oh, you're welcome, dear. See, James? That's how to be polite," Clara chastised her son, failing to hide a kind smile.

"Sorry, Mum. I'm just so used to your unbelievably scrumptious culinary pursuits that I've forgotten," James replied, laying it on a bit thick.

Clara rolled her eyes. "I'm off to the market. See you," she told them. She spun on the spot and disappeared.

"So, what now, Jamesie," Lily asked.

"Let's go outside," he replied. "It's snowing! Haven't you ever flown in the snow? It's amazing."

"Actually, I've never flown, apart from the lessons in first year. I didn't really learn then, either—I mean, Madam Grey is a fine teacher, I'm sure, but telling us to figure it out while she goes and talks to the people who already know how about Quidditch isn't my learning style," Lily replied, a bit embarrassed at her lack of what most wizards considered a vital life skill.

"I'll teach you! It'll be fine," James smiled, though still a bit shocked over Lily's lack of experience.

"No, James, I don't want to embarrass myself. Besides, I hate snow," she said. This time James' mouth really did drop open.

"How could you—what in the—why?! Lils, that's amazing," he said.

"It's too cold! I don't see what the fun is in standing on the ground with your legs covered with freezing moisture," she replied, chuckling at his incredulity.

"But it's _flying_; it's not on the ground. Lils, it's wonderful," he said, pleading.

"James, I'm not going to humiliate myself. Besides, you like it so much, I'll just hinder you while you're trying to enjoy yourself," she said confidently. He couldn't come up with an argument for _that_.

"But Lily, you're so perfect all the time—you need to be humiliated. And I want to see it," he said, beaming. "Anyway, you wouldn't 'hinder' me, honey; I love being with you, and you can't deny that it'd be fun."

"Actually, I can deny it," she said smugly. The arrogant grin as wiped off her face as James seized her hand and dragged her off the stool. "James!" Though she tried to look stern, the effect was ruined by her giggling. "Oh, all right. But when your entire snow-flying day is ruined by my being a beginner, I'm just going to laugh."

"Hearing you laugh is cause enough, sweetheart," James replied, leading her to the broom cupboard. He grabbed his broom and his old one; both very sturdy and balanced.

"Here," he said, holding the older, more balanced one out to her. She took it uncertainly, but then gripped it firmly. If she was going to learn, she was going to prosper!

"Thank you, James," she said happily.

The pair cast warming and water-repellent charms on themselves, and then walked outside. The snow was swirling around their heads, sticking to their hair and lying in an admittedly beautiful plain behind James' house.

"Now, darling, you have to admit, it's pretty amazing," James said, grinning. He watched the snowflakes land and melt on Lily's nose. Her eyes were alight and face flushed. She looked beautiful.

"It is," Lily said, smiling as well. She withdrew her eyes from the flakes around her and looked at James. The white mixed in with his black hair, and his hazel eyes met hers. He was gorgeous. But she didn't—she wouldn't—oh, never mind. "So, I say 'Up,' right?"

"Yes," he said, laughing. She did as he instructed, and the broom rose on the first try. "Determined, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am," she said cheerfully. "The broom feels sort of… I dunno… familiar," she said, feeling idiotic as she said so. James, however, knew the feeling.

"It recognizes the rider, so to speak. Usually, my brooms only know me, but I guess you've conquered it," he said with a chuckle. "Swing a leg over it, and sit down."

She did as instructed, and it vibrated a bit beneath her. She beamed, and James mounted his own broom after ensuring she was seated properly.

"Okay, now kick off," he said.

"What? I don't know what to do," she said fretfully. He rolled his eyes.

"You'll feel it. Lean forward to go forward, back for reverse, and side to side. It's easy," said James.

"Maybe for you," Lily said, but kicked off, not wanting to be outdone. She rose a few feet, and James ascended next to her.

"Go higher, into the snow," he told her. She rose rather uncertainly, but upon glancing around her, her fears were quashed. It was beautiful! She did a few circles, while James flew below her, ready to catch just in case.

"Can I come up? I think you're okay," he called. She nodded, smiling, and James flew up next to her.

"This is brilliant, Jamesie! I love," Lily said, but stopped herself. What was she going to say? She hadn't really been thinking... "I love—flying, James! It's beautiful."

"You see? I'm always right," James retorted, not noticing her earlier hesitance.

"As if… But can we go faster? I want to put the broom through its paces," Lily said, looking expectantly at James, her skewed thoughts forgotten.

"Lils, honey, you only just learned. I'm not going to have you doing loops and falling off because you're not used to it," James said.

"You can do loops? Oh, like a rollercoaster," Lily said, beaming.

"A roll—roller—what, Lils? And I said you couldn't do a loop," he told her. "You'll fall off. I nearly did my first time, and that was after a month of practices."

"A rollercoaster; it's a Muggle kind of ride where you go upside down. They're great fun, I went once when I was little," she said, smiling reminiscently. "But that doesn't change the fact that I want to do it myself. Oh, well… If you think I can't, I trust you," she added, her face falling ever so slightly. She flew a bit higher, and James caught up to her.

"You really trust me?" He had thought of a way to keep her happy. He put an arm around her waist.

"What're you doing, James? Oh," she said as he pulled her over onto his broom. She instinctively grabbed his waist, and her stomach flipped in a very pleasurable and confusing manner.

"Hold on, sweetheart," he said, speeding along the edge of his family's property. She clasped him tighter, and he did a loop. "What'd you think?"

He slowed down, nearing where Lily's broom had landed in the snow bank. He and Lily dismounted, and Lily threw her arms around his neck.

"Oh, thank you, Jamesie! That was amazing," she said, beaming. Rather than ignoring her feelings as she usually did, she analyzed them. Her heart was beating wildly. Her stomach was fluttering, flipping, and clenching. She was amazingly happy, and it was a joy too great to be only a result from the ride. She was overwhelmed with a powerful emotion she tried hard not to name…

"I'll have to do it more often," James told her, smiling. Her arms around him felt so right, so natural, and so… wonderful. People had said he was stupid for still loving her after all these years, but how could he not? Lily didn't love him, and it hurt—but Lily was still Lily, and he couldn't change the way he felt.

Against his will, he gave her a quick peck on the cheek. He assumed she'd brush it off, assuming it was a friendly gesture. What reason would she have to dwell on it?

Lily shouldn't dwell on it. She shouldn't have liked it. She shouldn't have wondered what it would be like if his lips had been just a few inches to the left…

What if she—what if Lily, the girl who'd sworn she'd hated him, the girl who'd made him her best friend, the girl who had denied and ignored her feelings for far too long—what if she loved him?

What if the reason she had moments of profound emotion around him was because she loved him? What if that was the reason she couldn't live without him? What if Lily really did love James?

"I—I think I'm going to head in and take a nap," she said, removing her arms from his neck. She tried to keep her face impassive. Of course, James could tell.

"Why? What's wrong, Lils?" He could tell she was trying very hard not to display her emotions. She looked deep in thought; possibly a bit worried. But why?

"Nothing, I'm just tired," she replied nonchalantly. She needed to distract him. "You should probably get Sirius up. He won't be able to sleep tonight."

"Lily, love, tell me what's wrong. It's only eight in the morning," James said.

"Nothing! Okay? I'm going to bed," said Lily fiercely, walking away quite quickly. She avoided passing the kitchen or the Clara and Bob's bedroom as she ran into her own.

She sat on the bed, absorbed in her thoughts. She spent ten minutes trying to convince herself it was just a crush. She spent another ten minutes arguing that she was too passionate about him for it not to be love. Lily spent twenty minutes after that contemplating everything that had occurred in the last four months—it all had a new meaning.

She heard James in the next room. He must've been waiting for her to explain her abrupt departure after she awoke from her 'nap.' She wanted to throw the door open and tell him everything. She wanted to kiss him, to hold him; just to touch him!

It took all of her self-control not to do anything rash. So, Lily loved James. What was she going to do about it? James loved her, right? So why couldn't she just go in there and snog him senseless?

Because that wouldn't make sense. She just _couldn't_ feel this way about _James_.

Why not, though? He's kind, and smart, and funny. Not to mention the fact that he's absolutely gorgeous.

Lily shook her head. The stupid voice that made her repress her feelings around him had completely changed sides. But she couldn't love him!

But she did love him. She knew it, now. It frightened her.

They were in a war. As much as she longed to stay optimistic, she couldn't help but think how tragic it would be should their relationship progress. Losing a best friend who you secretly love was one thing. Losing a lover, a husband, was completely another.

Here she was talking about losing a husband! It sounded absurd. It sounded ridiculous. It sounded idiotic. It sounded wonderful.

But she couldn't marry James. She couldn't even date him. She couldn't go up to him and feel a thrill go through her when she said those three perfect words and he said them back.

There was a war. Lily had lost enough loved ones to know that.

She wasn't going to make James a loved one in the crucial sense. Yes, she loved him. People knew they were best friends. But they would never think anything more.

She was a Muggle-born. She couldn't risk James getting hurt because of her. Because if there was one thing she was sure of, if James was hurt, she couldn't bear it.

Lily couldn't bear it, so she didn't go in the next room and snog him senseless. She couldn't bear it, so she was doomed to a platonic relationship.

Lily Evans loved James Potter. She wanted to tell him. So, so much.

But she wouldn't.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Again, I want _reviews_ on this chapter, please. It's a very crucial point in the fic. I'm sorry I sound like one of those whiny I-won't-post-until-you-review authors. I'll post regardless; I've got the next few chapters written already anyway. But I'll love you forever and send you cyber-imaginary-waffles if you review. *sending reviewers cyber-imaginary-waffles*


	18. Chapter Seventeen: Dying to Say the Same

**Author's Note:** Awww. They're so cute!  
**ANPS:** If you like fluff and Harry Potter, you should check out my Ron/Hermione one-shot, "Now or Never." Admittedly, it's not as good as this fanfic, but I enjoyed writing it all the same.

* * *

"Oomph," said Lily. It wasn't her favorite sound to make upon waking, but what else could she do? Her eardrums were being abused; she was being jostled to no end. She was, in short, being woken by James Potter and Sirius Black.

"Presents, Lily! Breakfast! Gifts! Food! Gifts! _Food_!" said Sirius' voice from above her. He and James were jumping on her bed like a couple of five year olds.

"C'mon, Lils, get up! It's Christmas! Christmas! You can't sleep in on Christmas, honey!" James called pleadingly. Lily merely groaned and turned over, pulling the covers over her head and tucking her feet beneath her so as to avoid being stepped on.

James was determined that Lily would have a good Christmas. She'd been so distant the past week, ever since he'd taught her how to ride the broom. She seemed so happy, though, up until she went for her 'nap.' Though James didn't know _what_ was wrong, he was certain that something was. She'd just been… less enthusiastic, less passionate—less Lily; but she'd certainly been trying hard to hide it.

James had planned their night well. After everyone had gone to bed, he was going to cheer her up. He'd based it all on a chance conversation he'd had with her after an embarrassing potions class.

_"What'd it smell like to you, dear? Wait, no, that's rather personal, I suppose," he said, but looked at her expectantly._

_She giggled, and blushed. "Er, peppermint, chocolate frogs, and rain. I love the rain, and chocolate frogs are my favorite sweet." She looked thoughtful, and then said, "I dunno about the peppermint, though." It was familiar, but she couldn't place it._

_"Mine smelled like new broomsticks, which is obvious, and cinnamon. Chocolate frogs, too, I guess we like the same," he replied._

_"I guess we like eating Chocolate frogs while flying through the rain on Christmas," she said, laughing._

He smiled, but his eyes must have been vacant, because Sirius said, rather rudely, "What are you, a troll? Start jumping, she's gone back to sleep!"

James rolled his eyes, and pushed Sirius off the bed. He took out his wand and thought, '_Levicorpus_.' Lily let out a shriek as she was hoisted into the air by her ankle. Sirius doubled over on the floor, laughing profusely.

"Oh, damn you, James," Lily said, trying not to laugh herself. A giggle escaped, and James smiled.

"Did I just hear the cherubic and virtuous Lily Evans swear? I think I'll have to leave you up there for a bit," James said, but raised his wand.

'_Liberacorpus_,' he thought, and she landed on her bed with a thump.

Lily sprang at her own wand, muttered "_Locomotor Mortis_," and James and Sirius were left on the floor, legs bound together. She smirked triumphantly.

"Bloody hell, Lils," said Sirius as he and James tried to reach their wands while paralyzed from the waist down.

James extracted his first and muttered the counter curse. He glared at Lily, who smiled angelically back at him. "I said it aloud, Jamesie," she said in a sing-song voice. "At least you knew what was coming."

James rolled his eyes. He stood up, and helped Sirius do the same. "I give up," Sirius said wearily, rubbing his backside. Lily grinned.

"I'd appreciate it if you left," she told them. "I need to get dressed, and I'd rather you didn't bear witness."

They exited, Sirius muttering darkly and James chuckling to himself. Lily, wand already in hand, summoned a Gryffindor sweater and a pair of khaki pants from the dresser. She dressed, applied a bit of makeup, and ran a comb through her hair. She pulled it up with a gold ribbon, but couldn't bring herself to feel festive.

She didn't know how James had survived all those years with unrequited love. She was ready to break down and cry one minute, and sexually assault him the next. She supposed that her case was different. She knew that her love wasn't really unrequited; James loved her back. She also knew that there was never a chance that they could be together. At least James could hope.

She glanced at her wrist, but remembered that her watch had broken due to water damage that fateful morning in the snow. Sighing, she looked at the clock on the wall. It was nine thirty. Clara must have breakfast ready.

She walked down the stairs, headed towards the kitchen, when a furry object ran into her shin. "Oh," she said, and looked down, her eyes meeting two chocolate brown ones. It was a kitten!

Lily scooped the little cat up, and stroked its fluffy white fur. It was adorable! It obviously liked her, as well. It was content to purr in her arms as she walked towards the kitchen.

"Did anyone lose a feline?" she inquired upon entering Clara's favorite room. She'd never seen the kitten before. She was positive someone had gotten it today.

"Damn," James said, shaking his head. This outburst earned a stern look from his mother.

"Is she yours?" Lily asked, walking over and reluctantly holding her out for James to take.

"No. She's yours," James said, stroking the cat. "I was going to give her to you after breakfast, but apparently she found a way out of my room." He grinned, and handed the cat back to her. "Merry Christmas, sweetheart!" he said with mock enthusiasm.

"Why, Jamesie, I love her! Thank you, thank you!" Lily said, exaggerating her surprise. Bob watched the exchange with a knowing smile seen by only his wife. The pair was so obviously and obliviously in love.

"Alright, kids, enough of that," said Bob; still smiling for reasons unknown to the teenagers. "Put the kitten down for a bit; it's breakfast time, and I know Clara wouldn't appreciate us skipping her handiwork."

"I know _I_ wouldn't appreciate not eating this," Lily said, finishing a bite of a pancake. "It's delicious, Clara! Thank you."

"Anytime, dear," she replied, starting on her own dish. The family and friends ate and conversed merrily. When all was eaten, Clara announced it was time for gifts.

"Come now, to the great room," she said, ushering them along. "Let's do it in front of the tree."

Wands were raised, '_Accio_s' said, and several wrapped packages flew into the room over their ducked heads. Sirius presented everyone with the same wand polishing kit, obviously having ordered them in bulk. Lily was presented with a gorgeous dress from Clara and Bob, to whom she gave a cookbook and a magical razor. She presented Sirius with his own copy of "Quidditch through the Ages," and gave James a broomstick servicing kit and a discreet peck on the cheek. She didn't know what had compelled her to do it. Well, she did know why; her normally excellent self control broke upon seeing his ecstatic face.

Lily stroked the kitten in her arms throughout the entire exchange, already in love. She was such a sweet little cat—very affectionate and playful. When Clara finally announced it was time for dinner, rather late into the evening, the little kitten followed Lily and James into the kitchen, where she had to be ushered out by a flustered Bob.

The quintet ate a meal of roast duck and trimmings, polishing it off with Sirius' favorite Christmas cookies. They exchanged pleasantries, and, after a final drunken "Merry Christmas!" from a drowsy and firewhiskied Sirius, they made their way off to bed.

Lily had just transfigured an old sock into a bed for her yet unnamed kitten when she heard a knock at the door leading from James' room into hers. She didn't bother to pull on a dressing gown; James had seen her in her shorts and tank top before. She tiptoed over to the door and pulled it open, unconsciously smiling at seeing James after even a half hour apart.

"Come with me," he whispered in her ear, careful not to wake the others.

"Why?" she said, but followed him reflexively. He walked into her room, carrying an old coat of his.

"We're going to be using warming charms, of course, so it doesn't matter," he said, seeing her puzzled look. "I just can't see you in the snow with a tank top on without wanting to warm you." He grinned at her still bewildered face.

"Where are we going?" she asked, shrugging on the coat. It smelled like James; peppermint. Peppermint… Amortentia! That's what she'd smelled in the potion—but it didn't matter. Not now, anyway. Not when she already knew she loved him, and was determined that they not be together. Her face must have fallen, for James took her hand and lead her outside to where two brooms were waiting over the snowy powder.

"Riding brooms while eating chocolate frogs on Christmas," he said simply, handing her a few boxes of their favorite confection.

She stared at him blankly for a moment, but then it clicked, jogged by her own previous thoughts of Amortentia. Unthinkingly, she flung her arms around his neck. "Thank you," she whispered, though she was fairly certain no one in the house could've heard her had she screamed. The night was so quiet, so peaceful; so perfect.

James kissed her forehead and extracted himself. "Merry Christmas, sweetheart," he said, climbing onto his broom. Lily glanced at the empty one, and climbed on behind James. He looked surprised but not unhappy.

"You fly better than I do," she said simply, though when she put her arms around his waist she thought that were she a Holyhead Harpies seeker she still wouldn't get on her own broom and miss the feeling of James' warm, muscular, and familiar body under her hands.

They spent the night laughing and talking in an easy familiarity. Towards the end, Lily leaned her head on James' shoulder and dozed off, completely at ease. He landed, magicked the brooms into the cupboard, and carried Lily into her room.

He couldn't help a slightly smug but mostly joyous thought that he'd made her Christmas a happy one. As he held her, she had a peaceful smile that had been absent from her face in the past week. He tucked her in, kissed her hair, and left the room with a smile on his own face.

"I love you," he whispered as he closed the door, not knowing that she was dying to say the same.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Review, please! I love James. I think he comes in second place in my list of fictional lovers, beaten only by Rhett Butler. (=


	19. Chapter Eighteen: Our Kitten

**Author's Note:** This starts out on Boxing Day (the day after Christmas) morning, in the meadow behind James' home, a few miles away from the actual house.  
**ANPS:** In Order of the Phoenix, Ron's patronus knocks over Neville Longbottom, so I think it's reasonable that a patronus/patronus and patronus/human interaction could take place.

Lily raised her wand, brow furrowed in concentration. "_Expecto Patronum_!" she said, feeling disappointed at the strong but formless shield hovering around her.

Sirius and James copied her, saying the incantation for themselves. A gaudy and rambunctious dog burst out of the end of Sirius' wand, running around them and chasing its tail. A slightly weaker but still corporeal stag emerged from James' wand, circling them protectively.

The dog stopped next to Sirius, and the stag rested between James and Lily. However, upon closer inspection, they vanished, their concentration having been broken. "You're okay, Lils, you can try again. Just be happy, honey," James told her, patting her back reassuringly.

"Yours certainly didn't seem all that much stronger than mine, Potter," she snapped, feeling irritable at her ineffectiveness.

She knew, though, that he was right. But she couldn't summon a happy feeling when she was filled with such despair over James. She realized that it would be stupid to give up; the Patronus was one of the most useful defenses against the Dark Arts there was.

She didn't have to be happy _now_. She just had to think of a happy memory. James and Sirius were focused on practicing, leaving her working alone. She thought of her birthday with her family, to no avail. She remembered Christmas with her parents, but, though the vapor strengthened, it still took no form. She remembered swimming with James, and an indistinguishable shape emerged from her wand and floated for a few moments before extinguishing.

"Damn," she muttered, but was still a bit happier since she'd finally moved past just a silvery mist.

James walked toward her warily, expecting another outburst. "That was good, Lils, much better than last time," he said bracingly. She smiled softly at him, and, seeing he wasn't about to be hexed, James beamed.

Lily thought of James' smile. No, she thought of James being happy in general. That was all she wanted. "_Expecto Patronum,_" she said loudly, and watched as an animal emerged from her wand.

A graceful doe pranced around them, coming to rest between James and Lily just as James' patronus had done. Lily patted its neck, grinning, and James squeezed her shoulders. Sirius gave her a thumbs-up from a few feet away, where he had just conjured another dog.

Had Lily had any doubts (she didn't) about her love for James, they had just flown away. A doe! A doe to his stag… She'd read about matching patronuses before; they were very rare. Oh, now she couldn't even convince herself that it wasn't meant to be, it was just a crush; Lily Evans truly loved James Potter, and it made the fact that she couldn't be with him that much worse. That stupid War!

"That's great, sweetheart! Bloody brilliant," James said, albeit a bit distractedly. A doe; Lily's patronus was a doe. He remembered something Professor Difesa had mentioned about matching patronuses. They were rare, and meant soul mates, connected magic… But that wasn't possible. James must not remember correctly, it was just wishful thinking.

They continued to practice for a few more minutes, and then Sirius decided they should do so together. "On three," he said arrogantly, confident in his casting. "One, two…"

"_Expecto Patronum,_" three voices cried, silvery animals appearing in front of them.

A dog, becoming rowdier every moment, galloped around them, throwing his head back while Sirius laughed in a disconcertingly similar manner. James and Lily watched in awe as their patronuses immediately walked toward each other, nuzzling necks and then ambling towards their casters.

"They're so sweet," Lily said, watching the deer frolic towards them. James put an arm around her waist, grinning.

"I'm so proud," he said jeeringly. "It feels as if they're our children."

_Our _children. Both of them ran the unintentional phrase over in their heads, both thinking it was the most wonderful sounding two words they'd ever heard.

"But we can't name them, they'd just disappear," Lily said decisively. She wasn't going to linger on what could never be. "We do, however, need to name my kitten."

"She's yours; it's up to you, darling," James said, watching the patronuses vanish. Snowflakes began to fall, and, when he removed his arm from Lily's back in order to brush some snow from her nose, he saw her shiver. "Time to go in?" he inquired laughingly.

Lily nodded, sticking her tongue out at him. "Don't make fun of me," she said teasingly. Louder, she called to Sirius, who was still playing with his patronus. "Come on, little Sirius, playtime's over! We're going in."

"Fine," he said, and the iridescent canine vanished. "What's on the agenda for today?" he asked as they walked inside.

Lily shivered again, and sneezed. James wrapped a warming arm around her shoulders and Sirius jumped back jokingly. "Don't get me sick, Lils," he warned her with a grin.

"First thing on the agenda," Lily spoke, ignoring him, "is to borrow some of Clara's Pepperup potion. Then James and I have to name my cat while the procrastinator is packing for tomorrow."

"By procrastinator, you wouldn't be referring to my dear friend Sirius, would you, dear?" James asked, using his free hand to playfully punch his best mate.

"Is it my fault Clara and Peter wanted to spend the last week of holiday vacationing before it was impossible?" Sirius asked with a rather humorous pout.

"You've known for three days, Padfoot," Lily chastised him. Sirius walked around from the other side of James and mussed her hair. "Hey! Stop that," Lily said, failing to restrain a giggle. "Honestly, I dunno why I hang out with you guys."

"It's because you love us so much, sweetheart," James said, grinning.

"Some more than others," Sirius added, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Lily blushed, but this went unnoticed by either of the boys, who were busy mock-fighting. This was difficult, however, due to the fact that James kept one arm around Lily. She ducked out, fearing for her life.

"I'll race you," she said slyly, taking off for the house two miles away. Sirius sprinted after her, catching her by her jacket, but both were passed by James, who had summoned a broom.

"Hey!" Sirius shouted at his back, taking out his own wand.

"Not fair!" Lily yelled, removing her own. With a nonverbal _Accio_ each, Lily and Sirius procured the Potter family brooms, and sped off after James. Sirius, obviously a better flier than Lily, raced on ahead of her.

Not to be outdone, Lily leaned forward on her broom, speeding past a surprised Sirius. By the time she caught up with James, she was feeling exhilarated but slightly nervous. She slowed down a bit, though never letting James get more than a few feet ahead.

Just as suddenly as she'd sped up on him, Sirius raced past her, laughing manically. James joined his laughter, doing a serpentine motion to avoid being passed and, despite herself, Lily let out a small giggle.

Lily increased her speed significantly, but James and Sirius had already reached the house, James winning by inches. Lily slowed down and sighed dejectedly, landing next to a gloating James and a frustrated but amused Sirius.

"Better luck next time, darling," James said cockily, messing her already windswept hair. Lily stuck out her tongue, but James merely grinned.

"Really, Lils, you need to get a move on," Sirius told her condescendingly.

"Go pack, Padfoot," she responded dismissively, though she had a smile on her face.

"Yes, ma'am," Sirius replied obediently, taking off an imaginary hat to her. He walked away muttering darkly about schoolbooks, dirty clothes, and trunks, much to James and Lily's amusement.

"So, my dear, what's on the agenda for us again?" James asked her, sending all three brooms back to the cupboard.

"Pepperup," she said with a sniffle. "Then we have to name our kitten."

"But Lily, she's _your_ kitten," he said with mock indignation. "If you don't like my gift, just say so, and I'll take it back!"

"Oh, shut up, Jamesie," she said, walking into the house. Clara and Bob had left earlier that day, leaving the three teenagers alone until their own departure the next morning. "D'you know where you keep your healing potions?"

"There's some in my parents' and my bathroom cupboard," he responded, following her to his room.

They walked into James' room, Lily feeling right at home since the layout was so similar to hers. She strode confidently into the bathroom, took the cold medicine, and walked towards James with steaming ears. The unfortunate aftereffect of the potion left James in stitches as he held the door to Lily's adjacent room open.

"To our kitten, dear Lily," he said between snorts of laughter.

Giggling herself (her ears really were quite amusing), Lily pointed out his 'mistake.' "_Our_ kitten? Doesn't that imply that you're, oh, I dunno, eating your words, perhaps?"

James arranged his features in what Lily thought was an absolutely adorable mock pout, and, for what must've been the twentieth time that morning, fought the urge to simply hold him for all of eternity.

Their kitten needed a name, so she ignored the pang of longing. "Any suggestions on names, Jamesie?" she inquired hopefully.

"None at all," James replied. "I suppose we could just see what she looks like. You know, observe her personality and all that."

"I hope she's interesting," Lily replied, joining him where he was seated on the bed, looking at the sleeping cat, "Because _our kitten_ seems to be becoming its name, and we don't want the poor thing to be scarred for life."

James smiled, as lost in his thoughts as Lily was. 'Our kitten' really wasn't so bad. Anything with the word 'our' that involved both Lily and James was fine with them. Togetherness was something they both desired, though the war caused one of them to prevent any true happiness.

_Our kitten_.

**Author's Note: **I enjoyed this chapter quite a bit for reasons unknown to me. I hope you do, as well.  
**ANPS: **I have a short but not short enough note on why male/female patronuses are, in my opinion, the best symbol of love rather than the same exact patronus (ex. Snape and Lily). If you'd like to hear it next chapter, let me know. If not, it'll remain in the confines of my junk folder. *cue scary music* (=


	20. Chapter Nineteen: Baby Talk

**Author's Note:** Just in case you didn't remember, in her Deathly Hallows letter, Lily mentions a cat; Harry ponders on where it might have gone for a short bit. This is that cat. See how I'm clever like that? Haha, I kid, I kid. My intelligence isn't really relevant. (=

* * *

Lily Evans and James Potter sat, side by side on the bed, trying to think of a name for the tiny white little ball of fur that was their kitten. Now and then, it would yawn and stretch, but, for the most part, it slept, providing little inspiration for the stumped teenagers.

"Sleepy?" suggested James to a roll of Lily's eyes.

"What happens when it grows up and doesn't sleep all the time?" Lily responded. "What about, er…" She looked around the room for inspiration. "Cherub?" she said, looking at a painting next to the dresser.

"Cherub? Really, Lils," said James incredulously with a chuckle.

"Like you came up with anything better," she retorted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I certainly couldn't think of anything worse," he said smugly. "I'll give you that much, dear." He uncrossed her arms, picked up the kitten, and placed it in them.

The kitten stretched, but, instead of waking, simply burrowed closer to Lily's warmth and went back to sleep. "She is adorable, James, thank you."

"Any time, darling," James said, reaching over to pet the cat. "What about something in another language? Like 'cute' or 'sleepy' or just 'cat' in… Latin's a magical language."

"And Irish is very pretty," Lily responded, putting the cat in James' lap and ignoring, with effort, the brush of her hand against his thigh. She reached for a large sheet of paper and bewitched it. "So, I have to write something in English, and then it'll tell me in Latin and Irish."

"Brilliant," James replied, looking at her expectantly.

"So, let's start with 'sleepy,'" she said, writing as she spoke, "Tuirseach and somnus, quiesco, or quies."

"Quite a mouthful," he said amiably. "Try cute or pretty."

"'Pretty' is gleoite or bellus," she said, reaching over to pet the adorable kitten. "I like those."

"So do I," he said happily. "So that's settled. We just need to shorten one of them; they're much too long."

"Gleo or Bell?" said Lily.

"Bell," they both said at the same time. Their laughter woke little Bell, who began purring, sitting between James and Lily.

"Hey, little Bell," Lily said while James laughed at her baby-talk.

"She's a kitten, not an infant, darling," he told her.

"She's a _baby_ cat, Jamesie," Lily replied, completely unfazed. With a wicked grin and the same baby-talk, she said to James, "Besides, it's not like there's anything wrong with this, little Jamesie-poo."

James groaned and jokingly shoved her. He then said light-heartedly, "Fine, you may talk to Bell like that. You know what? Even me." This of course, was because James was so happy Lily with him at all that anything she said was acceptable. "Our daughter? Fine. But if we ever have a son, I'm not going to let you scar him for life with your goo-goo eyes and your baby-talk."

Though he was too distracted by the kitten to notice, Lily heard the faux pas in his speech. Their children… She smiled, imagining, but stopped herself before she could let her daydreams ruin the moment. No, she wasn't going to have his children; she wasn't going to marry him; she wasn't even going to date him. It was too dangerous. She could, and would, however, enjoy simply sitting here with him and their kitten.

"Sweetheart. Lils? Lily!" James said, waving his free hand in front of her face.

"What?" Lily asked, returning to reality. "Sorry, I zoned out for a bit there."

"Really? I hadn't noticed," he chuckled. "So, d'you think Sirius is packed yet?"

"Probably not. And we're leaving early tomorrow, so we'd better go help," she said, placing Bell in her bed. The kitten mewed softly, and James conjured a bowl of milk as he rose.

"At least he's Apparating directly into… Oh, what's her name?" James inquired, struggling to remember Sirius' latest girlfriend's name. "Lucky? Lucy? I dunno; anyway, he's going directly into her house."

"And you and I are stuck dragging our trunks over the grounds from Hogsmeade thanks to the convenient anti-Apparation charm over Hogwarts," she finished for him, groaning.

"Is it my fault no dreamy bloke has caught your eye and invited you to his home yet, sweetheart?" James asked.

Really, it _was_ James' fault. Not that she was going to tell him that. Lily shoved him, rolling her eyes and opening the door to James' room. The pair strode across and knocked on the door that adjoined Sirius' to James' room.

"Oi, Padfoot! Are you packed yet?" James called, though he already knew the answer. Lily pushed open the door, finding Sirius lounging on the bed reading his new copy of "Quidditch Through the Ages."

"Honestly, Sirius, you're leaving tomorrow!" Lily exclaimed, snatching the book and tossing it into the open and empty trunk across the room. "It's not as though it's difficult to pack, either, you just have to wave your wand!"

James, too, was exasperated, though his was tinged with a bit more amusement than Lily. "Which is probably why he's procrastinating," he said, shaking his head.

"Exactly. It doesn't take very long, and—" he reached for his wand and summoned his book back, "—why should I do it now?"

"Because, you sloth, we don't want to have to wait on you tomorrow morning like we did when we left Hogwarts to come here," Lily informed him, not even bothering with magic as she seized "Quidditch." She smacked the top of his head with the sadly light volume, though she had to work to conceal a forgiving grin upon seeing his indignant face.

"We're not even leaving for the same place! Who cares if I'm a bit late for Lula? I've only been dating her a week," he said crossly. He probably wouldn't be dating for too long after this, either. He wasn't one to be tied down.

Lily and James exchanged knowing looks. Sirius was absolutely hopeless. Smiling at him, they raised their wands, thought, '_Pack_!' and his trunk was filled.

"Finally, now can you let me get back to my book?" Sirius asked, grabbing it from Lily once again. She gave him a stern glance, and he added, "Thank you, Prongs, Lily."

"You're welcome and good night, Padfoot," Lily said, messing his hair and exiting, headed toward her own room. It was going to be an early morning.

"What, no good night for me?" James called, but Lily had already left. "Women," he muttered, exchanging a glance with Sirius. He debated with himself for a moment, but then followed her out of the room, waving distractedly to his best friend as he exited. Sirius had to sigh; James obviously loved Lily, and he thought Lily loved him as well. He couldn't quite figure out why, though, Lily didn't do anything. Lily, in the next room, was wondering that as well.

Lost in her thoughts, Lily quickly pulled on an oversized T-shirt that she'd found in a drawer of the dresser. Normally, she'd feel guilty for wearing someone else's clothes, but she leaned down and sniffed the collar. Peppermint—James… She loved wearing his shirt, just because it made her feel closer to him.

She could be a lot closer to him, a lot happier, likewise, were it not for this stupid war; this bloody war that hated Muggle-borns and anyone who didn't feel the same way. She sighed, pulling herself out of depressing thoughts, and went to climb into bed, when she heard the door creak.

"James!" she exclaimed, exhaling. "You scared me," she informed him, putting a hand over a quick-beating heart.

"Who did you expect?" he said, walking over toward her. She was clad in his scarlet and gold Gryffindor tee. This puzzled him, but he certainly didn't mind. In fact, despite her disheveled state, she looked beautiful.

"Oh, I was…" Lily said, trying to think of a plausible lie. She realized, however, James would see through it, and said truthfully, "I was thinking about the war."

"Do you want to talk about it?" James asked. Lily really did look frightened.

Yes, and Lily wanted to tell James why she was thinking about the war in the first place—she loved him. "No, I don't, really," she told him, accepting his calming outstretched hand. "It was just more of the usual."

"I'm sorry, Lils, I didn't mean to scare you," James said, his thumb rubbing calming circles on her palm as her pulse slowed. Trying to lighten the mood, he added, "I came in to ask why you told Sirius goodnight and not me."

"Oh, sorry," she said, smilingly grateful for the change of subject, "I was distracted."

A rather awkward silence ensued, both of them trying not to look at the other. After a moment, however, their eyes met, and Lily turned away to hide a blush. "Time for bed?" she asked, not used to any sort of self-consciousness with James.

"Yes, er, sure," he said, removing his hand from hers. He cleared his throat a bit nervously, and Lily couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. Soon after, James joined in, though neither really knew just what was so funny.

"Yes, bed," Lily said with a yawn after their peals of laughter subsided. "Good night, Jamesie."

"Finally, _I_ get a good night," he said as she climbed into her bed.

"You get one every night," she reminded him. "We basically live together."

"True; which is why I'm used to it," he retorted, walking toward the door as she yawned.

"Um," she replied, starting to doze.

"'Night, Lils," he said, opening the door to his room. "Love you," but she was already asleep; dreaming, no doubt, of saying 'I love you,' back.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Fluff! Fluff! Fluff! Are you sick of it yet?  
**ANPS:** As I write this, I've just posted the "I Love Flying," chapter, and I appreciate all the reviews I got. They were very waffle-related, and a few made me chuckle. Though it's weird that I just finished chapter nineteen, and I'm talking to you about chapter sixteen, that's just how I work. I'm always a few chapters ahead. (=


	21. Chapter Twenty: The Order

**Author's Note:** As always, I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing.  
**ANPS:** Have you ever had those moments where you think it and your fingers type, yet you're not consciously concentrating on the word? Well, I typed 'Sirius' rather than 'serious' quite a few times in a row, and I thought it amusing enough to scroll up and post it in an author's note for you. (=

* * *

"Sirius!" called James' voice from the next room. Lily couldn't help but laugh. Sirius had decided to sleep in, and James had been trying to get him up for the past half hour. "Bloody hell, Padfoot, could you make us more late?" James shouted in exasperation. Lily quieted her laughter to a soft giggle and entered James' room.

She bewitched his trunk so that it levitated next to hers, and entered Sirius' room next. Ignoring her friends' fighting, she magicked the third trunk into the air. She sent hers and James' trunk to the Hog's Head, where they were supposed to be in—she grabbed James' wrist and checked his watch—ten minutes.

"James, hush a moment," she said, but James continued to bicker. "Honestly, Jamesie, shut up for a bit!" He stopped, looking sheepish.

"There, now," Lily continued, laughing once more. "Since you've stopped fighting like an old married couple, Sirius, where am I supposed to send your trunk?"

"Lula's house," Sirius replied with an isn't-it-obvious expression.

"I need an address, thickhead," Lily informed him.

"Why didn't you say so?" Sirius retorted.

"We learned that two years ago, I assumed you couldn't possibly be _that_ dense so as not to remember the most basic principle of it," she countered.

"Sorry to disappoint."

"You still haven't given me an answer."

"Blimey, I'll do it, then."

"Good, I won't have to bother."

"Fine."

"Excellent."

"Wonderful."

"Marvelous."

"Brilliant."

"OI! You lot! Shut it!" James intervened, his initial amusement giving way to exasperation. Sirius and Lily both turned to him, ready to have a go at James as well, and then they glanced at each other.

"Not exactly a morning person, are you, Lils?" Sirius asked, extending his hand for her to shake in truce.

"Not at all; but you aren't either," she said, hugging him instead.

James looked bemusedly upon the exchange, shaking his head. Without warning, the trio began to laugh, peals of mirth filling the room.

Sirius magicked the trunk to Lula's house, and, embracing his friends goodbye, departed with a swagger and confident grin.

"So, we're really leaving Bell here?" Lily asked sadly.

"You know we're sending her to my mum and dad," James reminded her. "She'll be at Hogwarts in a week or two after term starts. She's too young to fend for herself around the castle while we're in class now."

"I know, I know," Lily said, cheering at the thought of seeing Hogwarts again.

"Shall we be off, then, dearest?" James asked, grasping her hand. Lily laced her fingers through his and, with a turn apiece and a closing of two pairs of eyes, they departed.

Instantaneously they landed in the dingy barroom, James panting and Lily gasping for breath, leaning on him for support. "D'you think I'll ever get used to that?" she asked, still clutching his torso.

"Ah, Mr. Potter, Miss Evans, may I have the pleasure of accompanying you to the castle?" said an old but strong voice from a few yards away. "Of course, I'm not aware of a way to enter without walking with me," he said, eyes twinkling, "but, Mr. Potter, there may be a way, and I'm sure you of all students would know; and, of course, inform your friends."

"Oh, no, sir," James lied, elbowing Lily because he saw the laughter in her eyes.

"Professor Dumbledore, sir, I was wondering if I could speak to you privately once we get to the castle," she said, changing the subject to more pressing matters.

"Certainly, Miss Evans. But may I inquire as to the subject?" Dumbledore responded amiably, though his eyes showed knowledge this was not a trivial matter.

"Oh, it's… something we really shouldn't discuss… here," Lily replied, struggling to convey what she meant. Dumbledore understood and nodded gravely.

"We would do best to hurry, then, as I'm sure you're anxious to speak," he said, and with a sweep of his contrastingly festive cloak, he led them out of the bar and toward the castle.

"Lils," James said, eyeing her warily. She walked purposefully ahead, following Dumbledore. He grabbed her arm and let their headmaster gain a few paces in front of them.

"What, James?" Lily said, but James looked at her sternly. "Honestly, you'd think I had to report to you with everything I do!"

"Well, Lils, it's obviously something serious," he replied, unfazed. "Honey, what is it?"

"The Order," she replied simply, and James stopped in the middle of the lane and stared at her. "Blimey, James, come on, we've got to get through the enchantments with Dumbledore."

Though he resumed his walk, James was still too stunned to form an eloquent sentiment. "Why? When? What about the Order?" he asked, though he was almost certain of the answers.

"I want to fight. Last night, after I thought a Death Eater or someone had broken into my room. No, it's not your fault, I was thinking about it anyway. I decided I wasn't going to think anymore, I was going to do," Lily said, answering his first two questions without pause. "You already know what about the Order. I want to join, Jamesie. I want to help end this bloody war." So she could save Muggles from the fate that befell her parents; so she could not spend almost every night in another nightmare; so she could talk to Kareem without fear on either part; so she could be with the man she loved.

"Lily, that's dangerous!" James said despite knowing the woman he loved wasn't one to back down. They had reached the castle, and Dumbledore was obligingly allowing them to finish their conversation while he busied himself with talking to Professor Difesa. "Please, sweetheart, you don't know what you're doing."

"I know exactly what I'm doing, James, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't belittle me. I can handle myself brilliantly, thank you," she replied, a bit irritated at his obvious attempts to dissuade her. He knew quite well it wouldn't work, yet he chose to keep trying.

"I'm not belittling you, Lily, I know you can handle yourself! I just don't want you to get hurt," he told her, eyes beseeching.

"I'll get hurt either way, James, and I'd rather not be helpless while I'm doing it," she replied, aware she was hurting him and sorry for it. "Really, Jamesie, I'm fine," she said, grinning weakly.

"Lily, I—" he began again, but Lily cut him off with a shake of her head. She took his hand and squeezed it, trying to reassure him. "I know I really couldn't have convinced you not to, but still… I had to try, didn't I?"

"No, you didn't have to try. But you're James, and I understand," Lily said, feeling a surge of love for her best friend. There they stood for a moment, looking at anything but each other, lost in rambling and incoherent thoughts.

"Ah, yes, Rhonda, jolly good," Dumbledore said loudly, informing them all that his conversation with Professor Difesa was finished. "Miss Evans, shall we?"

"Yes, Professor, but…" Lily trailed off, wondering if it would be impertinent to make her request.

"Of course, Mr. Potter is welcome to join us," Dumbledore replied affably, able, once again, to guess what Lily was thinking.

The trio walked through the castle in silence, none willing to make small talk to fill the quiet. The castle was almost deserted, so few families allowing their sons and daughters to stay away from them in such troubled times, especially during the holidays.

Dumbledore said the password to his office, and Lily and James found themselves climbing the winding staircase, entering the magnificent room, and sitting across from their headmaster, who sat, fingertips together and eyes closed, looking pensive.

After a moment of thought, he began. "What is it, Lily?" he asked, though he already had his suspicions.

"Sir, I wanted to ask about joining the Order of the Phoenix," she said, stumbling over the words a bit. "I—I want—I need to fight, you see. I can't sit by doing nothing. And I thought the best way for me to help was to join."

"Of course, you already know I want to join, Professor," James added confidently, though he was still frightened for his love.

"James, Lily, I know you want to assist. I'm sure you'd be a great help to the Order as well. However, I must ask if you've thought this through," Dumbledore began, x-raying his pupils through the half-moon glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. "There is a war, and the Death Eaters are none to kind to their opponents."

Seeing Lily and James open their mouths passionately, he raised a hand to stop their comments. "Yes, Lily, I am aware you are a Muggle-born. I also know a Muggle-born who fights is more hated than one who sits idly by," he told her sadly. "And yes, James, I know your parents are in the Order, but, should you decide not to fight, your blood status would grant you relative safety. Joining will require great sacrifice on both of your parts.

"I do not allow students to join, nor will I permit either of you to drop out of your studies in order to do so. However, upon your graduation, assuming you've not changed your minds, I will induct you in the Order. Are you quite certain that you want to join? Once you've begun the fight, I've found, the Dark side isn't very forgiving," he finished, placing his fingertips together once more.

"I—we—do, sir," James said, taking Lily's hand.

"Very well, then. I thank you, as I'm sure many others will. While we're on the subject of the Order; that reminds me of some business I must attend to. I'm very sorry, but I fear I have to end this meeting shortly," he replied, looking weary but powerful, passionate.

"Yes, sir."

"Thank you, sir."

With those words, Lily and James departed, still clutching hands, still frightened for the Wizarding world, themselves, but most of all, each other. But neither could or would try to change the other's mind once more. It was futile; they were decisive. They were as one, passionate and vehement, loving yet strong.

Lily Evans and James Potter had just decided on their future. Together, they would battle. Together, they would fight. Together, they would prosper or fail, but always, always, together.

How together, though, would they be?

* * *

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the change of tone. I know it was a bit disconcerting to go from playful banter to serious conversation. I hope you'll forgive me, and review, as usual. (=  
**ANPS: **I tried to refrain from the cliché and trite rhetorical question at the end, but, alas I couldn't quite bring myself to remove it. At least I don't do it very often, or, when I do, I don't catch it, so it isn't quite as blatant.


	22. Chapter Twenty One: Just a Boggart

**Author's Note: **As always, I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing. (=

* * *

Boggart.

Just a boggart.

Lily Evans knew it was a boggart. She shouldn't be afraid of it. It was only a representation of the person viewing its greatest fear. Only a representation—and yet… Yet she couldn't stop the sobs the shook her entire body as she looked down at the thing before her.

He was wearing the same clothes he'd worn to bed last night. A pair of pajama pants, a worn out t-shirt, and no glasses. His eyes, however, weren't closed. His eyes, the ones Lily liked so much, the hazel orbs of the man she loved, were open. Open and staring blankly up at her. James Potter's eyes betrayed his state—dead.

He wasn't really dead, of course, and she knew that. It was just a boggart. It wasn't James. But the image at her feet represented the worst thing that could ever happen to her. Try as she might, she couldn't rid herself of it.

"_Riddikulus_," she said, her voice shaking. Nothing happened. She repeated the spell, concentrating despite the tears streaming down her face. Again, nothing happened. Her weeping increased; she was angry over her incompetence, frightened by the boggart, but, most of all, worried over the likelihood, thanks to the war, of the boggart becoming reality.

Lily gave up all attempts to rid herself of the boggart-corpse, and simply stood crying, waiting for common sense to swoop in and rid her of her irrational grief over a simple boggart. She looked at James' body, recalling the nightmares she'd been having ever since the first one when she had screamed. None had been quite as violent as that, but, though she did not cry out, each made her rise each morning a bit earlier in order to calm herself.

Now, however, she was wide awake, and the body of the man she loved was in front of her. It wasn't going away. It wasn't something she could remove as she shook sleep from her drowsy mind. There, at her feet, was the thing that frightened her most.

She wanted to look away, to run away, but she couldn't. She stared, almost masochistically, trying to find courage by facing her fears. No sudden burst of bravery struck, however, and her sobs became louder.

She heard a faint rustle, but, before she could turn to see who had entered the Head common room with her, the boggart morphed. Someone new must have entered the room. She watched as the black hair and hazel eyes were replaced by red and green. She was looking at herself, cold and dead on the floor, and yet none of her earlier despair entered her.

"_Riddikulus_," said a familiar voice, and the body of Lily disappeared with a crack and a wisp of smoke. It was the only voice that could fully rid her of the pain that still filled her body due to the boggart-induced terror.

She uttered a thank you, but the tear tracks canceled out the weak smile she attempted. Before she could rub them off her face, she found herself enveloped by a peppermint smell, pressed against the warm muscles and beating heart of James Potter.

They stood there quietly, sniffling and comforting, for a long moment. Lily looked up at the tousle-haired and drowsy face of James Potter. He smiled reassuringly at her, his eyes conveying that no elaboration was needed. He was simply there to hold her until she could explain.

After the shaking had subsided, James unwrapped his protective arms from around Lily. "Lils, honey, what was that about?" he asked her while she attempted to smooth her hair and straighten her shirt. "It was only a boggart."

"I know, James, I just—I couldn't—I don't know," she said, giving up on fixing her appearance. He had seen her worse. "I knew it was a boggart, but the spell wouldn't work, I was too scared. That's the point, though, isn't it? It's what you fear most, and you get caught up in what-if-that-did-happen, and you're not able to get the strength to fight it. It scared me, James. It scared me so much," she admitted, the corners of her mouth twitching as she fought renewed tears. She wasn't going to cry again. Lily Evans didn't cry.

"Shh, Lily, it's alright. It wasn't real, sweetheart," James consoled her. "It's not your fault. That _is_ the point of a boggart, Lils. I wouldn't have been able to do it either, if I hadn't seen the real you right there in front of me."

"Thank you for that. I don't know what came over me," Lily said a bit awkwardly. If there was ever a time to tell him she loved him—but no, she couldn't. She shouldn't. She wouldn't. For his sake, for James' safety—that was what she kept telling herself, and that was the only reason that would suffice to stop her from bursting out with the truth. She wasn't going to be the cause of the boggart becoming a reality.

"You're welcome, Lils, and you're fine. What are friends for, eh?" James said, trying to cheer her.

"Certainly not to be ambushed by tears every day," Lily said embarrassedly.

"You don't 'ambush me with tears,' Lils. I've seen you cry, what, three times in our entire life?—this being the third. Honestly, you're fine, precious," James told her reassuringly. She smiled at him, gave him a hug, and not-so-subtly changed the subject.

"On a brighter note, the Marauders will be back tomorrow," she reminded him. Their three friends were returning the day before term began again.

"Yes, but we've still got today to do absolutely nothing," James said, trying to think of an activity. "Swimming again?"

"Not in this weather. Even with warming charms and hot water in the bath, if I look out the window and see snow I'll convince myself I'm cold. How about… Hogsmeade?"

"Must you always break the rules, dear Lily? We must have just cause to leave before I allow you to sneak out and drag me with you," James teased. "You're corrupting me, sweetheart."

"Oh, please, Jamesie, give it a rest. Let's go to Honeydukes!" she said happily now that the tears had dried and the boggart was destroyed.

"Running low on the stash of chocolate frogs in the cupboard next to the fireplace, are we?" James asked confidently.

"How did you know about that?" asked Lily.

"I was looking for some parchment yesterday and I discovered your secret," replied James easily.

"Of course you ate them all," she accused.

"Not all of them," he told her.

"Most?" amended Lily.

"What would you have done?" asked James.

"All," Lily admitted.

"I'm kinder, I see," he bragged.

"Perhaps," Lily said doubtfully.

"Probably," James said.

Lily made no reply as she summoned the Marauder's Map from James' room. She said quietly, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

"You really aren't up to any good," James told her as he reached for the invisibility cloak lying on the back of the couch next to him. "Let's go, we're not going to run into anyone."

"Oh, all right. But if we're caught, I've been Confunded and it's all your fault," she told him jestingly.

The pair made there way to the old statue, along the familiar path, and into the warm and sweet-smelling cellar of Honeydukes. After successfully sneaking above without being noticed, James grabbed as many chocolate frogs as he could carry. Behind him, Lily was laden down with Sirius', Remus', and Peter's favorites, but the majority, by far, were the frogs.

She offered to pay for half, but James insisted on shelling out the Galleons. He was, after all, a rich man, and there was no need to spend money needlessly on Lily's part. She grudgingly relented, and they made their way back to Hogwarts in companionable silence.

Soon after they exited the tunnel, Lily spied a disliked seventh year staring at her. Carter Midgen waved her over, but Lily shook her head and James whispered that she needed to calm down. He wasn't going to have her getting in trouble two days before term began.

"I don't need to calm down, I'm perfectly fine, thank you," Lily said, though it was a lie and they both knew it. "He deserves my anger."

"Yes, he does," James agreed, remembering how Midgen had attacked Lily. On second thought, perhaps he should let Lily curse him. He could always take the blame for her. Though James longed to hex Midgen himself, Lily deserved to do it herself. But neither was going to initiate a recently unprovoked harassment.

"Lily! Lily Evans!" Midgen called, speeding up to catch them. "Why haven't you talked to me since Slughorn's party? You know you were just scared, I came on too strong—I'm sure you want more now," he told her, leering.

James unthinkingly wrapped a possessive around Lily's waist. "Ditch Potter and come with me, honey," Midgen said, noting this.

Though Midgen didn't know her well enough to realize it, James saw Lily's eyes narrow infinitesimally. Her hand flexed toward her wand, but James caught her wrist and gave her a meaningful look. Sighing, she shook James' hand off, but she didn't go for her wand again.

"You're an ass, which is why I haven't talked to you," she said, venom in every syllable. "You did come on too strong, but I wasn't scared—more like ticked off beyond belief. I definitely don't want 'more.' And I'm not going to ditch James, ever, and certainly not for you, Midgen."

Midgen stared at her openly, mouth open and eyes wide. He shook himself, though, and his arrogance prevailed. "Playing hard to get, eh? There's no need, honey."

"Don't call me that!" Lily said angrily, reaching for James' hand and beginning to storm away. Her outstretched hand, however, was seized by a smirking Midgen. "Let go of me!"

James had grabbed her wrist just a few moments before to prevent her from doing something she'd regret. However, when she tried to shake James off, he had released her. Midgen, on the other hand, wasn't letting go.

"I said let go of me, you pervert," she told him icily. When he simply dragged her closer to him, James intervened.

"Midgen," he said warningly, his eyes flashing. "Listen to Lily."

"Shove off," Midgen said, refusing to comply. Lily raised a hand to smack him, but James shook his head at her.

"Please, honey, let me," he said angrily, taking out his wand. "_Langlock_."

Midgen immediately released Lily's hand. They left him there, laughing as he struggled to remove his tongue from the roof of his mouth. He succeeded shortly, so Lily could still hear him a few moments later. "So _he_ can call you honey?" Midgen called, still trying to woo Lily. It was a game for him.

"Yes, he can," supplied Lily simply. Once they had reached the common room, she saw that James' jaw was still clenched, and that he was breathing heavily.

"Oh, ignore him, Jamesie," she said, having calmed on the walk to their dorm. "He won't try anything again."

"I know," James said, shaking his head. "I just—he can't—no one should treat girls that way—especially not you."

"Thank you, but I think he's just arrogant," said Lily.

"You told me I'm arrogant, and I'd never do something like that," James said, still irate.

"You're an infinitely better person than Carter," Lily said calmingly. James' arrogance was endearing. "Not all arrogant people are bad. It's not your best quality, Jamesie, but that doesn't stop you from being my best friend. Sirius, for example: he's a conceited player, but he'd never do that to anyone. The girls fall over him—he doesn't make them."

"True," James admitted, still seething. "I just want to go back there and—"

"I know," said Lily patronizingly. She spent a good part of the afternoon talking him out of, admittedly righteous, anger. Lily wasn't going to let James get in trouble so close to start of term.

Finally, James had settled back into his normal teasing and playful attitude.

"What d'you think we should do tomorrow, seeing as it's the last day of break and the Marauders will all be here?" he asked.

"It's supposed to rain, so it'll have to be something inside. Nothing extravagant either," Lily said. "We should just sit inside together and play a game or something."

"Sounds good," James agreed. "They'll all be tired from travel anyway."

"You know what?" said Lily, off-subject. "Bell is coming week after next."

"That was rather random, Lils," James informed her, but he reached for the Honeyduke's bag. "Enjoy," he said, handing her a frog. "To Bell, our little kitten," he mock-toasted with a jaunty grin.

Sitting there, just the two of them eating their favorite food, they were content. It wasn't a spectacular ending to a day. It was just two teenagers talking about nothing in particular. But they were happy—they were together.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Review, please! I appreciate favorite story/author and story/author alert, but they're like vanilla ice cream. Reviews are raspberry sorbet. Or gelato! In other words, they're much, much better. (=


	23. Chapter Twenty Two: Truth or Dare

**Author's Note:** I thought of this scene randomly while I was washing pink hair dye out of my newly banged locks. Our school had a Spike for Life volleyball tournament two days ago (October first), a fundraiser for the Breast Cancer Society. Speaking as the great-granddaughter and granddaughter of two wonderful breast cancer survivors, I think it's an excellent idea. See what you can do around your own community. All right, my public service announcement is over, let's get to the story.

* * *

"Truth or dare, Padfoot?" Remus Lupin asked from where he was seated in the Gryffindor common room. He, Sirius, James, and Lily were sitting in a circle in front of the fireplace, Peter being asleep on the couch.

"Truth," Sirius replied.

"Er… Oh, I dunno a good question, it's late," Lupin said while Lily and James laughed drowsily. He turned to them. "Fine, you ask, then."

"Have you ever…" James began.

"Cheated on one of your numerous girlfriends?" Lily finished lazily with a yawn, seeing James couldn't think of a good question either.

"Define 'cheated.'"

"Sirius!" Lily exclaimed, albeit sleepily, while James chuckled.

"I'm only yanking your wand," Sirius told her with a roguish grin. "I've never cheated, though I may have broken up with one girl and immediately went to another. It was only one time, though. Okay, once or twice. Three times?"

"That's awful, Padfoot! Remus, James, you'd never do that, right?" said Lily.

"Never," Remus said simply.

"You already know the answer, darling," James informed her with a wistful smile that almost broke Lily's heart. If she could only tell him that she loved him! That would make them both so happy… But she couldn't. She couldn't be with him, and, if James knew Lily loved him, he wouldn't let her get away. Lily wouldn't want to get away.

"It's James' turn, isn't it?" she said, eager for a respite from her thoughts.

"Indeed. Truth or dare, Prongs?" asked Sirius.

"Dare."

"I dare you to," Sirius started, but paused. He needed to think of a good one. James and Lily had teamed up against him on that cheating question. "Live like a Muggle for a day."

"What d'you mean?" James inquired.

"I mean no magic for an entire day. None at all," Sirius informed him. "But I'll be nice. You won't know how to function, but Lils will. I dare Lily to do the same."

"What?" said Lily, who had previously been watching the exchange with amusement.

"You and James aren't allowed to use magic for an entire day. It'll have to be on the weekend, obviously… How about this Saturday?"

"You're brilliant, Padfoot," Remus applauded. "We will, of course, be taking your wands."

"Did I ever agree to this?" Lily asked James in tired exasperation.

"No, but neither did I. Looks like it'll be this Saturday, then," James replied, knowing there was no way to get out of the dare. It'd be difficult, of course, but he was sure it would be an enlightening and amusing experience.

"Fine; Saturday is Muggle day for James and me," Lily relented with yet another yawn. She grabbed James' wrist and held it up to her line of sight. "It's one in the morning, and it's first day of term tomorrow. I'm going to bed."

"Nighty night," Sirius said.

"G'night, Lils," said Remus.

Lily yawned again, her eyes closing against her will. "On second thought, I might just crash in here," she told them, swaying on the spot.

"Someone will notice in the morning. McGonagall comes to post things on the notice board," Lupin told her.

"I'm sleeping in your dorm, then," Lily said firmly but lethargically.

"Someone get Wormtail up," James said. "We'll all go on up."

Sirius and Remus, neither wanting to have to rouse the heavy sleeper, went immediately upstairs. "You can get him, can't you, Jamesie?" Lily asked drowsily, taking a step towards the Gryffindor boys' dorm.

"Go on to bed, Lils," James said, shaking his head at her. She could get so tired so quickly.

Lily walked up the stairs to the very top room, opening the now familiar door labeled _Seventh Years_. Sirius was amazingly already enclosed in curtains, snoozing on the far side of the room, Peter's empty bed next to him. Lupin waved half-heartedly at her, obviously about to fall asleep, from the bed next to Peter's.

Lily looked around the room, sleepily contemplating her dilemma. There were two empty beds. Obviously, she couldn't take Peter's. That left James' old bed. But, James would be coming upstairs soon, and he'd want the bed.

Lily wasn't about to sleep next to Lupin. They were friends, but they certainly weren't _that_ close—the same with Peter. Sirius wouldn't mind, but he took up so much room that Lily would be better off lying down on the floor to begin with so that she wouldn't fall when he kicked her. That left James and his bed.

She folded the covers back and crawled in, taking up as little room as possible. Still, though, she was too tired to feel very guilty. She pulled the curtains around the bed and fell asleep quickly.

James trudged up the stairs behind Peter, who, despite James' efforts at waking him, still had the appearance of a sleepwalker. "Go on, Wormtail, get in bed," he said when they had reached the sleeping quarters. "Night."

"Mph, night," Peter mumbled as he climbed into bed and pulled the curtains.

James looked around the room, searching for but not finding Lily. She must be in his bed, then. He smiled softly as he pulled back the curtains and saw her sleeping figure. Lily had obviously tried to make herself as small as possible to give James room.

James climbed in next to her, gently sliding her over onto the pillow. He closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of cinnamon, happy that due to her presence he wouldn't have the nightmares that sometimes plagued him.

He turned and kissed her nose softly. Lily stirred briefly, and moved over to lean her head on James' chest. Surprised but not unhappy, James hesitantly wrapped his arms around her. When, in her sleep, she inexplicably moved closer to him and didn't shy away, he smiled.

"Sweet dreams," he whispered, knowing he would have the same.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Fluff! This is abnormally short, but the last chapter was abnormally long, so I hope you'll forgive me and still wait patiently for the next installment. (=


	24. Chapter Twenty Three: Jinxed Faces

**Author's Note:** Enjoy!

* * *

"Lils! Lily Evans!" said a loud, incessant Remus. "Come on, Lils, wake up! It's Muggle day!"

"Muggles can sleep in," she said, putting a pillow over her head to muffle his shouts.

"I need your wand," he told her, snatching the pillow.

"Get James' first," she said, replacing the pillow with her bedspread.

"Sirius is getting him up now," Remus informed her, pulling the covers back.

"Oh, fine," she said drowsily, getting up and procuring her wand from the nightstand. "Here," she said unceremoniously, handing it to him. She shivered at the cold air and wrapped her quilt around her.

She walked into the common room to see a disgruntled James and a laughing Sirius.

"Good morning," Sirius said, grinning, "Ready for a day of Muggle appreciation?"

"No," Lily said wearily. "I didn't get any sleep last night. I was doing Difesa's ghost versus poltergeist essay."

"At least you weren't woken by this one," James said, rolling his eyes. "I don't even get a shake or a shout. It's straight into the air for me. And it's freezing in here."

"It worked so well with Lily on Christmas," Sirius said with a shrug. "I thought I'd skip the customary preamble and go straight to suspending you by your ankle."

"Thanks so much," James said sarcastically, though the effect was ruined by his smile.

"I think we'll leave you two rays of sunshine to bask in your magic-less day," Lupin said, dragging Sirius out of the room behind him.

"Good, they're gone," said Lily. "I'm exhausted. Do you mind if I head back to bed for a bit?"

"Go ahead. I'll get us some breakfast," James said, running a hand through his hair.

"Like that?" Lily asked, suppressing a smile.

"Like what?" James said, looking at her in confusion.

"You're wearing boxers and nothing else, Jamesie," Lily said, trying not to stare. James looked down at his body, bewildered, and Lily giggled. "I think you'd better go back to bed, too. You're certainly not very aware of yourself this morning." Or maybe Lily was just constantly aware of James.

"That's why I'm so cold! No, it's fine. I'll just summon a shirt and some—damn," James said, recalling he couldn't summon anything at all.

"Not so easy being a Muggle, is it?" Lily asked with a sleepy laugh.

"Not at all," he agreed. "But I really don't realize why Sirius thinks it's such a big deal. I mean, magic isn't necessary for everything. It's just easier."

"Yes, but wouldn't it be nice to magic a fire into the fireplace? I'm freezing," Lily said with a yawn. "And we don't have any matches."

"I'm cold too, and at least you have a quilt," James reminded her. "And you're fully clothed."

"You can go get some clothes and a quilt," Lily said, walking over to the couch and laying down drowsily. The seat was cold; James saw her shake a bit.

He walked into his room, dressing quickly and grabbing his own bedspread. He walked over to the couch where Lily was staring up at the ceiling, about to fall asleep.

"Scoot over," he said, but Lily merely shook her head.

"I'm going to sleep, Jamesie," she informed him exhaustedly.

"Suit yourself," James said amiably, picking her up and moving her over a cushion. Lily tried to remain aloof, but she couldn't shy away from his arms like would be proper if she wanted to keep her secret. Rather, she welcomed the arms around her waist and under her legs as he placed her in a seated position.

"Why did you have to move me?" Lily asked, still desiring sleep. James answered her question with a grin as he draped his own blanket over the both of them. "Thanks," Lily mumbled with a smile.

"You're welcome, dear," he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "What are friends for?"

Lily didn't reply, but buried her head in a bewildered James' shoulder. If only she could tell him why she did this… But she couldn't, and she settled on using her sleepiness as an excuse for her strange actions. "G'night, Jamesie," said Lily, though her voice was muffled by James' shoulder.

"Good _morning_, Lils," James corrected, but he smiled at her. There was no way he was going for breakfast. He wouldn't move from this position for anything in the world, Wizarding or Muggle. She burrowed closer to him; she must be asleep. James closed his eyes as well, drifting into unconsciousness with a smile.

* * *

Lily Evans, eyes still closed, awoke puzzled and a bit disoriented after a long nap. There were arms around her; strong, familiar arms. Her nose was resting on something muscled that smelled of peppermint. She heard a soft snoring from something that was leaning on her just as much as she was leaning on it.

James Potter.

She rubbed her eyes to find herself sleeping on a soft scarlet shirt that was emblazoned with the same logo that her own shirt bore. She glanced at his wrist and saw that it was eleven thirty. She carefully moved his arms, though she stayed seated next to him.

"James," she said softly, ruffling his hair affectionately. "Oh, James, it's time to get up!"

"Mph," he mumbled, unwilling, "Not now, sweetheart." He wrapped his arms back around her and his head drooped. His must've still been asleep. Lily knew he'd never do that to her unless he was dreaming or if he knew the truth. Still, she couldn't help but appreciate it all the same.

"James Potter," she whispered in his ear. He merely held her a bit tighter and started to quietly snore once more. "James, it's time to eat."

Still, he refused to stir. Lily had thought _she_ was the tired one. She extricated herself from his arms and kicked off the blanket. "James!" she said loudly, and he woke with a start.

"Who—what—Oh, hello, Lils," came his jumbled reply.

Lily laughed. "Tired, are we?" she asked with a grin.

"I was comfortable," he said affably, and Lily worked to conceal a blush. "When's lunch?"

"Always to the point," she chuckled. "That's why I woke you. I'm starving, and with your appetite, you'd probably eat me if I let you sleep any longer."

"Now, Lily, dear, have faith," he said, smirking. "I'd eat the couch long before I'd eat you."

"Good to know," she smiled and James took her hand and began to lead the way to the Great Hall.

"You might want to let me go," Lily said, looking up in surprise at his face before he could take more than two steps. She smiled teasingly, but turned pink as well. "You, um, you've got, er…"

"Spit it out, darling, I'm hungry," he said impatiently, confused.

"You have 'I love Lily Evans' written across your forehead," she said simply.

James glanced across the room in utter bewilderment towards an old gilded mirror. Sure enough, in handwriting he recognized immediately, his feelings were written above his eyebrows. Lily and James' eyes met and there was an awkward moment. Without warning, they both burst out laughing, Lily pointing and James looking on in amusement.

"Sirius must've come in while we were asleep," he said, trying to stop his chuckles. This was difficult, however, as Lily continued to giggle, and the sound of her joy made him need to smile. "Was it there the whole time?"

"No," she said, unable to stop beaming. "I wonder what triggered it."

"I'll use the mirror and have Sirius come over and—we can't use magic," he said in lighthearted frustration.

"He'll be in the Great Hall, won't he? I'll go get him, Jamesie, don't worry," Lily said with a smile.

James' mouth opened in a comical 'O' and he began laughing even harder than he had previously. Lily stared at him in confusion, and finally demanded to know what was wrong.

"It seems I wasn't the only one who was jinxed," he said, taking her hand and leading her back over to the mirror.

She looked at her reflection, not knowing what to expect. On her right cheek, in scratchy handwriting, was the word 'Jamesie' encompassed within a heart. Lily stood gaping for a minute, then turned toward James and collapsed on his shoulder, peals of mirth echoing through the common room, wondering just why this awful irony was so hilarious.

"We're going to get him, Jamesie," she said confidently, still attempting to control her chuckling.

"No doubt about it, sweetheart," he agreed, patting her back as she tried to right herself, their profuse laughter diminishing into small giggles.

"We can't fix it ourselves," she said, realizing something, "Because we can't use magic. But really, we're supposed to be living like Muggles. That means we can't have them fix it, either."

"And there's no way we're backing down on a dare after _this_," he concurred. "Do you want to head to the kitchens, my dear?"

"I'd be delighted," she said, linking her arm in his.

She refused to let her carefree mood ebb but still thoughts plagued her. Was Sirius playing a joke or did he guess the truth? There was no telling with him. Especially after the incident on the train; he'd read her so well, certainly better than she could herself, since at that time she'd not even realized she was in love… Sirius' knowledge of relationships was unparalleled—what if he knew of her feelings for James?

'I love Lily Evans,' was written across James' forehead. Lily knew the truth of this, and it broke her heart. She could make him so happy, make herself so happy… If only she told him the truth.

'Jamesie' was surrounded by a heart on Lily's cheek. James glanced at it every so often as they walked, daydreaming. If only she did love him.

If only she loved him. If only she told him so. If only, if only, there wasn't this bloody war.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I love you all, really. I appreciate your reviews so much; they never cease to brighten my day.  
**Author's Note: **I just finished chapter thirty. I'll be updating quite frequently, perhaps every day or so, so that I'll be caught up. Trust me, I've had more fun writing chapters twenty-nine and thirty than you'll believe. (=


	25. Chapter Twenty Four: Epiphany

**Author's Note:** Oh, Sirius. Sirius, Sirius, Sirius.

* * *

"Sirius Black, get up, now!" Lily exclaimed while James shook his friend awake. It was the morning after their Muggle day, and everyone else in the dormitory had already headed down to breakfast or to do homework. "Get these things off our faces!"

"You can't sleep in, not after you got us up," James said, taking out his wand.

Sirius awoke with his blood rushing to his head and a curious feeling that his ankle was being suspended. Oh, yes—it _was_ being suspended.

"Lemme down," he said with a groan. James obliged, and Sirius reached for his own wand. "I see it worked," he grinned. He quietly muttered the counterjinx with a yawn.

"That was uncalled for. But, blimey, that was a good bit of magic," Lily admitted with a smile.

"What triggered it?" James asked, matching her grin.

"James held your hand, and Lily said 'Jamesie,'" Sirius informed them, proud of himself. "I couldn't just write it on you to begin with, that wouldn't be any fun. So I made the activation something I was sure you'd do anyway."

"Clever," Lily admitted, and James agreed. A cloud moved out of the way of the sun, and Lily saw that it was shining brightly. "What time is it, Jamesie?"

"Noon, why—Oh, damn it!" he groaned. "Detention."

"You'd better go, McGonagall wanted you there at fifteen after," Lily reminded him. "Though why, I've no idea. Honestly, she said you were giving her cheek… You did know the answer, why shouldn't you tell her?"

"I know; I'm an Animagus as much as she is," James agreed, "though we'd best not tell her that."

"I know, I know, go on!" she urged him. They had to sneak out to get Bell next week; he couldn't get another detention.

"I'm going," he said, waving jauntily as he exited.

"Budge over," Lily said, sitting down next to Sirius. She wondered what they were going to do today.

"I know," said Sirius simply.

"You know what?" she asked, puzzled.

"The Marauders know most of your secrets and you know all of ours," he told her. "The difference is, I know all of yours."

"What d'you mean?" she said, genuinely bewildered.

"Something you haven't even told James," he said, trying to give her a hint.

"I tell James everything," she thought aloud, "what would you know?"

"Honestly, Lils," he said, amused at her lack of knowledge. "You're in love with him!"

"I—what—how did you—no, I'm not!" she stuttered. He knew. Oh, no, he knew! She'd been right yesterday when she thought he had… Sirius knew!

"Lily, I know both of you enough to guess," he informed her. "I know James loves you, James knows James loves you, and you know James loves you. However, only you and I are aware of your feelings."

"Sirius, I—I don't how you—of all the absurd—no, I don't love him," she said in exasperation.

"Save it, Lils," he sighed, though he was still smirking. "My question is: why haven't you told him?"

Lily resigned herself to the fact that Sirius knew the truth. She was not, however, willing to tell him the reason why, so she changed the subject. "How'd you know?"

"You have for a while now," he told her, noticing how she skated over his inquiry. "But I think you've just realized it over Christmas. That's what it seems like. I don't see how James is thick enough not to notice, though. Then again, you're the only thing he's ever been self-depreciating about. If I were him, I'd just kiss you and see if I get kicked or not. That's how I got Maria, Janice, Esmeralda, Katie…"

"He respects me!" Sirius opened his mouth furiously at this, so Lily amended. "I know you do too, but you're two different people. And besides," she began, desperate to make this point clear. "You can't tell him I love him!"

"I can't tell who what?" Sirius said to an unsuspecting Lily.

"I love James," she said, wondering why he hadn't heard her.

"There we have it! You said it out loud," Sirius said triumphantly. "I knew it anyway, but now you can't deny it."

Lily rolled her eyes at her friend's childishness. "But really, Padfoot, you can't tell him. Please," she pleaded.

"Why?" he asked. "I think he has a right to know. It'd make him so happy, Lils," Sirius said, betraying his concern for his best friend. "He's loved you for so long. Is that what you're worried about? I promise he's not like—well, me. He really does love you, Lily, and I think you know it. And it'd make you happy too. Why all the secrecy?"

Lily sat thinking for a long moment. Sirius, in a rare case of tact, permitted her to contemplate without interruption. "Do you promise—promise me, Sirius—that you won't tell James?"

Sirius sighed. "Yes, Lily. Now what is it?"

"It's—it's—the war," she said simply, her face falling.

"All the more reason, Lils," Sirius said, not understanding.

"That's the reason why not," she said sadly. "I'm joining the Order, I'm fighting, I—"

Sirius cut her off. "I am too! And so is James. Are you scared? Lily, we're not going to let you get hurt! I know James would rather—" Sirius stopped, looking stricken. "He is not going to let you get hurt."

"I'm not worried about me!" Lily said. "Sirius, Voldemort is going after Muggle-borns, especially ones that fight. But he's not just going after them! He goes after their families, their friends; the people they care most about. He killed my parents, Sirius. I am not going to let them get James, too."

Lily said this firmly. She didn't cry, like most would have done. She sat, resolute and seemingly nonchalant, on the edge of the bed. She wouldn't let Sirius see the inner turmoil that raged just beneath her veneer.

"He loves you, Lils. You love him. You're hurting him by not letting him know," Sirius said, thinking as he spoke. "But I can see what you mean about Muggle-borns, sort of. You don't want them to hurt James. But, Lily, even if he's not openly your love, he _is_ your best friend. They'll go after him for that anyway." Sirius painted a grim but truthful picture.

"But they'd be less likely if he were only a friend!" Lily said, desperate to protect James from the unknown future. "Besides, if he's only a friend, I can pretend that we've had a falling-out, and I can leave him alone. After we graduate, I'll—I have to—I must…" Lily trailed off, realization dawning on her. If she truly wanted to keep James safe, she had to distance herself from him. She had to leave him alone. "I'll take a mission from Dumbledore that's somewhere far away from where he is."

Again, she hid her tears, but the pain in her voice and eyes was apparent despite her best efforts. Sirius reached over and took her head in his hands, leaning it against his shoulder.

"Quiet, Lils, I know. I know you don't want him hurt," he said pleadingly. "I know. But he loves you. If you went away you'd be hurting him more than Voldemort ever could. And you'd be hurting yourself, Lily."

Sirius spoke beseechingly, distressed at Lily's suffering, frightened at the prospect of James' future if Lily wasn't in it. There was no way he could function, could flourish as he did now. There was no way Lily could, either. Sirius had to make her see reason.

"Lily, you have to tell him," he said simply, pushing her back to look into her eyes. "You have to."

"I can't," she replied sadly, pleadingly.

"Why not?" he inquired once more.

"I already told you," said Lily. "I can't risk him getting hurt."

"You're causing him more pain by leaving than you ever could by staying," retorted Sirius.

"You don't know that," she said. "Besides, how is that possible?"

"I do know that Lily. He loves you, he adores you, he practically worships you, just like you know you do him," he replied. "How could he stand you leaving? Think about it, Lils. How would you feel if James left you trying to do some gallant self-sacrifice-to-save-you thing?"

"He wouldn't ever leave me. It'd hurt too much," Lily said. "But I'd rather take a thousand Cruciatuses as long as he'd be there after the pain was gone."

Lily smiled weakly, a bit bemused with the whole situation. Lily wasn't the type of girl to pine after a boy. She'd always sworn to remain free and not have her happiness depend on anyone. Then she met James.

Strangely, though, his love and her loving him seemed like a reasonable exchange for her being dependent on him. He was just as dependent on her as she was of him anyway. In fact, it didn't seem like such a bad thing at all anymore.

Sirius dragged her back to the present situation. "If you'd rather be inflicted with a _Crucio_ or two or a thousand than be without him, why on earth would you leave?" he asked incredulously. "You know he feels the same way. Why would you want to put him through that?"

"But what if Voldemort killed him because of me, Sirius? I'd rather be dead myself than have that," Lily said, earnestness ringing in her tone.

"He might as well be dead if you leave him. I can say that I've been in love, Lils, but this is different," he concluded. "This is the big one. It isn't a phase or a random coincidence. James and Lily—Lily and James—it's just meant to be. You can't be complete without the other. I'm sure you'd bounce back, yes, as you're both very resilient…"

"But we'd be missing each other so much we'd never be truly happy," Lily finished his sentiment. Wonder filled her, coupled with awe.

Sirius saw the dawning radiance in her eyes and the first genuine smile he'd seen on her that day light her face. Was it possible that she'd seen sense?

"So, you're going to tell him," Sirius said. It wasn't really a question. It was an assumption, a correct one.

"Well, yes," Lily decided. Her epiphany left her disoriented. "But how shall I—when—where—what," she fumbled, but a new realization shook her and in her surprise she voiced the thoughts aloud. "He loves me, but it may be platonic. After all, we haven't ever done anything beyond that."

"Trust me, Lily, this isn't friendship," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "James is my best friend. He loves you, Lily. Go tell him."

"Not now!" she exclaimed.

"Of course not, he's in detention. Although I do have the two-way mirror," Sirius said thoughtfully. "We'll just have to hope McGonagall isn't watching him too closely."

"Sirius!" Lily exclaimed, laughing. She was positively giddy. Sirius had filled her with an epiphany that made her happiness radiate from her very being. "I couldn't tell him _now_. That's so brash."

"I thought you really, really wanted to tell him?" Sirius said, failing as always to understand the subtleties.

"I have to make him believe me," Lily said, thinking it through. "I've spent so long denying it—he wouldn't believe me if I just went up and told him."

"Just go up and kiss him," Sirius said simply.

"I couldn't do that," Lily said, but she was in awe. What a perfect way to convey—but that was ridiculous. She wasn't going to just kiss him. "Give me some time, Sirius. I'm not going to go up and randomly plant one on him." But she smiled at the thought.

Sirius could tell Lily was ecstatic. In fact, Sirius himself was rather anxious for the couple to get together. His best friend had spent too long wanting what he couldn't have—and now he had it. Sirius returned Lily's smile in pure happiness for the pair of them.

"Oh, I'm sure you wouldn't object to some snogging," replied Sirius amiably with a roguish grin.

He would just have to see to it that they kissed. Shouldn't be too hard, right? Two people that much in love wouldn't be hard to convince. But just where would he make it happen? They were too bright to fall for anything obvious, like luring them alone together.

"Just give me time to think about how to tell him, Sirius," Lily said. "If he doesn't believe me at first, he'll think I'm being cruel and taunting him. I don't want that."

"Fine; but do it soon," Sirius warned. "You never know if my method may spring an opportunity upon you," he added, making a kiss-face at her.

"Oh, shut it," she said, pushing him off the bed and onto the floor.

"Hey, now, cut it out!" Sirius said laughingly. "I just solved all of your problems."

"Most of them, anyway," Lily said affably, flipping her auburn locks over her shoulder. There was a new sparkle in her green eyes that nothing could take away.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Sirius' skill—er, finesse?—with the ladies is pretty much fanfic and cannon legend. Stands to reason this Bill Nye of the relationship world is pretty well-tuned to the nuances of emotion and affection, right? Even more so when it's his two best friends.  
**ANPS: **I love this chapter almost as much as I loved "Another Nightmare" (Chapter Fourteen). It seems Sirius has a perceptiveness pertaining to relationships that I enjoy to employ. (=


	26. Chapter Twenty Five: Never Fear

**Author's Note: **Enjoy, dear readers. I certainly did.  
**ANPS: **A long time ago in a galaxy far far away (when I was new to FFNet and this story was young), a user informed me that too-frequent updates leave the readers under the impression that the author hadn't put thought into their post. That is NOT true. I read and reread and edit (but I'm only human, so if I typo, etc. tell me) before I post. I know this is only a day after my last post, but I recently finished writing Chapter 32 and editing Chapter 27 so I'm trying to get my posts caught up. Let me know if you don't approve, and I'll slow the updates down a bit; I aim to please! (=

* * *

Lily knew Sirius was up to something, as did James. Neither knew just what. The difference was, she knew why.

Ever since she'd spoken to Sirius, she'd had mixed feelings. On the one hand, she was dying to tell James. On the other, nagging doubts plagued her more than ever before. It was Thursday, four days since their conversation. Sirius' plan, however, was becoming apparent, though the reasoning and intent behind it remained a mystery.

Lily and James, that very morning, had awoken to a buzzing Great Hall. The Wailing Warlocks were performing at the Three Broomsticks and Slughorn had managed to procure a few tickets. Despite the growing air of unease regarding the increasing war, he had decided to 'lift spirits' by throwing a party for the Slug Club and their dates.

Lily, sitting with the Marauders, had a very awkward morning. James and she were both in the Slug Club, Remus having denied membership "to focus on his studies" (he thought it was a load of dragon dung), Peter being not bright enough, and Sirius being too much of a troublemaker. However, Sirius, by ways unknown to all—they really didn't want to know—had managed to get tickets for all of the Marauders and their dates.

Remus amusedly turned down offers from nervously giggling fifth years. "I'm going alone," he said them with mock depression. Fortunately, they were excited enough not be offended by his utterly nonchalant manner.

Peter, for the first time in his life, was bombarded with requests for a date. He excitedly said yes to the first, a small fourth year with a timid demeanor. He seemed rather unhappy when one of Remus' fifth year stragglers approached him after Peter's agreeing to attend with the fourth year.

Sirius, as always, was attacked by ravished sixth and seventh year women. "Ladies, ladies," he teasingly pleaded. "Let me decide in peace!" He glanced around himself pompously. "Lucy… Janet… Both?" he inquired hopefully. He could use Remus' spare ticket.

The pair of seventh years glanced at each other, grinning madly, and nodded vigorously. James rolled his eyes and Lily laughed outright.

To Lily's discontent, James was assailed with offers as well. His suitors, however, didn't blatantly ask as they did with the other Marauders. James was special; he hadn't dated for two years—he needed persuading. There was much to-do with batting of eyelashes, exposing too much of bosoms, and shameless flattery. It was utterly sickening in Lily's opinion.

"I can't, I won't, I'm sorry," James replied repeatedly, finally settling on simply shaking his head so that he could continue to eat breakfast.

Many males came to fawn over Lily as well. They presented her with magicked flowers, attempting to woo her into an invitation. Lily's insecurity regarding James' suitors dissipated slightly upon seeing James' clenched jaw whenever she was asked to the concert.

"No, thank you," she replied ceaselessly, but the men were relentless. Even after the females of Hogwarts had given up pursuit of the Marauders, Lily was followed around by stray-puppies-in-need-of-a-companion. Lily was held up before and after class but she kept a constant hand on James' flexing arm.

He couldn't help the bouts of jealously he felt almost every moment of that day. True, Lily wasn't really his, but he still loved her regardless. He knew his anger wasn't righteous but he couldn't bring his good humor to return. He was heartened by Lily's refusal to leave him, though, and took comfort in daydreaming what-ifs. He wasn't aware that Lily was doing exactly the same.

Lily knew she'd be spending Saturday with James regardless, going into Hogsmeade in the morning to pick up Bell, who was arriving Friday night, from the Post Owl Office's Animal Transport Center. However, the concert in question wasn't discussed. They both assumed they'd be spending the time together, much as everything else, and that was fine with them.

Lily was amazed the extent of her emotion for James went unnoticed by her prospective beaux. One went as far as to try to sweep her off her feet in an unwarranted and unwanted kiss but this was the last straw for James.

"Lily, would you like to go with—what's your name?" he said in exasperation.

"Maurice Pinckney," replied the gawky sixth-year.

"Yes, him; d'you want to go to the concert with him?" James inquired once again.

"I'm sorry, no," Lily said to Maurice's sullen face.

"D'you want to go with anyone?" James added.

Lily considered this; she didn't want to go with anyone but James, but she couldn't tell him that. "No," she said simply. "I thought we could just hang out together, but if you're going with someone?"

"You know better than anyone I'm not, sweetheart," he said, rolling his eyes and kissing her hair. This action sent butterflies through Lily's stomach and disoriented her so much that she didn't have time to anticipate and stop James' next action.

"Oi, you lot!" James said loudly. Heads turned and he continued, "Come over here if you want to go with Lily to the concert."

Hopeful bodies flew towards them but James gallantly shielded Lily from the bulk of hormone-crazed, overly-confident teenage boys. "So, darling, any of these?" James asked.

"Sorry, but no," she said, failing to stifle a giggle at James' effectiveness. They walked away muttering darkly and she chuckled once more. "Thorough; good technique," she complimented James.

"Thank you, my dear," he said, buoyant personality restored for the first time that day.

"I see you've recovered your mood," Lily remarked, noting this change in demeanor.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. Lily stood on her toes and ruffled his hair affectionately.

"It's fine, Jamesie," she said, linking her arm in his. "Off to Defense?"

"Education is vital. School, on the other hand…" he trailed off with a teasing glimmer in his eyes.

"Provides said vital education," Lily finished, tugging on him. "Your effective little stunt has made us late, Mr. Potter."

"I'm terribly sorry, Miss Evans," he apologized jeeringly. "It'd be awful if you weren't Difesa's favorite student."

"Second-favorite, but I don't want to feed your overlarge ego," Lily said affably.

"You know you love me, darling," James said, leading her to the classroom.

"Indeed," concurred Lily, wishing she could express her sentiments in full. Changing the subject, she remarked, "We're practicing Patonuses today."

They'd reached the classroom, only a few minutes late, and, sure enough, a silvery light radiated from beneath the door. "After you, precious," James said, extending his arm and holding the door.

"Thank you, kind sir," Lily said, extracting her wand and making to blend in with the crowd of studious classmates. James mimicked her and their late entrance went unnoticed by all.

No, it went unnoticed by all except Sirius. Wagging a finger at them, he chastised, "What were you doing all alone skipping class?"

"Oh, snogging in the broom cupboard; the usual," said Lily, equaling his jesting tone. "James thankfully rid me of the stalkers."

"Did he now?" Sirius said, happy there wouldn't be any unnecessary unconscious bodies for him to deal with so his plan would succeed.

"She said she wanted to go with m—us," James said. "So we simply informed the masses."

"Excellent," said Sirius, eyes flashing mischievously. "Bloody brilliant, Prongs, thank you."

"Thanks for what?" James asked suspiciously, though he smiled.

Lily got a sinking feeling, remembering Sirius' threatened interference. It looks as though he'd succeed. Oh, well—she resigned herself not to try to stop him. If she'd learned anything in her time as Sirius' friend, it was that when he was determined… you'd best not attempt to go against his wishes.

Sirius saw the resignation in Lily's eyes. "Giving up, Lils? Finally, a rational decision regarding the matter at hand," he remarked. She glanced at James nervously, but he seemed bewildered. Noting this, Sirius added, "I've been vague, Lily, never fear."

"Never fear? Oh, of course not," Lily said sarcastically. "I'll never fear as long as it's Sirius Black who knows my biggest secret."

"Never fear, Lils, I've got a plan," he repeated with a bark of laughter.

What was Lily's biggest secret? Why must she never fear? James looked confusedly at the pair of them but decided not to perplex himself further by inquiring.

He conjured a majestic stag that met an elegant doe while it strode around the room. He glanced to his right at its caster and Lily's wand was raised, a look of pride on her face. But he already knew that—how could he forget, as much as he realized Lily didn't love him—their magic was connected.

He wasn't scared of the future. The unknown didn't frighten him as much as it did most. Even if Lily didn't love James like he did her, she would be there. They were connected, even to their very core—their Patronuses, their magic, themselves.

James didn't realize the extent of his love was equaled in Lily. He would never guess it. He merely felt her presence and beamed at it. With the other by their side, Lily and James would never fear loneliness or despair as most did when faced with the unknown.

They were each other's ultimate comfort. You can never fear with your comfort beside you.

Lily and James glanced at each other as they cast their next spell. It was only a momentary glance. No real thought was behind it. Neither analyzed what it meant. They were simply at peace with each other.

* * *

**Author's Note: **This chapter wasn't very fluffy, but I thought I'd give you a break from my pure fluff. Don't worry, though, I can't stay away from it for long.


	27. Chapter Twenty Six: Be Afraid

**Author's Note: **Take pleasure in my writing, if you please. (I'm sick of merely saying, "Enjoy!")

* * *

Lily felt a soft and wet something tickling her nose. She mumbled and tried to turn over and go back to sleep, but the something was persistent. This normally would've perplexed her, but she was still encompassed in the world of unconsciousness. She heard soft, familiar laughter and footsteps.

"James?" she inquired drowsily.

"Sorry, Lils, I didn't mean to wake you," he said, sounding as though he had every intention of waking her. "It's just there's someone here to see you."

"Who?" Lily said, rubbing her eyes. "Oh!" Bell was burrowing her way into Lily's arms. "I thought we were getting up early to go get her?"

"I thought I'd let you sleep in," said James.

"Thank you, Jamesie!" Lily exclaimed, grinning widely. She stroked Bell's fur and gazed at James gratefully—his thoughtfulness just one of the many reasons she loved him.

James watched Lily as well, and she felt her face growing hot. "So, what time is it?" she asked. "I love sleeping in and all, especially after staying up doing Binn's, Difesa's, and Slughorn's essays—I saw the sun rise—but just how late did you let me snooze, Jamesie?"

James glanced at his watch. "It's three thirty," he said laughingly. "You enjoy your sleep, don't you?"

"When I'm not having nightmares," she said, almost to herself. Not wanting to dampen the joyful mood, she added, "But when did you get up?"

"I, however, did have a nightmare," James said, but didn't request pity. "So I woke pretty early."

"Oh, Jamesie, what about?" Lily said, despite knowing he didn't want to talk about it. Regardless of his attitude, it'd help to talk. She knew that from experience, when James had done the same to her.

"You," he supplied grudgingly. His eyes closed the subject in a way he was too kind to do outright. Lily didn't care.

"I'm sorry, James," replied Lily.

"You've nothing to be sorry about," James said, exasperation in his tone. "You don't have to feel guilty or scared like the whole war is on your shoulders."

"It feels like it is sometimes," Lily admitted, glad James was opening up as usual. He could and would tell her anything; she'd do the same with him. "Like it's pressing in on me—almost as though I'm trapped with nowhere to go."

There, she said it. It sounded absolutely corny, but it was the truth.

"You've got me," James said, walking towards her. He sat on the bed and began playing with Lily's hands. "I'm not going to go as far as to tell you you needn't worry when I'm around. You'd do it anyway."

Lily nodded, wondering where he was going.

"But you shouldn't, Lils," he said, desperate to ease the fears he saw so often in her. "I'm not going to let anything hurt you, darling. They'll have to go through me and I'm not going down without fighting for y—"

Lily cut him off. "Stop! Just stop, okay? That's what bothers me. I don't care if I get hurt, James. But you do. And you'd do something insane or stupid or brave to try to stop it, and you'd end up hurt yourself," Lily sighed. "I don't want that. _That_'s what I'm worried about."

If only she could tell him just why she felt that way—why there was no sense of self-preservation in her when it came to James. She turned away from him and Bell paced back and forth between her owners at a loss.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," said James after a moment. He placed Bell in her arms and placed a kiss on Lily's nose. Her heartbeat quickened, but James, obviously, couldn't hear that. "So, the concert starts at seven. But the Marauders and company are heading to dinner at six."

"That's only two and a half hours!" Lily exclaimed, the hand that wasn't stroking Bell flying to her mouth.

"_Only_ two and a half, darling?" James asked, oblivious to the wonders of the female mind.

"I've got to get ready," Lily said, talking more to herself than to James. "I have to shower, get all this makeup off, put new makeup on, fix my hair, plan an outfit, make Bell a bed, give Bell some milk, go to Slughorn and get the tickets…" She trailed off looking slightly panic-stricken.

"You know, I've never seen you without makeup slathered on your face," James said wonderingly. In all the time that he'd known her—strange. He chuckled a bit. "I can conjure a bed and get some milk. I'll grab the tickets, too."

Lily smiled gratefully. Encouraged, James wished to make the smile he loved even wider. Women and their dress-up routines… He thought of how to buy her more time. "And you don't even have to wear makeup; you're not going with anyone."

Lily's smile widened, yes, but not because he had removed the stress.

"Jamesie, I'm going with you," said Lily. She added, "And the Marauders, and their dates—and the rest of the Slug Club. And Slughorn."

"You're getting all dolled up for old Sluggy? I should've seen the relationship blossoming—but, alas, I am too smitten with you myself to allow for other advances," James said teasingly.

"Touché, Jamesie. He's not the only one who's going," replied Lily amiably, but James' face fell ever-so-slightly. Had she not known him so well, she was sure it would've gone by unnoticed, so imperceptible was the change. But why?

"Really? Who, dare I ask," he said, obviously trying to remain joking despite his hurt. "Has finally captured your heart?"

"Oh, Jamesie," she said, relieved that nothing was seriously wrong. "I just meant that I've gotten very little sleep, and I'm not going to be pleasant-looking company."

"I won't mind," James said, relieved as well, though he knew he had no claim on her. "And I can't imagine a non-gorgeous Lily, honey."

"You're going to make me just as arrogant as you are," Lily said, though she appreciated his compliment. "On second thought, I don't believe that's possible."

"Sirius is close," he reminded her.

"He's a special case," she relented.

"Go shower, precious," James said with a smile. "You know I'll win this argument. It is, after all, about me, which is my best subject."

"I believe your best subject is me," Lily said, beaming. That fact made her so joyous it was ridiculous.

"I believe my best everything is you, dear," he commented affably.

"I'm going to shower," she said, smile still present on her face. "And you know what, Jamesie? I'm not doing anything to my face. Just for you. Be afraid, James—be very afraid."

"I promise, nothing will frighten me more," he jeered.

With a smirk and a wink Lily exited with finesse, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she headed to the bathroom. James' laugh echoed through her mind and she smiled as she strolled away.

* * *

"So, Lils," James said while he sat behind Lily, watching her brush her hair. "I've heard stories about your past, I'm here for the present… What's your plan for the future?"

"We're delving into something deep," Lily said with a laugh. The pair had been talking about life in general while she got ready. "I really don't know what I'm going to do. I want to fight…"

"But?" he asked, knowing her so well.

"But I want to have a family, too," Lily said a bit sadly. "I want to have a husband, and a baby, and—and I want to have a family. I don't see how it's possible, though. I should be more like Sirius."

"Sirius, the amazing plan-it-all-ahead role model," James laughed. "When asked what he wants to do, he replies simply, 'Fight,' and he means it."

"Exactly," Lily said. "I don't see why you're laughing, though. It's a far more reasonable philosophy than mine."

"And mine," replied James.

"Yours?" Lily asked.

"I'd like to have a family, too," supplied James. "I don't see the unreasonable part, though."

"You can't fight with children," Lily said. "But you and I want to do something to help."

"We could fight," James said thoughtfully. "And then, when you're pregnant, we could stop. That way we could battle as long as possible, but our children would still be safe. Of course, when I say our children," James trailed off with a sad sort of grin.

"Yes?" Lily asked, knowing this would be the perfect moment to tell him. However, the renewed talk of war caused her to hold her tongue.

"They wouldn't be 'ours' as in yours and mine. They'd be yours and whoever you decide to wed," James said, albeit bitterly. "Of course, precious, they'd be mine in that I'd be godfather."

"What makes you so sure, Jamesie?" Lily asked with a grin. She was glad they'd left the harsh realties of war and were now jokingly contemplating their brood.

"Oh, I'm your best friend," he said confidently, good humor restored. "You'd have to choose me. Besides, I'd be a lonely single man in need of companionship."

"You'll never be lonely," Lily said with an assurance that frightened her. "There'll always be girls pining after the lovely James Potter."

"Not the girl I want, though," he said, gazing at her levelly.

Lily turned away from the mirror and set the brush down. She walked to her dresser and began rummaging around for a dress to wear to the concert.

"You'll get over me," she said simply, hoping for both of their sakes it was true. She couldn't continue to hurt him by not telling him of her love when he loved her, but she didn't want to hurt him because of her being Muggle-born.

"No, I won't," he said with a sigh. Changing the subject to pleasanter matters, he added, "But I see you've got to get dressed."

"We're leaving for Hogsmeade in a few minutes," she said happily.

"As much as I'd love to watch you put on your clothes," James said teasingly. "I think I'll bow out, darling."

"You have to dress as well," she reminded him. He was wearing a worn out t-shirt and sweatpants. "But if I'm not wearing makeup, I suppose you think you've got a free pass?"

"I need to dress up," James replied, amazed at how insecure his Lily was. "Whereas you look gorgeous with or without makeup; I, however, prefer you without."

Lily rolled her eyes, obviously not believing. It was true, though. He loved how she looked with nothing on her face—just bare Lily. Her eyes seemed to sparkle more when not covered with shadow.

"Either way, I'm not wearing any," Lily said. "I've not enough time."

"Good," he said with a smile as he shut the door behind him.

Lily found a short ebony dress that her mum had bought her before school began. "It's always good to have a little black dress," she'd informed her before she presented her with the package. Lily hadn't had the occasion to wear it, since her mother had really bought it so that Lily could attend Petunia's graduation. Tuney had decided to stay in school another year.

Lily took out her wand and removed most of the frills, settling on a strapless mid-thigh length of fabric with a white ribbon that accentuated her slender waist. It wasn't very conservative, but she was going to a concert. From what she'd heard, the gals who were attending the Wailing Warlocks concert were dressing in what was sure to be little more than negligee.

She pulled the dress carefully over her. She was happy. Lily felt and looked beautiful. The only thing that could make this better would be if she could tell her Jamesie of her feelings; but since she wouldn't do that, Lily decided not to ponder the matter.

Lily Evans was spending the night with James Potter and she was going to enjoy herself.


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven: Be a Troll

**Author's Note: **These few chapters have been difficult for reasons (un)known to me—I've dropped things here and there, added things in, put things in latter scenes… I hope the finished product is one you'll enjoy! (=

* * *

Lily smiled one last time at her reflection, slid her feet into a pair of white heels, and clicked-clacked her way out of the tile bathroom. She stepped lightly through her room and into the common room, surprised at the ease in which she walked despite the long amount of time since she'd last worn anything but flats.

James, looking too handsome for Lily's self-control in wizard's robes, was waiting for her. "You look," he began, searching for a word, "More gorgeous than usual."

He couldn't help but marvel. She was showing quite a bit of skin and the way she walked in the heels was so graceful she was almost dancing. Lily was all dressed up—any male couldn't help but ogle, especially one who already loved her. James remembered Lily walking around barefoot in his worn out Gryffindor t-shirt over Christmas, though, and thought nothing she wore could top how good she looked then.

Lily blushed. "Shut it," she said, albeit playfully. "We've got to meet the Marauders."

"I can't help but stare, Lils," he said with mock (but not very much of it was teasing) awe. "You can't wear something like that and have your personality at the same time."

"So, what, you want me to be a troll tonight?" Lily said teasingly, taking his arm as they walked out of their dormitory. "Would that help, Jamesie?"

"Possibly," he responded amiably. "You'll have to start by not being so wonderful. Or funny. Or kind. Or Lily."

"That shouldn't be too hard," she said smilingly, leaning into him as she laughed.

"Really, sweetheart," he said in mock indignation. "I'd push you away but I lack the willpower."

"Am I invoking your ardor, Jamesie?" she teased.

"You seem rather light-hearted tonight, Lils," James remarked, enjoying his love's happiness.

"I'm merely basking in compliments," she admitted, though she masked her confession with a jeering grin.

"I'm dying to muss your hair for that," he replied.

"Do it and die," she said seriously. "I have so much hair that once it's down I'll not get it back up again."

"I know," James said affably. "That's why."

"You're so kind," Lily said, mussing James' hair.

"Look who's talking!" he said, not even bothering to attempt to smooth it.

"I'm supposed to be a troll tonight, remember?" she reminded him.

"Or you could wear other clothes," said James.

"I'm sure when you see Lucy and Janet they'll distract you," Lily said. "From what I've heard, I'm practically in grandmother attire compared to their outfits."

"Yes, precious, but I don't love them," James reminded her. "I'll be looking at you regardless."

Lily was saved from the prospect of responding by them reaching the Gryffindor dormitory. She gave the password and stepped into the common room, self-consciously releasing James' arm when she met Sirius' suspicious eyes. She really hadn't even realized she'd taken it—it had been a desire for closeness rather than a conscious decision.

"Where are Lucy and Janet?" she asked to distract him.

"Still getting ready," replied Remus with a roll of his eyes. "Honestly, girls are a hassle."

"They're worth it," said both James and Sirius at once, though each had different thoughts when they said this. Lily smiled at her friends.

"We take a while but you don't seem to mind the end result," she chastised Remus. "Where's Peter? And his date?"

"Peter's attempting to improve his own end result," replied Sirius with a chuckle. "His date, oh, what's-her-name, is a fourth year Hufflepuff. They're only two years apart, though. He's supposed to be going to get her now. You look lovely, by the way," he added, and Remus nodded his agreement.

"Thank you Padfoot, Moony," Lily said with a smile, giving them both a hug. The atmosphere made her giddy. She was going to enjoy herself tonight—she was determined.

"I said it first," James jokingly pleaded. "Where's my hug?" he implored with a laugh. Lily was certainly in an excellent mood.

Lily took a step toward him and embraced him, kissing his cheek then walking away. "I'll go get Lucy and Janet. They're both sixth years?"

"Janet's a seventh," Sirius responded. "Someone head up for Peter."

James and Remus both shook their heads, but the latter was a second too late.

"Fine," Remus said with a sigh. "I'll go listen to him whine about which robes to wear and how nervous he is about dancing—sniveling git."

"You don't mean that," Lily said with a laugh as she walked up the stairs.

"No," Remus concurred. "Not all the time, at least," he added as he made his own way up the flights to the male dormitory.

Lily didn't hear him, however, as she had already reached the sixth year girls' dormitory. "Are Janet and Lucy in here?" she inquired to the group of gossiping girls.

"No, they're in the seventh year dorm," one supplied.

"Thanks," she said, shutting the door and walking up one more flight of stairs. "Lucy? Janet?" she called upon opening the second door.

"Over here," Lucy said. She had a tube of lipstick in her hand and a dressing robe on her body. Janet was in similar situation, though she held mascara instead.

"Where are you dresses?" Lily asked, looking around the room. "We're leaving in a few minutes."

"Where's your makeup?" Janet countered, joking but honestly curious.

"I'm not wearing any," Lily said defensively. "Why?"

"Just noting it," Janet said simply.

"Our dresses are laid out on my bed. Yours is adorable, Lily. Could you grab them?" Lucy asked, smacking her lips and handing the tube to Janet.

"No problem," Lily said, picking them up and walking over.

"Thanks," replied Lucy, pulling the thin bit of fabric over her. It was an intense red number, hitting her upper thighs in a ruffle. She stepped into a pair of black flats and ran her fingers through her pin-straight hair. She'd certainly made quite an effort.

"That's a great dress," Lily remarked.

"Thanks," Lucy replied with a smile. "Hurry up, Janet."

"I'm trying, I'm trying," Janet said, smearing on so much blush it looked as though she'd been running for a few days prior. She grabbed the dress from Lily's arms and stepped into it. "Zip me?"

Lucy obliged, and Janet spun around, modeling pompously. It was neon green, very, very form fitting, and so short it barely covered the essentials. Janet stepped into the highest heels Lily had ever seen.

This night was sure to prove interesting. Lucy was nice enough, but she seemed determined to win over Sirius. Janet was relying on pure cattiness, and Lily had a feeling poor Lucy wasn't going to have a pleasant time.

"Let's go on down, girls," Lily said. She'd started to add 'your date is waiting,' but she felt that would be starting the battle too quickly.

They stepped into the common room and Lily felt overshadowed. Yes, Lucy and Janet's dresses weren't exactly tasteful, but they certainly caught the eye. They were sure to be showered in male attention. Lily wasn't used to caring so much about something that she'd feel insecure, but the unpleasant emotion was there.

She hesitated before she looked at James, fearing what she'd find. When she glanced over, however, she positively beamed. James was gazing at her with such emotion that he normally masked with teasing or joking. Lily felt her heart beating quicker and she had to remind herself just why she couldn't run over there and snog him senseless. Instead, she walked, albeit a bit quicker than normal, to his side.

"You look wonderful, Lucy, Janet," Sirius said, walking over and giving each a peck on the cheek.

"No more than Lily or Janet," Lucy said sweetly, though her return kiss lingered.

"Thank you, Sirius, baby," Janet replied. Lily could almost hear her unsheathing her claws. Poor Lucy. "I did put quite an effort into it. Lucy put in even more of one, though."

Lucy sucked in a breath looking hurt. Sirius' head tilted to the side; he was obviously wondering what to make of the situation. Lily made her way over to give Lucy a discreet reassuring pat, whispering in Sirius' ear that he had quite a feud on his hands on her way back to James.

Janet noted this innocent whisper. "Yes, Lucy had to work harder than I did. But Lily certainly didn't," she said with a grin, pulling Sirius in for a hug that lasted too long. "Perhaps she should have, though. I mean, no offense, but she definitely needs a good bit of makeup. I might be able to run you up and lend you some of mine?"

Lily gaped at her; she hadn't expected verbal abuse—she certainly wasn't going after Sirius of all people. The comment about her appearance shook her, though—it hurt. "Er," she said, wondering what an appropriate reply would be. She should've known she couldn't trust James. He was too much of a gentleman to tell her the truth, that she looked bad. She tried to stop it, but Lily's face fell infinitesimally.

James wrapped an arm around her waist, hugging her to him so that he could lean down and whisper in her ear. "She's jealous, Lils," he said. "She just has to try hard to look half as good as you do without effort."

"Thank you, Janet," Lily said, ignoring James, still self-doubting. "Can we run up right now before we leave?"

James used his free arm to tilt up Lily's chin so that she looked into his eyes. "Please, Lils?" he asked, wondering how she didn't know how beautiful she really was. "You're stunning, honey. Why mar your natural beauty?"

"That's corny, James," Lily said breathlessly, unaware, lost as she was in the moment, that Remus and Peter, coming down the stairs, were gaping at the pair of them.

Sirius, busy trying to diffuse the Lucy/Janet situation, didn't notice them. Peter and Remus, however, saw Lily and James staring lovingly into each other's eyes. They looked on the scene in wonder, Peter squealing in surprise when he stubbed his toe on the stair.

Their moment ruined, James cleared his throat loudly and released Lily, who was blushing furiously. To end the awkward moment, Lily asked where they were going to eat and they began talking as though nothing at happened.

"Did you see that?" Remus asked of his friend, who was swearing and rubbing his foot.

"Yeah," Peter replied. "Poor James; he's really sweet on her."

"Did you not see Lily's face?" Remus asked in exasperation.

"No," Peter said. Remus gaped at him, wondering how one man could be so thick. "Did I miss something?"

"No more than I did," Remus replied, wondering if James had finally wooed Lily Evans. There was no way—he'd have heard about it. In fact, the whole world would've heard about. James would fly around Hogwarts shouting it to everyone who could listen, he was sure. Remus must've imagined the whole thing—when he glanced down again, the pair was chatting nonchalantly.

"We're going to get our tickets and Peter's date," Remus called. James and Lily obliged him with a nod, but the rest were too absorbed in bickering.

"Should we go do something?" Lily asked, seeing Sirius giving up and sitting down on the couch, looking up at the arguing girls resignedly.

"If we don't, someone might die before dinner," James said, taking her hand and walking over to his best friend. Janet and Lucy were arguing furiously, and Sirius was sighing and shaking his head. "I'll take Sirius, and you can get Lucy and Janet."

"Joy," Lily said sarcastically. She walked over and cleared her throat loudly. Janet and Lucy continued to argue over who would have the first and last dance with Sirius. "Lucy, Janet? Could you stop the fighting, please?"

"Sorry, Lily," Lucy said, though her eyes were still narrowed. "I should never have agreed to go if this one was going."

"Mind your own business, Evans," Janet said, turning on her. "The only reason Sirius asked Lucy in the first place was because he felt sorry for her."

Lucy merely glared at her but Lily intervened. "That was uncalled for, Janet."

"Stay out of it!" Janet exclaimed and James and Sirius both turned to look. "Stick with your own date! Yes, you look horrible, but he doesn't have anyone else to go with; though Merlin knows why he said yes to you." Not knowing she was being watched, she continued, "In fact, you keep pining after my date. I don't care. I'll take yours—I look gorgeous, how could he possibly say no?"

"Janet!" exclaimed Lucy, but Janet brushed her off.

"I'm helping you, Lucy. If your only competition is Lily, you'll certainly get Sirius—she looks awful," Janet said cruelly. "I wanted James anyway. Honestly, who do you think he'd choose between me and that sorry-looking goblin over there?"

"I think I'd choose the most gorgeous witch," said James, rising. He could stand no more.

Lily peered at him, hurt and bewildered. Sirius stared, mouth open, at his friend. Janet took a step towards him with a catty and triumphant smile.

"I'd choose the most gorgeous witch," he repeated, stepping around Janet. "But not because she's prettiest. Because of her personality—because she's clever and amusing and kind; I would choose my Lily. No, I've already chosen her. Sorry, Janet."

Janet looked at him in wonder, but recovered herself. She slapped him hard across the face and walked up the stairs, not used to rejection.

"I'm sorry, Jamesie," Lily said, still having to reach up to rub his cheek despite the height her heels added. "But thank you."

"I'm sorry too, Prongs," Sirius said, still staring at the girls' dormitory stairs in wonder. "She was quite… aggressive." Seeing Lily's caressing hand, he added, "Lily, now is as good a time as any."

"Sirius, no, please don't start this," Lily said in exasperation. "I'm trying to get in a good mood again."

"I'll put you in a better one by the time the night is over," Sirius replied with a cocky grin.

"I can't think of anyway short of Veritaserum," Lily said with an equally confident smile. "And you're no great shakes at potions."

"Don't worry, Lils. I'm Sirius Black, after all," he said, kissing a joyful Lucy's cheek. "I have my ways."

"Do I want to know?" James asked.

"No," said Lily, at the exact same time Sirius said, "Yes."

"I don't think I want to find out," James concluded, looking between his friends bemusedly. "So, Lils, I want you in a good mood again, too. I love it when you're giddy."

"I'm working on it," Lily said with a grin.

"Lily, sweetheart, since when are you insecure?" James asked.

"I'm not," Lily said stubbornly.

"Sure you're not," James said, matching her smile. "Think happy thoughts."

Lily recalled the intense emotion on James' face earlier that night and was suddenly confident and ecstatic. She must've glowed, because James laughed outright.

"Normally figures of speech aren't taken so literally," he informed her, taking her hand. "It's time to go to dinner, and I see you've gotten yourself happy again rather quickly."

"All I had to do was think happy thoughts," she replied, signaling for Sirius and Lucy to follow them. "Let's go find Remus and Peter. We've got dinner and a concert that I intend on enjoying."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Wow, this chapter was long. And absolutely nothing happened. It's quite sad, but I think you'll live. This whole concert-night-thing has been one of great debate between my writer self and my author self. I know, same thing—which is why the argument is all the more pathetic, haha. (=


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight: Scared To Face Him

**Author's Note: **They've eaten dinner already, obviously. Enjoy!

* * *

James pushed the door to the Three Broomsticks open and held it for Lily. Sirius, Lucy, Remus, Peter's date, Erin, and Peter followed them into the crowded bar. Music was blaring and there were magical orbs of light hovering around the room, providing dim illumination.

They made their way over to the bar and found two empty stools.

"I'm going to have fun," Sirius said in parting, grabbing Lucy's hand and pulling her into the mob.

Peter shyly asked Erin if she'd like to dance, and, to his amazement, she obliged.

Remus sat on one of the pair of stools and ordered three butterbeers. James pulled out the second one and motioned for Lily to sit. She was too cheerful to argue his old-fashioned gallantry and sat with a smile.

They sat and stood there for a few minutes, sipping their drinks, talking about and listening to the music. A woman that looked two years or so older than them came up and asked a surprised Remus to dance.

"Why, yes, thank you," he said, turning slightly pink. James took his stool and gave Remus a congratulatory thumbs-up.

Lily sat on the stool, tapping her feet to the music as she talked to James. They'd played three or four upbeat songs since they'd arrived, but now the lead singer stopped and made an announcement.

"We're playing a slow song—and I don't want any of that sitting it out nonsense," he informed them. "So wizards, ask a witch. I don't want anyone off their feet."

There were laughs; a few couples made a point of sitting down. However, when the music began, they stood after a few notes and began swaying. Lily hummed the intro along with them, closing her eyes. She didn't want to tell James, but she did. She didn't want to risk her self control, but she wished that James would—

"May I have this dance, love?" James asked a few seconds into the song, noting her obvious want to dance. She was humming and her feet were tapping.

"Certainly," Lily said, trying not to seem too eager. James took her hand and pulled her onto the floor, staying around the edges of the congregation in the middle of the floor.

Lily immediately wrapped her arms around his neck and didn't want to let go. James, reassured, peacefully and joyfully held her waist. They twirled and dipped but finally just swayed with one another as the song went on, moving closer together though neither truly chose to do so consciously.

Lily closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of James, smelling peppermint, hearing James sigh contentedly. James closed his eyes as well, becoming lost in a world that was cinnamon and soft and beautiful because it was Lily.

The song ended. James opened his eyes, expecting Lily to pull away, but to his confusion her eyes remained closed, a small smile on her lips. She was praying for another slow song—another excuse to hold James without explaining her reasons.

"Do we want another slow song?" the singer called, obviously going to play one anyway but wanting to rile up the crowed.

"Yes!" chorused the voices back, struggling to be heard over the guitar that had already started to play.

Lily took a step forward, making to dance, but James, who wasn't expecting this, stayed where he was. She ended up pressed against his chest, closer than she had any right to be. She wondered nervously if she should step back, but when she opened her eyes she saw that James was smiling.

No, James was beaming. He knew Lily was just dancing, but he could pretend that she really loved him just as much as he loved her for as long as the song lasted. He held her waist, swaying in pure joy as he danced.

Sirius, who had gone to the bar, breathless from dancing, and discovered James and Lily gone, spent his time looking for them. When he spied them dancing, he motioned over Remus. Peter, Lucy, and Erin were sitting down sipping butterbeer.

Sirius told a surprised Remus of Lily's secret. "Really?" Remus asked, disbelieving. He looked at the couple, however, laughed. "How could I not have seen it?"

"How could _James_ not see it?" Sirius asked with a chuckle. "So, I'll get Lily and you get James?"

"Get them how?" asked Remus.

Sirius told him of his plan. A bit hesitant, but willing nonetheless, Remus walked over and stood behind James while Sirius did the same behind Lily. Noticed by neither James nor Lily, who were lost in themselves, Sirius grinned at Remus.

He held up three fingers… Two fingers… One finger…

James and Lily felt something push their heads forward. Their eyes flew open as their lips met. After a lingering moment, both leaned back in surprise.

"Sorry, Lils," James said distractedly. The brief taste of Lily had intoxicated him.

"It wasn't your fault," Lily said, taking a step away from him. Her self control couldn't take any prolonged contact just yet. She was dying to tell him how she felt, dying to kiss him, really kiss him, not just let their mouths touch briefly for a second. "I—I think I'll go find Sirius," she said, making a hasty exit.

She found said teenage boy dancing with Lucy. "Can I borrow your date for a minute?" she asked Lucy, grabbing Sirius' hand.

"Er," said Lucy. "Sure?"

Lily pulled Sirius over to a corner of the room. "What d'you think you're on?" she said angrily. "How am I supposed to keep the secret if I know what I'm missing?"

"You're not supposed to keep the secret!" he said in exasperation. "You mean you didn't tell him?"

"No," she said, narrowing her eyes.

"Bloody hell! I swear, the pair of you are hopeless," he said, rolling his eyes. "What am I supposed to do now?"

"Nothing! Don't do anything," Lily said beseechingly. "I can't tell him, Sirius. I have to let him meet someone else, fall in love with her, be safe!"

"Safe but not happy," Sirius said, amazed at Lily's twisted protectiveness. "Besides, could you fall in love with anyone else as long as James was here?"

"No," Lily admitted.

"Then what makes you think James could?" asked Sirius.

"I don't know," she muttered. "I—I think I'll go back to Hogwarts. I'm tired. You go tell James."

"Scared to face him, are we?" Sirius asked with jeering sympathy.

"I'm not scared," Lily said indignantly. "I just don't trust myself. I need to get away from him for a bit, get the memory of the kiss you caused out of my head."

"It wasn't even a kiss, Lils," Sirius said in awe. "Your lips just touched for a moment. You really do love him, don't you?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Obviously," she said. "I thought we'd worked that much out. Just tell him to go dance with someone else—I'm heading back my dorm."

"I'll talk to him," Sirius said, a glint in his eyes.

"Don't tell him, Sirius," Lily said, beginning to panic. "Please, let me. If I decide to tell him, _I_ want to do it."

"But will you decide to tell him?" Sirius asked superiorly.

"I don't know!" Lily said, eyes widening as she pleaded.

"Fine," Sirius said with a sigh. "I won't tell him. But you're lucky I like you enough to listen."

"I know, I know," Lily said, messing Sirius' hair. She made her leave, drawing a few stares as the lovely redhead exited much too early. Men wolf-whistled as she parted the crowd in order to leave; she was clearly the only one going home so early.

"Where have you been all my life?" one asked, catching her arm as she made to push open the door.

"Hiding from you," Lily responded, shrugging out of his grip and walking away in dignity.

She still had the enchantment Dumbledore had cast on herself and the other Hogwarts students that allowed them to enter the grounds. She made her way to the Head dormitory, humming the song she'd last danced to.

She wasn't tired, but she had to get her mind off of James. She needed to do something to distract herself. She considered taking James' broom out for a spin. She really needed to get her own.

Lily walked into James' bedroom and pulled out his copy of "Which Broomstick?" She sat on his bed and propped the open book against her knee. Leaning back against his pillow, she began to read.

She took out her wand and summoned a bit of parchment, making notes here and there about which broom looks the most comfortable, the fastest, the most safe. She stuck the quill behind her ear, wondering why she didn't just ask James.

Oh, yes. She was supposed to be forgetting about James. Obviously, she wasn't doing a very good job, as she was sitting on his bed, reading his book, and buying a broom because he made her discover the joys of flying.

"I love you," she whispered aloud. Feeling silly, she resumed reading.

* * *

With a surge of affection, James found his love there; lying on his bed, his quill behind her ear, his book in her hand. She looked almost comical with the feather sticking out of her long locks. Her hair had fallen over her face and it was fluttering with her slow, even breaths. He brushed a few of the wavy red tendrils from her closed eyes.

He considered carrying Lily to her own room but decided not to risk waking her. He gently slid the book from her hand and the quill from her hair. He pulled the covers over her, tucking them in around her slumbering body that was still clothed in her dress and kissing her forehead lightly.

He was tempted to climb in next to her, just to hold her again. The night had been so wonderful—especially the not-a-kiss. He couldn't get the taste of her out of his mind but he wasn't sure he really wanted to. With a small wistful smile, he conjured a blanket and made his way to the common room couch.

Before he left, however, however, he spied a piece of parchment on the floor. He picked it up, recognizing Lily's loopy handwriting.

"Nimbus 1975—fast, stylish, not very sturdy; Cleansweep Four—stable, slow; Comet 245—steady, average speed…" it continued on a similar vein.

James suppressed his laughter until he could leave the room. "Oh, Lily," he said with a grin. He'd given her at least a partial addiction to his favorite pastime.

James would order her a proper broom. He'd love to give her one that was slow and steady but he knew she'd never accept that. He'd have to order her the same model as his own, the Magic Mach Eight. It was fast and light, but sturdy enough that he'd not panic when he saw Lily going by on it. He really needed to work on not being so protective of her.

He grabbed an order form from the back of the book and filled it out. Under the payment section, he entered his own Gringotts vault number. Lily wouldn't like that, but James saw no point in having her pay for it herself when he was so well off.

James finished the form, still wide awake. Why not go to the owlery and mail it now? Rules had ceased to deter him in second year. If he mailed it right now, Lily would get it next weekend. James summoned his cloak and the map and made his way out of the door.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Here's the random, unrelated, and irrelevant thought that Onefowlswan requested a week ago on October 16: The fact that Lily/James have male/female forms of the same animal demonstrates the truest kind of love, mutual. Though Severus is my favorite character, the fact that his is the same as Lily's shows that it's one-sided, since a doe and doe wouldn't mate, if you know what I mean. It wasn't meant to be, but that doesn't make it any less powerful. I know it has no bearing on the story, but whatever, right?


	30. Chapter Twenty Nine: Thick

**Author's Note: **This and Chapter Thirty, as of November 5, are my favorites. Then again, I've only just finished Chapter Thirty-two, so... *trails off with a grin*

* * *

Lily sat down in her place in the Great Hall with a smile. It was Saturday morning, one week after the concert, and she couldn't have looked more different from that night. She was wearing old jeans and a faded scarlet monstrosity of sweatshirt that clashed horribly with her hair.

However, her attire was accentuated positively by an ear-to-ear grin. There was a polished new broom leaning against the seat behind her. Though she was reluctant to accept such an expensive gift, she finally relented, agreeing that with James' wealth it was almost inconsequential.

"Thank you," she said for what must've been the hundredth time that morning.

"Blimey," James remarked, taking a seat on her right. "You'd think I saved your life or something. You're welcome, Lils, now shut it."

"Sorry, I'm just excited," she replied. "You know me."

"Yes, I do," said James with a reminiscent grin. "When you're happy, you're happy, darling. Our first night in the Head dorm was one to remember."

Lily laughed and began humming the same tune she had on that night. It seemed like so long ago. It was certainly long ago in terms of emotions—but she wasn't going to let love damper her morning.

"Did we miss something?" asked Sirius with a bemused look at Lily, who continued to hum her waltz loudly. He was accompanied by a tousle-haired Peter and Remus.

"Library again?" Remus asked of Peter, obviously exasperated.

"I've got to pass the Transfiguration test, Moony," Peter said in a beseeching voice.

"You're a bloody animagus," Remus exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. "How much more advanced can you get, Wormtail?"

"Oh, shut it and help me," Peter replied with a sigh. "McGonagall said if I failed another one…"

"I know, I know," Remus conceded. "I'm sure we'll have quite an enjoyable day with Madame Pince breathing down our necks."

"Thank you," Peter said with such gratitude that Remus turned slightly pink and Sirius, James, and Lily laughed outright.

They performed their ever-effective breakfast routine and ate, discussing Peter's ridiculous Transfiguration misapprehensions and McGonagall's obvious dislike of enjoyable Saturdays. When they had finished, Remus and Peter rose and headed to the library, each muttering darkly about 'bloody tests.' A still-beaming Lily and consequently joyful James rose as well, bidding adieu to Sirius.

"You sure you don't want to come?" Lily asked pleasantly. "James intends on teaching me how to play Quidditch."

"As entertaining as I'm sure that'll be," remarked Sirius with a grin, "I'll have to pass. Other, er, things, are occupying me today."

"What's her name?" asked Lily with a laugh.

"Patricia," responded James. "She asked him through me. Quite shy, actually, but apparently rather affectionate as well."

"Very affectionate," agreed Sirius, "though I really am sorry to miss Lily Evan's amazing adventures on the Quidditch pitch."

"I'm sure she'll be entertaining," agreed James.

"I'm perfectly capable—" Lily began, but Sirius interceded.

"You've not told him, I take it?" Sirius said, eying the way Lily even _argued_ with James lovingly. Sirius decided James must be a total thickhead since he didn't notice, so Sirius would have to solve things himself, in light of Lily's almost masochistic protectiveness. And he wasn't going to hermess it up this time, either.

"No," Lily said in a nonchalant manner, refusing to let Sirius' barbs damper her mood. "Let it go. I want to fly."

"James, could I talk to you for a moment?" Sirius asked with a devilish gleam in his eye. Lily opened her mouth but Sirius merely shrugged. "You had a week, Lils. I'm sick of the sexual tension."

James glanced between Lily and Sirius in utter confusion but gave up trying to decipher the situation. Sirius certainly had moments when he made absolutely no sense and Lily, James knew, was a rather quirky person as well. He ignored the bewildering but short conversation and instead focused on present matters. "Sure, Sirius," he responded. "What did you need to talk about?"

Sirius thought for a moment. If Lily wasn't present, Sirius would miss James' surely amusing endeavors. However, if Lily was present, she'd find some way to prevent the truth from coming out. His mind made up, he made his request: "Lily, could I talk to James alone?"

"No," she responded in a seemingly casual, happy manner.

"Sweetheart?" asked James in confusion.

"Oh, I'm feeling rather…" Lily began, trying to think of an explanation for her behavior.

"Off you go, then," said Sirius with a smile. "James will meet you on the pitch. Go get used to the broom. Break in the cushioning charm. Test the speed."

"Be careful," James said to Lily's back. She had turned, not letting James catch on to her frustration. She stalked away, but she cheered when she began humming the waltz from earlier. There was nothing she could do now. She'd simply deal with the consequences when she needed to.

"James," said Sirius without preamble once Lily had turned the corner. "Your girl's a thickhead."

Knowing immediately who his friend meant, James replied, "Why?"

"She's overprotective," stated Sirius. "But she doesn't think things through."

"Okay?" James said in confusion. What was Sirius talking about?

"I'm going to tell you something," began Sirius. "And you, in all of your arrogance, should believe me. But you're self-depreciating when it comes to her, so let me get this out of the way now: yes, I am bloody well telling the truth."

"What're you on about?" James asked, purely bewildered.

"Lily loves you, James," Sirius stated simply. James rolled his eyes. "I am bloody well telling the truth," Sirius repeated.

"Sure," said James with a wistful sort of chuckle. "She just decided she'd tell _you_ of her random affections."

"Actually, I guessed," admitted Sirius. "But I asked her, and she confessed. Honestly, I don't see how you don't notice. Perhaps you're the real thickhead, not our dear Lily."

"Why wouldn't she tell me, then?" countered James. "You're a terrible liar, Sirius. Your story at least has to make sense."

"I am bloody well telling the truth!" stated Sirius for a third time. "But her reasoning is ridiculous. That's where the protectiveness comes in."

"Oh?" James asked, encouraging Sirius to continue.

"She loves you," he repeated, rolling his eyes at her foolishness in the matter. "But she's too dense to do anything about it. She's afraid. She—her parents—their death—it really shook her, James. She's convinced anyone who she's close to is in danger, because she's a Muggle-born and all."

"That's very….stupid," James concluded. But it was also very Lily, in an infuriatingly sweet way. "But really, how am I supposed to believe you?"

"You're not," Sirius said simply. "You're supposed to believe her. So get her to tell you, show you, something. She's too thick to do it herself."

"But she doesn't love me," James said. "And there's no way to make her tell me otherwise."

"Snog her," stated Sirius with a roguish grin.

"Last time I checked, that was illegal," James said, though he couldn't help but let a chuckle escape at his friend's impish ways. "Besides, she'd just hex me into oblivion. I wouldn't do that to her, anyway."

"The pair of you is impossible," said Sirius, throwing his hands into the air in exasperation. "Kiss her, James."

"No," replied James.

"Yes," said Sirius.

"No!" exclaimed James.

"You know you want to," pleaded Sirius.

"Yes, I want to. But no," affirmed James. "Bloody hell; give it up, already, Padfoot!"

"Never," said Sirius with a wicked glint in his eyes. An idea had struck him. It was a bit out of season, yes, but tradition was tradition. "Hey, can you and Lily meet me in our common room? I've got to finish Potions and I'll need her assistance."

"That was an abrupt change of subject," noted James. "But, sure, I'll grab her. When d'you want to do it?"

"Now," said Sirius, eager to solve the bloody problem already.

"What about your shy but affectionate plans?" asked James, bewildered but oblivious at Sirius' scheming.

"I'll give her a rain check," Sirius replied. "Just meet me there."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Sorry about the vagueness.  
**ANPS: **Random question: Why, if they're both dogs, does Goofy walk upright and talk, whereas Pluto is stuck as a lowly steed?


	31. Chapter Thirty: Absolutely Mad

**Author's Note: **This isn't one of my skip-ahead-to-another-time new chapters. James has just gone to retrieve his love, as requested by our (en)dear(ingly devious) Mr. Black.

* * *

"Your best friend is absolutely insane," Lily said with a roll of her eyes.

"I know, Lils," said James, mirroring her expression. "But we love him."

"Yes," she agreed with a slight chuckle. "Though Merlin knows why. You'd think as bright as you two are, he could do Potions without my help," she mused.

"Lazy, I expect," James offered. "I appreciate the compliment to my intelligence, though, darling."

"Don't go getting that big head of yours any larger," Lily said affectionately, mussing his already disheveled hair. James seemed distracted, however. He opened his mouth several times, but he always closed it and shook his head slightly, muttering. It was driving Lily insane. "What is it, Jamesie? You look like you're having a fit."

"Doubting my sanity, are we, precious?" James said, messing Lily's hair in retaliation.

"I've never doubted it," she said, smoothing her locks. "You're absolutely mad. But what're you thinking about?"

"Sirius was very—strange," James said, searching for a proper word. Strange was quite fitting. "He had some crazy—er—ideas. And I'm slightly worried as to what he has planned."

"Oh?" Lily replied, seemingly nonchalant, but James knew her well enough to detect an undercurrent. Lily knew more than she was letting on.

"You know?" he said, trying to be vague enough not to reveal the awkward conversation on the off chance he'd misread her.

"Do we really have all of this beating around the bush, as close as we are?" asked Lily logically.

"Well, Sirius said," he began, wondering how this would play out. "That you said—I mean, he guessed and then you said—that you, er—that you—yes, and then I disagreed—it's impossible, really—but his reasoning—almost—made sense because it was very—well, very you—very maddeningly illogical but also quite sweet in a Lily sort of way—but, like I said, I didn't believe him—why on earth, now, would you—but that's exactly it, you don't—but he sounded so confident and it was quite a Lily thing to do, but—I've just made a mess of not beating around the bush, haven't I, sweetheart?"

"Yes," she concurred, "that was very articulate, Jamesie."

"Sorry, it's just," he said, but they had reached the portrait and Sirius, who had been waiting outside, interrupted him.

"Look up," he said pointedly without a greeting.

Lily and James tilted their heads confusedly upward at the same time, both pairs of eyes meeting a dreaded—wonderful—troublesome plant. Mistletoe.

James blinked—twice. He should've known Sirius would do something like this. Oh, it'd be wonderful to kiss Lily, but he couldn't do that. Especially not with Sirius there, after their conversation…

Lily glared at the plant, picturing Sirius' mischievous face in its berries. Damn his—his what?—his aforementioned intelligence that should be put to use in other ways. Ways that didn't torture Lily Evans. She, in spite of herself, imagined kissing James. Maybe, just the once… But no; she couldn't risk her self control.

She and James glanced at each other. "Sirius, no," they said in unison, producing a giggle from Lily despite herself.

"It's tradition," Sirius replied with his typical jaunty grin.

"Christmas is over," Lily reminded him.

"It's bloody January," was his eloquent retort. "And it's still mistletoe, so the same rules apply."

"Padfoot," James began but Sirius interrupted him.

"I can always bewitch the berries to pelt you both in random intervals," Sirius replied. "They will, of course, have to be magically strengthened. I'm sure on their own they wouldn't cause much damage, but that's easily remedied."

"Is inflicting bodily harm really necessary?" requested Lily with a roll of her eyes.

"Not at all," replied Sirius. "Kiss him. You could both do with some snogging. Before you say anything, I'm not giving in."

Lily and James believed him. Sirius' jaw was set, determined and stubborn, to get the pair of them together. They sighed and Sirius took this as consent.

"None of this ruddy peck on the cheek nonsense," he warned. "I want lip action. It's a rule with mistletoe."

"Sirius," Lily began, pleading futilely. Sirius shook his head with a smirk.

Lily, resigned to a quick and completely not-going-to-break-her-self-control kiss, glanced at James. Their eyes met in a sort of silent conversation. 'Kiss me,' entreated the green pair. The hazel happily promised that he would oblige.

Lily took a hesitant step forward, instinctively holding James' arm as she strained to reach his face. Her small stature left her lips several inches beneath his, so he bent down and gently touched his lips to hers. She was on her toes; when she leaned forward to meet James' much-too-pleasant-for-her-sanity lips, she came off balance and ended up pressed against him, flat-footed and awkwardly too short once more.

Though this would be a good time—for her plan of keeping James unaware of her love, not for her happiness—to end the kiss, Lily found herself stretching to meet a surprised James' mouth.

Uncertainly, James wrapped his hands around Lily's waist and lifted her, as she obviously—his insecurities were doubtful, though—wanted to be higher. Lily gratefully placed her smiling lips on his. James searched her face but her eyes were closed, thinking.

A thousand thoughts ran through Lily's head in that second. James was holding her. James wasn't safe, she couldn't kiss him. But he was James! And it felt so bloody right. Sirius was watching; ruddy Sirius had planned all of this. No, wonderful Sirius had planned this amazing feeling that was completely wonderful. But Lily couldn't kiss James the way she wanted to. The damn war ensured that. But it was really at her discretion. If she wanted to snog her best friend senseless, certainly the Death Eaters would understand? Of course not; they were the bloody Death Eaters. But surely love, in the midst of all this war and violence, was good? Was love ever bad? Could Lily stand it any longer if she didn't confess—if she didn't demonstrate said affection? No. No, she couldn't deepen the kiss, that was ridiculous, that was bad for her self-control. Who cared about her self control?

Lily's lips, almost unconsciously, parted. James confusedly tried to make sense of this action, though he certainly didn't fight it. Lily must want to satisfy tradition—yes, of course, that was it. James felt almost guilty for how close he held Lily. But only almost.

Lily's opened lips parted James'. Her hands snaked their way through his untidy hair, making it more pleasantly disheveled than ever it had been before. A still bewildered James hesitantly returned Lily's passion. She deepened the kiss and a no-longer-uncertain James boldly returned the favor. Harmony.

Setting Lily back on the ground, he leaned so that they were even, never allowing their mouths to break contact. His hand was on the small of her back and in her wonderfully vibrant hair that was becoming increasingly more tangled. Lily's eyes opened. She peered into James' and felt such emotion between the pair of them that all hope of ending the kiss vanished. Bliss.

Lily saw only the hazel of James' eyes. The hall around them vanished. Sirius never existed. The mistletoe was a distant memory. Cliché as it was, her whole world, in that moment, was James Potter. She was rejoicing, ever-pulling him closer. The scent of peppermint positively engulfed her, ensnaring her senses. The small part of her mind that was nagging her for her idiocy was insignificant. She'd deal with the consequences later, when the kiss was over. So, the kiss would have to never end. Ecstasy.

James certainly didn't want the kiss to end. He was in a daze, almost, until he met Lily's eyes. His favorite green eyes—his favorite eyes, period—were alight, on fire. James stopped being unsure. He didn't care why or how, when or where any longer. He, after years of loving her, was kissing his Lils. James Potter was snogging Lily Evans. The scent of her—cinnamon and love and Lily—pervaded all of his thoughts. He intended on relishing in the moment, no longer letting Lily control every single part of the kiss due to his insecurities. He removed the hand from her hair and placed on her hip, lifting her closer, savoring the moment, and not caring about what would happen when it ended. Rapture.

A distant wolf-whistle reminded the flustered, joyful, and downright dizzy couple of where they were. "Blimey," said Sirius. Finally, the pair of them could end their bloody dance-around-the-truth. "And you claimed there was no ruddy sexual tension."

Lily blushed and James removed his mouth, clearing his throat a bit nervously. Lily made no attempt to distance herself from him. Her hands, though she took them out of his hair, remained around his neck, much as James' arms were still snaked around her waist. She was still in James-induced shock. It was certainly her favorite kind of shock.

"I, er," James began, knowing he should take his hands off of Lily. He couldn't bring himself to do it. "Lils?"

Lily looked around her. She saw a smirking Sirius, a still-baffled James, and the catalyst that started it all, a collection of a few leaves and white berries. Cold, harsh reality hit her in full force. What had she just done? How could she explain without utterly exposing herself? She opened her mouth and closed it once more. What in Merlin's name was she to do? She stiffened, and James removed his arms worriedly.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I feel quite guilty for leaving you at a cliffhanger. However, my sweet and affectionate tendencies for my readers are a bit overshadowed by my wish to not bombard you with an insanely long chapter. I also want to keep the flow of the story going, which means a chapter break is necessary since I don't want to cut anything crucial out. Please, review, and let me know what you think—this was rather difficult to write, but, in the end, dear Lily and James pretty much kept the thing going for me.


	32. Chapter Thirty One: Glimmer of Hope

**Author's Note: **Directions: Read. Review. Get a cyber-hug from me. Warning: Failure to follow directions may result in injury or death.

* * *

"I," Lily began, needing distance from James. "I need to go to the, er, bathroom." Her statement sounded more like a question, but she removed her arms from around James and strode away rather quickly, not knowing where she was heading.

"Hey!" called Sirius after her.

"Go find Patricia," Lily said over her shoulder, surprised at how calm she was able to keep her voice.

Sirius gaped after her. "Women," he muttered. His plan certainly hadn't worked out the way he'd intended, but there was no way Lily could deny that she was—ardent?—yes, ardent was a good description. Zealous, too. Sirius snickered.

James glanced at him, looking astonished. "That was," he said with a bemused smile, "some snog."

"What the hell d'you think you're doing, then?" Sirius said, amazed at his stupidity. "Go after her."

"It didn't mean anything," James replied. "She was just doing tradition." But even as he said this, he doubted it. He knew Lily. He knew Lily well. And Lily Evans wouldn't kiss someone like that unless she meant it. Sirius saw this dawning realization and laughed once more.

"Well?" he inquired. "Go on."

"What if I'm imagining it?" he asked. But still, he was her best friend and he knew her better than anyone else. What if she—Lily Evans, his Lily Evans—loved him, like Sirius had said? Possibly, of course, not for sure—his insecurities plagued him more than ever.

"Go ask her," Sirius said, seeming to read James' mind. Sirius took out his wand and summoned the Marauder's map. "Your dear Lily is currently… above the astronomy tower?"

"Flying," James realized. It was what he did whenever he was stressed. He thought a nonverbal _Accio Broom_ and it came flying towards him. "I'm off," he informed Sirius, who gave him a jaunty grin. Sirius, inspired by the serious kissing he'd witnessed, went to find Patricia, leaving James walking out onto the grounds alone.

James mounted his broom and ascended, though he didn't take time to appreciate the feeling as was usual. Instead, he searched the skies for sight of Lily. He spied a head of messy red hair he'd recognize anywhere soaring above the owlery, flying aimlessly.

He flew over next to her. "Lils?" he said, and she whipped her head around, obviously just noticing her.

"Oh, Jamesie, hello," she said, her face and voice oddly remote.

"Not in the bathroom, are we?" James teased, trying to get Lily into her normal talkative mood.

"I'm absolutely insane," she remarked.

"Yes," he agreed, trying as always to make her smile. "Why this time, though?"

"I don't make any sense," Lily commented. "I've been hurting both of us. And then I kissed you."

"Yes, you kissed me," James agreed, wondering what Lily was thinking that was making her so distant. "How were you hurting us?"

"I kissed you," Lily repeated. "And so now I know what I'm missing. I didn't want to, because I knew this would happen. I know what it's like to—partially, at least—let you know how I feel. I can't not have you anymore, James." Lily remembered herself, now. She wasn't lost in her thoughts anymore. "I love you."

"You—you what?" James said, utterly amazed. Lily had been so lost in reverie but now that she was present, she wasn't making any sense.

"I love you," Lily repeated, marveling at how wonderful it felt to say aloud. "I love you," she said once more, a smile gracing her lips. "I love you, Jamesie. I, Lily Evans, love James Potter."

"You're serious?" James said, his mind still processing.

"Would I joke about something like this?" Lily said with a roll of her eyes. She was glowing, however. She was positively giddy. James' mind finally wrapped itself around what Lily had said, and he beamed.

"I love you, too, darling," he said. He didn't consider for a moment—he simply pulled Lily off of her broom and onto his own. She faced him, mouth open in surprise. He put his arms around her, grasping the wood behind her, keeping them both secure on the broom. He leaned forward, eyes sparkling. "It took you long enough."

"Really, Jamesie, is now the time to berate me?" Lily asked, but she was laughing, too. "Do you know how good this feels?"

"What?" asked James.

"This. Us," Lily stated. "It just feels right. Like…"

"It's exactly where you belong," James finished. "I knew that all along, honey. But actually having you here—it's amazing." With that, he closed the distance between them. It was the most awkward and wonderful kiss. It was wonderful, of course, because of their love; awkward due to their position.

James, out of necessity, had to keep his hands on the broom, though his arms were brushing her sides, keeping her steady. Lily, safe with his arms around her, grasped his shirt as she returned the kiss eagerly, tilting her face upwards so that she could access him easier. If only she wasn't so short—but all thoughts were quickly exterminated as they continued to snog.

They broke apart, gasping for air. "I could get used to that, precious," James commented with a rather large grin plastered on his face. "I could definitely get used to that."

Lily giggled, completely at ease. "I think I might have to get on _my_ broom now," she commented with a smile. "I wouldn't want to fall."

"Don't you trust me? I guess I wouldn't like it very much if the moment after you told me you loved me you ended up in the hospital wing—not a good omen at all. But that would involve me removing my arms from around you, sweetheart," James whined, pleading with his eyes.

"Just because I've finally told you doesn't mean," Lily chastised, but stopped. What did it mean? She hadn't really planned on telling James in the first place. Her emotions, her joy, her love had simply taken over her.

"Yes?" James asked, keeping his arms around her.

"I don't know," Lily admitted, biting her lip. "I—I hadn't really planned this, per se… And now I dunno what to do. On the one hand, I'm happier now than I think I've ever been. But on the other… I can't believe I'm actually telling you this. It's so—so private. But then I've always told you everything. In fact, I just told you my last real secret, that I love you. It's just," she paused, looking for a proper word, "difficult."

"What's difficult about it, Lils?" James asked, searching her face. "If you love me, really, the way I do you… well, I couldn't stand, after this, not having you. But I'll understand if you—if you don't feel the same way," he assured her, his face contorted though he fought his emotions.

"No! No," Lily exclaimed, leaning forward so that her head was hidden in his shoulder. "Of course I love you, James. It's just, the whole reason I didn't tell you hasn't gone away."

"What's that?" he inquired, reaching up one hand to pat her hair. His time as Gryffindor chaser had greatly affected his balance—but two people who were dizzy from snogging made it hard to let go of the wood like he normally would.

"Can we—can we land? I need to think," Lily said, sitting up with a small wistful smile gracing her lips, "and I can't do that if you're holding me like this, as pleasant as it feels."

"Sure," said James, still wondering what she needed. Lily thought an _Accio_ and caught her broom in her hand. She set it steady in the air and swung a leg over it. James caught her arm as she steadied herself and Lily smiled gratefully. "Do you intend on telling me just what makes this difficult, or am I to merely trust blindly?" Of course, James trusted her more than anyone else anyway, but that was beside the point.

"I suppose I do owe you an explanation," she said, beginning her descent. James followed. "Perhaps talking about it will help _me_ under stand what in Merlin's name I was thinking—both when I didn't and when I did tell you." However, this last remark was more to herself.

The pair landed and Lily caught her reflection in the lake. Flustered, she tried to smooth her hair, to no avail. "Your hair's almost as bad as mine, sweetheart," James remarked with a chuckle.

"At least mine's not always this way. And it's your fault, anyway," she chided, though she couldn't help but let a giggle escape. She glanced once more at her reflection: James and Lily smiling together. "The War," she said suddenly, looking in his reflection-eyes. "I didn't tell you because of the War. I was too afraid you'd be hurt because of me—because I'm a Muggle-born. Actually, that's wrong. It's not that I _was_ afraid. It's that I _am_ afraid."

Lily looked over the grounds, avoiding James' eyes. She knew he was about to speak. Instead, he took a step closer and cupped her chin, tilting her face so that she had no choice but meet his gaze. "I'm—we're—in the Order," he said with a laugh, jeering at himself as well as her. "Of all the ridiculous—you kept me waiting for you because of—Lily Evans, you are absolutely the most nonsensical person I've ever had the intense pleasure of meeting."

"James, it's not funny," she said with a sad smile. "It happened to my parents when they had done nothing wrong. Me on top of the Order will just make you—oh, Jamesie, I don't know."

"What's there to wonder about, darling?" inquired James.

"I don't want you to get hurt," she pleaded, turning away once more.

"Lils," James said pleadingly. When she didn't turn, he repeated, louder, "Lily!"

"If you're k—hurt, James, I couldn't…" Lily said, but knew she wouldn't get through to him that way. "How would you feel if I were hurt?"

"Lily, don't talk like that," James said, rather angrily. "Stop."

"And what if it was your fault?" she said, ignoring him. "Could you live with yourself?"

"But that's not going to happen," James said, and Lily heard the unspoken plea to look at him. She didn't oblige—she couldn't.

"What if it did, though?" she persisted, watching sparrows fly over the Forbidden Forest. "What if you kept your love a secret in order to keep me safe? And then, when you finally break down and tell because you can't stand not being happy, that turns out to be the reason something happens."

"No," James said in determination. "We're not going to think like that. What good is a life if it's not lived well?" Lily made no reply.

"Lily Marie Evans," said James demandingly. She had to try, she had to answer him. He couldn't stand this pessimism.

"James Potter," she rebutted with a ghost of a smirk, "Who, having no middle name, ruins my clever retort."

"Lily," James said, not even bothering to attempt to play along. "Do you love me?"

"Bloody hell, James, haven't we been through this already?" she asked, wondering what he was up to.

"Look at me and tell me," he requested beseechingly.

She turned, albeit reluctantly, and faced him. "I, despite my misgivings, am absolutely and helplessly in love with you, James Potter. You've taken my damn heart without my consent but there's nothing I can do about it."

"And I, James No Middle Name Potter, love you, Lily Marie Evans, more than anything on this earth or otherwise. You've captured my heart and you have my full consent to do with it as you please. I, being the sane one, have absolutely no misgivings. And I don't want to do anything about it," he declared. "So why in Merlin's name do we have a problem?"

"I don't want—"

"I don't care."

"James," Lily pleaded, though she truly didn't know what she was pleading for. "I want you. But I want you to be safe more. It's the whole 'if you love him, let him go' thing."

"Lily, I do not care," James said, emphasizing every word. "Why make us both miserable? We know what we're missing, now, sweetheart, and I don't think I could stand having your so-called gallantry standing in the way of that." Lily sighed, and James said, with a smirk, "I'd just have to break your self-control, now that I know that's what's really holding you back."

"You wouldn't," Lily said, taking a step away in mock-fear.

"Not before, when I was convinced you didn't love me," he amended. "But now… All I can say is, Lils, you'd better watch out."

"Oh really?" she said, equally his smirk. "Just what do you plan to do about it?"

"I'm quite sure if you feel the same way I feel about you," James began, stepping even closer. "That a few more kisses and your supposed self-control will disappear completely."

"Who said that was a good thing?" Lily asked, breathing a bit heavier than usual. "James, I don't want this. I mean, I do, of course, but I can't stand the thought of you hurt."

James merely rolled his eyes. He had to talk some sense into his girl.

"James," she began, beseeching now. James was right—a few more good snogs (and what other kind was there with James Potter?) would be enough to make her forget her doubts and simply marvel in their relationship. James ignored this pleading look and leaned down so that their noses were almost touching.

"So, in order for me to be truly safe," he said with a bitter smile. "I have to not join the Order and fight for everything I hold dear. I have to distance myself from my parents, who, as you know, aren't exactly on the best of terms with Voldemort and his crew. And, the grand finale, I have to give up the love that I've wanted and will always want for the rest of my life. I have to give up Lily Evans, who decides to inform me she feels the same way and then walks away. I have to give up the thing I want most just when I've had a glimmer of hope at getting it. Does that sound like a happy time to you?"

"It's not going to be easy for me, either," Lily said, trying to pull away so that their faces weren't so close but finding herself unable. "I'm just going to have to try to forget. I know I won't be able to, Jamesie, but I—we—have to try."

James put his hands on her waist, pulling her closer. "James, please, stop," said Lily. James couldn't do this, not if Lily didn't want it. He let go of her familiar, tempting self and walked away. Put off by his sudden change-of-mind, Lily stared dumbly after him.

"We're talking later," he called over his shoulder, not sure just where he was going until then.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Yes, this was abnormally long. I hope you don't mind. Also, I'm sorry about the change from happy-go-lucky to sullen-and-overly-worried. It's just the way the characters decided to handle themselves, though I'm trying my best to impart some sense into the senseless one.  
**ANPS: **I've just finished Chapter 35 as I'm posting this and I promise the updates will be at least bi-weekly. I realize I've been kind of sporadic.


	33. Chapter Thirty Two: Talking to Yourself

**Author's Note: **_Mama Mia_! Here we go again.

* * *

Lily walked into the Head common room and made her way over to the couch. Pulling out her wand, she lit a fire to combat the chilly January air. She summoned the box of chocolate frogs from beneath the cabinet with a sad smile.

"I am sitting in front of a fireplace, all alone, eating more chocolate frogs than is entirely necessary," she said aloud. "And now I'm talking to myself. Stupid, bloody, wonderful James."

"I'm not sure about stupid and bloody," said a voice from behind her. "But I'll take wonderful any day. And you're not eating all alone anymore. Or talking to just yourself." He sat down next to her, grabbing a frog out of the box.

She glanced at him, wondering why he seemed so nonchalant. She'd been expecting a long conversation enumerating her many reasons for wanting to keep him safe. "James?" she questioned wonderingly.

"Yes, Lily?" he said, seemingly confused.

"I thought you said you wanted to talk," she reminded him. Why, though, she wasn't sure. She certainly didn't want to discuss the matter, but she also wanted to get it out of the way.

"I thought about it," James said, looking at her. "I really don't know what there is to talk about."

"Oh," Lily replied, not sure she knew either. "So, we're going to pretend all of this never happened?" she inquired, hopefully but still a bit morosely.

"Bloody hell, Lily, of course not!" James said, dropping his casual façade. "I just plan on changing your mind, that's all. You're a bright witch, darling, you'll see sense eventually."

"You're the one who's not seeing sense!" she exclaimed, standing. "And what makes you think you can simply 'change my mind'? Do you know how long I've been holding my feelings for you in? I can't take this anymore, James, I'll go mad!"

"Then don't complicate things, Lily," James said, standing as well, though in a much calmer manner than his love. "I love you more than anything in the world. You love me. Really, what's so difficult about that?"

"The war, Jamesie! The war," she repeated, crossing her arms stubbornly. "I want you more than you could ever know but I'm not about to let you get killed because of it. And before you list all of the reasons why you'll be killed anyway—the Order, your being pro-Muggle-born—that's even more of a reason not to be in a relationship with me! Me on top of all that would be even worse, James. Why can't you care about your well-being? The fact that we're even discussing this is ridiculous."

"Yes, it is ridiculous, dear," James said, uncrossing her arms with a small grin. "I care about my well-being, Lils. Being with you is in my best interest. And I care about your well-being. And it's the same way."

"No, it bloody well isn't!" Lily said, crossing her arms once more. "You act as though it's some easy, fantastic thing, when it's not."

James leaned down and placed his lips gently on hers. Lily shook her head violently, but when James removed his mouth, she found herself grabbing his shirt and pulling him down so that she could reach him. It was a small, tender kiss, not passionate like their others, but there was so much emotion in that one gesture that it took their breath away.

"Was that difficult? No," James said, at Lily intensely. "And I don't know about you, of course, but that seemed better than fantastic to me."

Lily had no reply. She looked at him—stared, more like, she noted sheepishly—in wonder. She could have him. She could have this—this happiness. She could have this sheer joy, if only she wasn't so damn worried. Why worry, though? No matter what happened, she would always have James, always. Though she'd planned on distancing herself after graduation, she really couldn't imagine life without him.

But what if she was the reason she had to imagine life without him? What if something happened to him? James saw the ever-growing smile disappear. He frowned, too.

He placed his hands on her waist and leaned down so that they were level once more. "Lily," he said, his lips centimeters from hers.

"I can't do this," she said, and neither was sure just what 'this' was.

"Why?" he asked, though he didn't distance himself. He respected her, yes, and if she truly didn't want to be kissed, he wouldn't kiss her. However, something told him she was lying to herself about wanting to forget. "Why, Lily?"

"I can have this all the time, can't I?" she asked, looking into his eyes. "I can have a best friend and someone to love and happiness." James nodded, wondering where she was going. "I'll still worry, perhaps more. But I think worries are a small price to pay for this."

"You act as though you're the one who wants me but can't have me," James smiled, eyes sparkling as he guessed her train of thought. She was realizing how perfect they were together! "But it's always been the other way around. I don't mind, though, since I've got you now."

"What makes you so sure?" Lily said with a grin, placing her hands on James' chest as though to push him away.

"I know you, dear," James replied, and Lily's aggressive hands turned to loving as he closed the distance between them.

They broke apart only when both were gasping for air. Lily kept her arms around James' neck, however, and James was reluctant to remove his hands from her waist.

"No doubts?" he asked, searching her face.

"Of course I have doubts," Lily said, though she was beaming. "It's just that they're so insignificant when confronted with, well, you."

"Well, then, darling, I've something to ask you," James responded, the smile on his face ever-growing. "And, if you revert to your old ways, I swear I'll… Actually, I'll do nothing, probably, but you'd have to live with an uncharacteristically sullen James."

"Yes?" she replied, laughing at his drama.

"Lily Marie Evans," James said, getting on his knees. "Will you go out with me?"

"What were the old ways I wasn't supposed to revert to, again?" she said, mock-pondering the question. "I seem to recall a few times in fourth… fifth… sixth year that you asked me the same question. What answer was it that I'm not supposed to give?"

James stood up and placed his hands on her shoulders, though he was smiling. "Lily, just answer me. You don't know how long I've waited for this."

Lily giggled, whispered an affirmative, and threw her arms around James, burying her face in his shoulder with a grin. "When and where are we going out, Jamesie?"

"I suppose I can't just snog you periodically and call you my girlfriend?" James said with a laugh.

"You could," Lily said happily, planting a peck on his cheek. "But I'd much rather we go the whole nine. I love you, James. You're not just my best friend anymore." She smiled at him. "But you're still my best friend. So I'm not going to dress up just to see you everyday like most girls do for their boyfriends. You've seen me looking absolutely atrocious, so normal should be a step up. Oh and when I'm doing something stupid, you're my talk-sense-into-me best friend, not my ever-supportive boyfriend. You know what? Scratch all that. Just be James Potter for me."

"It's what I do best," he said confidently. "But things are going to change between us. We're still going to do everything together, it's just that now I can snog you senseless while we're doing it. And you can't keep being so damn irresistible and acting all innocent about it, dear."

"Oh?" Lily asked with a giggling blush. "And you can't walk around in your boxers and nothing else with the assurance that I don't care. But, Jamesie, that doesn't mean you need to stop."

"Oh?" he echoed, an arrogant grin forming on his face. "And, while I find it very distracting from my homework—and, well, everything else—you, by no means, need to stop wearing my t-shirt. In fact, I'll loan you more, sweetheart." He smiled a truly happy, no-trace-of-arrogance smile. "I've got to go tell the Marauders."

Lily laughed through her reddening cheeks. She took his wrist and glanced at his watch. "It's one in the morning, Jamesie."

"You know," James said, switching their grips so that he held her wrist. "You should really get your own watch." He planted a kiss on her wrist and Lily smiled appreciatively.

"I'd rather you just remind me like this everyday," she said, reveling in the unconventional display of affection. She really needed to get some more hobbies. She looked into his hazel eyes and decided she'd just found her hobby. She beamed.

"I love you," James said with a smile. "Now let's go tell the Marauders."

"Only for you, Jamesie," she said, summoning the cloak.

"You'd do it for any of us," he corrected her.

"Well, yes, perhaps," she admitted with a giggle. "But if it makes you feel any better, I wouldn't do this to all of them." She stood on her toes and planted a chaste kiss on his lips. James immediately reached to lift her up for better access, but Lily stopped him with a finger to his lips. "Do you want to tell them or not?"

"Not enough to stop this," he said, kissing her finger and moving it off of his mouth. Lily blushed and laughed, not allowing him to go any farther.

"The Marauders await," she said, lacing her fingers through his. They threw the cloak over themselves, the darkness masking their exposed feet as usual. "Did you get the map?"

"Yes, sweetheart, I've got it," James replied and held up a piece of parchment. "_I solemnly swear that I am up to no good_," he said, tapping the parchment. "They're all in the common room, still."

"Let's go, then, before McGonagall comes to send them to bed," Lily said with a laugh, stepping out the door and pulling a chuckling James along behind her.


	34. Chapter Thirty Three: Stupid and Brave

**Author's Note: **I'm going to continue this story to the end of their seventh year, don't worry, haha. But I was wondering: if I did this until their death, under another title, of course, would you read it, or would that be stretching it out too long?

* * *

"_Amicus_," Lily whispered to the Fat Lady, who, after grumbling about being woken too late, obliging opened. She and James stepped into the common room with identical, baffling smiles on their faces. Remus couldn't help but wonder what they were up to.

"Have the Head Boy and Girl done something illegal?" he asked, only half-joking, with a chuckle.

"I'm pretty sure I know what's going on," Sirius responded for them, "And, though it's not illegal, it'll surprise the hell out of you."

"Oh! Tell us!" exclaimed Peter from behind a large Transfiguration Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Book.

"I think you should guess," James said with a smirk. Lily playfully shoved him but giggled as well. "What is something that we all thought would never happen?"

"McGonagall retired!" Peter exclaimed happily, earning four pairs of rolled eyes in his direction.

"Slughorn is having a Slug Club party that isn't utterly ridiculous?" suggested Remus hopefully.

Sirius opened his mouth, but Lily, knowing he knew what had happened, gave him a silencing glance that was softened with a smile. Sirius came over and gave James a brotherly hug and Lily a peck on the cheek.

"No way," Remus said, noting that Sirius congratulated the pair of them.

"What's going on?" Peter asked, setting down the book with a sigh.

"James has finally achieved his goal of three years," Remus informed him, mouth agape.

"What's that?" Peter asked, ever-clueless. To answer his question, Lily stood on her toes and planted a showy kiss on a very happy James' mouth. "Blimey, mate, good job!"

"Finally," Remus said with a roll of his eyes. "Congratulations to the happy couple."

"I think this makes you officially a Marauder," Sirius said, his eyes sparkling.

"None of your girlfriends became Marauders," Lily noted.

"Yes, but you're different," he persisted. "We all love you. And you're not just his girlfriend. So you're a Marauder now. You've mostly been one all year, but now you can announce it formally."

Lily knew this proclamation meant nothing significant. The Marauders were just a group of Hogwarts delinquents that she loved. But, despite these facts, she beamed. She was really a part of the brotherhood. Well, not brotherhood, anymore. Family.

"Of course, we'll have to vote on it," said Sirius diplomatically with a jaunty grin. "I vote yes, of course."

"Yes," said Remus with a smile.

"Yes," mirrored Peter.

"Oh, I don't know," James said, stroking his chin teasingly. "Having a marauderette would kind of ruin the whole bad-boys thing. Having estrogen in our image would hardly earn us the ladies' we-love-bad-boys adoration. Plus, there's the fact that Lily over here, though she's up for a prank anytime, is too nice."

"I really don't think Lily would appreciate it if you have any more women fawning over you, however bad-boy you may be," noted Sirius with a sly grin.

Lily, ignoring their quips, said cheerfully, "Marauderette—it has a nice ring to it."

"My marauderette," James said, hugging her to him.

"I thought you didn't approve?" she taunted, sliding away.

"I love you, sweetheart," said James in lieu of apology.

"I love you, too, Jamesie," she said, allowing him to wrap an arm around her waist once more. "Though Merlin knows why."

"I'll have to ask dear Merlin, then," James said with a laugh.

"That's sickening," Sirius said with a chuckle. "The pair of you are entirely too cute."

"Oh, Sirius, dear, don't be so mean," Lily said, pinching his cheek teasingly. "You started it, anyway."

"Thanks for that, by the way," James said.

"Any time," Sirius replied amiably. "Today's Saturday, right? So we've got tomorrow to induct Lily into the Marauders."

"Actually, it's well past midnight," Lily laughed. "So today's Sunday. But what d'you mean, induct?"

"You don't expect us to just let you join, do you?" Remus asked in mock-indignation. "You've got to prove yourself."

"We all did it," Peter piped up from where he had resumed his desperate studying.

"Did what?" Lily asked in wonder. "Is this something I should be worried about?"

"This should be fun," James said, casting a sidelong glance at Sirius, Remus, and Peter. "I don't think you should be worried, per se. Just—be ready," he informed her with a laugh.

"Everyone's had to do something brave in order to become a Marauder," Peter told her, eager to offer something.

"If by brave you mean stupid," Remus said, though he chuckled.

"Well, we've got to discuss," declared Sirius. "Prongs, Moony, get over here. Wormtail, set down the damn book and come on. Sorry, Lils, you're going to have to go."

Lily looked up at James, who was still holding her to him, in exasperation. "Sorry, honey, you've really no say in the matter. I'll meet you in the common room?"

"Fine," Lily said, wondering just what her Sunday was going to be like. She gave a beaming James a sweet, short kiss and took a step towards the door. "I'm taking the cloak, but you can have the map."

"Fair enough," called Sirius. "Now get out!"

"Love you, too, Padfoot," Lily said over her shoulder with a grin.

"So does everyone else, now leave," he said, though he was failing to conceal a smile as well.

* * *

Lily sat on the couch in the common room, chewing on a quill and pondering the essay she had to write. "Give a thorough description of bezoar extraction, enchantment, and use in the average witch or wizard's life," she said aloud. After flipping open her Potions book to the proper page, she began scratching a composition. She started to doze off and shook herself. Well, maybe if she just closed her eyes for a moment, just to clear her head.

* * *

James saw a sleeping Lily with a quill tucked behind her ear and a half-written piece of parchment on her lap. He carefully slid the writing utensil from beneath her fiery locks and took it and the parchment and set it on the table. Smiling and trying not to jostle her, he lifted Lily and began carrying her to her room.

"Mmm," she said, awaking with a yawn.

"Sorry, darling, I didn't mean to wake you," he said, grinning as she wrapped her arms around her neck.

"It's fine. It's a great way to wake, actually," she said, equaling his smile. "But I'm really much too heavy for you."

"Come on, Lils, you're much too light," he said, setting her down on the bed. "Good night, sweetheart."

"Oh, no, you don't," Lily stopped him. "You're not getting away that easily."

James sat on the bed with a chuckle. "What now?"

"What do I have to do tomorrow?" she implored in a happy sort of nervousness.

"We're really not supposed to tell you," he said with a jaunty smile. "But you're going to have to swim."

"Swim?" she said confusedly with a giggle. "I thought it was supposed to be something stupid."

"Brave, Lily," James informed her, echoing her laugh. "But it's the Lake. And it's January."

"I'm sure the only spells allowed are ones to crack the ice?" she said with a roll of her eyes. "We couldn't have a warming charm. Though I suppose I'll still be allowed a wand for protection?"

"Protection?"

"Grindylows, the Giant Squid," Lily said, naming a few more and counting on her fingers.

"Oh," James said with a frown. "I hadn't though about that."

"I'll be fine," she said with a laugh. "I was only kidding. And it's not like I'm going diving. It's just a few laps."

"If you don't want to do it, you don—"

Lily silenced him with a giggle. "Actually, I think it'll be fun. I'm not worried anymore, for one thing."

"You never cease to amaze me, dear," James informed her. "On a brighter note, all of the Marauders have to do whatever initiation feat they set. So we'll be in there with you."

"Oh, good," she said sarcastically. "I'll be freezing and surrounded by Gryffindor's own teenage delinquents."

"Don't forget you're joining said delinquents," James informed her. "Every girl's dream, I'm sure."

"I'm sure," she agreed, stretching and yawning. Her eyes met their cat's empty bed. "You haven't seen Bell lately, have you? She seems to be enjoying roaming the castle."

"She was tormenting the owls in the owlery last time I saw," he chuckled. "But her milk and food is gone everyday, so I suppose she comes back when we're in class. Or asleep."

"Poor owls," Lily noted. "So I suppose I'll have to get a bathing suit ready for tomorrow. I'm sure that'll be a sight for Hogwarts—five seventh years running around half-naked in January."

"I'm sure they'll appreciate the view," James said confidently. "But no one thought to make restrictions on pre-swim attire, so you can bundle up to begin with."

"Oh, well, then, no problems here," said Lily with mock-enthusiasm. She smiled, though, and stood. She summoned her bathing suit and the two-piece came zooming towards her. "What do I have that I don't mind getting wet or dirty, once I get out?" she thought aloud. She began rummaging in her drawers, pulling out a pair of old sweatpants and looking for a shirt she wouldn't mind ruining on the muddy shores of Hogwarts' lake.

She turned when something hit her on the back of the head. "Hey!" she began, picking up the gray bundle. "_Chudley Cannons Chaser Camp_," she read aloud. She turned faintly pink and muttered, "Thank you, Jamesie."

"Any time," he said, stilling lying on her bed. Lily looked tired—he had woken her, after all. "I suppose it's time for me to go. Night, Lils; love you." He rose and began walking out the door.

"Don't I get a kiss goodnight?" she asked boldly with an innocent smile.

"I'm sorry?" asked James, feigning deafness.

"Kiss me," Lily said with a roll of her eyes.

"I'll never get tired of hearing you say that," said James, stepping towards her and cooperating with her request happily.


	35. Chapter Thirty Four: It's Begun

**Author's Note: **"It's breakfast time," is perfectly acceptable grammar. The apostrophe _does_ belong there, Mr. Really-Annoying-MSWord-Paperclip-Guy. The word is a contraction of it and is. It does not show possession of breakfast time. Yes, quite random, but this happens rather often. Anyway, dear readers, enjoy! (=

* * *

Hogwarts was in quite a stir on that cold January morning. It was nine, the most popular time for students to have breakfast, and the Great Hall was quite crowded. The doors were opening and closing quite frequently and, as was the natural inclination of the curious teenager, each time the whole congregation would spy from their peripheral vision, not really expecting anything but habitually continuing. Most were chatting drowsily, none truly paying attention to the faceless students that ambled in that they saw in the corner of their eyes.

However, most of the sixth and seventh years had what was almost a collective quizzical look upon their faces as they saw two students that were never truly inconspicuous walk in. James Potter, the second-most-handsome boy in all of Hogwarts, always had females scheming. He'd stopped dating a year before and as a result, they plotted how to woo him away from that ridiculous infatuation with Lily. Most were too timid or afraid of what was sure to be rejection to follow through with their plans. However, what they saw stiffened their resolve. There were fervent whispers and giggles, angry looks cast at James' companion, and a general decision to go after him before she snared him completely.

The men, too, were conversing angrily. What was Lily Evans doing? She was easily the one of the prettiest Gryffindors if not in all of Hogwarts, even if she was a bit too modest for their tastes. She had dated rarely and casually before, though not in this year. They had bets and contests and schemes about how best to catch her eye. There were always a few guys hanging in the eaves to ask her out. She was most of the older Hogwarts male population's fancy; here she was with James bloody Potter. James didn't deserve her; he'd had his chance already. Across the Hall, many pacts were made to break the couple up by way of catching her eye.

It wasn't that it was strange to see Lily and James together; they were constantly with each other. However, their physical contact had been a platonic holding-of-hands. Now, as they walked into the Hall laughing with the other Marauders, things were notably different to the discerning—in other words, the crushing teenage—eye. James' hand rested on the small of her back and Lily looked perfectly content with that fact. She was leaning almost unconsciously into him. In a perfectly much-too-adorable display of affection, Lily stood on her toes and kissed his jaw—it was the highest she could reach as she was in flats—after making what must've been a joking insult judging from James' mock-pout. In retaliation, he messed her hair before kissing the top of it.

They certainly weren't 'just friends' anymore and a few wily people intended to change that.

* * *

"Are you ready for initiation, Lils?" Remus asked with a grin. "I must say, yours is probably preferable to mine—it involved the consumption of some very, very disgusting things."

"She's not supposed to know what it is," Peter reminded them.

"Yes, I'm sure Prongs hasn't told her," said Sirius with a bark of laughter. "Her ickle _Jamesie _tells her everything."

"Well, she tells me everything, too," James protested, though he was mirroring Sirius' grin. "Besides, the Marauders don't really have secrets from each other."

"She's not a Marauder yet," commented Sirius. "And I seem to recall a time where she hid a teensy tiny little secret that meant the world to you."

"I remember before the concert when I caught you two staring at each other," Remus said with a chuckle. "I can't believe I wrote it off and Sirius is the only one who gets credit for guessing."

Peter pushed open the door to the Great Hall just as Lily remarked, "Yes, well, James is the one who was really quite thick not to notice. Honestly, with all of that arrogance you'd think he'd catch on, even if I tried my best not to let him know."

James made to remove the arm that was wrapped around her in teasing indignation but Lily didn't allow this. Standing on her toes, she made to give him a peck on the cheek but, being in flat shoes, could only reach his jaw.

"Don't think you can just kiss and make it better," he chastised, reaching to muss her vibrant locks. She merely smirked, seemingly unconcerned, and James gave up and kissed her hair before placing his hand back on the small of her back.

"Well, aren't you two drawing quite a few stares?" asked Remus with a chuckle. "I do believe all of Hogwarts is upset with the pair of you."

"The girls, of course, long to be Lily," Sirius said, continuing Remus' thought. "And the entire male population is ready to hex James into oblivion."

"I suppose we are a bit obvious," Lily commented, leaning into James with a smile.

"A bit," Sirius agreed with a laugh.

"I don't mind," remarked James with a smile. They sat and ate, their conversation occasionally peppered with an outburst from Lily.

"They're staring!" she said at one point. It gradually evolved into angrier and angrier comments, her typical temper flaring. "Oh, honestly, haven't you anything better to do?" she said under her breath, though she was loud enough the Marauders could hear and laugh, egging her on further.

"Honestly, Lils, what else can they do?" James asked with a sly grin. "I've done what they thought was impossible. I, James Arrogant-Toerag-Also-Known-As-Conceited-Prat-Also-Known-As-Jamesie Potter, have successfully become Lily Evan's own git of a boyfriend."

Though Lily let out a small giggle, her following breath was a huff after someone shouted her name over. "Excuse me," she said primly to her companions, trying to rise with some sense of dignity. James watched as she walked away, seemingly calm except to he who knew her best.

"Lily," said a seventh-year Ravenclaw she'd seen in Slug Club meetings but never spoken to. "I'm Ryan Peck."

"Hello?" replied Lily confusedly, her temper still simmering. What did he want?

"I was wondering if you'd like to go to Slughorn's party with me?" asked Peck with a hopeful smile.

Lily racked her brain for a few moments. The obvious answer was no, but she couldn't recall what party he was talking about. "I'm sorry?"

"Oh, but you missed the last meeting!" he said, looking disappointed she hadn't given an answer yet. It was true, though. She and James had skipped the meeting yesterday evening, though, for once, it was unintentional. "Old Sluggy's holding a ball of sorts. Big, fancy dresses… Tuxedos," he added with a grimace. "Anyway, I was wondering if you'd go with me. Will you?"

"I," she began. She'd meant to say 'I wish I could,' but she wouldn't lie to him. "I'm sorry, but no thank you."

"Oh," he said, looking crestfallen. "Oh, okay. It's fine."

Lily guiltily thought for moment, struggling for a solution. "Why don't you ask Lucy?" Although she really should've expected it, Lucy had been quite let down when Sirius moved on.

"Okay! You think she'd say yes?" he asked and Lily smiled and nodded. Ryan wasn't quite so bad.

"I'll see you there," she said in goodbye and walked back to her place at the table, wondering why everyone but James looked quite amused.

"It's begun," Remus commented as she sat.

"We knew it'd happen," Sirius added.

"But this is quite soon," injected Peter.

"The students are conspiring," Remus informed her.

"Girls are staring at James," Peter told a trying-to-hide-her-ridiculous-jealousy Lily.

"And even more boys are plotting for Lily," Sirius said, nodding towards Ryan and the rest of the hall. "James isn't too happy about that."

"I think it's stupid, personally," Lily said. "It's not as though either of us were really the date-the-world type to begin with."

"Exactly my point," James said, exactly matching Lily's position of arms crossed and a lovely scowl.

"But you were always _free_," Sirius reminded them.

"And you can't deny there were at least two different guys who asked you out everyday, Lils," Remus reminded her.

"And James constantly has women fawning over him," said Peter.

"Well, let's just forget about it," Lily said, uncrossing her arms and reaching over to uncross James' as well. "I'm going to become a Marauderette today. Be happy!"

"You can not let it bother you," Sirius corrected. "But you can't forget. I'm quite sure there will be many more attempts. What was that about, anyway?"

"Ryan asked me to the Slug Club ball," she said with a noncommittal shrug. "Apparently it'll be quite a gala—fancy dresses and tuxes."

"It's a shame us non-members can't go," Sirius said in mock-disappointment. Marauders and tuxedos didn't mix.

The rest of the breakfast was spent in an uneven argument—four against one. Lily was struggling to convey the attractiveness of a tuxedo to four indignant teenage boys; you couldn't blame her for failing at so difficult a task. They rose and began strolling out to the Lake, shivering in the cold air already.

With much ado, the four Marauders raised their wand and cracked the ice, smiling at Lily's wary face. "Scared, Lils?" asked Sirius laughingly.

"Keep in mind we have to do it, too," Remus reminded his friend, eying the water with disdain.

"Don't be a coward," Peter said, though he was avoiding looking at the icy body of water altogether.

James simply hugged her closer to warm her for a moment and laughed. The other Marauders quickly joined in and Lily, rolling her eyes, walked out onto the dock that extended to near the center of the Black Lake.

"Who's laughing now, boys?" she said with a peaceful smile. It really was beautiful out there, despite the daunting prospect of the chilly water. She slid out of her shoes with a shiver and took her wand from her pocket and placed it next to them. The Marauders began walking toward her, still egging her on, as was custom.

They succeeded in provoking Lily's annoyance with them. She could _so_ stand the cold! She slid the sweatpants off and laid them across her wand and shoes, smirking at them. She removed James' shirt and threw it behind her at them with a flourish, giggling slightly.

James watched Lily's vibrant, wavy red hair billow out behind her as she walked to the very edge of the dock. Turning to smile at them one last time, she called, "To be a Marauderette!" and dove gracefully into the freezing water. After a long moment, she rose, shivering but looking exhilarated, and beckoned them to join her.

"I won't say the water's fine," she said with a laugh, "Because it's not. But you have to join me anyway, and it's quite a rush—though I won't protest when it's time to get out."

They glanced at each other. James was first, sliding off his shoes and removing his shirt. Sirius, Remus, and finally Peter followed, slowly walking to the edge of the dock. With a conspiratorial glance at each other, James and Remus pushed Sirius in first.

"Hey!" was all he could manage to get out before his head went under. He resurfaced and treaded water next to Lily, looking angry but really quite amused.

James dove in, albeit not as gracefully as Lily, and began treading on a shivering Lily's right. "Hurry up! It's cold," he called to the others. Remus and Peter obliged, each making quite a large splash, spraying them all with icy liquid.

"So what exactly are we supposed to be doing?" Lily asked, still shaking. James rubbed her arms in a futile attempt to warm her but she just laughed and shook her head.

"Um," Sirius said. Thinking things through wasn't one of his best qualities. "I suppose it was just having enough nerve to jump. You passed," he informed her.

"I'd actually rather stay in the water," Remus informed them. He got several blank stares, so he elaborated. "No warming charms in connection with the swim. That means none before, none during, and none after. We've got to walk all the way up to the castle and inside there before we can warm up. The water, on the other hand, isn't windy and snowy like the grounds."

"But it's icy," Peter complained.

"Although we're getting used to it, you can't deny it's freezing, Remus," Lily commented.

"Let's swim," James suggested. "It'll get our muscles warm."

After they'd swum a few laps and were still shivering, there was a general agreement that it was time to go in. "I don't want to explain to Madam Pomfrey about how I got hypothermia," Peter complained and they all concurred.

* * *

**Author's Note: **The next chapter is a continuation of this scene that could be tacked on here. However, I don't want to give you a thousand pages per chapter. This one is already 2200+ words, haha.


	36. Chapter Thirty Five: Jealous

**Author's Note: **This is the same scene as the end of the last chapter. Enjoy! (=  
**ANPS: **The random Latin passwords are quite random in meaning, but they are real words. For example, praedae is the plural form of praeda, which means "loot" or "booty." I just took a massive vocabulary test in that class and it was the only one I missed, so of course I had to look it up just for you, dear reader. =p

* * *

Lily followed Sirius to the ladder, exiting behind him. What she saw made her stop and sigh angrily, confusing Remus, James, and Peter, who were getting out of the water behind her.

A few mainly seventh-year men and women were clustered on the dock just a few feet from where the Marauders had kept their clothes. As Lily stood, she heard quite a few wolf-whistles. Rolling her eyes, she put on the overlarge shirt first—no need to give them a view—and then pulled on the old sweatpants. Stowing her wand in her pocket and sliding on her shoes, she stood shivering, ignoring the spectators and waiting on the others to get ready.

"Have a nice show?" she called, still shaking, when she couldn't stand the whispers and cat-calls any longer.

"We sure did," called a rowdy Gryffindor sixth-year. "Are you going to Slughorn's party? Girls ask guys."

"Yes, I am. Sorry," Lily said, not feeling sorry in the least for the ogling boy. "Hurry up, you three," she said to James, Remus, and Peter, who were lacing their trainers.

"Swimming in the Lake in January?" inquired a Ravenclaw Slug Club seventh-year, Meredith, stepping swiftly toward James as he rose from tying his shoes. She made to warm him, placing her hands on either side of his biceps, something Lily couldn't have done without reaching up a bit. Meredith stood only an inch or so shorter than James.

"Well, yes," James said, stepping uncomfortably away from her. His discomfort was nothing, he was sure, compared to his girlfriend's. He glanced at a shivering Lily. This couldn't be good. There was fire in her eyes that matched the color of her hair and James did _not_ like to see Lily Evans in one of her tempers.

He made to walk over to Lily, who was obviously fighting with her good judgment and her emotions. He was absolutely right. Lily wanted desperately to go over and give Meredith a piece of her mind. The kinder, more reasonable part of her urged her to simply walk away. Her mind, however, was made up for her when Meredith pursued James.

That girl reached up and brushed a strand of James' wet hair from his eyes, batting her eyelashes alluringly. He coughed and took a step back, obviously at a loss as to how to handle the situation appropriately. The moment Meredith touched James' hair—James was Lily's, it was Lily's hair!—Lily's mind was made up. Sirius saw her snapping emerald orbs and took a step back. The gentler nature of Lily, however, bid her use subtler tactics than an outright confrontation.

She walked, albeit a bit swifter than truly necessary, to James' side. His face brightened automatically at Lily, but neither girl noticed this, as they were giving each other the sugary-sweet girlish looks that could kill. Lily was freezing, still shivering, and thus her brain wasn't apt to think of better solutions.

"Jamesie, can we go in?" she said, looking up at him and wishing once again that she were taller. "I'm freezing, and you don't look too warm yourself." In fact, all of the Marauders were shaking, though Lily the most, as her body was much smaller.

"I'm sorry, Lils," he said, enfolding her in a warming embrace. Lily suddenly didn't wish she was any bigger. They were the perfect size for each other, her head nestled in his chest and his arms wrapped around her.

"Having a moment?" asked Remus with a grin, hugging himself for warmth as he approached them.

"Just cold," Lily replied sheepishly, blushing and taking an embarrassed step away from James.

"Bloody hell, Wormtail," they heard Sirius call. "Hurry up! You're throwing on clothes you're about to take off to warm, not dressing for a gala."

"Speaking of galas," Meredith said, inconspicuously sliding forward so that she was between James and Lily.

A still shivering Lily's hand itched toward her wand. Remus, seeing this, put a calming hand on hers. "Don't do anything you'll regret," he whispered, though there was laughter in his tone.

"What makes you think I'll regret it?" Lily hissed just as Meredith continued her dialogue once more.

"I hear Slughorn's having a ball of sorts," she said, leaning into him. "On Valentine's day, no less. It's supposed to be quite an affair."

"Um, yes," James agreed, taking a tiny step back. "Lily and I missed the meeting, though."

"It was a trite boring," she said, rolling her eyes. She laughed and put a hand on James' chest to steady herself. Remus now had a hand on each of Lily's arms to restrain her. "He was going on about all this nonsense about the importance of making good career choices. But then he got to the ball," she said, a smile forming. "It's supposed to be very extravagant. It's traditional, with big ball gowns with corsets and tuxedos. He wanted to make it fun, too, so he said. It's girl-ask-guy."

Lily was really fuming now. Her lack of confidence in herself had blossomed into a kind of possessiveness that led Remus to beckon Sirius and Peter over. They were quite a sight for the few stragglers who hadn't departed; they were all cold and shivering, clustered in a group around Lily.

"Oh," James said, taking a larger but still discreet step towards his friends. His teeth were beginning to chatter slightly, something Lily's had been doing since a few minutes after they'd gotten out of the water. "That's, er, nice."

"Yes, it is," Meredith agreed. She flipped a strand of her straight brown hair from behind her ear so that it framed her face attractively. Sirius put a reassuring arm around Lily. "So I was wondering if you'd like to go with me?"

'No, thank you," replied James confidently. "I'm going with someone."

"You are?" Meredith said, still simpering.

"Yes," assured Lily for him. Meredith whipped around; seeming to have forgotten Lily was there. Lily shrugged out of Sirius' and Remus' grips, though she gave them a small grateful smile. "He's going with me. I asked him… this morning."

"I thought you didn't know there was going to be a dance?" asked Meredith.

"There was a notice on our board," Lily lied coolly, though she was shivering harder than ever.

"Oh," Meredith replied, turning on her heel to face James once more. "Well, after that's over," she said, and her tone implied the _that_ she was referring to was the person, not the dance, "I'll be here."

"Goodbye," James said, trying not to chuckle at the way Lily glared after her.

"Quite possessive, aren't you?" he inquired good-naturedly.

"We should head in and warm up," Peter suggested. "Lily wasn't very happy and I don't think the cold helped her any. Plus, we're all shaking."

"Yes," Sirius agreed. "Your little Lils was jealous. This dance, however—I assume there will be more offers. Remind me to be around. Miss Evans is rather entertaining."

"I think the best was when the men were staring at Lily," Remus suggested. "I don't think poor James could stand it any longer."

"If you're done jeering at us," Lily said primly, though she was giggling through her chattering teeth, "I think we should head in before we get frostbite."

"How exactly do you plan on warming up?" James asked, wrapping an arm around Lily's torso as they walked toward the castle. She leaned her head on his chest, freezing.

"I don't know. Something fast," she supplied. "This is bloody ridiculous; can't we just cast a warming charm?"

"Nope," Sirius said amiably, though he was shivering as well. "It's in the rules, my dear almost-Marauderette."

"You made the rules," she countered, struggling to get the words out through her chattering teeth.

"Exactly," Sirius replied. "This is why we must follow them."

"Since when is it intelligent to listen to Sirius Black?" Remus asked with a grin.

"I never said it was intelligent," Sirius said affably.

"Who cares? Let's walk faster," Peter offered. "I'm freezing."

"Me, too," James agreed and Lily nodded her assent. "The Head Common Room's closest. Let's go light a fire and then we can take turns in the prefect's shower. It warms rather quickly."

"I call first," said all five of them at once.

"Second," amended Remus. He knew it was that or be lost in the fight for first.

"Fine; third," said Peter, avoiding the argument as well.

"I'm first," said Sirius. "Lily's fourth, as James will let her go first regardless. Sorry, mate, you're last, Prongs."

"I'm fourth," James corrected. "Padfoot, you're fifth."

"No, don't be so bloody gallant," Lily said with an exasperated sigh. "I'll stay by the fire. It's fine. I'll go last. You two work out first and fourth."

They had reached Sir Nicholas' statue and James gave the password. "Lily, go on," he commanded.

"Sirius, go," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "James can wait with me so he'll stop whining. The password's _praedae_." She took out her wand and pointed it at the fire. Her nonverbal incantation had merry flames crackling in less than a second as though they'd been burning for hours.

"Summon some dry clothes, you three," she said, laughing at James, Peter, and Remus huddled around the fireplace.

"Lily, come over here," James said, walking over and grabbing her hand. "You're shaking, honey. Don't make me go to Madam Pomfrey for frostbite. I don't want to explain why I let the most important person in my life strip down and dive into ice-water."

"Don't be so dramatic," she said laughingly, giving him a silencing peck of a kiss to his lips. "I can't cast a warming or drying charm but I can change clothes while I wait, and so can you guys. Honestly, it's not rocket science, Jamesie."

"Rocket—what?" he said, displaying his ignorance of the Muggle world. He'd done this much less frequently of late, however, thanks to long chats with Lily about the wonders of things like mail boxes and toaster ovens.

"Oh, never mind," she said with a grin. "I'll explain later. What I meant is it's not a very difficult concept. If you're in cold clothes and want to warm up, put on warm clothes."

James sheepishly raised his wand and summoned his own clothing, motioning for Remus and Peter to do the same. How were they supposed to think straight when they were so cold, anyway?

"If you brilliant boys will excuse me," Lily said, walking into her room while they changed so that she could change clothes herself. She quickly took off the soaking wet bathing suit, tee, and pants, her shoes already left at the door. She threw on pair of warm flannel pajama pants and her old Muggle band sweatshirt with a cough.

Shivering slightly less, she called, "Are you guys dressed?"

"Come on out," shouted Remus back and Lily opened the door and strode over to the fire.

"I think I may hate our dear old Padfoot," she commented, crossing her legs and sitting down in front of the fire. James, Remus, and Peter joined her, James wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"Oh, cheer up, darling," he said teasingly. "Thanks to your wonderful generosity, you're fourth to shower."

"Fifth, you mean," she corrected.

"Lily," he began, but she cut him off with a tinkling laugh that was cut short by a sneeze.

"I love you, Jamesie," she said to end the conversation. At that moment Sirius walked in, meeting four withering glares.

"Sorry, sorry," he said, throwing up his hands in a gesture of mock-surrender. "Take no prisoners?'

"Go on, Moony," Peter said. "Hurry up." Remus rose and left.

"As I recall," said Sirius conversationally from where he was perched on the arm of the couch, "Lily doesn't yet know how to play Quidditch."

"I know _how_ to play," she explained. "I've just never done it."

"So you don't know how," Sirius said stubbornly.

"Really, it's not the same as the theory," Peter agreed.

Lily looked to James for support but he grinned and shook his head. "Actually, sweetheart, they're right. The actual rules and things don't teach you how to fly the right way. Technique has to be learned, not studied."

"You study in order to learn," said Lily indignantly, though a cough marred the dignified effect.

"Honey, who knows more about this kind of thing?" asked James. "Your very own Gryffindor Chaser-Captain and his best friend, Padfoot-the-Beater, or Lily I've-never-gotten-on-a-broom-before-Christmas?"

"I'd been on a broom before," Lily said, crossing her arms teasingly.

"First year lessons don't count, sweetheart," James said, uncrossing her arms and putting them back in front of the fire.

"You weren't joking?" Sirius exclaimed from his corner of the room, the increased volume making poor Peter jump. "Lily, you'd never been on a broom before James?"

Lily blushed and James laughed, hugging her to him. "I never saw a reason to," she said softly, though it was accompanied by a giggle.

"We're teaching you Quidditch tomorrow," declared Sirius.

"Tomorrow's Monday," reminded Lily. "Besides, what's-her-name is going to feel lonely." She wasn't too excited at the prospect of embarrassing herself in front of everyone on the Quidditch Pitch.

"After classes, then," decided James.

"I'm meeting Patricia after school," complained Sirius. "You two practice a bit tomorrow and this Saturday you and I are going to really teach, Prongs."

"I'm waiting in fervent anticipation," said Lily sarcastically. "Is this really necessary?"

"Yes," interjected Remus, who had just entered the room as Peter left a few moments ago.

"Do you even know what we're talking about?" laughed Lily.

"I assume it's something completely ridiculous that we Marauders do," said Remus with a nod.

"Not ridiculous," corrected Lily. "Just—embarrassing."

"I'm teaching Lily Quidditch tomorrow," clarified James.

"That should be fun," chuckled Remus. "It'll be nice to watch the perfect Miss Evans make a fool of herself."

"I am not perfect," mock-pouted Lily. "Besides, you can't watch tomorrow, anyway."

"Why not?"

"Peter told me the test's been moved to Tuesday," Lily informed him.

"Which means you'll be studying with him," elaborated James with a laugh.

"Oh, can't one of you take a turn?" pleaded Remus.

"None of us, except maybe Lily, are as bright as you," Sirius told him. "And Lils is best in Potions, not Transfiguration."

"I'm a werewolf; you're an Animagus," beseeched Remus. "You're more competent at Transfiguration than I am."

"I love Wormtail and all," said James, "But I'm not missing what's sure to be an amusing afternoon with my Lily to have a grouchy old librarian breathing down my neck."

"Padfoot?" asked Remus.

"I'll be—er—otherwise occupied, as well," muttered Sirius. "Patricia," he clarified.

"Fine!" exclaimed Remus unhappily.

"I'll help him next time," promised Lily. "Unless it's this Sunday—it'll be James, then."

"Wait, what?" said James.

"For me?" asked Lily, batting her eyelashes teasingly.

"Why can't Sirius?" inquired James.

"He and I will be busy," she told them.

"We will?" asked Sirius, baffled.

"Yes," affirmed Lily. "We're going to Hogsmeade to get a dress for Slughorn's Valentine's Ball."

"Did I agree to this?" questioned Sirius.

"Please, Padfoot?" entreated Lily. "I want to get a dress; James won't give me an honest opinion if it looks bad; Moony and Peter, no offense, have no fashion sense. So that leaves my very favorite Marauder."

"Hey!" called James in mock-indignation. Lily laughed and playfully shoved him, then apologized by leaning her head on his chest.

"Fine," Lily amended, "Sirius is my second-favorite, I suppose. But still, Padfoot, what d'you say?"

"Alright," said Sirius with a chuckle. "You flatter me, though I'm pretty sure I'll regret this."

They chattered about the Ball, which was sure to be quite an affair, until Peter walked in.

"You go ahead, Jamesie," Lily said. "I'm actually quite warm, now, thanks to you." James removed his arms from around her.

"We all know how this is going to end," he informed her. "So just go shower."

Lily rolled her eyes but silently agreed. James would never give in. She gave him a peck on the cheek and rose, summoning a pair of pajamas from her dresser.

"I'm staying in for dinner; you guys go on down," she told them. "I feel a cold coming on and I don't want to deal with Pomfrey's prodding and questions tonight. I'll brew some Pepperup next Potions class."

"We don't have Potions until Tuesday this week," Remus told her.

"I'll be fine," Lily said with a smile, holding in a sneeze. "G'night, my dear Marauders," she called as she walked out the door.

"'Night, Lils," Sirius said. Remus and Peter waved while James gave her a hug goodbye.

"You know, you really shouldn't be doing that," Lily chastised. "I don't know if I'm contagious. Although now that I think about it, we live together and I've been all over you this afternoon—sorry about that."

"I really didn't mind, honey," James said with a cheeky grin. "I'll hurry back, though."

"Don't rush, I'll be fine," Lily said with a roll of her eyes, though her cough ruined the validity of the statement. James gave her a peck on the cheek and departed.

Despite the cold, Lily was happy. Things were so nice, now. So easy. So comfortable. Why hadn't Lily had this all along? A small voice in her mind answered her, resurfacing after a day of giddy forgetfulness.

'War,' it said cruelly.

'James,' answered another. It was synonymous with love.

The battle continued until Lily, huffily sighing, blamed her nerves on the sickness and began thinking of other, more pleasant, things.

* * *

**Author's Note: **This chapter is extremely long; however I couldn't find a good place to cut it and start a new chapter before where you see now. I hope you don't mind. (=


	37. Chapter Thirty Six: Bad Romance Movie

**Author's Note: **Achoo! Has anyone had H1N1? It's not too pleasant, is it? I was inspired to write this by my bout of Swine a few weeks ago, though Lily's not as sick—it's just a cold. =p

* * *

Lily walked the short distance to the Prefect's Bathroom, rubbing her aching temple. She was still quite cold, despite what she might have told James, and therefore the bath was steaming when she stepped in.

Though she remained cold, the numbness left her body, bringing with it the unpleasant realization that she was sicker than she'd believed. Her muscles were aching and the throbbing in her head made each sneeze and cough (which she was doing more frequently each minute) seem all the worse.

Sighing to herself at the misfortune of not having Potions until Tuesday, she dressed and walked swiftly back to her dormitory. Still cold, she wrapped a blanket around her body and curled up on the couch in front of the fire, casting a warming charm on herself that proved ineffective against her fever-induced chilliness. Trying her best to ignore the pain in most of her body, she closed her eyes and dozed on and off for a few minutes.

The door opened and James walked in, laden with two steaming cups of hot chocolate and some cookies he must've smuggled from the kitchen. Lily smiled gratefully, accepting the gift but stopping herself from kissing him shortly in thanks.

"I'll go to my room, or you go to yours," she said, sniffling. "I don't want you to get sick."

"I'm staying with you darling," James said, sitting down next to her and laying down the food on the coffee table. "I brought two mugs, you see."

"Drink it somewhere else," Lily said with a sneezing smile.

James laughed and wrapped a comforting arm around her. "Lily, honey, you're burning up!" he said concernedly.

"It's not that bad. I just don't want you to catch it," she said, sliding away from him with a shiver.

"I'm not leaving," he informed her, pulling her back over. "Besides, precious, someone's got to take care of you until we can get Pepperup."

"I can take care of myself quite well, thank you very much," she said, though she resignedly snuggled closer to his chest.

"This would be rather romantic were you not coughing all over me, sweetheart," James said with a chuckle, noting their closeness and the flickering fire.

"I'm sorry, Jamesie," Lily said, starting to pull away.

"Merlin, Lils, I'm only kidding," he said, embracing her. The pair drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, occasionally waking as either of them sneezed or coughed.

Lily glanced at James' wrist. "It's one in the morning, James," she said, shaking him gently. "Let's go to bed."

"Why not just stay here?" he asked drowsily. Both felt too sore and stiff to move.

"I want to lie down," Lily explained. "And I'd feel guilty if you were stuck being all uncomfortable sitting up. So let's both just go to bed."

"I can sleep in just about any position, darling," James said with a small smile. "Lay down."

Lily rolled her eyes, though she was too sick and tired to argue. She laid down and tried to give James as much room as possible, propping her feet up on the arm of the couch and only taking up a full cushion and part of another.

James sighed but laughed, pulling her closer so that her she was stretched out fully and her head was on his lap. "Good night, Lily."

"G'night, Jamesie," Lily mumbled. "Thanks."

"Any time," he assured her, his fingers playing in a contended Lily's hair until he fell back asleep.

* * *

"Oi! Prongs! Lily!" called a loud Sirius as he entered the dormitory. "It's ten minutes until class, wake up!"

Lily sighed and rolled over. "Remind me again why we gave him the password, James?"

"So I can save you from being late to class," explained Sirius with a sigh. "Now, as adorable as you two are, get off his lap and get dressed, Lily. You too, Prongs."

Lily coughed and sat up, rubbing her temple. "C'mon, Jamesie," she said, getting on her feet and offering him a hand, attempting, futilely, to pull him up. She groaned, however, her movement irritating her weak body further, and sat right back down.

"There is absolutely no way I am going to class today," declared Lily.

"I second that," murmured James with a sniffle, eyes closing once more.

"Do you have any idea how unfair it is that you two get to be sick and miss class and the rest of the Marauders don't?" questioned Sirius.

"Well, I'm the only one who got sick to begin with; James got it from me," Lily said with a small smile. "But if you want me to snog you to a cold I'm afraid I'll have to pass."

James, chuckling, added, "Besides, I'd actually rather be in class right now. Being sick isn't too fun, Padfoot."

"I'll get some Pepperup from old Sluggy at the end of the day," promised Sirius in parting with a slight chuckle. Lily murmured their thanks and joined James where he was on the couch, already asleep.

When the pair awoke and sat lazily looking around the room for something to occupy them, the silence was definite, excluding the frequent sneezes and coughs.

"You're going to be a Healer, Lily," commented James, ending the silence. "So why are we sitting here miserably?"

"I don't have the potion ingredients. Besides, the really advanced curing potions and certification require going through another year of schooling at the Ministry," said Lily with a chuckle, albeit a bitter one. "I'm pretty sure my being Muggle-born isn't going to heighten my chances of surviving the entrance exam."

James shuddered slightly, knowing 'surviving' was a literal term, not an exaggeration. "Besides that, my time is occupied indefinitely by the Order," continued Lily, not noticing James' adverse reaction. "My life, as far as I can tell, has absolutely no certainty. I suppose even attempting to have some semblance of a plan for my future is ridiculous. Still, though… It'd be nice to know a bit of what was coming." Lily was now lost in her thoughts, voicing the worries that had been building ever since Voldemort's ascent to power.

"So, in terms of sketching out things to come: I have the War limiting my occupational possibilities—and, well, everything else; I have the War making me fight; I have the War making it so nothing is reliable or stable. Sounds thrilling!" she concluded sarcastically, throwing up her hands in mock-joy.

James caught them and kissed the top of one, shaking his head slightly; Lily remembered he was there to hear her speech and her sickly pallid complexion pinked faintly. "Sorry," she muttered. She chose to otherwise disregard her previous outburst. "So, on a not-depressing note, what time is it? Sirius should be here with the potion soon."

"You have the Marauders," James said, ignoring her change-of-subject. "Especially me."

"What d'you mean, I have you?" Lily asked, wondering what he was on about. James looked unusually serious.

"'No certainty… Nothing is reliable,'" he quoted. "Well, that's not entirely true. You have the Marauders. You have me."

"I know," Lily assured him, though she wasn't quite sure herself. "I just—it doesn't feel right. I used to have it all planned out, naïve as it sounds. When I was little I dreamed of growing up and having a big white wedding; I didn't really plan farther than that, but it's stayed the same throughout it all. Then I came to Hogwarts and—magic! I explored a bit, and I knew as much as I love to help people, being a Healer was perfect. So I was young and dreaming of it all.

"But all of that, obviously, is over. The thing is, though, I'm not really mourning the fact that I can't do any of it. I just want to be able to choose—it doesn't seem like I'm free to have any kind of security. Nothing lasts in the War; everything's so bloody temporary and I just—I just feel like everything's going to disappear."

"Sweetheart, I'm not going to lie to you," James said and Lily was once again taken aback by how grave he was. None of his usual joking was present. "I can't garuntee anything will remain the same—not even Padfoot, Moony, or Wormtail. I can't tell you it's all just a dream because it's not. If I told you anything was definitely going to remain unchanging it'd be a lie. Except me; I can promise—I do promise you, Lily—that I will always be there. I always have been and I always will. Whether you like it or not," he added with his usual teasing grin.

"I like it quite a bit more than I did a few years ago," Lily said, not quite sure how to respond to such a confession without exposing more of herself than she cared to, even to James. The renewed talk of anti-Muggle-born society had renewed her worries as well. James seemed to sense her hesitancy.

"Lily," he began, thinking of what to do. He had given up using rational talk and reasoning with her in this matter of over-protectiveness—she hadn't responded to it any other time and she wasn't going to this time, either. He decided he would simply have to sweep her off her feet, not too easy a task with both of them having colds. He would, however, try his best.

He cupped her face in his hands and tried his best to be—what was that line in his mum's favorite movie?—soulful and intense. As he stared soulfully and intensely—he hoped—into Lily's eyes, the latter ruined the moment with a small giggle.

"You're trying too hard, Jamesie," she remarked before giving up restraining herself; she laughed quite loudly.

James, who had released her face when she began laughing, crossed his now free arms. He couldn't help but chuckle, though; Lily's laugh was infectious. "What'd I do wrong?" he inquired.

"I love _you_, Jamesie; not some forceful gaze-lovingly-into-my-eyes bad romance movie hero—I prefer to talk and laugh, not stare," she informed him with a grin. "Besides, you're doing it all wrong. First of all, your hair's not nearly messy enough. I like it just after I've kissed you, when it's all mussed." She reached up and ran her fingers through it to correct his error. "Second, whenever you look in my eyes, it's loving, corny as it sounds. That was more—squinty. You were concentrating too hard." She gave him a peck on the nose and, as she expected, his gaze moved from her entire face to just her eyes, wanting more. "Thirdly, whenever you really hold my face, you pull it towards yours a bit. Just now you were kind of focusing on the gawking and not on me. All in all, it proves that I know you entirely too well," she concluded.

"Well, you've fixed my hair. So I have to hold your face and stare the right way to convince you of how much you shouldn't care about the War when you're talking about us?" he asked, a smile on his lips.

"Something like that," she affirmed, ignoring his quip about her thinking too much.

"Remind me again how I'm supposed to do this?" he implored teasingly.

"Just be you," Lily explained. "That saves me from this whole ordeal. James Potter doesn't usually attempt to evoke my ardor randomly every Monday."

"I wasn't aware I was allowed all the other Mondays," James told her. "We have been dating since Saturday night. Actually, I think it was really Sunday morning—but either way, you can't make a generalization like that without experience. And besides, I don't merely 'try,' darling. I succeed."

"Oh, really, Jamesie?" asked Lily jeeringly. "I seem to recall that I ended up laughing in your face just a few moments ago."

"That was, in your words, some 'bad romance movie hero,'" said James confidently with a smile. "I, however, am James Potter. The ladies love me."

"I'll have to check 'the ladies' into St. Mungo's, then," Lily teased.

"Unfortunately, the fact that you told me you loved me moments ago ruins that statement," remarked James with an arrogant grin.

"I'll take it back," offered Lily.

"I'll make you say it again," assured James.

Lily snorted jokingly. "You're entirely too conceited for your own good."

"Or is it _your_ own good?" asked James, cupping her cheek and, as always, unconsciously pulling it up towards his own. Lily chuckled and pointed this out. "I hadn't really noticed," James admitted.

"I can't say I mind," she said with a grin.

James decided to try his hand at the loving stare thing again. He did it without meaning to, according to Lily, but now that he was aware of it he couldn't tell whether he was or not. He decided to just focus on Lily's eyes.

"You're beautiful," he told her, smiling softly.

"James, I've got a cold, so I'm sure my nose is the same color as my hair. Speaking of my hair, it's a bloody bird's nest at the moment. I'm wearing a t-shirt that is much too big for me and a pair of pants that are at least two years old," said Lily, rolling her eyes. "So, while I appreciate your trying to flatter me, at least make it believable."

"Way to ruin the moment, dear," chastised James with a chuckle. "And that's my t-shirt you're insulting. Besides, I really don't mind. In fact, I adore it when you're a mess."

"Is there any particular reason for that, or are you just odder than even I knew?" asked Lily, ignoring that he called her a mess. She really was, truth be told. Besides, the 'adore' part negated the rest.

"You wouldn't let anyone else see you like this," said James. "You're comfortable with me."

"Quite comfortable," agreed a breathy Lily. James had leaned down so that their foreheads were touching.

"Now, how can you want to stop this because of the War?" said James just as huskily, reminding her of their original purpose. "Love is the opposite of evil, honey. Don't let the bad destroy the good."

"Which is which?" asked Lily, struggling to keep her train of thought as James leaned down farther so that his lips were centimeters from her own. "Love can be bad, if it hurts you."

"Love is never bad, darling. _You_ are love, Lily," said James, smiling when Lily, almost against her will, put a hand on his chest, pulling herself a bit closer. "In fact, I don't think I can kiss you while you're thinking such frightening thoughts. The idea of you leaving scares me."

"It's terrifying," concurred Lily with a slight frown. She mentally shook herself and forced herself not to dwell on the negative. "But I think you'll kiss me, anyway."

"What makes you so sure?" questioned James, raising his eyebrows.

"Because I want you too rather badly," explained Lily. "And I have ways of convincing you."

"Now look who's the arrogant one," said James with a chuckle.

"Is it conceit if you know it's true?" asked Lily. She decided to prove the truth of her former statement.

James wasn't sure how it happened. All he knew is that he wasn't the one seducing anymore—he was being seduced. And it was working.

Lily, somehow, had gotten onto his lap. Her hands had snaked their way through his hair and he found himself leaning down, entirely without conscious thought. Lily needn't have clutched his shirt to pull him closer—he was doing the same, grabbing her hip and pulling her to him.

"I've not been snogged yet," reminded Lily.

"You know, I'm not supposed to kiss you. It'd make you too conceited, remember?" questioned James. "However, you are entirely too tempting. I may have to ask you to get off of me so I can restrain myself."

"Or you could not restrain yourself," offered Lily. "But if you really want me to get up, I will."

"Okay, you win—but just this once," grinned James, putting a hand on her shoulder and pulling her closer. Lily began laughing at his easy surrender but James silenced her with his own mouth. For all that she was playing temptress, Lily was just as passionate.

"Blimey! When I'm sick all I ever get is chicken soup," said a loud, laughing voice. "I hardly think it's fair that James gets a snog for his troubles. Besides, PDA never really seemed your style, Lils."

"It wasn't public until you walked in, Padfoot," said Lily with a blushing giggle. "Did you get the potion?"

"Aye, Madame," said Sirius, presenting the pair of them with a goblet. "You only need about a swallow for it to work. Slughorn wouldn't give me two cups, though—he seemed to think I was going to do something illegal, like last time."

"You have to admit, though, the effect of Pepperup on salamanders is quite amusing," added James with a laugh, taking the cup. "Ladies first," he said, holding it out to Lily. She took a sip and handed it back, thanking Sirius. James did the same, laughing at Lily's smoking ears.

"Yours look exactly the same," complained Lily.

"Yes," he struggled to say between chuckles. "But your hair, precious—it looks like your head's on fire." Lily rolled her eyes and looked to Sirius for support, but the latter was doubled over in mirth.

"Boys are impossible," she concluded, crossing her arms.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," apologized James.

"I'm not," said Sirius, still laughing profusely. Lily glared at him and James couldn't control his chuckles any longer.

"I think I'll go bathe," she informed them primly. "I'll see you at dinner." Hopefully, that is. There was no way she was going down to the Great Hall with her ears steaming. She caught her reflection on her way out, however, and a giggle escaped. Maybe boys weren't so bad.


	38. Chapter Thirty Seven: Having a Moment

**Author's Note: **I really didn't have any sort of plan for this when I began writing. It sort of evolved on its own. I hope it's not too terrible.  
**ANPS: **I looked up James', Lily's, and Remus' birthdays. I fudged Sirius and Peter, but they'll live. (=

* * *

"Good morning, Sunshine," said Lily brightly in Sirius' ear. "Time to go shopping!"

"Go away," he replied, shoving her. Caught off guard, she stumbled backwards and a laughing James caught her nimbly.

"Oi, Padfoot! Get up already so they'll leave," interjected Remus from where he was trying to sleep.

"I love you, too, Remus, dear," said Lily a bit breathlessly. She was trying to pull Sirius out of bed. "James, help me, here?"

"Why not use magic?" muttered Peter. "It'd be a fat lot faster and then the rest of us could go back to bed."

"I appreciate the support from the both of you," said Sirius, shaking off Lily's arm and sitting up drowsily. "I expect she didn't want to hex me for fear of my approving a hideous dress."

"How right you are," agreed Lily. "But I suppose if I look like dragon dung the guys'll stop pining."

"You never look bad, but it'd be nice if they'd lay off," said James, kissing her lightly. "Remind me again why I can't spend the day with you."

"Because you say things like 'you never look bad,'" explained Lily. "Sirius will tell me the truth. For example, when I was sick, you said I was beautiful. Padfoot, was I in any way attractive at all during that time?"

"Quite honestly, when I walked in that afternoon, I didn't see much of your face," said Sirius, rising from the bed with a teasing grin. "Mostly the back of your head; the front part was—otherwise occupied. Very occupied, if I recall correctly." Lily blushed slightly but otherwise met his gaze evenly.

"As utterly charming as tales of snogging in the morning are," said Remus from beneath his quilt, "I'd appreciate it if you got the hell out. It's early and it's Saturday."

"You mean you don't miss me bunking with you guys in here?" asked James with mock-sadness.

"You always slept later than the rest of us put together, except for Quidditch," supplied Peter.

"Speaking of, I've still got to teach you, dear," said James, turning to Lily.

"We're busy today," said Lily, glancing over at Sirius. "Put some bloody pants on, Padfoot!"

"You've seen men in boxers before, Lils," said Sirius, though he was putting on a belt already.

"A man I wanted to see," corrected Lily. She realized the implications of this statement and blushed. James looked at her in mock-wonder.

"What are you implying, Lily?" questioned James teasingly. "Do you love me or my body?"

"Can I help it if I have desires?" asked Lily, playing along. "Besides, you can't deny you've ever felt the same way."

"I certainly can and do deny that, dear," jeered James. "I view you in a strictly platonic sense, Lily."

They began walking downstairs, continuing their teasing. "So you haven't ever dreamed of kissing me, Jamesie?" implored Lily in mock-hurt.

"I don't mean to be harsh, Lily, but it's best to be honest," he said gravely. "I don't find you attractive. Your personality is repulsive. And, sweetheart—er, just Lily, not sweetheart; I'm getting out of character—the idea of being close to you disgusts me."

"And yet you're going to the gala with me," reminded Lily hopefully.

"Alas, a pity date," James assured her. Lily hung her head in mock-sadness. "I'm trying to be frank, not cruel, Lily. Farewell."

Lily wiped away an imaginary tear and waved goodbye before she began laughing. "Why did you get to be the handsome one I'm pining over? I do believe it should be the other way around."

"You got to be the beautiful, sweet girl I loved without return of affection for years. It's only fair, honey," he explained, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

"Fair enough," she said. "Sorry about that, by the way."

"You're worth the wait," James said, peering intently at her through his glasses. "If you'd only realize it."

"I'm getting better at accepting things," remarked Lily, though occasional late-night doubts and regrets still plagued her. "At least, since we've gotten together, no more nightmares."

"Honey, it's only been a week," said James with a roll of his eyes. "That's not exactly a long time."

"It's a record for me, since my parents died," Lily informed him with small a determined smile. James shook his head and took her hands.

"You shouldn't have any at all," said James. "What's making you not have them?"

"I dunno, really," Lily said thoughtfully. "What makes yours stop? And before you try to be all manly, I know you've had them at least once. That time on the train, remember?"

"Honestly, Lily, you made them stop," he said, feeling foolish. "I think of being happy rather than worrying; it sort of falls into place. Most of the time," he added quietly.

"What does that have to do with me?"

"I think of being happy, Lils. You're what makes me happiest."

"Oh," she replied, taken aback by his frankness. She wouldn't ever get used to his sporadic declarations of love. She wasn't sure she wanted to. She looked up at him, matching his smile.

"Bloody hell!" exclaimed Sirius as he entered the common room. James and Lily were staring at each other amorously, fingers laced between them. "Having a moment, are we? Do you just plan them so that I walk in on them every time?"

"Define 'moment,'" instructed Lily. They cast warming charms on themselves and began walking to Whomping Willow. The statue of the one-eyed-witch and the third floor passage were much more convenient, but they had to make their entrance to Hogsmeade inconspicuous.

"You know, those times when you're being all loving and sickening-like," explained Sirius. "Like when you're saying 'I love you,' only with your eyes. Or when you're being all non-physical with your relationship. Never mind, from what I've seen, even when you're snogging it's still kind of disgusting how focused you are on each other and not just the kiss. Actually, a moment is mostly just when you're all absorbed in each other."

"Wouldn't that kind of make us a moment in ourselves?" asked Lily, a smile gracing her lips.

"I don't think it's so 'sickening-like,'" commented James with a grin, wrapping an arm around Lily.

"There you go again," pointed out Sirius, rolling his eyes but laughing. "Well, let's go on to Hogsmeade, James, Lily. Moony and Peter said they'll meet us in the Three Broomsticks for lunch."

"So we'll be there all day?" asked James. "Excellent, I can get birthday shopping out of the way. Our birthdays are all too close together."

"Peter—February eighteenth; Remus—March ninth; Jamesie—March twenty-seventh; and finally Sirius—April second," recited Lily. "You don't know how proud I am of knowing all of those. I'm usually terrible with dates."

"You forgot one," said James with a smile, "Lily—January thirtieth; two weeks from now."

"I'm not shopping for myself," said Lily. "Well, actually, I am—this morning. But this afternoon it's all you guys," she amended with a chuckle.

"Well, come on, then," said Sirius, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Let's get this bloody dress thing over with. You hungry?"

"No," Lily said with a groan. "That dare last night still has me full—I can't believe I let you guys talk me into eating twenty-five chocolate frogs at two in the morning."

"I matched you," said Sirius with a chuckle. "And James ate five more."

"Yes, well, you're male, aren't you?" sighed Lily. "Can you imagine how this'll look to Hogwarts? We're lucky no one's up at eight each Saturday."

"How what'll look?" asked Sirius and James in unison.

"I have Sirius Black's arm around my shoulders," she said with a laugh, "James Potter's hand on the small of my back, and we're strolling along the grounds in the snow."

"It's really too bad no one's watching," Sirius disagreed. "We could play it up quite well. I expect it'd be rather amusing."

"Can you imagine the look on the girls' faces?" asked James with a chuckle.

"Tonight at dinner, then," said Lily, still a bit sore over Meredith's flirtatiousness. Certainly walking into the Great Hall with the two most desired men in Hogwarts would silence that siren.

"Oh, no, Lily's got that insane smile," said Sirius.

"It's more of an evil grin," opposed James, looking at Lily thoughtfully. "Her eyes are more angry than crazy."

"If you're done scrutinizing my expression," laughed Lily, shaking the jealous thoughts from her head, "I'd appreciate it if you told me how exactly this whole tunnel thing works. This is where Remus goes—the Shrieking Shack—but how? Come to think of it, I've never seen any of you in your Animagus forms, which is strange, considering."

"I'll show you sometime, then," promised James. He magicked a stick so that it prodded the knothole on the tree. "And that's," he said, nodding to the still branches, "How to get in."

In a typical Lily fashion, she didn't shy away from the prospect of delving into the underground unknown. With an unwavering smile she bent over and began making her way through the tunnel. She glanced behind her and laughed when she saw James and Sirius crawling.

"It's not our fault we're not midgets like you," responded Sirius.

"She's not a midget," defended James. "She's just, er, vertically challenged."

"It has its advantages," Lily said, accentuating her statement with another chuckle at their expense. She reached an opening and stepped into a room full of old, torn furniture and ripped wallpaper. "Poor Moony," she murmured, running a hand along a gash in the woodwork of the stair railing.

"Your birthday's the last day of full moon. I'd love to spend the evening with you, but Moony's furry little problem requires my attention," said James solemnly, laying a hand on top of her own. "It's usually not as bad the last day, though. He doesn't usually even transform. We run him up there and stay for a few hours just to be sure, though."

"I don't mind. I just hope Remus doesn't transform—it's supposed to be really painful," said Lily. Looking around the small room had made real his problem to Lily. "Where's Sirius? He wasn't too far behind."

A loud bark answered her. She turned, mouth open in surprise, and met a great black dog's gaze. She blinked rapidly and it let out what she assumed was the canine form of mirth. The figure transformed into an amused Sirius. "I couldn't take the crawling, so I transformed when we had just started in, a few seconds after you saw fit to laugh at me."

"James is taller than you," Lily accused with grin.

"I would've transformed, too," James told her. "It's much easier. My antlers get in the way, though."

"Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?" asked Lily with a laugh. She linked arms with James on one side and Sirius on the other and walked toward the street. "So, I can understand the other stores," she said thoughtfully, "but Madame Rosmerta knows all of us."

"Exactly," said James with a smile. "She loves the Marauders. I can promise no professor will know we're skipping."

They had reached Hogsmeade's sole dress shop, Mistress Melinda's Emporium. "Bye, Lils, Padfoot. See you at lunch," said James, leaning down and placing a chaste kiss on Lily's lips.

"Later," called Sirius, rolling his eyes at the vast displays of flouncy material.

* * *

Lily stepped out of the dressing room with a frown. "I don't like it," she informed Sirius, who was perched lazily on a chair beside the 360˚ mirror. She was clad in a pink eyesore that was covered in ruffles and sequins. The thick velvety skirt had a much-too-long train of flashy tulle. Every dress she would try on had a small waist and a large hoop skirt, as was required, but this one was—monstrous.

"You look like chewing gum rolled in glitter," said Sirius, not bothering to conceal his laughter.

"You could be nice about it," said Lily, but then she caught her reflection in the mirror and joined in his laughter. "I suppose I do, then."

* * *

"It's nice," commented Sirius, eying the blue, very old-fashioned dress. "A good last resort if we don't find anything else."

"Blue's James' favorite color," noted Lily. "I'm not sure it's the one, though."

"You've got two more shots," he replied, gesturing towards the door. "Get on with it."

"You know you love shopping with me," teased Lily from behind the dressing room curtain.

* * *

The red dress was, well, there wasn't exactly a proper word—

"I look like a stripper in a hoop skirt," said Lily, aghast at her reflection.

Sirius cleared his throat. "It, er, displays your, um, assets quite nicely," he said, looking the other way. "James will be sorry he missed this one."

Although her lower half was hidden by the vast petticoats, the expanding skirt began just at the widest part of her hips. That was nothing, however, compared to her torso. Her—assets—certainly were displayed for all the world to see. The rather thin material was skin tight and quite form fitting.

"So, yes, I'll just, um," Lily said awkwardly, ignoring his wisecrack about James. "Change."

* * *

"I think you've gone from one extreme to the other," said Sirius, trying to control his laughter. "I do believe my late grandmother wore that dress on her wedding day, Lils." It was white and frilly, with a high, stiff collar and long sleeves. Lily sighed.

* * *

She reemerged looking rather downcast. "I suppose it'll be the blue dress," she said, holding up the garment.

"Why so glum?" asked Sirius.

"Haven't you ever—actually, I hope you've never—tried on a dress and just known it was perfect? I didn't get that vibe from any of them," she remarked. "Ah, well," she concluded. "I'll just have to settle. I need to head out and get gifts."

Sirius noted her still disappointed demeanor. "Mistress Melinda?" he called, his jaw set determinedly.

"Yes, dearie?" asked an elegant middle-aged woman.

"Do you have anything for a very short, insane redhead with some weird idea of finding the perfect dress?" he asked.

"Thanks for the effort, Padfoot. But that's twice today you've made fun of my height. And I don't appreciate being called crazy, Sirius," chastised Lily. She stepped forward and extended her hand to the shopkeeper. "Lily Evans."

"Charmed, I'm sure," said the shopkeeper distractedly. She took a step back and peered at Lily. "Your hair makes anything in any shade of red difficult. And you really aren't very tall, dear. This must be the ball Horace asked me to. I assume this is for Slughorn's gala? So hoopskirts are required," she noted, stepping closer once more. "Your eyes, though. I know a perfect gown, come over here."

Lily followed hopefully, wondering if the scrutiny she'd just endured would produce good results. The woman handed her a garment bag. Lily stepped into the dressing room and tried it on.

She walked out and looked at her reflection. Only a moment's glance was needed to tell her that this was the one. It was an emerald green that matched her eyes beautifully. The dress itself was flowing and sinuous, sleeveless with a low-cut sweetheart neckline and a graceful train. Without a word, Mistress Melinda handed Lily a pair of flat, beautifully embellished shoes in the same shade.

"You're a very lucky man," the dressmaker said to Sirius. "Though height may be a problem…"

"We're not together," said Lily, spinning around and admiring the large skirt's fluid movement.

"But her date's an inch or so taller than I am," said Sirius with a chuckle. "Somehow, though, they manage. You're stunning, by the way," he added to Lily. He could now see what she meant about the perfect dress.

"Thanks, Padfoot," said Lily gratefully. "And thank you, Mistress Melinda."

"Anytime, dearest," said the woman with a knowing smile. The ease with which the pair discussed the girl's relationship made it apparent it wasn't just a date to a dance.

* * *

"Well, I'm not buying James anything for his birthday," said Lily as she walked next to Sirius.

"I don't think he'll mind, considering it's you, but dare I ask why?" replied Sirius.

"I want to do something, not give something," she informed him. He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, that came out wrong. Stop being so perverted. Anyway, it's like when he took me flying for Christmas. It was nice."

"Love is ridiculous," concluded Sirius, holding the door to the Three Broomsticks open for her. "Hullo, Rosmerta!"

"Remus and Peter are in the back already," she told him. "I've already got four butterbeers on their way. Who's this one, though?" she asked, nodding at Lily.

"Our newest Marauderette," said Sirius, draping an arm around her shoulders. "One more butterbeer, then."

"Which one are you with?" the barmaid asked Lily, grinning.

"James," Lily supplied, a smile gracing her lips. Lily was with James Potter.

"Yes, you are," agreed James, standing behind her and leaning down to rest his head on her shoulder in greeting. He waved to Rosmerta but was distracted by his girlfriend. Lily turned her head to the right to give him a peck on the cheek in hello but James turned as well, smirking, so that her lips met his and not his cheek.

"That wasn't fair," complained Lily, pulling away much too soon. James simply laughed and took her hand, leading her to where the other Marauders sat discussing Slughorn's date with Mistress Melinda.

"I just hope Pomfrey won't be too let down," remarked Lily, sliding into a seat between James and Remus. "I always thought there was something between them."

"Nonsense; Poppy's got the hots for Filch," disagreed Sirius.

"I always thought Filch and Pince had something going on," offered Remus.

"That's stupid, Moony. She threw him out of the library once, after he 'breathed too hard' on one of her books," supplied Peter.

"Besides, Filch is too much in love McGonagall for that to happen," said James. "It's too bad old Minnie isn't into him. They could do with some snogging. It might make Filch less harsh."

"I know what you mean. Do you know he gave me four Saturdays just for starting that food fight last week?" asked Sirius with a groan.

"Shouldn't you be there now, then?" questioned Peter.

"Yes," Sirius assured them. "I, however, find myself with my best mates in Hogsmeade. I'm doing him a favor, anyway. This gives him more time to make his move on whomever the hell it is he intends on snogging. The mop, perhaps?" They all joined in his laughter, sharing a happily easy Saturday lunch with friends.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Have you noticed that my chapters are steadily becoming longer and longer? I feel like I'm throwing in too many unnecessary details because of the length, but I can't seem to find anyway to cut it down. If you'd like to contribute feedback on my extensive chapters, please do.


	39. Chapter Thirty Eight: Fighting

**Author's Note: **Thanks for reading, darlings!

* * *

"I know you can't Apparate into the grounds. But can you magick a package?" asked James. He and Lily were walking along Hogsmeade's main road, hand in hand, having just completed their shopping.

"No," said Lily thoughtfully. "I think we could probably just sit them in the Shrieking Shack until we want to leave, though." It was growing steadily darker, a few stars already making an appearance. "You go find Remus and Peter," Lily instructed. "They were in Zonko's. I'll grab Sirius from the Post Owl office on my way to the Shack; it's close. I'm starving."

"You barely ate any lunch," said James, rolling his eyes.

"I still felt sick from all of those frogs," replied a sheepish Lily.

James laughed and kissed her nose, waving as he walked to Zonko's. Lily bewitched the cumbersome packages to levitate in front of her and strolled to meet Sirius. She spied him flirting with a cashier and decided to have a bit of fun.

Standing quite close behind him, she put her hands over his eyes and said, "Guess who, Sirius, dearest!"

"Get off! Who are you?" he said, lying quite impressively. This wasn't any fun for Lily.

"But sweetums, you promised you were going to show me the town… and other things," she said, looking sweetly up at him with a glint in her eye.

The cashier huffed and shot Sirius a withering glance, turning away angrily. Lily, in a valiant effort not to laugh, pretended to sneeze so that she could cover her mouth. Upon seeing Sirius' face, however, she let out a tiny giggle and pulled him out of the shop so to not further embarrass herself.

"That was cruel," complained Sirius half-heartedly. Lily merely laughed harder and Sirius couldn't help but join in. "You know what, though? I'm proud of you."

"Alright?" said Lily confusedly.

"That was truly a Marauder move," he complimented with a chuckle. "No doubt about it; we've corrupted you."

Lily sent the packages flying into the tiny room. "If you're trying to flatter me, Padfoot, you're failing miserably. 'Corrupt' isn't exactly a pleasant term," she remarked, though she was grinning.

She looked to make sure the packages had reached their destination in the wind and noticed a strange color reflecting off the snow. "Sirius, what's—" she began, her gaze drifting upward.

The Dark Mark.

No, that wasn't possible. It couldn't happen, not now, not here! She checked once more to assure herself it'd been a trick of her eyes.

The Dark Mark.

The Dark Mark over Hogsmeade.

Lily, without thinking, drew her wand and grabbed Sirius' forearm. "Lily, what're you on about?" asked Sirius, looking at the sky as well. He stared for a moment longer than Lily's patience could stand.

"Come on, there's not time!" she said, breaking into a run. Sirius caught up with her, his own wand raised. Lily grasped his hand, frantically searching the streets. There were shopkeepers, travelers, and—children, the young sons and daughters of the villagers and visitors—scurrying about in panic. Lily said a silent prayer for their safety as she rushed past.

"Who?" she called, not caring who answered. The Dark Mark meant death. "Who was it?"

"Candace Bones—a blood traitor, apparently, and there's a great lot of Death Eaters arriving down the road; there's an anti-Apparition jinx over Hogsmeade, since Marcus Bones found his wife and killed the distracted culprit," said a voice much too close to her. Lily jumped when the figure took her free hand. "It's alright, Lily, it's only me," murmured the voice reassuringly. Remus.

"Where's James? And Peter?" asked Lily, searching the streets.

"Peter's with James, making a rather mess of things," explained Remus, casting a Patronus to light the way for the fleeing crowd. "They're trying to calm the people down. Aberforth's there too, Merlin help him, but Peter's causing more of a panic. James nearly strangled me when I said _I_ was going to find you two. In the end, though, he trusted me."

"They're with Aberforth, then, in the Hog's Head?" questioned Lily, pulling her hands from Remus' grasp.

"Yes," stated Remus and Sirius grabbed her hand once more.

"You're not running like a maniac through the streets with Death Eaters getting here any minute," commanded Sirius, a rare maturity and sense of responsibility marking his frightened look towards the road.

Lily flushed. "I will do whatever I please, Sirius Black," she said haughtily, utter terror overshadowing her knowledge that he was just concerned about her. "Now let go of me." Sirius was holding her so tightly she couldn't escape.

"Lily, we're sticking together," said Remus forcefully. "I know you're worried about James. But the Death Eaters aren't going to just amble along the path so that you have time to get to him without us worrying. No one's going anywhere alone tonight."

"I—you—I'm sorry," said Lily. "I'm just—this is all…"

"I know," replied Sirius. Remus squeezed her hand tighter in comfort as they continued to run. They reached the Hog's Head and, for all of Sirius' strength, Lily took less than a second to rid herself of his grasp.

She flew towards James, a single tear making its way down her face. She wasn't quite sure how it happened, but her arms went around his neck and she found herself a moment later standing in front of him with her back pressed tightly against his chest, his free arm wrapped around her waist.

"We've got most everyone out," James told the three newcomers. "Aberforth led them to just outside the anti-Apparation jinx. Peter and I've been rounding up the rest," he explained. Peter stood a bit behind James looking as utterly terrified as the rest but trying (failing) to put on a brave face.

"Someone needs to go to the school," James continued, taking command.

"I'll do it," said Sirius, already moving towards the door.

"Lily, Peter, go with him," James said, squeezing Lily to him once more then letting go with a sigh.

"No," said Lily vehemently.

"Just go on, there's not time to argue, Lily!" said James. The stubborn and zealous spirit he'd always admired in their small spats in earlier years was terrifying him now.

"They're going to be here any minute, Sirius! Peter, go on," said Lily, hugging Peter and kissing Sirius' cheek. "Here, I'm holding you up. Just go."

"Lily, there's not time for this," said Remus warily.

"Make sure you get McGonagall first," ordered Lily. "I love you, boys."

James opened his mouth furiously but Lily cut him off with a fierce look that was at the same time beseeching and scared and utterly passionate. "Would you run along and leave me in a time like this? Of course not. And you're wasting time fighting about it!"

"You're insane, Lily. I never knew what Prongs saw in you," said Sirius, joking to the end, taking off with Peter on his heels. "I love you, too, Lils," he added with a confident smile that he refused to allow to waver.

"So," said Remus, looking from Lily to James in wonder. James was terrified for Lily, he knew, beneath his seething expression. Lily was frightened but as determined as he was.

"Why are you so bloody difficult?" asked James angrily.

"Why are _you_ so bloody difficult?" asked Lily, not quite able to equal angry his tone, though she tried her hardest. "James, I'm not leaving you. Even if you want me to."

"Don't leave me, Lily, leave the danger!" said James, his anger fading as he spied the fear she tried to hide in her emerald eyes. "You know that's what I meant."

"I know," she said. "Really, I do. Just be careful. Don't do something stupid and noble."

"Look who's talking," said James in exasperation, though he couldn't stand the distance from her, not now. He took a hesitant step—

"Oh, just kiss her, already," said Remus in very Sirius-like manner. He switched back to his normal self when he added, "Sorry. I'm just a bit stressed. Impending fight and all."

"I'm sorry I'm such a prat," said James, apologizing to both of them.

"I'm sorry I'm so—" began Lily before they saw a distant display of sparks through the window. James picked her up and held her for the longest of moments, not kissing her but merely embracing his Lily in a gesture that was somehow more intimate than the most zealous of snogs. Lily leaned into him, placing a tender kiss on his jaw and closing her eyes.

It was real—they were coming. She was going to fight. They were going to fight.

The door opened with a bang, cold air rushing into the dingy barroom. Remus jumped back to stand next to his friends, wand held preparedly in front of him. Lily and James flew apart, wands raised, meeting the gaze of Minerva McGonagall, Albus Dumbledore, a few Order members, including James' parents, and tiny Professor Flitwick, somehow frightening in spite of—or perhaps because of—his lack of height.

"What are you doing here?" asked Clara Potter a bit angrily, looking from James to Remus to Lily. In a rather mother-hen-ish gesture, she went over and began to peck at them: "You need to get back to the castle, dears, now! Oh, but you'll not have time and we couldn't send you out now."

"How much time do you think we have, Albus?" asked McGonagall as Robert Potter made his way over to the throng of teenagers.

"I've strengthened the enchantments around Hogsmeade," said the headmaster, the glittering twinkle gone from his eyes. They flashed and James and Lily could see exactly why so many wizards were frightened of their venerable headmaster. "Although I daresay they'll find a way around them. Voldemort, it is said, will be joining his servants tonight."

The entire group visibly tensed though the whole was set in grim determination. "The number of Death Eaters, then, will have been limited to twenty or so of his closest followers," continued Dumbledore.

"We should get the kids out," said one of the four Order members that the teenagers didn't recognize.

"We've only got ten minutes at most," said the calm voice of a former Gryffindor only a few years older than Lily and James. Alice, she recalled.

"Hogwarts is impenetrable," added Alice's husband, Frank Longbottom, a year older than his wife. "There's no way these three could get in without taking at least twenty minutes removing all of the extra protection we've put around the castle."

"You've got to do something!" exclaimed Clara. "I'll not have them risking their—"

"We're of age, Clara," said Remus patiently.

"Mum," said James imploringly, "I'm joining the Order."

"As am I," said Lily, remarkably self-assured in spite of her fright.

"That's all of us," Remus informed her. "We're fighting, Clara."

She looked to her husband for help but he merely frowned. "You're not joining until you've graduated," he told them. "But there's nothing we can do to stop them right now, dear." They exchanged a long glance and Clara sighed.

"I just—oh, come and give me a hug, all of you," she said resignedly. She embraced James and Remus in turn. Then, with a slight smile, she turned to Lily. "I saw you two, dear," she said softly. "I don't know what James did to finally make you come round, but I can promise you he's worth it."

"I know, Mrs. Po—Clara," said Lily, matching her smile. "I know."

"Don't lose this one," Bob said to James with a grin, so like his son. He remembered the situation, grimacing, and seemed to regret his choice of words. James, however, found no fault in them.

"Believe me," assured James, placing a hand on the small of her back, "I won't."

* * *

**Author's Note: **I feel terrible for the cliffhanger, dears, I truly do. I'll update soon. Tomorrow, if I can, but it's snowing and brilliantly beautiful up here at my Grandparents' house, so power (and thus internet) has been rather sporadic.  
**ANPS: **I've just posted Chapter 32 as I write this (and 37 as I edit) and I greatly appreciate all of the reviews, especially for Chapter 31. It wasn't my favorite to write, what with it being almost angsty, and I love reading even the criticism. It puts a smile on my face, I can promise you. (=**  
****ANPPS: **Unlike most of my chapters which are based on passing thoughts I've chosen to follow through, this one was inspired directly by canon. Namely, something that has always intrigued me: Sybil said Harry was born to parents who "thrice defied" old Voldy. It's always been a great source of mystery to me as to when and how exactly that occurred. I'll leave you in peace from the rambling thoughts of my mind, though. It's midnight on a Monday and I've a test tomorrow. Read and Review, sweets!


	40. Chapter Thirty Nine: Once Defied

**Author's Note: **This was quite difficult to write. I originally had it a series of flashbacks while Lily in the hospital wing just after the battle, but I believe this flows better.  
**ANPS:** I've decided to leave the Death Eaters unnamed, for the most part. You can guess, dears. I feel guilty, though; email me—no, leave a review!—and I'll let you know if you really want, though it's not at all necessary for the story.  
**ANPPS: **I really hate this chapter. It's not one of my best. In fact, it's one of my worst. It is my worst. However, after much revision, I've decided to just post.

* * *

A cackle. Things seemed subdued, now. The door to the bar flew open again and everyone—everyone—turned to look.

"Good evening," he said, his voice the same high, cruel tone as his laugh. The pale face looked around while the flashes of lights resumed. "Dumbledore?" he said, masking the surprise in his tone.

The reply wasn't heard. Lily was dueling now, as she had been the entire time, but it was more intense—her opponent was skilled, unflinching; beautiful with thick dark hair but harsh in face; menacingly soft in tone as she threw spells.

"Cru—" began the opponent before another spell cast by a man on Lily's right caught the dark-haired woman off guard.

"Stupefy!" said Lily, never missing a beat. The Death Eater hit the floor with a sickening crash.

"That's my girl," said the very same man. She turned and began battling James' opponent in return. The two of them combined were still trying their hardest and not making much headway. Unlike Lily's rival, who was skilled but yet uncertain in youth, James' was older, more focused.

"You could join us," said the blond-haired man, easily flicking away an _Impedimenta_ with a wave of his wand. "You're talented."

"I wasn't aware you accepted blood traitors into your ranks," replied James, shooting a hex that was again blocked. "I'll look into it," he said conversationally, his jinx not missing its mark this time. The blond man took a step backwards, trying to mutter the counter-curse. Lily took her cue and went to disarm him but a woman with almost-white hair and an upturned nose pushed him out of the way.

"You're of noble blood," continued the man, deflecting James' and Lily's curses. "Never mind your family's unfortunate choices; pure blood, Potter. You fight well."

"You're not here to recruit," commanded the attention-demanding voice. "Fight someone worthy. Kill the werewolf. Rid the world of a Mudblood." The voice's owner was distracted, however, by a fight he was obviously struggling at.

The blond man glanced at the speaker, frightened, and advanced on Lily, wand raised. He smiled, albeit more cautiously—was he not as confident as he seemed?—, and James jumped in front of her.

"Don't you dare!" Lily screeched at James, throwing him back while simultaneously immobilizing her surprised adversary. That should teach him to underestimate the Muggle-borns. That should teach him to underestimate Lily Evans. The whitish-blond woman abandoned her own opponent, Remus, and rushed over.

James took this opportunity to disarm the blond man. The woman didn't take kindly to this. But the Dark Lord had mentioned need for skilled wizards to join the ranks. Surely the reckless Potter could be swayed.

"Av—"she began, her wand was pointing at Lily. She could deal with the pureblood in a moment.

Remus looked on in awe. Killing curses can't be blocked. He watched, numbly, frozen, as the seconds dragged on.

Adrenaline, passion, and utter terror heightening his senses, James did the only thing he could. Shooting curses madly, purely on instinct, he went after the attacker. The curse hit its mark and she sunk to the ground, all strength leaving her body.

"She couldn't get the whole spell out," said James simply, acting for all the world as though his own life, Lily, hadn't just flashed before his eyes because she was in danger.

The woman weakly raised her arm, however, and shot a hex at the nearest body. "Remus, move!" said Lily, pushing him aside and casting a _Protego_, the hex erupting in a shower of sparks that harmed none of them due to Lily's shield charm. James, still shaken from the man's attempt on his love, took Lily's hand and the pair resumed shooting jinxes.

"Stupefy," shouted Remus, aiming at a Death Eater and hitting the target exactly.

"And this, Riddle," said Dumbledore, speaking directly to the pale man for the first time. "This is why you'll never win. Love," he said, accentuating the word with a powerful spell that was unrecognizable to the rest. Voldemort took a step back, looking shaken for but a moment.

The number of Death Eaters was dwindling, the Order clearly triumphing, despite being outnumbered by a few, but the battle raged on. The remaining Death Eaters were powerful, the eldest, the most ruthless.

The door opened once more and Lily was beginning to think it'd never end. She was relieved—angry—worried—surprised to see Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew, accompanied by more Order members.

"You didn't expect us to miss out on all of the fun?" asked Sirius, shooting a grin at his friends. Lily did a quick head count. They outnumbered the remaining Death Eaters, now, by at least five. Filled with a hopefulness that she'd lacked all night, she resumed the fight with her best friends at her side.

The Death Eater she, James, and Sirius were all facing was a skilled one. In fact, she was more than holding her own against the three of them, a sickening smile on her face all the while. Then, as an Order member went to help her fellow, another Death Eater was left with the perfect opportunity to obey his master's orders and harm the Mudblood.

He aimed a curse directly at Lily, whose back was turned, dueling valiantly with the female Death Eater. James saw this from the corner of his eye and threw himself between Lily and the curse, casting a shield charm in a split second. The force of the spell, despite the _Protego_, threw him backwards and he hit the hard wooden floor with a sickening thud and a cracking sound that seemed to come from within.

Lily turned to see him once she and Sirius had sent a combined stunning charm at their opponent. James was standing, however, and walking gingerly toward her. Before she could protest, he rejoined the battle, wincing with every movement but fearlessly battling. There were but three Death Eaters left standing after a few more minutes of their being outnumbered. Then they vanished. Every single one of the Death Eaters, alive or dead, conscious or stunned, disappeared. The Order members exchanged glances and the Marauders looked immediately to Dumbledore for explanation.

"He was losing," said Dumbledore simply, gesturing to the area where Voldemort had been standing, "A fear of death."

Lily looked around the barroom. Though all Order members sported injuries—bloodied faces, deep cuts, swollen everythings—all had survived. They had won the battle. Together, they had beaten the Death Eaters. They'd defied Voldemort.

She felt as though there should be a moment of silence. Why, she wasn't sure. Perhaps to make sense of what had happened? Her peaceful day had so suddenly, unexpectedly, morphed into a fight that had her terrified for everyone she held dear. She found herself being ushered into Clara Potter's arms, the Marauders pressed against her from every side as they were enveloped in a hug. There was a very real possibility of them not making it tonight, she thought distantly.

But they'd made it.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I have no internet. Like, literally-none. We just moved and have yet to get it set up, so it'll probably be a few weeks to a month until I can update in a regular manner. I'll post as often as possible, don't worry, and I'll make a point to attempt to get on the net at least once a week, although that may not always be possible. 


	41. Chapter Forty: Saving from the Unknown

**Author's Note: **See below. I apologize for this chapter, but it was bound to happen anyway.  
**ANPS: **They've been given a sleeping potion following the battle by Pomfrey and are just waking up. Lily, Remus, and James, who were fighting longer, were consequently given a larger dose and are sleeping longer.

* * *

James turned over on the bed, unfortunately hitting his ribcage in exactly the wrong place. He groaned and stirred, still not quite roused from his magic-induced slumber.

"He just moved," whispered a familiar voice. James' groggy brain placed the name Sirius with it.

"We'd better wake Lily," added Peter. "She'll throttle us if we don't; she's been worried sick."

There was a rustling and more whispers. James decided he might as well wake up as a weight was added to the area next to his right side. He sat up straighter and met a pair of anxious, almost sorrowful emerald eyes that belonged to a pretty young woman seated on the edge of his bed.

"Lily," he said, voice hoarse from the long sleep. She gave a small smile and nodded; he threw his arms around her, ignoring the tenderness around his ribs.

"I think we'll leave you three alone," said Sirius. "You're the only ones Pomfrey says have to be here at the moment, and, quite frankly, I'm hungry."

"I second that," agreed Peter. "Remus is still asleep. Pomfrey had to give him a larger dose, on account of his being a werewolf and all."

"I'll talk to you later, Prongs, Lily," waved Sirius as he followed his friend.

"Don't you feel their devotion, darling?" joked James. Lily almost cried. She'd been thinking about the battle ever since she'd awakened. The doubts she'd always had had multiplied into worries, fears… a resolution.

She managed a watery smile at his joke and wondered how to proceed—how to go about breaking both of their hearts. "James, I—I don't think—I can't," she began. James sensed something was amiss.

"Lils, what is it?"

"I—thank you," she said simply.

"For what, my dear?" Yes, there was certainly something wrong. Lily seemed flustered, vague, and… as though she was about to cry. His Lily didn't cry.

"Everything," said Lily. There was no going back now. A single tear went down her cheek; she then recalled James jumping in front of her during the battle and her resolve firmed. "Thank you for being my friend, and for comforting me when Mum and Dad went, and—and for being you. Thank you for teaching me to fly and making me laugh and smile in spite of myself. Thank you for loving me."

She said all of this while looking at her hands but chanced a glance at James' face. He looked confused, at first, but where Lily was going dawned on him and his expression swiftly switched to anger.

"No," he said firmly.

"James, I'm not going to have you being all noble or gallant or just bloody stupid because I'm with you," declared Lily. "You were there—they didn't want you, they wanted me, because I was a Muggle-born. But you were hurt because you were with me."

"Lily, it was just a few broken ribs," said James, not quite able to scoff the way he normally would. "Honestly, I've been hurt worse within the first two minutes of a Quidditch game."

"But it could've been much worse, and that's what matters," said Lily softly, looking away.

"You may go," said Madame Pomfrey shortly. If those two decided to raise such a racket when her other patients were sleeping, so be it. They really needn't stay any longer, anyway, now that the potion had worn off. She walked back into her office, leaving them alone once more.

Lily gave a half-smile. "Bye, Jamesie," she whispered, rising from the bed. James caught her hand and stood.

"You're not doing this," he said tightly.

"James, don't make this any harder than it already is," pleaded Lily.

"Do you really think I'm just going to let you walk away?" questioned James incredulously.

"You don't have to _let_ me do anything," stated Lily. "I've made up my mind."

"No, you haven't."

"Yes, I have," murmured Lily quietly. She stood on her toes and gave James a soft kiss on the jaw. Blinking several times to clear her head, she walked swiftly away, heading to her room. James stared dumbly after her.

She reached the entrance and had to clear her throat a few times before she could get the password out. She made it to her room before the tears began streaming down her face. It was ridiculous. Why on earth was Lily Evans crying over some guy? She was stronger than that.

It wasn't just some guy, though. It was James Potter. _Her _James Potter—Jamesie, the confident, sweet, thoughtful, funny, caring man she loved… And she'd just broken up with him. She'd just broken up with him over some bloody gallantry that she really didn't care about at all.

But she did care. She cared so much. She cared too much, really. She was being irrational.

She'd rather be irrational than grieving.

One thing was certain, though. Lily wasn't going to let him break her again. She realized, now, that she couldn't foolishly try to be his best friend and not love him as she once had attempted. She had to distance herself from him, for his own sake.

She wouldn't look at him. She wouldn't talk to him, or laugh with him, or smile at him any more. James Potter would be her roommate with whom she did not interact.

There would be no more James and Lily. She was pushing away her ultimate comfort, only slightly comforted herself by the thought that she was saving him from the unknown.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Yes, it's certainly much shorter than the rest of my chapters. However, I feel compelled to leave the mood of this one solitary, so as to not ruin it. I'm really sorry about the angst/sorrow/head-desk-ness of this all, but it had to happen. Lily made me do it; but I swear I tried to talk her out of it, and will continue to do so.


	42. Chapter Forty One: Amortentia Revisited

**Author's Note: **This is the next day. No one knows about the battle, and they're not going to tell—it'd betray who the Order members are.  
**ANPS: **This chapter is long, so it makes up for the last one, I hope.

* * *

James hadn't returned to the Head Dormitory last night, Lily noted. She supposed he'd gone to the Gryffindor boys' dorm. She herself wasn't depressed, per se, any longer—her long cry had rid her of any residual excess sorrow. No, she was simply sad. Sad and resigned.

She glanced around the Hall, faced with a predicament that was almost laughable in the scope of things. She hadn't anyone to sit with. She spied a group of all seventh-year Gryffindor girls clustered at the edge of their House table and made her way over to them.

"Hello," she said as cheerfully as she could, ignoring the looks of shock. After all, they were perfectly understandable—Lily Evans hadn't been seen outside of the company of James Potter since the beginning of the year. She mustered a smile at the girls and assimilated herself into their conversation quite nicely.

They were laughing and gossiping—though Lily couldn't quite manage the careless giggles they shared—until Meredith joined the group. What was she doing here? She was a Ravenclaw!

"Hey, Mere," said a cheerful blonde on Lily's right. Apparently this was a normal, everyday occurrence. Lily held in a groan but then mentally slapped herself. What right had she to resent this girl? None whatsoever. Lily Evans had no claim on James Potter.

Collecting herself rather beautifully, in her opinion, she turned and gave Meredith a small smile. "Hello, Meredith," she greeted sociably.

Meredith noted James' empty right side across the table with a casual nod. She didn't bother to beat around the bush. "You and Potter, eh?" she asked, seemingly nonchalantly, at Lily.

Lily's face darkened infinitesimally. "No," she said softly. She tried to maintain a semblance of carelessness, adding, louder, "I didn't—he just wasn't my type." If ever there was a lie…

"Oh," said Meredith simply, although she was unable to keep a (malicious, in Lily's opinion) smile off of her face. "I see."

Lily glanced around at the group of girls with whom she was sitting. They were whispering, giggling, smiling madly at this. Lily resisted the urge to scream at them that James was hers and hers alone. She resisted the urge because it was no longer true.

The blonde from earlier, Rhonda, excused herself to go speak to her friend Amy at the Hufflepuff table. Lily knew she was going to spread the gossip and, as much as she realized she had no right to, resented her immensely for it. Sighing, she turned and began conversing with a kindly-looking witch named Dorcas who seemed to be not quite as infatuated with James as the rest were.

* * *

"I'm going to go talk to Lily," said Remus decisively.

"What're you on about? She's a madwoman, I tell you," declared Sirius angrily.

"Don't call Lily a madwoman," chastised James.

"She bloody left you over nothing!" exclaimed Sirius.

"It wasn't nothing to her," said Remus.

"You'll have to change her mind, mate," suggested Peter.

"Thanks for that brilliant advice, Wormtail. I'm surprised I didn't think of it myself," muttered James sarcastically.

"How're you going to do it, though? This is the last straw," stated Remus thoughtfully. "She'll not let you go again, if you get back together. But she's not going to allow that to happen. I can tell—she hasn't looked over here once. She's avoiding you. She knows she'll crack if she doesn't."

"What does she think she's on, really? It's not as though we didn't expect this to happen, anyway," said Sirius peevishly. "Stupid war."

"Aren't you chipper this morning, Padfoot?" questioned James with a ghost of a smile. "I'll convince her, boys. Don't worry."

"Besides, how can she avoid you if you live together?" offered Peter.

"That's exactly it, Pete," agreed James. "She can't. And if I have to bloody lock her in a broom cupboard and talk to her until she sees sense, I'll do it."

"I never thought I'd see the day when James Potter was on par with Sirius Black about being with girls in broom cupboards," laughed Remus.

"Hey, I have fun," pouted Sirius. "James just wants the one girl—the one ridiculously insane, thinks-too-much, idiotic about how to handle things girl."

"Well, yes, she's a bit insane," stated James, pondering the matter from her point of view with a slight grimace. "And her actions are a trite idiotic sometimes and she certainly thinks too much. I can't say I blame her for being scared, though. I was worried sick ever since she refused to go with you back to the castle."

Sirius muttered something gloomily.

"Well, yes," said James distractedly, pondering what he was going to do. "We have Potions next, and old Sluggy'll have partners. We're doing Amortentia again," said James, laughing at the irony.

"And you'll be Lily's partner, whether she wants it or not," finished Peter.

"Brilliant, Prongs," said Remus with a chuckle. "Reminiscing are we?"

Even in his dark mood, Sirius couldn't resist poking fun at his best friend. "Didn't you get high off of the fumes and sneak her off to the kitchens for the first time?"

"I wasn't _high_," defended James, though he was grinning as well. Remus slipped off to talk to Lily while James and Sirius got into a discussion about what exactly Sirius had smelled that day. Many, many scents, it seemed. Remus couldn't help a very Marauder-like laugh.

* * *

"Can I borrow Miss Evans for a minute?" Remus asked of the chattering girls. A few mumbled an affirmative but Lily didn't move.

She couldn't go with Remus. How was she supposed to distance herself from James if she was hanging out with his best friends? Remus guessed what she was thinking correctly and rolled his eyes at her.

"Lily," he said demandingly. "Come here."

"Oh, bugger off, Moony," replied Lily. She realized no affectionate nicknames were appropriate. "Lupin, I mean."

"So we've gone to that so quickly, have we?" scoffed Remus, taking her hand and basically pulling her off the bench. Lily huffily relented and followed him to the hall—whatever he was talking about was obviously important. And, after all, she had been cordial with Remus before she'd even called her truce with James.

"What do you want, Lupin?" she inquired.

"For you to call me by my proper name, Evans," he smirked. "What's next? Are you going to start calling your _Jamesie_ Potter instead?"

"Fine, Remus," sighed Lily. "Really, I'm not in the mood. What do you want?"

"For you to come to your senses," he said seriously, all joking aside.

"Meaning what, pray tell?"

"You're being stupid about James," explained Remus. "Yes, it's an understandable kind of stupid, but it's stupid all the same."

"I'll thank you to mind your own business," said Lily primly, though she was not able to keep the hurt from her eyes.

"You and James are my business," said Remus simply. "I love both of you, Lils. And I know what'll make you happy. So just give it a chance."

"Give what a chance, Moony? I'm not going to have James do something chivalrous and lose his life over me," stated Lily firmly.

Remus opened his mouth to protest but the bell rang and Lily swept past him into the classroom before she considered the situation.

"Be my Potions partner?" she asked desperately. The familiar instructions for a familiar potion were now on the board and she couldn't take close proximity with James to begin with, let alone with a love potion brewing between them.

"Not a chance," smiled Remus. Lily glared at him and he added pleasantly, "It's for your own good."

Lily simply made up her mind not to talk to James. She watched the door—she and Remus, thanks to their chat, were the first ones in the dungeon—and spied the man she wanted to see most and least. Refusing to look at him, she turned and opened her textbook, beginning to read the instructions.

"We've come full circle, I see," James mused, taking a seat beside her. Lily, pretending to be engrossed in her book, did not reply, though she was wondering just what he was getting at.

James looked over at her and continued, "So you think you can ignore me, really? I'll just have to answer for you, at least for now. So, as well as I know you, you're wondering what I meant when I said full circle."

Lily would've laughed at his knowing her so well had she not wanted to cry. James had that effect on her—making her happy in spite of herself. He went on, "So, sweetheart, you're sitting at the very same desk, reading the very same instructions to make the very same potion as way back when at the beginning of the year."

Still, she made no reply, though it went against everything her mind was naturally inclined to do. Lily was upset, and she told her James everything, always; she wanted to vent and rant and pout and have him comfort her—but that was exactly why she wouldn't.

"Oh, come on, Lily," pleaded James quietly. "This is ridiculous. You can't simply decide to end the relationship. That's not how things work, darling."

Despite her intentions, Lily couldn't help a speculative raise of her eyebrows. James grinned at her responding, but turned almost solemn once more as he continued to talk. "Alright, so that's usually how relationships work—one deciding to break up and other just going with it because they have no choice. But not us.

"We're different, dear. This isn't just some stupid dating game. I love you, Lily Evans. You know that. And as much as you claim to care for me, leaving isn't exactly in my best interests," he finished, looking at her and waiting.

Her silence broke, as he perhaps expected, hearing this. "I _claim_ to care, James?" she said indignantly, the book lying on the desk forgotten. "Your best interests? Why in Merlin's name do you think I'm doing this, then? Do you think I'm bored with you or something—over you, maybe, or that this is just some passing infatuation? Well, it's not! So before you start berating me about _not caring_, James Potter, you'd best reconsider. Think about yourself for once and stop being so bloody noble."

She finished this sentiment with a glare that hopefully masked what a tumult she was inside. Of course, she should've known James would see right through it.

"I am thinking of myself, Lily. I'm choosing what will most certainly make me happiest," he explained impatiently, resisting an urge to simply take her on his lap and hold her close, "Lily Evans is what makes me happiest."

"Find another one, then," said Lily softly, cutting herbs to put in the potion.

"I can't," he replied, equally as quietly, adding the beginning ingredients to their cauldron.

"James," pleaded Lily, his name lingering on her tongue. "Please, just don't do this. I can't take it."

"You can't take it?" he said incredulously. "Who started this whole bloody mess?"

"Voldemort," replied Lily firmly. "And I intend to finish it. I'd appreciate it if you didn't make it more difficult than it already is."

"I'll make it so difficult you can't possibly go through with it," declared James. "How can you even consider this?"

Lily continued to dice ingredients silently. "Damnit, Lily! I will _not_ let you out of my life. I don't care if you don't love me like you said you did. Bloody hell, just as long as you're there hating me I'd be happier than this stupid silence. I love you, darling. You're my life, my joy, my best friend, my—my Lily," said James fiercely, though the beseeching note in his tone was something Lily couldn't miss.

"It's not up to you, James," murmured Lily gently. "I'll not let you get hurt on my behalf, and that's a possibility if we're together."

"You won't _let_ me get hurt?" he scoffed.

"The same as you won't _let_ me out of your life," retorted Lily.

"You blood hypocrite, how many jinxes did you try to stop the other night for me?" questioned James in exasperation.

"That's different, James," explained Lily, almost irritated. "It was to protect you. If I'm not there for you to protect, there's no reason for it."

"Why the hell can't you be as smart about things like this as you are with everything else?" asked James. "Your argument makes absolutely no sense. The whole reason I'd 'protect' you is because I love you. So, because I love you, you're killing me by leaving."

"It's a moot," stated Lily angrily, dropping in the constituents of the potion more viciously than usual, "Because I'll not be there for you to love and risk your neck over."

"I'll love you regardless of whether you're with me or not, dear; that's the problem," James informed her.

"It's a problem you'll just have to deal with," huffed Lily, portraying a semblance of indifference. She spent the rest of the class in stony silence, collaborating with James only to make the Amortentia. She was glad Slughorn had chosen to day to be a review—she surely couldn't concentrate on learning something new.

She added the last few drops that were required and the liquid instantly transformed into the love-smelling perfection that she'd first encountered the last semester. The scent wafted to her nose and, rather than the happy confusion of last time, she knew exactly what she was smelling and it made her depressed rather than giddy.

Rain—easy enough to ignore, though there was that very rainy day when she and James were on their way to his parents' house, where he'd had the nightmare, and Sirius had teased her into pondering her feelings and later smothering them with

Chocolate frogs—something irrevocably connected with James in her mind (sharing them on the Hogwarts express, in the kitchens, so many late night talks together after one had returned from patrols… the most recent, when Lily was eating them by herself and James had come to talk her into dating him).

And lastly, one Lily couldn't ignore, the smell of peppermint—the smell of James. It had engulfed her so many times, pervading her senses. There were pleasant, friendly hugs in the beginning; sleeping innocently side by side; platonic but ever-increasingly romantic embraces; a peck on the cheek that left both of them flushed; a snog under the mistletoe; many more (but not nearly enough) sweetly passionate kisses; the last kiss to his jaw when she told him goodbye.

Strangely—or perhaps not so strangely at all—the memory the scent brought about that haunted Lily the most wasn't a memory at all. Rather, it was a collection of memories, small somethings they did quite frequently, even in the beginning. Lily, lounging on the couch with James next to her, simply talking, sometimes laughing and leaning into him, sometimes teasingly comforting him when he mock-pouted at her jeers. Really, peppermint was happiness, and happiness to Lily was the simple moments where she was content to be with her love.

She sighed and chanced a glance at James. Thankfully, he wasn't looking at her. Rather, he was staring at the mother-of-pearl potion with a sort of wistful smile—broomsticks, chocolate frogs, and cinnamon.

Broomsticks were easy. He loved Quidditch. They were in no way connected with Lily Evans. He needed to get his mind off of her. Still, though, brooms made him think of that wonderful Christmas; he'd been the one to give her the love of flying.

But he couldn't think of her just yet. She was there next to him, distracting him as always, and he needed to come up with a plan to talk sense into her. The potion's smell drifted into his nose once more, effectively diverting his attention.

Chocolate frogs, eh? Again, something completely unrelated to Lily. It was food, for Merlin's sake! But they were her favorite food, his favorite food, their shared obsession of sorts.

No! James knew he couldn't formulate a logical, completely unaffected plan to rationalize with Lily if he identified the third scent. But he couldn't resist.

Cinnamon… cinnamon, cinnamon, Lily, cinnamon; they were the same. James loved the smell of her. And it suited her perfectly—warm, familiar, unexpected at times, spicy but sweet. Here he was trying to distance himself and he was making food analogies. Might as well continue…

He'd smelled her so many times in this year alone, always gratefully. There were embraces, kisses, and laughter. His favorite by far was the simple conversation they had, he simply reveling in her. He would marry her and live a hundred years together and he could never talk to her enough. And she was trying to prevent that, the idiotically over-protective girl.

He raised his hand and asked if he could go, since he was finished. Slughorn good-naturedly agreed and James exited thankfully. He needed to think of a way to logically convince Lily of how perfect they were and how thick she was being. Despite what he'd told Sirius, he doubted locking her in a broom cupboard would be very effective.

The full moon was that week as well, so he'd be busy every evening long into the night. The last day of the cycle, Friday, was Lily's birthday; James figured they'd head out to the Shack just to be sure Remus didn't transform unexpectedly. It'd be midnight, most likely, before he was free to pursue her.

He decided he'd not try anything until Friday—or Saturday, when he was free to kidnap her and not allow her to leave their dormitory until she was back to her normal happy self.

And he had a sneaking suspicion that happiness would come with him. He almost laughed, imagining the normal Lily's indignant face upon hearing this statement.

"Arrogant toerag," he could hear her saying, a smirk apparent on her face. Well, it was better than the frown she was currently sporting almost constantly, despite her best intentions. James was working very hard to resist the urge to run back into the Potions room and hold her close.

* * *

**Author's Note: **If you are a fanartist, or you know a fanartist, would you pretty please consider sketching/painting/whatever something to do with this story and linking it in a review? If you don't think it's particularly worth it, it's no biggie, I'm just curious. Thanks either way, dearies!  
**ANPS: **Before you come after me with pitchforks, I've already got the next chapter and a half written and it gets better from here, I promise.


	43. Chapter Forty Two: The Necklace

**Author's Note: **As planned, James hasn't started any conversations with his dear Lily the whole time, though it's killing him. Lily's trying to be flippant in public but is failing miserably when left to her own thoughts. We begin this chapter on Friday, the evening/night/evenight/nightning of Lily's birthday…

* * *

Lily Evans was a resigned woman. She was normally chipper, sarcastic on occasion, perhaps, but overall quite happy. She tended to over-think things, leading to the unhappiness of her and sometimes others, though she would never admit it to herself.

She was unhappy, yes, but she refused to allow herself—at least openly—to be sad. Lily Marie Evans did _not_ become depressed over the loss of a male companion. She was stronger than that… Stronger, stronger, stronger, she told herself silently. She had to be strong, for his sake, even if he was much more than a 'companion:' he was her best friend, her biggest confidant, her love, her joy even in the darkest of times, her inspiration, her… So she wasn't sorrowful; she was resigned.

What she was resigned to, she wasn't sure. She knew that today was her birthday—her eighteenth, to be exact—and that she had no plan as to her relationship with the man she loved. She had a tentative, temporary plan, which was to just ignore him.

Really, Lily's plan was absolutely _brilliant_.

Genius, even. It was absolutely the most intelligent that the Hogwarts' Head Girl had ever come up with; never mind that she basically _lived_ with the man. Never mind that she couldn't possibly ignore him because of her brain's stupid inclination to stare, talk, snog… Alright, it wasn't the cleverest of plans.

This unhappy realization hit her on the evening of her birthday, effectively flustering her enough that she sought comfort in peaceful nature's snowy grounds and frozen lake. That is how she found herself, at the ungodly hour of midnight, sitting on an old tartan blanket on the shores of Hogwarts' Black Lake.

She made a checklist in her mind of all of the reasons why she couldn't be with James. Cons of their relationship, so to speak. The pro list was far too extensive for her brain to comprehend.

There was, of course, only one con—the war. She had to stay away from him because Death Eaters targeted not only Muggle-borns but the relatives of Muggle-borns. And, if she was truthful, she knew that James was certainly the closest thing to her—effectively her biggest weakness. She simply couldn't let the War take him from her, so she took him away herself. And she was happy about it.

Wasn't she?

Well, no. Of course she wasn't happy. Of course she felt her heart break a little each time she saw him; bloody hell, it hurt just to _think_ of him. But she refused to let her own happiness get in the way of thought and result in his injury—or death. Shuddering at this thought, she drew the old blanket around her despite the fact that her warming charm rendered the biting wind and icy snow ineffective against her body temperature.

She expected, rightly, that she was alone on the grounds that night, and therefore she was quite taken aback when she felt something warm nuzzle her cheek. Startled, the blanket flew from her grasp and she was suddenly very worried she might have scared the poor animal that had approached her. Turning around hesitantly, she saw just the opposite—the animal was standing calmly as though it had expected this reaction.

The animal was gorgeous and quite large. It was a majestic stag with rippling muscles beneath a coat of ebony fur that was just the color of James' hair—but she wouldn't allow herself to think of him, now. Unless this _was_ him; he was an Animagus, she knew, and a stag at that, although she'd never seen him in his animal form.

Lily knew she didn't want to see him, now, since her whole reason for coming out here was to contemplate how best to avoid him. At the same time, though, she was curious, and she always longed to see him, no matter what she may tell herself. How, though, could she tell if it was him? He would transform, if it was in fact James, eventually, of course, but she knew he might be waiting, watching her.

She glanced up at him—_it_, she meant, she mustn't guess it was James—and pondered what she saw. Tentatively, she approached him—it—with arms raised in the universal gesture of "I mean no harm." It dipped its head in indication that it understood—or had she imagined it?—and Lily stepped forward and, reaching up, stroked its head just between the antlers.

Although Lily had always been taught to be wary of animals and to never look them in the eye—they might see it as a threat—she had a feeling that a stag so gentle as to let her pet it surely wouldn't mind. What she saw there confirmed her thought—her gaze met a pair of perfect, beautiful, all-too-familiar hazel eyes.

"James," she whispered, taking a step back. The stag again nodded, stepping forward. He expected to talk with her, then, so much for ignoring him. Well, let him just watch; she turned and made her way back to the blanket.

She drew it about her once more and stared off into the rippling waters of the Lake, jumping when a pair of hands brushed her. She felt a light weight there as the hands continued to brush at the back of her neck for another moment. They were familiar hands, oh, so familiar hands, and she knew James had transfigured back into his normal form. She raised a hand to her collar bone where his hand had been last and felt something slender and smooth where her skin should be.

Tracing it down to where it rested on her chest, she pulled it out slightly so that she could look down and see it. There was an intricately woven, very thin gold chain resting in her palm, with an ornate but delicate snowflake on the end. Soundlessly, she turned to her right, where she'd seen James sit down in her peripheral vision.

"I can't keep this," she said quietly, not looking at his face so much as his chest. He shook his head at her and she forced herself to view his face, though she still focused on his nose and not his eyes. "James, no."

Lily reached behind her and fumbled sightlessly with the hook but James' hands quickly encompassed hers and he brought them back down to rest on his leg, not letting go. Lily began to unlace their fingers but the pleading note in James' expression made her hesitate.

"Lily," he said pointedly, and she grudgingly viewed his eyes. She wished she hadn't; they were filled with such love that it was all she could do not to just hold him and tell him she'd never, ever do something as foolish as leave him again. She knew, though, that once she went back to him she couldn't leave again for that very reason—so she wouldn't go back, she told herself. "Keep it, sweetheart. I picked it out for you and I'm not taking it back. Happy birthday."

"I can't take it, James. It's beautiful, really," she told him, and indeed it was. The necklace was absolutely gorgeous and the snowflake made her think of the Christmas they'd shared, as she was sure he intended. "But I can't keep it."

"Why not?" James inquired. "Lils, what else am I going to do with it?"

"I don't know what you're to do with it, but you know why not," stated Lily firmly. She couldn't bring herself to let go of his hand, however. It was so warm and familiar and comforting, though she knew it wasn't helping the situation in the slightest.

"I know why _you_ think why not," said James, still looking at her intensely and making Lily's indifferent façade all the more difficult. "But I've yet to hear a logical reason why not."

It was obvious they were no longer talking about the necklace, but just as well. Lily already knew she'd not be able to ignore him while they were all alone out here, and, truth be told, she didn't want to. She knew a long heart-to-heart was inevitable and she figured she might as well get the final—oh, it was _final_, awfully final—discussion over with.

"_My_ reasoning is full of logic," said Lily. "I can't see the rationality in yours, though."

"Well, _I_ want us to be happy," replied James. "And if we're together, we are. But if your goal is to make us miserable, I suppose your idea of being apart makes perfect sense."

"I'm trying to keep you safe," rebutted Lily.

"None of us will ever be safe, honey," said James steadily. "This is a war. I'm in the Order. I'm not going to be safe." Lily looked down but James released one of her hands and wrapped his now free arm around her. Lily leaned into him automatically but recoiled immediately when she remembered this was exactly what they were talking about, that she would not be with him. James rolled his eyes and pulled her closer, tilting her head so that she looked at his face once more; for some reason unknown to both, Lily didn't fight this time, but simply sighed and waited for him to continue.

"I'm not going to be safe. You're in the Order, too, and a Muggle-born, so you're not going to be safe and it kills me," said James, pausing for a bit but then continuing, "There is no guarantee we're safe. Security is an impossibility. But we can be happy, darling."

"I can't be happy if you're hurt," said Lily, pulling away once more.

"I can't be happy if we're apart," retorted James, folding his now Lily-free arms behind his head and lying back on the blanket, careful not to get in the snow. "I miss you, Lily," he said to the sky.

Lily stayed where she was hugging her legs to her chest and made no reply. Sighing, James pulled her back so that she was lying down next to him—too weary to protest, she looked at the stars, pondering what he had said. Turning and resting his head on his arm, he looked his love in wonder. Merlin, she was beautiful, but he wanted to _talk_ to her, laugh with her, anything, and she was being too bloody difficult.

"Face it, darling. You have no reason for this," he said, continuing their conversation as though there had been no pause.

"I want to keep you safe," replied Lily, turning to face him and mirroring his position with her head on her hand propped up by her elbow. Her comment was half-hearted, now, in the face of James' logic and James himself.

"I love you," he said simply before he continued the argument. "And we've been through this, sweetheart. We're not safe regardless. But there's no need for us to be unhappy."

"James, I can't help it if I worry. Do you know what it would do to me if I lost you?" asked Lily softly. James imagined losing the woman in front of him and shuddered slightly.

"But what if something did happen, Lils? What if something happened and we spent our life being miserable because of some stupid over-protectiveness?" Seeing her indignant face, he hastily amended, "Okay, maybe it's not stupid, per se, but when you consider the results… Yeah, it is stupid."

"James," she said, his name lingering on her tongue. "I—I can't." Her rebuttals were weaker and weaker. She couldn't argue any longer. But she really didn't want to—not when she considered things from his point of view. Not when she realized that life without love isn't really living at all.

"Lily, please," he said plainly. "I miss you."

Lily laid there for a long moment, looking at his pleading eyes and thinking of her own reasons. Strangely, she was angry at herself for not—for not what?—for not seeing sense, for over thinking things like she always did, for making James unhappy, for making herself unhappy…

But could she live with herself if James was harmed because of her? She said as much, more thinking aloud than really inquiring.

"Why dwell on the negative?" asked James. Lily focused on him once more and found herself agreeing.

"Life without love isn't really living, is it?" she remarked.

"No," agreed James, eyes triumphant and exultant as he realized she was finally coming to her senses.

"Not at all," concurred Lily quietly. Even James, who knew her so well, couldn't anticipate her next action. Far from the hesitancy she'd been displaying, Lily essentially tackled James with her arms.

They wrapped around his neck, tangled in his hair, rested on his chest as she kissed his face over and over again and basically lay down on top of him. "I missed you," she said in weak explanation.

Chuckling, James rolled over so that he was on top and supported his weight with his elbows as he leaned down to kiss her properly. The pair broke apart after a very, very short moment—to them, at least—Lily wearing a soft smile and James simply beaming.

"That was quite a mood swing," he said with an easy laugh.

"Dancing in the common room," said Lily casually with a shrug. James laughed even harder as he recalled her words—"When I'm happy, I'm happy."

And happy she was, though doubts would never be completely extinguished, as they folded the blanket and walked to the castle in companionable silence—they'd talk in the morning, when both were awake and they weren't after curfew—with James' arm in its rightful place around her waist and Lily's head leaning against his chest.

The snowflake necklace that had started the discussion long since forgotten around her neck, the charm now represented yet another night in the snow.

Neither thought of this, however, as they curled up together on the couch in front of the common room fire, neither wanting to go to their own room but both too tired to do anything but slumber.

* * *

**Author's Note: **He wasn't naked after transforming, darlings. As I was editing I realized that mightn't be clear. He, um… summoned his clothes and necklace and dressed while her back was turned. Yeah, that works. I hate technicalities. =p  
**ANPS: **The grammar and writing in this chapter is just bloody awful, I know. Sorry, I'll do better next chapter.


	44. Chapter Forty Three: Cheating Antlers

**Author's Note: **Enjoy, dears. The beginning is so utterly fluffy I tried to use it as a pillow.  
**ANPS: **I didn't feel there was enough Marauder goodness in my fic, so I put in a bit this chapter. It was uber entertaining to write, taking a break from the drama and all that.

* * *

Lily awoke in quite a pleasant position. Nestled in James' arms and covered by a blanket he must've conjured during the night, she was very comfortable and wouldn't have minded spending her entire Saturday in this arrangement.

His back was pressed against the couch; hers was pressed against his stomach. James' face was buried in Lily's hair and Lily's visage was resting on his right arm. His left was wrapped around her stomach. Their legs were tangled together, though Lily's were admittedly quite a bit shorter.

With an impossibly peaceful sigh, she decided not to wake up just yet. Turning so that she faced James' chest, she burrowed closer to him, a lazy smile gracing her drowsy face. The action unintentionally awoke James and Lily blushed, realizing her sleepy and almost subconscious cozying had brought them even closer than before. James smiled softly at her pink cheeks.

"That's nice," he remarked, only half-teasing, to her face only inches away from his own.

Lily flushed an ever deeper red and unwillingly attempted to scoot back a bit. She was hindered, however, by James. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled back to her starting position, pressed against him contentedly.

"Your face is the same color as your hair, darling," chuckled James sleepily.

"It's your fault," she said, but the words came out in a jumble as she yawned.

"Go back to sleep, Lils," commanded James, kissing her forehead with a smile.

"I should go to my room," commented Lily half-heartedly. James shook his head with a grin, knowing she really didn't want to.

"So should I," he agreed, kissing her nose. "But you are entirely too alluring. You left me, sweetheart. I'm not going to let you go."

"I know, and I'm sorry," replied Lily guiltily. "I won't—can't—do it again. And I'm sorry. Really sorry," she repeated.

"Apology accepted if you promise to never, ever scare me like that again," responded James.

"I promise," Lily said. "I love you, James."

"I love you, Lily." He didn't add the customary, 'too.' His love wasn't a response, it just was. But that was cheesy, so he wouldn't say it aloud.

"Do you realize we just had a heart-to-heart while half-asleep?" remarked Lily.

"I take it you're awake, now, then?" questioned James with a laugh.

"I suppose," said Lily, allowing a smile. "I'm going to go shower."

"But it's Saturday. And it's early. And I don't want you to move," complained James.

"There'll be more mornings," stated Lily automatically, then pausing to examine the phrase that came unconsciously from her mouth.

It felt right. It felt natural. She'd always be with James, of course. She could now see how stupid it was to try to change that. He'd never be safe with her, but he'd never be completely safe at all. And she wanted to be happy, selfish as it was. More virtuous, she wanted James to be happy.

"That's very true," beamed James in agreement.

"Don't look so sad about it," laughed Lily, flexing her toes as she prepared to rise. "Could you let go, please?"

"Do I have to?" whined James pitifully. Lily giggled and pressed her lips briefly to his. She sat up and swung her legs over the couch. Before she could put her weight on them, however, her attention was otherwise occupied.

After a very long minute, they released each other's lips. Lily fought a smile as she stood and sent James a look that requested explanation. "You can't just give me a peck on the lips and expect me not to go in for more, sweetheart" he said casually.

"And what made you think I wanted to snog so early in the morning?" she teased.

"You always want to snog me, darling," replied James with a smirk.

"Oh really?" jested Lily. "The very idea repulses me."

James, acting offended, began tickling her waist in the spot he knew best. Lily struggled to form a sentence between peals of mirth.

"Okay," pause, "I take," giggle, "it," snort, "back."

"Aha! Victory for James Potter," he exclaimed triumphantly, standing and egging on imaginary stands of screaming fans.

"We're certainly happy this morning," mused Lily aloud, smiling fondly at her James.

"We're together, honey. What else could we be?" stated James, not-quite-so-joking any longer.

"Yes, I suppose you're right," said Lily, offering her hands for him to pull her off the couch. He obliged while she added, "How mad was Sirius?"

"What?"

"At me, I mean," she explained, looking slightly stricken. "I know him, and he couldn't have been too pleased with me—our breaking up, I mean."

"Well," said James, considering lying but realizing Lily would see through him in an instant, "I can't say he was happy. Actually, he was pretty pissed. But a part of him also knew you didn't mean to hurt me."

"How angry were you?" she asked, looking up into his face.

"A bit upset," he admitted cautiously. "Mostly at the War for causing it; partly at me for not seeing it coming; and a teensy tiny little smidgen of anger was directed at you."

"Only a teensy tiny little smidgen?" Lily asked with a smile. "I know I'm much angrier at myself than a teensy tiny little smidgen."

"Perhaps; but I was mostly too busy scheming to think on it too much," James informed her.

"Did you plan it, then?" she wondered aloud, "the whole Animagus catching me off guard? You were beautiful, by the way."

"Actually, I'd planned on convincing you that you were bloody insane today. Last night was chance, pure and simple," he informed her. "And 'you were beautiful'? As in past tense?" He gave her a mock pout experession.

"Exactly," she agreed. "Past tense." The disheveled hair and clothes weren't bloody gorgeous to her at all, nor was the smiling light in his eyes. No, she didn't find him beautiful presently in the slightest, despite the way she couldn't help but stare as long as he was in front of her.

"Well, you're not much of a looker, either, dear," he told her, continuing the jest though both could see laughter in each other's eyes.

"Well, if I'm a mess, it's your fault," she said nonchalantly, as though his opinion was always met with utmost indifference.

"Sorry I kept you up, but if you hadn't gone all I'm-Super-Lily-who-has-to-save-James I wouldn't have had a reason to keep you up in the first place," he enlightened,

"Ah, it's my fault you snogged me this morning and didn't let me shower yet?"

"Finally, you're seeing sense!"

"Oh, shut up, you prat," she teased, grabbing her wand and summoning the day's attire. "I'll meet you in the boys' dorm?"

"Ah, the Marauders: witnesses to our love affair from day one," he agreed.

* * *

"So, er, Lily and I," began James, trying not to seem too excited, upon entering the room. His three friends were sitting in a huddle on the floor, Remus leaning against the bed and reading while Sirius and Peter played Wizard's chess.

Peter glanced up, waiting for him to continue, and Remus nodded from behind his book, showing he was listening. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Merlin, already? Nice going, Prongs," he laughed. "You're too happy looking to have not made up with our fair lady."

"Well, yeah," said James, not even attempting to hide his beaming.

"Where is the over protective fool, anyway?" asked Remus fondly, turning a page.

"Showering; she'll be here in a bit," supplied James, sitting down next to Peter and whispering in his ear. Sirius looked at James as though he was mad, but Peter grinned and moved a piece.

"Checkmate," he said triumphantly.

"Damn you," muttered Sirius, shooting a dirty look in James' direction as he obliged.

"You know you love me, Padfoot old chap," said James.

"I do not. I hate you," replied Sirius easily, brow furrowed as he concentrated on gaining back his lead.

"You absolutely lurve me," persisted James, chuckling.

"Loathe, you mean," retorted Sirius, finally moving his piece. "No cheating," he added to Peter.

"You adore me, Sirius. Don't deny it," said James, smiling sweetly at his best mate.

"I despise your cheating antlers," Sirius informed him, fighting a laugh at James' perfected innocent expression.

"That was a creative insult," interjected Remus with a smile.

"You worship my helpfulness," disagreed James.

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do _not_."

"Do too!" called a feminine voice in the doorway. Lily walked over and took a seat next to Remus. "What're they arguing about, anyway?"

"Whether or not Sirius loves James," he informed her, rolling his eyes good-naturedly.

"Oh, I see," she said, suppressing laughter. "Wormtail, what d'you think?"

"Oh, definitely not," said Peter in mock-solemnity. "Sirius is just itching to murder poor Prongs."

"Remus?" asked Lily.

"I think it's apparent," he replied, never glancing up from the paragraph he was scanning. "They're obviously secret lovers. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, Lils."

"James, how could you? I'm appalled," exclaimed Peter, sounding shocked. Sirius and James shared a glance and at once began apologizing profusely to each other.

"Our cover's blown, Prongsie," said Sirius sadly. "I'm sorry I lied about loving you. I just didn't want to hurt poor Lily."

"Sirius Black, you bloody bastard!" said Lily, hands folded over her heart dramatically.

"Is it my fault you weren't man enough for James?" inquired Sirius.

"You!" she said, wheeling on James who was cowering behind a hysterical and unable to control his laughter Peter. "How in Merlin's name could you do this to me? I thought I meant something to you!"

"Lily, darling, please, you have to understand—" he pleaded.

"Don't you 'Lily, darling,' me, James Potter!" said Lily, rising and striding over to her boyfriend. He scrambled up quickly so that she wasn't the only one standing.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I love you; I really do, but… Oh, Sirius, baby!" he said, winking at him.

At this point even Remus couldn't help playing along. Restraining a chuckle, he rose and walked over to Lily, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders. She turned and wrapped her arms around his neck, fake-sobbing into his shoulder. He patted her on the back while berating James for distressing poor Lily.

"I didn't mean to fall in love!" protested James.

"Don't I get a piece of the action?" asked Peter, trying to compose himself enough to act along with his friends. The question came out as more of a squeak, however, as he was still rolling on the floor laughing. This was too much for the group's composure.

Lily collapsed into giggles, still leaning on Remus for support as he, too, succumbed to mirth. James was next, snorting and clutching his sides. Sirius didn't last much longer, falling back onto the bed and proclaiming that he did indeed love James, ignore the laughter.

James sat down and tried to calm Peter. Remus took a seat, too, pulling Lily down with him. Peter, hoping Sirius was too absorbed in laughter to notice, surreptitiously arranged the chess pieces in his favor. Sirius did, however, spy this action in his peripheral vision, and with a bark like cry, tackled Peter, mussing his hair.

"Now, now, children," chastised Remus. Instead of separating them as he'd intended, he ended up rolling around on the floor play-wrestling along with them.

Lily collapsed into laughter once more, falling back onto James. The rest of the morning passed that way in pleasant companionship. Lily and Sirius discussed her learning to play Quidditch, occasionally with comments interjected from James, Remus, and Peter, who were all absorbed in planning a prank (Lily ignored this obvious breach of conduct on behalf of the Head Boy).

It was a happy sort of morning full of easy camaraderie. Lily sat between James' legs with her head leaned against his chest and his arms carelessly embracing her; Sirius lay down with head on Peter's legs and feet on Remus'. There was laughter at others' expense, rolled eyes, and quite a bit of teasing—but they wouldn't trade a minute of it.

"It's settled, then," declared Sirius to Lily. "After lunch today, the Marauders will teach the Marauderette how to play the Wizarding world's finest sport."

"Does the Wizarding world have any other sports?" smirked Lily.

"Well, no," admitted Sirius, but he recovered quickly. "But that's why it's so important for you to learn the one and only!"

"Alright, alright; after lunch it is," conceded Lily. Their conversation finished, they directed her attention towards the other Marauders'.

"That's ridiculous," said Sirius, rolling his eyes. "How are we supposed to get a hippogriff by Saturday after next? Hagrid doesn't have any and the Forest is out for a month or so; the centaurs are pissed we trampled their stupid fire. How were we supposed to know they were trying to divine the future? It was a load of smoking sticks!"

"Do you have any other suggestions, then? The Marauders always have a great Valentine's Day prank and I don't intend to break tradition our last year," said James.

"And it's the whole school, not just those who annoy us. It'll have to be big," asserted Peter.

"What about messing with the teachers?" suggested Remus.

"How?" asked Peter. Remus shrugged. Sirius and James stroked imaginary goatees as they pondered the situation. Lily bit her lip in thought.

"Oh, I know!" she exclaimed a moment later. "It's a Saturday, right? So no interrupting classes for me to feel guilty about… We'll dye Dumbledore's beard… And swipe Slughorn's pineapple… Can't do much to Binns, but we can always mess up the furniture that he can't move himself, being a ghost… Any suggestions for McGonagall?"

Peter gaped at her, open-mouthed. "Who are you and what have you done with Lily Evans?"

Sirius blinked once, twice, three times in wonder. Remus cocked his head to the side and peered at her queerly, a crooked smile on his face.

"I bloody love this woman," declared James, tightening his arms around her and burying his face in her hair.

Lily laughed at all of them. "Well, boys, back to business… We don't want to mess with my Ancient Runes teacher, he'll want us expelled for sure, and the divination teacher, quite frankly, terrifies me. So that leaves McGonagall. Suggestions?"

"Something cat-related," suggested Peter. McGonagall was a tabby Animagus, after all.

Sirius grinned wickedly. "Let's give her ears!"

Remus matched his expression. "Nah, a tail."

James, however, rolled his eyes. "She's the Transfiguration professor, dimwits. She'll change back in an instant."

"So how about we charm her?" offered Lily. Sirius looked at her oddly. "Not like that, you twit. I mean since Charms aren't her forte, we can use a charm to prank her."

"What do you suggest, oh brilliant Marauderette?" asked Sirius, clearly in awe of Lily.

"A cheering charm," said Lily. Remus gave her a high five. Peter hugged her, albeit awkwardly as James' arms were still draped around her. Sirius and James simply stared at her.

"A cheering charm," said James.

"When overdone," continued Sirius.

"By a skilled or powerful witch or wizard in the field," added James.

"Will cause excessive and sometimes hysterical," said Sirius.

"Laughter and giddiness that may last for up to twenty-four hours," they finished in unison.

"That's the idea," said Lily, looking pleased with herself.

"And you're the skilled witch," said Remus, grinning.

"Of course," said Peter. "She's bloody top of the class in that and Potions."

Lily bowed from her position against James, a difficult feat that, combined with an unluckily timed sneeze from the latter, resulted in a disgruntled Head Girl whose hair was caught on an apologetic but amused Head Boy's watch. Sirius, feeling kind, whipped out his wand and solved the problem, though the spell casting was hindered and consequently prolonged by titters of mirth.

"Let's eat," suggested Peter suddenly.

Being men, his three friends immediately murmured their assent and stood. James grabbed Lily's outstretched hand and pulled her to her feet, lacing their fingers, and Sirius slung a careless arm around her shoulders—she was a brilliant prankster, he just wished she'd been there all seven years.

"You know, you just might be the luckiest woman in Hogwarts right now," Remus informed her, laughing at the picture they made.

"Yes, well, if I stand between them and their food any longer, I might be eaten myself. Let's go," she laughed, noting Peter's empty stomach.

"Quidditch after lunch," Sirius reminded her happily. Lily groaned.

"Oh, cheer up," said James with a smirk, "I promise I won't let you make a fool of yourself."

"You're lying," she accused, though her eyes were twinkling.

"Yeah, I am," he laughed, leading the way to the Great Hall.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Whoa, more massive length than usual… I'd apologize, but, like I said earlier, it was really fun to write. (=


	45. Chapter Forty Four: Monkey

**Author's Note: **Sorry about the lack of updates. My wrist was injured at gymnastics, and it's no fun to type with a brace on. Also, I didn't edit this one—posted it as soon as I typed it, because I can't edit until a few days after I write, and I felt guilty for not updating sooner. I apologize for mistakes and typos.

An irksome sort of beeping filled Lily's ears and she awoke with a groan. While she had been quite comfortable with her head on James' chest and feet on Sirius' legs (the Marauders were sprawled out on the floor of their dormitory after falling asleep quite unintentionally where they sat), she was now filled with that awful frustration that comes from too little sleep and too much alarm.

She looked around to see where the beeping was coming from, amazed that the boys were such heavy sleepers as to not notice what was, in her opinion, a deafening din. Remus' watch, it seemed, was the culprit. An unlucky culprit, too, as she was fighting very hard against the urge to light said watch on fire.

She seized Remus' wrist and, to her utter amazement, he continued snoring softly without even a twitch. She glanced at the hands and saw that it was five in the morning.

Bloody hell, it was five in the morning.

She asked herself why in Merlin's name she would be getting up at such an ungodly hour, on a Saturday, no less, and had to labor to retrieve her memory for a moment. Ah, yes, it was Valentine's Day—the day of pranking.

"Boys!" said Lily loudly, but it came out as a croak in the way all early-morning shouts do. She cleared her throat, stifling a yawn, and repeated the sentiment.

"Where's the cheese?" said Peter, sitting up with a start. Remus, too, was arising, rubbing his eyes. Sirius and James continued to sleep.

Lily rolled her eyes and looked at Remus, who nodded—Peter wouldn't be much help as he was too busy examining his toes with an expression of wonder; he wasn't a morning person.

"Sirius!" said Remus loudly in the man's ear, just as Lily said, "James!" in the other's.

"Hmph," said Sirius, rolling over and burying his face in the floor. James mirrored his action, although with a louder sound effect than his fellow.

"James!" said Lily, shaking him.

"I'll use my wand," Remus threatened Sirius, who immediately sat up acting as though he'd been awake for hours. James, on the other hand, did not oblige.

Lily decided that enough was enough. "If you don't get up this moment, James Potter, there'll be no snogging for the rest of the week." The rest of the week, of course, was only until Sunday (tomorrow), but Lily knew he'd not, in his drowsiness, realize this.

"You're a cruel woman, Lils," he accused, sitting up and rubbing his eyes blearily.

"It's tomorrow," she informed him. "There's nothing cruel about exploiting your thickness. It's simply good strategy."

"I don't think either of us would last that long, anyway, darling," he said, too groggy to recognize the slight on his intelligence.

"You wouldn't," Sirius assured them.

"Care to make a bet? I think their self-control's a bit stronger than that," said Remus.

"We're not actually trying not to snog," said Lily.

"You are now," said Sirius. "A Galleon says they don't last until midnight."

"We never agreed to this!" exclaimed James while Lily nodded vehemently. They were ignored.

"You're on," said Remus. "Peter, you want in?"

Peter glanced at Lily and James. "It's Valentine's Day, too. I'm with Padfoot; they won't last."

"I think our self-control is better than that," said Lily, crossing her arms.

"Let's make things more interesting," said Sirius. "I bet you can't go the day without holding hands, hugging, or kissing. Let's see how that works out."

Remus eyed the pair askance. "I might just have to take back my bet in that case."

"Hey! We're strong enough to last a day," said Lily, but James looked utterly put out.

"Do you realize this is the first Valentine's Day that Lily actually likes me? And I'm supposed to just not have any physical contact with her at all?" he asked incredulously.

"Basically," said Sirius, nodding.

James glanced at Lily—her jaw was set—and knew his decision had been made for him. "Fine," he said.

"No contact?" asked Peter.

"None," said James. "Honestly, I'm offended that you doubt my control so much."

Remus decided not to take back his bet, and Lily suggested that they get dressed, meaning that she and James would walk back to the Head Dormitory.

"How do we know you won't snog on the way there?" asked Peter.

Sirius extracted his wand and did a complicated sort of waving motion while a confused Lily and James eyed him warily. Lily's brow was furrowed when she demanded Sirius explain what'd he'd done.

"If you touch before midnight you'll both glow pink," he said with a smile.

"And you know this spell because…?"

"Well, Fabian Prewett, before he graduated last year, and I had a bet about who could last the longest without snogging someone. All I had to do was push him into a gal, actually, and he was a brilliant fuchsia until the next week."

"Why were you betting—never mind, I don't want to know."

And with that, they departed.

---------

"This is stupid," Lily complained, feeling intently the lack of hand on the small of her back.

"This is ridiculous," agreed James, acutely aware of how odd it was not to be touching her in some way after the constant holding-of-hands, brushed-sides, soft-kisses of their relationship.

They continued walking in silence to their common room, each pondering their respective idiocy in agreeing (did they even agree?) to this bloody bet. Lily, however, as was her nature, went off on a different train of thought.

As James supplied the password, she remarked, almost carelessly, "Do you think there's something wrong with this—with us?"

James had to stop himself from pushing back the loose hair from her face. The question registered, and he said slowly, "No… why?"

"I was just thinking how odd we were. Not we as the people, we as the couple," she clarified.

"How so?"

"We've been dating since January, and only on civil speaking terms since September," she said, brushing back the hair herself. "Our relationship is young."

"We're young," he returned, not quite sure how he was supposed to reply.

"Exactly," she agreed. "We're young. And I just—I don't have any insecurities about us."

"What d'you mean, Lils?" he asked, sitting down on the couch. He almost pulled her down next to him, but instead she took a seat in a chair to avoid contact. Damn bet.

"I'm supposed to be unsure, on my toes, you know, typical newly-dating stuff," explained Lily. "And don't get me wrong, I can be jealous at times. But mostly I don't have any of that. I know I love you. And this sounds really cocky, but I know you love me. That's not normal."

James knew she wanted to continue, so he gestured and she smiled softly, beginning once more.

"I'm sort of worried, James. I can't—I can't picture being with anyone else. That's scary, when you look at time. That's beautiful, when you look at how I feel. That's confusing, when you add them together."

"Have we ever been normal, sweetheart?" he asked, grinning. "But really, I know the feeling—terrifyingly wonderful. But you know what? You're right, honey. I love you. And you love me. So this love thing—it's what's terrifyingly wonderful. I don't want to get rid of it. I can't get rid of it."

"I didn't ask you to get rid of it," said Lily. "I just—I dunno."

"Worried again?" James guessed, correctly.

"A bit, yeah," she said. "A lot, actually. Graduation is a lot closer from this end of Christmas."

"So are N.E.W.T.s, my dear," James said, winking at his study-all girlfriend. He succeeded in procuring a giggle before he continued, "And I'm not going to say there's nothing to worry about. We both know there are a lot of things to worry about. But not things like this."

"I'm being silly," said Lily.

"You're being your over-analyzing self," corrected James. "Don't worry about this stuff. We've got you covered, Lils. The Marauders are renting a flat after graduation, you know, and you're bunking with us."

This was the first time Lily had formally been invited to the notorious 'Marauder Den' as it had been called since a drunken experience with butterbeer and plans proclaimed loudly into the common room in fifth year. She couldn't suppress a purely happy smile, but she acted as though this didn't mean the world to her, living with her friends.

"Assuming I can stand the stench," she jeered, eyes twinkling.

"I hear the Bubble Head Charm is all the rage in Paris," countered James.

A distant chiming marked the half-hour. "We're supposed to be dressing, you know," said Lily, rising and extending a hand to help James up. They recalled the bet just in time.

"Some habits are hard to break," said James, rolling his eyes. He didn't want to break this particular habit, and he knew Lily didn't either.

"If I wasn't terrified of resembling a featherless flamingo, I assure you I'd give in to your pout and snog you," laughed Lily, pushing open the door to her room.

---------

"Sirius! You, Remus, and Peter had better get your arses in here _now_," commanded Lily into a two-way mirror she had stolen from James' room (he was currently using the Cloak to sneak into Slughorn's office and steal the crystallized pineapple).

"Yes, yes, you bossy woman," laughed Sirius, winking at her glare.

"You were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago! It's six-oh-five already, and we haven't even gotten the last bits settled," said Lily—and though Sirius couldn't see anything but her face, he knew the hand that wasn't holding the mirror was on her hip.

"Calm down, Lils, we're waiting on Peter to button his shirt the right way," said Sirius. Here he paused and held the mirror away while he said, "Moony, mate—help the poor lad, can't you see he's half-asleep still?"

Lily's anger faded as she suppressed a giggle.

"Anyhow," continued Sirius, holding the mirror closer now that he wasn't shouting at his friends, "we're on our way."

"Hurry, it'll be much more difficult if the teachers are surrounded by students," said Lily.

"Is this Lily Marie Evans shying away from challenge?" asked Sirius incredulously, an eyebrow raised.

"Oh, shut up, you great prat," said Lily, hiding a smile. "Give the mirror to Remus, please."

"Why? I like bugging you early in the morning," whined Sirius. Lily narrowed her eyes. "Fine, fine—honestly, I dunno why we like you, you're so damn _demanding_," he muttered, handing the mirror to his friend while Lily laughed softly.

"What mess have we gotten ourselves into, Remus?" asked Lily, rolling her eyes.

"I've asked myself that everyday for many years," Remus assured her, grimacing good-naturedly.

"Is Peter okay?" Lily inquired, hearing rodent-like squeals.

"Yeah, he's—" Remus paused and looked behind him "—being attacked by his pants. _Sirius Black, what did I tell you about bewitching articles of clothing?_"

Lily heard Sirius' voice in the background reciting in a dull monotone, "'No making clothes pelt their owners at random intervals unless said owner is a deserving time-waster who made Prongs' girlfriend give me the evil eye.'"

Remus sighed and waved his wand and the screaming subsided. "Now that that's taken care of, do you want to go over anything again?" he asked Lily.

"Yeah, James should be back soon," said she. "And we'll go over things once you get here."

"Would you like me to hex their ears off for you?" asked Remus, eying his quarreling mates. Peter was pulling on his pants in a rather pathetic sort of grogginess while Sirius was gleefully making shoes fly about the room, occasionally thumping into pieces of furniture.

"I'd much rather you make it their mouths," grinned Lily. "I'm going to run to the kitchens and grab some coffee for Peter. You and Sirius want anything?"

"Get me a doughnut, please!" yelled Sirius, narrowly avoiding a black eye from his own shoe.

"That sounds great, and grab Peter one, too," said Remus. "I'll meet you in the Head common room."

Lily smiled and set down the mirror. The last image she saw was Remus looking as though he were bracing for battle. She didn't blame him—dealing with a hyperactive-from-lack-of-sleep-Sirius and a zombie-like-from-lack-of-sleep-Peter wouldn't be very fun.

--------------

When she returned to her common room a few minutes later laden with a tray of doughnuts, flask of orange juice, and coffeepot, she found a very interesting scene:

Peter was asleep, mouth open, on the coffee table. His head was resting on Lily's Ancient Runes textbook and he had knocked over a tiny vase of roses James had given her a few days ago, the water dripping onto his sock. He was, in fact, only wearing one sock, and had on a navy blue and a brown shoe each.

Sirius was bouncing—literally bouncing. Though seated, he was bobbing up and down on his seat as he transfigured bits of parchment and old quills into the strangest menagerie Lily had ever seen—a cockatoo, a parrot, a pigeon, and what looked like a very confused baby monkey.

Remus was sitting on the couch, hugging his knees, apparently at a loss as to what he should be doing in regards to his two mentally unstable friends. When Lily walked in he looked from her to Sirius' mini-zoo almost pleadingly.

Lily cleared her throat loudly. Sirius noticed her for the first time and grinned, still bouncing. Lily wondered briefly if Madame Pomfrey would give her a sedative, but was distracted from this thought as a large chest barreled into her.

"Lily, love! I haven't seen you in ages!" exclaimed Sirius, still hugging her.

She patted his back and pried herself away. "You saw me via mirror ten minutes ago, and we were asleep in the same room forty-five minutes ago," she reminded him gently.

Sirius looked rather as though he might cry. As it was, his lower lip quivered and he sat dejectedly on the floor at Lily's feet. She opened the window and the birds flew out but the monkey had fallen asleep on James' old sweater.

'It's okay, Padfoot, have some food," said Lily, feeling sorry for the poor man as she handed him a doughnut. Honestly, Sirius was almost bipolar without sleep. Hopefully the sugar would give him enough energy to get back to normal—well, as normal as he ever was.

She set down the food she'd brought on one of the tables not being slept on and poured juice into the glasses Remus had conjured. She handed one to Sirius, who was now happily licking powdered sugar from his fingers, and the other to Remus, who was stuffing his fist in his mouth to try not to laugh.

"Alright, then," said Lily, taking command. "Let's sort out Peter."

She walked over to the poor boy and gently shook him. "Wormtail, get up. It's time to pull of our Valentine's Day prank, remember?"

The man simply snorted and rolled over—this is not a good idea when on a coffee table. He hit the floor with a _thump_ and Lily was thus saved the trouble of waking him.

"Pffmsh," he said, sitting up and rubbing his head.

"That's right, dear, have some coffee," said Lily maternally, holding out a mug to Peter.

"Fmanx," said Peter, taking the mug. Lily took this to mean thank you and patted his head fondly before turning to Remus, who was gaping at her with something akin to awe.

"We should've had you around long ago," he said in wonder. "How'd you do it?"

"They're like children, Remus, really," laughed Lily, taking a sip of her own juice as she perched on the arm of the couch.

"Still—that was bloody amazing, that was," said Remus, but he ceased his gaping and took a bite of his doughnut.

James walked in the door then, massive amounts of crystallized pineapple packages floating behind him. Once he was in, he waved his wand and the flew to rest haphazardly on top of a dresser nearby.

"_Honestly_," muttered Lily, extracting her own wand and making neat piles of confections.

"I could've done that if I wanted," mock-pouted James.

"So you nicked _all of it_?" asked Lily in amazement.

"I'm a talented fellow, sweetheart," grinned James. He looked around the room. "Whoa—since when are these two human in the morning?"

"Since Lily is amazing," supplied Remus, telling James what had happened while Lily ate.

"I love you," said James, taking the last bit of doughnut from Lily's hand and popping it into his mouth.

"Hey! That had the most sprinkles," complained Lily, reaching for another.

"I know it did," laughed James, waiting to grab his own doughnut from the tray so their hands wouldn't accidentally brush.

"So, are we ready to go over everything one last time?" asked Lily. Remus and James nodded, so she went to rouse the two craziest Marauders.

"Sirius, love, it's time to talk, okay?" she said quietly, not sure what state he was in. Apparently he was back to his usual state, because he smirked.

"Yes, _love_, let's do that," he said, laughing and mussing her hair affectionately. Lily swatted his hand away with a grin and moved to talk to Peter, who had been doing nothing but sipping coffee, stopping only every now and then to refill his cup.

"Okay, Peter, are we awake?" she asked to no response. She tugged the mug from his hands and repeated the inquiry.

"Ya, 'm gush, rank 'oo" he said, blinking a few times. Lily eyed him doubtfully and pressed the mug back into his grasp.

"Finish this and see if you're not any better," she suggested, hoping the last bit of caffeine would do the trick.

It did, apparently, for Peter, after draining it, set it down and thanked her in normal English.

"So, James nicked Sluggy's pineapple, Sirius is dying Dumbledore's beard, Binn's furniture is being moved by Peter, and I'm extreme-cheering McG, right?" said Lily, relaying their plans.

"Sounds right," agreed Remus.

"But what're we going to do with the monkey?" asked James confusedly. Lily had honestly forgotten about it.

"I don't think Bell would appreciate sharing a room him," said Lily, referring to their quite independent cat. They only saw her on odd weekends nowadays, when Bell was feeling particularly affectionate, though her food was always eaten and Lily occasionally woke to a warm spot at the foot of her bed.

"Can we keep him?" Peter asked Remus pleadingly.

"He can sleep in James' old bed, it's empty," said Sirius, employing his best puppy-dog eyes on his friend who was regrettably immune after all these years.

"It's a _monkey_, boys," said Remus incredulously. "A _monkey_."

"But it's a cue little mammal! They're almost human, you know," said Sirius.

"Yeah, what would your mum say if you turned away an innocent little baby?" joined Peter.

"Aw, come on, Moony, it's adorable," said James.

"A _monkey_," repeated Remus, looking to Lily for support. Unfortunately, she too was enraptured.

Remus looked at the sleeping little bugger and was caught in its charms as well. "Fine," he relented. All four broke into huge grins. "But I'm not potty-training it. Peter, you're in charge of that. And Sirius, you're in charge of making sure McGonagall doesn't get wind of it."

"On it," said both of them at once. Remus sighed resignedly.

**Author's Note: **I meant to get the pranks in this chapter, I really did. I suppose you'll have to wait until next time, but this was incredibly fun to write, what with picturing their antics and all. Again, I apologize about lack of editing and slow updates—but I've got a great brace now, nice and flexible, so I should be able to work on updating every week or so.


	46. Chapter Forty Five: Executing the Magic

**AN:** I know it's been a very long time, and I'm sorry, duckies. Here's a quick tiny chapter, and I'll add another sometime soon. I don't know if I'm back for good, but I'm here for now!

"I can't tell if it's beard or mustache or his actual hair. It all sort of blends together," said Sirius quietly, ducking from behind a statue and looking mildly concerned. "Like a tangled mess of...grey wire in the snow."

"You have a way with words, Padfoot," replied James, who had tagged along with Sirius, his own part in the prank complete. "Just do the deed before Dumby notices."

"I'm on it, I'm on it," Sirius muttered, taking out his wand and fingering it with an evil grin. He took a small step out, still partially obscured by the statue, and aimed.

A moment passed with a flash of light, and Albus Dumbledore was surprised (and seemed in fact rather amused) to find his beard-and mustache, and all the rest of his hair-a bright shade of turquoise. He chuckled and patted his facial hair fondly, a twinkle in his eye behind half-moon spectacles. Pretending not to hear the snickers of two boys he suspected he could identify, Dumbledore smiled and walked away, heading in the direction of the Great Hall.

* * *

Peter Pettigrew frowned. When he looked around the room, he was struck with a certain frustration-where, exactly, was he to move poor Professor Binn's furniture? Not in the hall, certainly. That would attract far too much attention. Nor could he fit it all in Binn's office in the next room. At last, he settled on stacking all of the desks and chairs and books, piece by piece, on top of one another.

Satisfied that the arrangement was suitably precarious, with the smallest items on the bottom, Peter stowed his wand and left for the Marauder's meeting place with a small smile just in time. Professor Binns drifted through just as the door was shutting, and simply hovered there, staring in awe at the mess before him.

* * *

"Lil, are you sure this is a good idea?" whispered Remus. He and Lily were crouched just outside of Professor Minerva McGonagall's office, waiting for her to emerge. "I mean... Minnie is great and all, but..."

"You can't tell me you're afraid of getting detention at this point," said Lily skeptically, rolling her eyes.

"Not that so much as... I'm a little afraid of being turned into a bat, or something," said Remus defensively. "She's a scary woman."

"A bit like me. Now hush up before I make you fear me. I don't want her suspecting anything, and you're being loud." Lily nodded her head decisively and, when she heard the click-clacking of the Transfiguration teacher's boots approaching the door, Lily took out her wand.

"Ready, aim, fire," she whispered. She waved her wand, concentrating hard enough to get the desired side effects. And sure enough-

"Miss Evans!" McGonagall started sternly. Suddenly, though, Minerva felt very forgiving indeed. "Miss Evans, how wonderful to see you! Why, you're looking positively lovely on this day of love. Love, ha!"

"Professor, I'm glad to see you so...glad!" said Lily, shooting a smug glance at Remus (who was hidden behind a curtain, watching the scene bemusedly).

"Won't you join me for breakfast, Lily?" asked Minerva, a big smile on her usually stern face. "You've always been one of my favorites you know, glad to have you in my house. Not that it's my actual house, of course. That's in Brighton. But I'm glad to have you in the Gryffindor House," she explained, giggling.

"I'll be there soon, Professor," said Lily, keeping a carefully straight face. "You run along, and be sure to tell everyone along the way how lovely a day it is, too."

"Yes, dear, of course!" said McGonagall, click-clacking away with a sway in her walk that was very surely unMcGonagall-like.

* * *

The five pranksters arrived at their meeting-place, a secluded corner of the corridor just before the Great Hall, at roughly the same time. Their meeting was brief, excited, and very smug.

"Binns?" said Lily, looking at Peter.

"Done," said Peter. "Stacked it all in the middle of the room."

"Dumbledore?" said Lily, now directing her attention at Sirius.

"Colorful," Sirius replied. "Very colorful."

"I nicked Slughorn's stuff earlier," James reminded them. "McGonagall?"

"Happier than a hippogriff in a pet shop, Jamesie" said Lily.

"Well, are we ready?" said Remus, looking around at the group. "Heading in to the Great Hall, see what we've accomplished?"

"Maybe even have some fun intensifying their reactions," said James, smirking. Lily raised her eyebrows. "Nobody knows the culprits, sweetheart-except maybe Dumbleore, but Dumbledore knows everything."

"He'll play along, I think," said Sirius. "Let us have our fun."

"Then let's go," said Lily, reaching out to take James' hand as usual before jerking it away and swearing. "I don't like this bet."

James mirrored her frown and agreed. "But, all in good time. For now, let's watch the magic unfold."

The group held hands-with Sirius between James and Lily-and strode into the Great Hall, eyes immediately trained on the teacher's table in front.

**AN:** I've been away from fanficnet, but I am on tumblr. Mostly amusing or insightful reblogs if you wanna check me out, my url is [plastic-apple dot tumblr dot com]. Hyphen included, spaces not. If not, cool too. (=  
**ANPS:** I've missed all of my reviewers. So much.


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